Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Perseverance and Providence

For all of you who are wondering what I've been doing since my last post (since I obviously haven't been blogging compulsively, lol), it's pretty simple, really.

I've been trying to strike that balance between perseverance, and trusting providence. Responsibility v. Entrusting. My sphere, or God's sphere... In other words, I've been hittin' the pavement lookin' for a job. =D (that's my trademark e-smile, for those of you who were wondering what in the world equaled a 'd'!)

Two days the past week were spent walking up and down Bardstown Rd., my favorite street in Louisville, applying at pretty much any place I saw. The list includes but is not limited to Arby's, Speedway, Heine Brothers Coffee (@ two locations!), Taco Bell/Pizza Hut, Café Mimosa (a Vietnamese restaurant), Café Raymsi, and Ditto's (that restaurant I loved so much when we ate at it in March), and that's just on Bardstown! It was actually pretty fun-- a nice walk in the summer sun (think natural tan) which wasn't too hot...seeing lots of cool shops, making mental notes of places to visit... and satisfyingly exausting. This past week was a new level of bike-empowered exploration. I've gotten a lot bolder and possibly stronger, and am going a lot further on my bike than before. I actually get there in about the same amount of time as in a car, for the most part, due to the abundance of one-ways, red-lights, and weird traffic patterns in Louisville. I'm not impressed with Louisville highway driving especially!! (don't worry-- I don't ride on the highways on my bike!). And there's something appealing about getting out a paper map, figuring out where you are and where you want to go, charting a course, hopping on a bike and getting there, all in your own sweet time, by your own exertion, in your own route. I like adventure, what can I say? ;D

But back to perseverance...I don't want to be lazy about getting a job. It's real appealing to come up with excuses and sit around all summer. I've got a lot of books to read, you know? But it's also a natural tendancy for me to exaust myself straining to get "the RIGHT" job, ASAP, to make sure I'm "being productive." And I can't do that, either. A couple of times, I've wondered if the job I finally find here in Louisville will end up being one that I totally wasn't looking for, and that all my pavement-pounding, mild frustration and confusion with "the systems," and cramped-arm-from-application-writing will have been completely absolutely a waste of time. I wonder if it requires MORE faith to just sit back and wait. I somehow don't think that's exactly it (woah that thunder was CLOSE!). I know it's like everything else: a balance. And that the journey is just as important as the destination. While I hope one of the earlier destinations is indeed some form of a job, ultimately my destination is "to attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature womanhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ..." (Eph. 4:13), and more ultimately, my destination is Heaven. This walk is meant to make me fit for it. I guess my literal walking is a formative part of that "Walk" for sure. I know I will be FAR more sympathetic to the down-and-outs without work, that I before privatly thought of as lazy (because ANYONE can get a job, you know). And in the meantime, I'm trying to learn what it means to "posess my soul in patience." (Luke 21:19)

1 comment:

Ashley Brennan said...

Thank you, Christina. I needed to hear what you're learning. I read recently that what we learn along along the way is often more important than the destinations themselves. I'm glad you're learning :)