Sunday, March 02, 2008
Blue Chair Blues
Grandma & Grandpa Presley gave us a very comfy BIG blue recliner, and it graces the corner of our little living room. (getting it here in the back of our truck over the mountains was quite its own adventure) It's the spot of choice on cold dark mornings before school; I eat my breakfast and drink my coffee in coziness and warmth as I read my Bible and pray. Ryan usually finds me curled up in it grading or reading or writing letters as he gets home. Before my laptop went nuts it was the perfect spot to sit and work on lesson plans, too. Ryan loves to sit there to study himself...on Tuesdays before he teaches at the Transformation House, I try to leave the chair for him. :) And after he tucks me into bed he usually reads there... sometimes I awaken in the wee hours of the morning and he's STILL in there, quite comfortable and sleeping happily. All that to say, we love our big blue chair.
I just dropped Ryan off at the airport; the first time I've done such a thing since marriage. The last time I did that, I cried (it was when we parted ways in Cincinnati after getting engaged in Oregon, last February). This time I got it out of my system a little before the parting... in the big blue chair, actually. Ryan's boss' girlfriend was going to pick him up on the way to getting Andy (Ryan's boss) to the airport, but I wanted the extra minutes so we called and canceled...and spent the short sweet time cuddled in the big blue chair, and just being together a little more. I cried... more at the anticipation of the missing-him-pain (I remember it way too well) than actual current pain. I was against his chest, after all, still comforted by the smell and feel of him...
"I'd rather you be leaving and be married to you than be saying goodbye without being married," I said. "I'd rather be married and leaving and sad than married and leaving and not sad," he answered. "It's right that we should want to be together. It's good to be sad that we have to be apart."
It's true, what Ryan said: it's good that we should miss each other. It's good that we should be sad and cry. It's good that there is love and one heart that hurts to be apart. I'm married now; not just myself, but part of a new One Flesh... Hmmm... guess that's why the blue chair makes me sad to look at just now. And happy, too. :)
It IS only for 5 days. And we'll both be happy and doing things we love to do. And we'll both rejoice in the presence of the Lord, and pray for the other's good...like every day. :) But just right now, in the "meantime," (Dad, you'll catch my reference) I think I may curl up in the big blue chair and seek a little solace. Prayer, the Word, my journal, a book, and just maybe some of that dark chocolate my Love gave me for Valentine's day. :)
Happy Lord's Day.