Life in Crazy Land

This captures my day so well

In case you hadn't heard, our lives are crazy full right now over Chez Szrama.  In addition to our own precious kiddos growing and getting into all sorts of fun, we are hosting two extras kiddos (from within my extended family) while their mama gets some stuff sorted out.  V just turned 6 and is in kindergarten, while A is 3 and a half.  I also still nanny for L, who just turned 2, 3-ish days a week.  So, what's life like with 5 kiddos underfoot?

Well, it's busy.

But I'm living my dream. :)  Since the time I was very small, I dreamed of running a house full of children, especially children who needed extra love.  As a teenager I wrote imaginary Christmas newsletters updating my future friends on all my imaginary children year to year. (Ryan still hasn't read these.  Babe, you knew I wasn't normal when you married me, sorry.)  Working with children is something the Lord keeps leading me to; I've been told I'm good at it, and it brings me great joy.  So I'm over the moon.  Having kids simultaneously napping all over our house also kind of makes me feel like I have my favorite super power of sleep-induction.  Maybe I should see a psychologist.

In all seriousness, one of my favorite Bible verses is Psalm 68:6-

"He sets the lonely within families; He leads out the prisoners with singing, but the rebellious shall live in a sun-scorched land."  

I love being a part of fulfilling that verse, whether it was by bringing home college friends for Sunday dinner, sharing the Gospel with hurting people, welcoming old friends to our family table no matter what our food budget was, or now by tucking in two more at bedtime.

Also, we knew this was something God wanted from us.  When we became aware of the girls' situation, both Ryan and I immediately wanted to say "yes."  When Ryan and I agree on anything, that's kind of a divine sign. :)  (Especially if it involves me saying "yes" to anything... Ryan's usually my "let someone ELSE say yes-- you can't do it all!" coach.)  And as countless before me have experienced, when He calls, He enables.

Even youths grow tired and weary; young men stumble and fall.  But those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength; they will rise up on wings, like eagles.  They will run & not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40

Our day to day routine starts like this:
6:45 ish- roll out of bed & into my bathrobe, get downstairs to start making V's lunch and commence breakfast.
7- rouse V and get her to start dressing herself through any manner of threat and coersion  (Of course on Saturdays this is reversed and she wakes up raring to go.  God's sense of humor is kind of sick sometimes.) As she eats, I do her hair, cook breaskfast for everyone else, make my coffee, pack her lunch, write her a little note, and review our memory verse.
7:40- Ryan takes V to school, which is mercifully 5 minutes away from us on foot.
8- the other prisoners (ie Eowyn, William & A) are allowed out of their beds and begin munching.  Usually during breakfast L gets dropped off.  (If you're wondering at what point I take my shower and get dressed... ummm, yeah... I haven't really figured out how that fits in, either.)

Since Classical Conversations is over for the school year, we are settling into a homeschool routine that we like.  I aim to do "circle time" with everyone 3 days a week, followed by a math lesson (A kind of tags along and the boys make general mischief).  I get the girls at the table to work on handwriting (E) and number/letter/color/shape recognition (A).  Wednesdays we head to dance for E, during which I get to Zumba (the other kids try it too), then library story time, then lunch at Nina (my mom)'s.  E & I do one lesson in Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons about 3-4 days a week.  E is enjoying experiments with TOPS Get a Grip math supplement... during lunch we work on Bible verses from My ABC Bible Verses.  There is a lot of playing.  E is LOVING having sisters!  The little boys absolutely adore each other and come up with games of their own invention (such as the "ow" game, where they pretend to knock their heads against a hard surface, intoning "owwww" and laughing uproariously).  Another favorite is "Jump," in which case one or both of them hauls any object-- stool, book, beanbag, anything else Mom hasn't yet confiscated-- to the middle of the floor, and they jump off of it.  Repeatedly.  We head to parks pretty often, too.

Everyone naps between 1 & 2 (well, E naps every other day or so-- the off days she picks a quiet activity and plays ALONE as long as others are sleeping).  Usually that includes me.  Ryan brings V home around 3, and she goes straight to the kitchen table for a snack and homework.  I often make us some tea to share and she's starting to learn how to tell me about her day.  Her situation has made her quite behind academically, so we started at the beginning of TYCTR and have done one lesson each school day.  Then I coach her in handwriting, drill some sight words, and if E isn't napping, we do a number or word game together.

