Thursday, May 28, 2009

Holding Abby

I never have been so amazed at how much I can love a person before... with absolutely no effort on her part, I am completely entranced after 52 hours in her company. I just hold her and watch her sleep, marveling at her expressions, wondering what she is thinking, or if she's even able to think at all. She makes the funniest faces, moves her tiny limbs in the most natural ways, and I know it's all completely unconscious. AMAZING. Babies really are just amazing. I love her smell, sweet and clean and totally baby. I love her soft new skin, her downy skin, her rosebud lips. I took the night shift on Tuesday and even in my sleepy state at 3:30 am, I was just amazed at how precious she is. What a gift!

I remember how much I loved Hannah when she was born, 3 years ago. I missed most of Noah's babyhood (he was born 2 months after I got married), but fell in love with him when he greeted me at the airport. Now I'm in love with the newest Powell-- the one currently sleeping draped over the belly housing my own daughter... it's so true that your heart never runs out of love; you just are given more and more to share! This is especially true for believers, who are "dipping" out of the love of Christ in God!

What keeps blowing my mind is that in 3 1/2 months, I will be doing this all- the holding, the staring in amazement, the late night feedings, the spit-up drenchings, the diaper changing- again (and again, and again and again and...) with my OWN baby girl. Sometimes I go by a mirror holding Abigail, and I get caught off guard: "this will be ME in a few months." On the one hand, it just looks totally natural to me. I've always felt most happy with a child in my arms. But on the other hand, just thinking of the permanence of the situation makes me wonder "Do I look old enough to be a mother!?" Because, ready or not, here she comes!

I can't wait to meet you, Éowyn... can't wait to see whose hair you got and what your toes look like. I can't wait to breathe in your smell, and hold you as much as I can. I have a feeling I will be a "baby-wearer" to the core. :)

-- Mama Szrama

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