By this point usually some of the kids are awake and if it's remotely sunny they are clamoring to go outside.  This is where my life is much easier in some ways than it used to be. THEY ALL PLAY TOGETHER!!  Outside they troupe, usually first to ride bikes/push each other in the stroller/ pull each other in the wagon, and then they transition to some form of story-play.  Last week they've been poor people looking for a home, mother birds sitting on nests, Easter bunnies hiding eggs, mommies visiting each other, or cafe vendors selling smoothies & coffee.  Liam just wants to play basketball.  I try to interact with them a bit-- reading books aloud to everyone, playing, pushing or pulling on bikes, doing sidewalk chalk art, acting out a fairy tale (we really like the Three Billy Goats Gruff).  L's mama comes around this time and whisks him away; often we chat for a while (or a long while =D).

I make dinner... I've learned to get the kids started cleaning up earlier so it's done by dinner time.  They clamor to help me set the table and I let them.  We try to eat by 6:30 but we often are late-- either I haven't gotten my act together or Ryan works late.  Dinner is chaos... between our anorexic, highchair-hating-toddler (that would be Liam), an incredibly slow eater, kids still needing various degrees of help, trying to hear about everyone's day and a sudden advent of eye-ball-popping-out and poop-related stories... dinner is not for the faint of heart.  And just about every night amidst all the craziness and me giving someone the evil eye my heart just melts and I tell Ryan "oh please, when can we have some more?"

Dinner is swiftly followed by bed time.  That is one thing that DOES take longer the more kids you have!! Right now we are preparing for Easter with our Resurrection Eggs, which I love doing with the kids.  I am amazed at how much Liam loves them!  He begs to open "eggies" throughout the day, squeals with delight as each is opened, and is a generally enthusiastic nuisance the whole time they are out.  Hopefully he's learning something.  The girls are certainly starting to grasp the narrative of Passion week, and I pray that the reality of the Atonement sinks in.

Once eggs are opened and closed, Ryan takes over.  He supervises teeth-brushing, PJs & final potty-ing, and then reads them a Bible story.  We are into the NT in The Jesus Story Book Bible.  He sings & prays with them.  Meanwhile, I take Liam & get him into his PJs and we have our own little bedtime routine.  He asks for "che-che" and "Bobo" and I tell him "no!  Che che is yuck!"  He laughs and says "no!  che che is NUMMM!!!" (his version of "yum), or he will tell me "Mama, che-che is yuck" and then laugh and correct himself.  Once he's all dressed and holding as many lovies as he can cram into his arms, I settle into our glider to rock and nurse him to sleep.  I love the chance to snuggle him and smell that sweet little-boy smell.  He is getting so big and I know these days are numbered.

Once he's drowsy or asleep, I plop him in bed (well.... sometimes I might read an extra article online or comment on FB...) and make the rounds of kissing the girls & tucking them all in. Usually they're all waiting up for me.  E usually has some minor medical emergency like a hangnail or toeache or scratch requiring a band-aid...

That's pretty much how it goes!

they played "Doggy" in their self-made "cage" for hours

Don't get me wrong; there are times when I basically just tell everyone to sit down and stop talking... when I tell them that the next person who tattles gets to live outside... when I realize I've been ignoring "Mom! Mom! Mom!" for about 10 minutes... when I realize it's been a week since I opened my Bible... when I just want to be by myself for a whole 5 minutes... when I call my sister and add a topic to our "Least Favorite Ways to Spend My Time" list... when I lose it and shout and sin against my children... when I realize I've made the wrong call and need to backtrack... But overall, this is a good life.  It's a busy season, but it's one I'm enjoying.

We are being blessed by so many others, too.  Our extended family helps with the kids in countless ways; pitching in to get them to and fro, keeping them overnight so Ryan & I can get some us-time, bringing us meals, helping with chores.  We also have been so well-served by our brothers & sisters in Christ -- for the first three weeks after we got the girls, my cooking consisted of re-heating meals others had made.  People have brought over bags of hand-me-downs, given us bikes & toys, welcomed us with all our craziness, and come over and helped us clean.  It's so cool to be at the center of God's plan for His people to serve women & children in need ("widows & orphans")... you get a lot of tangential blessings, to put it geometrically. =D

And let me close with a "plug" for the Daddy of this crazy family.  If our family "tone" is of welcome and friendship, it's because he leads in it.  He excels at entering into people's stories and loving them in them.  He's also been amazing at doing lots of dishes and making sure I don't go insane.  I married a keeper.  =D

Our Going-Away/Ryan's 29th Birthday Party

I finally had time to upload and edit the pictures from our "Photo Booth" at our super-fun party a few days before we left.  It was in our church basement, and we tried to treat folks to the best of everything:  bouncy castle for the little kids, door prizes, games like Pin-the-Ponytail-on-the-Ryan, good food (even Comfy Cow ice-cream!!), a note-writing station & a Photo Booth complete with kooky props galore.  We LOVE looking at all the pictures.  Those of you who made it a point to come by, THANK YOU!!! It meant so much to us.  I will make a little slideshow soon, but in the mean time you can see the pictures here.

Saying Goodbye

Swinging one last time at the Bs'.

Playing in the church balcony with Hannah (2 1/2), a frequent fellow-balcony Sunday-school dropout. :)

Playing at Chick-Fil-A with library buddy, Lina (3)

Enjoying Pottery Barn Kids Story Time with Grace (Valentine's Day)- the girls are 2 weeks apart

This is pretty typical of their friendship:  Eowyn very affectionate (giving a back massage here), Grace a bit reticent.  But they talk about each other all the time.  We sure will miss Grace & her family!

At the Comfy Cow (best ice cream EVER) with Daddy

Last trip to the Lousiville Zoo on a glorious day included a ride in the Jeep

Dinner at the North End Cafe (a favorite eatery) with our friends the Schreiners-- Lydia is 1 year old.

E's favorite part of our Tuesday Mall Morning:  washing her hands at the "yittle sink" in the Von Maur family bathroom

Cheesing it up with Olivia (2)- we liked to go over to their house on Tuesday evenings when our Daddies were out

With Olivia's sis Kerith (3 1/2)

Saying 'bye to Mrs. Beth, Mommy's midwife-- she always let Eowyn hear the "heart-beep" a few extra times (and delivered Eowyn!)

With 2 of our favorite librarian friends (we went every Wed for story time at the Main Campus)- these folks always did a great job reading, singing & playing with Eowyn, and would pull our request books when they saw us coming!  Sometimes we didn't even need our cards, they knew us so well! :)

With our nurse friends at Kids R Great Pediatrics (the one on the left pierced Eowyn's ears for us at 4 weeks- E is extremely grateful, seeing as how she adores her earrings)

With our other nurse friend at the Doc's.  She was too traumatized to watch Eowyn's ear piercing, hah! 

Waiting in the Well Room one last time (we love the decorations at Dr Corba's!)

Picking up all E's medical records

Saying goodbye to Dr. Corba, Eowyn's first doctor-- he was a great one!

New Worship Album by Ben Brainard

Here is a great chance to pre-order an album by a friend of ours that promises to be musically AND theologically sound.  Our friend Ben Brainard, now a pastor at LaGrange Baptist Church, was the worship leader at our home fellowship (Immanuel) for years... and we STILL miss him. :)  He even came and worked with my boys when I was a private-school choral conductor.  We also hammed it up at VBS leading the music together, and he & Ryan were our skit masters ...fun times.  He's a gifted composer and prayer-full man. Anyway, he's put his first album on Kickstarter, a website that lets you donate any amount you wish towards a project.  Check it out --for $15 you can pre-order the album, and there are all sorts of other options too.  Enjoy & please pass this on... it could be that Christmas gift for one who's impossible to buy for...  Music ministers & worship leaders please take note-- this album is intended to be useful for congregational worship too; catchy simple melodies and rich singable words.  The project will close in two days, and if the full amount isn't raised, Ben will have to try again some other way/time.  He's so close right now!

Check it out:  Congregational Worship Album We Are the Light.



None of these songs have been professionally recorded yet- thence the Kickstarter project- so all samples are still "in the raw" (think Rich Mullins' Jesus Record)

Pearls of Pain

I've been working on a post on brokenness and creativity- on the part grief & loss plays on our ability to tell Stories... but... it will have to wait.  My sister called, and two hours later, I'm even more tired than I was before (though I have even more to think about- sisters are good for that). =D  A line from a poem I'd written in college kept coming back to me, about how Jesus gathered up every broken bit of bread after He'd fed the 5000.  Such a picture of our Lord's intentionality in breaking:  He never breaks needlessly or wastefully.  Anyway, I dug through my old journals & found this in #30.  It was written as I watched a close friend allow her suffering & pain to pull her inward instead of outward, forfeiting the blessings she could both have and be.  It's not the greatest poem I've ever written by any stretch, but here it is. The imagery of pain as a pearl isn't all that bad-- pearls are formed through irritation, through pain-- and they benefit no one if kept within.  Best of all, though, is the idea that in our pain, we meet Him.  As Ben Patterson put it, "He is the treasure to be found in all that hurts us."  (Waiting)  A treasure meant not only for us, but for us to share.

"A Precious Pearl"

We sat and watched the falling rain
You near to me,
Yet sealed so tight--
Curled up around your pearl of pain.

Do you know my tears can fall?
That I cry out
And wrestle doubt,
Watching you weep there, in your wall?

You know it's precious in His sight?
A death, a cross,
A fruitful loss--
That pain that curls you up so tight.

I think of bread, by Galilee...
He never wastes
A thing He breaks,
But gathers it to useful be.

I think of Acts, how He decreed
His glorious Name
And Bride's delight
As end of every holy deed.

As left Hand takes, His right one gives,
His promise stands:
The one with Christ,
Though he have naught, yet full he lives.

A pearl of pain, of loss, of shame
So costly, so
Isolating--
Yet priceless, meant His grace to frame.

written June 20, 2005

Aspiring to Love the Same Lord

...as those who've gone before us.



Thanks to my sis Nicole for passing this one on.

How To Survive-Even Thrive- In a Growing (or Large) Church

Bear with me as I walk down my church-history lane... For all but 3 years of my life until I was 20, I attended the same church, where I was baptized, became a member, worked as an intern twice, and finally celebrated my wedding.  The church has always numbered about 350 people-- for the first half of my time there it was the same 350 folks; friends I'd grown up with, older kids I respected, younger kids I mentored; lots of people to look out for me.  Then people started leaving (both due to seasons of life and Southern Bible-Belt-itis), and we always had new people joining, so while the number of members stayed fairly constant, the faces changed.

Those three years that I was in France, my family attended a small (maybe 12 adults on a Sunday?) French-speaking Baptist church in a small town near ours.  The only other child my age became my best friend, and her mom, Annie, was our Sunday School teacher.  When my sisters & I showed up, the children's class quadrupled in size... though we did have some older kids and then another family with younger children joined fairly soon thereafter.  It was wonderful in some ways-- very close fellowship, the entire church over to one family's house (often ours), and no question of where we fit in.  We often joined up with a larger Baptist church in the nearby city to do Christmas or Easter events or to head to summer camp.

For the past 5 years, I've been at Immanuel in Louisville.  When I joined it was a bit smaller than the church I'd grown up attending, but the fellowship and the united vision of reaching the neighborhood for Jesus was incredibly refreshing to my rumpled spirit (I'd just gone through the most painful trials of my life).  There were (are) plenty of folks of my own age/station, the preaching is good, the music rocks, and there's never a shortage of ways to pitch in.  However, as the church has grown and people have moved on (mostly to do ministry elsewhere --this IS a college/seminary city), I've had stretches of intense loneliness among the crowd.  Our closest friends moved away or got too busy for us, the vision for reaching the neighborhood morphed into reaching the city, and the closeness of the small fellowship we'd joined was diluted by 2 services and many new members.  I distinctly remember sitting in my chair after one service, and looking around thinking "And I don't care about you, I don't care about you, and nope, don't care about you, either."  Pretty depressing.

So... how have I gone about making a big church seem less big?

Well, a big part of it is prayer.  Prayer for a willing, caring spirit.  When I looked around not caring, I knew it wasn't with eyes of faith-- it was with human eyes that didn't want to know the pain of separation or failure again.  When Jesus looked around, He saw needs and moved to meet them.  He didn't look for everyone to meet His needs.  So I had to pray that the Lord would give me eyes to See, and a heart to love, drawing on His Endless Love.  I had to repent of not caring, and asking Him to make me start caring.

Another huge piece has been THE overarching lesson of this stage of my life:  contentment.  A holy 'so what?' attitude.  "Keep your lives free from love of money, and be content with what you have." (how?) "For He has said:  I will never leave you, nor forsake you."  Contentment -that is, a deep inner joy & peace- doesn't come from having all your wants met, from your marriage bringing you endless romance, from your children sleeping through the night, from having all your best friends living nearby, from having the amount of children that you want, when you want them... no, it comes from being with Him.  That is to say, anywhere. The essence of Heaven will be His presence without any barriers, right?  And by His spirit, we have a taste of that now, through Immanuel, God with us.  His Spirit lives in us, teaching us, reminding us.  So long as He is with us (and, as above verse states... that's all the time for the believer), we have every reason to be happy.  "Think what Spirit dwells within thee, what a Father's smile is thine, what a Savior died to win thee!!-- Child of heaven, cans't thou repine?"  i.e.  "With God being as good as you have Him, do you have any room for pouting??" 

On the practical front, I've found two things helpful.  One, don't feel guilty making a few close friends (and/or maintaining close friendships that aren't local anymore).  As a wise SS teacher of mine once put it, "you can't be best friends with everybody."  So don't feel bad calling the same friend over and over, because you "click" so well.  Be intentional about those close friendships, though-- don't let them just be about common interests or kids of the same age-- bring up the Gospel.  Bring up Jesus and how you are dealing with Him.

Balanced with that, I've found it helpful to be as wide-spread in my fellowship as possible.  Our church really emphasizes small groups, and while that has its merits, it isn't the whole church.  If there's a baby shower or wedding shower and I know the person, I try to go.  If it's a real friend of mine, I'll try to send a gift & card if I can't make it. If there's any church function of any kind, I try to go.  No, I don't make it a law and feel guilty for not going, but if I can make it, I will.  If someone needs a meal, I sign up when I can.  If the nursery needs a sub, I do it.  If I find out a friend needs help, I volunteer.  Seriously-- I do NOT feel guilty not doing stuff when it would be too much, when Eowyn is sick or we are flying in the day before from London or we are just too tired.  But how hard is it, really, to head over to someone's house for 2 hours with a small gift in tow?  I get to talk to people, make new friends, occasionally play awesome games, and deepen acquaintances into friendships.  I usually leave encouraged.  (Ryan either watches Eowyn, or my next door neighbor comes over while she's asleep if it's in the evening, or if I get permission from the hosts, I bring her with me)  I've been amazed at how much this simple policy of staying involved has helped me.  You really start to care about the people you make cards or meals for, or those you work alongside (VBS, anyone!?).

My last help has been to seek and welcome laughter in all its forms.  If you're determined to hate something, you probably will... If you want to have fun, yep, you probably will do that, too.




How have you found or deepened fellowship in your own communities of faith?

The Fine Line Between Complaint and Grief

I recently heard a talk that left me wondering "is there a difference between complaining and grieving?"  The speaker was sharing both how the Lord had brought her through very difficult trials (which was a real blessing to hear), and also how we as fellow Christians could minister and be mindful of the trials of another.  The second part was what led to my questions, my musings, and what (I hope) the Lord is teaching me. Here goes... they kind of build on each other, but are interrelated.  Hopefully it is somewhat coherent. :)

1. Grief is real.  It's a part of this life, sure as breathing.  For Christians, suffering is guaranteed, even escalated, because of our faith.  But it's also redeemed, given purpose, given a Presence.  We are comforted in our suffering by the One who knows us best and loves us most, we are assured that this suffering is doing wonderful things in us, and that it will make us happier in the long (eternal) run.  Our Savior picked up every bit of leftover bread when He fed the multitudes-- would He ever waste our sufferings?

2. We are commanded to share each other's joys and griefs.  That is, there will be times when someone else is crying when we feel like laughing, and we are supposed to put aside our desire to whoop and holler and try to enter into their grief, as if it were our own.  There will be other times when our pain is so deep that we wonder how anyone anywhere could even smile.  In those times, we are to give thanks for another's blessings, and rejoice with them.  WOW!! I remember reading something that Richard Wurmbrand, who was tortured for 14 years in Soviet Romania for his confession of Christ and continued preaching of Him, wrote-- something along the lines of "I remembered that somewhere, some believer was full, some believer had his children around him, some believer was worshiping God freely, and so I could rejoice for them, with them, even in my prison cell." (Read his description of the priest who taught him this here.)  Talk about humbling. 

3. The Biblical command to 'do all things without complaining' is not a gag order on grief.  We CAN grieve without complaining, but we have to watch ourselves!  Picture this:  an obviously-pregnant woman enters a room, sweating in the July heat, ankles swollen and face tired.  She immediately begins bemoaning how uncomfortable she is, how hard being pregnant is, how she just wishes the baby would hurry up and be born.  That's complaining, and it probably isn't exactly "helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it might benefit those who listen." (Eph. 4:29)  As my mom often chided us, "That's the sort of talk that got Israel wandering in the desert for 40 years!"  Picture another scenario, though:  the same obviously- pregnant woman comes into the room, and at the question "how are you?" she says, quite seriously "I am having such a hard time being pregnant right now.  I really could use your prayer-- everything hurts and I haven't slept a solid night for 5 months now."  That's not complaining, that's grieving (at least as I see it), and any one who hears that-- man, woman without kids, woman with 5 kids, woman wishing she had kids-- can and should acknowledge that her grief is real, and do what they can to ease it, whether it be with encouraging words from Scripture, with reminders that something beautiful will come of this pain, prayer, a glass of cool water, or a big hug. But expressing our pain, our emotion, our questions, our confusion, can be a part of grief, an asking for burden-sharing, even of worship-- just check the Psalms!-- and doesn't need a Phil 2:14 "do all things without complaining!" slapped onto it.

4. Different kinds of grief are... different, but all potentially equally painful.  Suffering naturally turns us inward and make us so selfish.  When I hurt deeply, it is all too easy to let that pain become the lens through which I interpret everything around me.   "How could she share her struggles? Can't she see that MY pain is the worst? How dare he laugh around me?  Doesn't he know I'm suffering?"  You get the idea.  But that's just not Biblical.  If I'm a Christian with a chronically painful back, and my sister in Christ is crying because she didn't get accepted into the study program she wanted so badly, we can both validate each other's grief.   We can put our arms around each other and say "we're both hurting-- let's take our pain to Jesus together."

Two areas I've felt this and seen this at my stage of life are singleness v. marriage and infertility v. child-rearing.  I've heard things like "Don't complain about how hard your marriage is to your single friends.  They don't want to hear it."  Similarly, I've heard "If you're having a hard time being pregnant, only talk about it with people who are 'like you' (as in, people who are not infertile)."  I think both of those are dead wrong. Of course, I don't think that complaining is ever right, especially not about one's husband, whom we have vowed to honor and are commanded to respect (Eph. 5:33), BUT to say that one can only share one's sufferings with one who has suffered the same sorrow kind of defeats the point of verses like "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2).  It doesn't say anything about only sharing burdens like the ones we already carry.   That would imply that our pain is more valid than another's. Honestly, I think it's very helpful for singles -- who so often are tempted to make an idol of marriage-- to hear the struggles and heart-aches that marriage can bring.  Similarly, it is a good reminder to the one who is overwhelmed and weary from day-and-night childcare to hear that others would give anything to have a child.  And the converses are true.  Other griefs act as great perspective checks.

5.  It seems the best way to share grief is to first just listen, probably hug, too, and then offer to pray (possibly right then & there).  However, hearing a litany of "what not to say" is only so helpful.  If we rather start at the point that everyone has hurt, and probably means to comfort, we'll be way better off-- less offended for sure-- than expecting everyone to walk around eggshells around me because "I'm suffering."

So back to the beginning, and also the conclusion... everyone has hurt.  I read Proverbs 14:10 as a depressed and confused 6th grader and was struck by its truth "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."  We are all the walking wounded, despite the smile and clean clothes.  For some, the hurt is clear and public, perhaps painfully obvious:  the broken engagement, the death of a child, the sudden loss of a job.  Their grief is easy to spot, so easy that these grieving are likely to crave anonymity instead of sympathy.  For others, the pain is buried deep, darkly shrouded, the despair so often borne alone:  the spouse addicted to pornography, the dream that must be buried yet again, the secret hope so long deferred, a long loneliness that wears down the soul.  Talk to anyone long enough, though, and you will find a fellow sufferer.  Our challenge in Christ is to extend a hand, then put our own shoulder gently under the other's burden, and together face the Light. I like how the ESV puts that verse-- "The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy."  Let us not be strangers!

I guess the one-liner swirling through my mind after typing and thinking and praying a bit on this is: let's SHARE our burdens, without complaining, yet without guilt.  What are your thoughts?  Anything to add or share?