Great Article on Simple Changes to "Healthify" Old Favorites

Love a recipe but know it isn't the greatest for you?  Check out this post over on Passionate Homemaking!  These are all great steps and tidbits to help you take one step at a time towards healthier living!


Along a similar vein, but much more in-depth and thorough is the eBook Healthy Homemaking; one step at a time, by Stephenie Langford (Keeper of the Home).  I have it and immediately thought of about 25 people who would love it!

Off to make dinner, speaking of cooking!  I came home to an empty fridge and an overflowing garden! 

San Antonio- the personal side

(note the blueberry-stained fingers)

Jane (2) & Eowyn (21 months) were great friends, when they weren't screaming at each other, of course.

Sweet Ryan playing with a favorite toy

A heart-to-heart

Girl time!

Looking at animal pictures on Mr Aaron's iPhone

We snuck in and captured them talking quietly in Jane's "house"

How did they get to be SO CUTE!??

Awww...

Matching cuteness down on the Riverwalk.
(I made these matching dresses out of an outdated outfit of my grandma's, and we got compliments all day!)

Jenny & I by the San Antonio canal.  We ate at the Rainforest Cafe-- the BEST place to take kids EVER!

I wish we had gotten pictures of them dancing like crazy in the Rainforest Cafe... it was amazing.

Overview from San Antonio

Remember the Alamo!

Eowyn and I are enjoying a visit to our friends the Montgomerys in San Antonio, TX.  Jenny (the Mrs. of the family) and I first became friends through our church's ladies mentoring ministry, called (rather cheesily, I must say) "Spiritual Friends."  Both of us were believers, newly-weds, working women, and newly moved to Louisville from out-of-state.  We also both loved scrapbooking, good books, and chocolate.  Over the next four years (and three babies between us) we spent hundreds of ours together, either at Book Club, church,  watching movies together when our husbands worked late, scrapbooking, or eating, or drinking her precisely-brewed hot chocolate (still don't know anyone who can beat it), or at mother's play group outings.  The last year or so of her time in Louisville we started getting together every Wednesday afternoon to scrapbook/craft while our babies napped.  We got quite a bit done, and managed to discuss everything from child-rearing to Harry Potter to recipes and everything in between-- frustrations and fears, struggles and dreams, and the slap-happy laughing that comes to sleep-deprived moms pushed slightly above the limit of sanity.  Our husbands bonded over computers, Drupal, good food & drink, rock music and a shared alma mater (both are Boyce College grads).

Then she moved suddenly.  I was out of town when she called me with the news.  We'd known this day was coming, but not so soon (isn't that how it always is?).  I hurried home across 4 state lines to help her finish packing and load up the car.  Our families shared a final meal of Moe's take-out on their living room floor amidst the final odds & ends of their former life.

I've missed Jenny a lot.  Eowyn and Jane are 9 months apart, nearly to the day, and have always played very well together (well, when they weren't trying to strangle each other).  And my scrapbooking has suffered.  So when Jenny had the brilliant idea of bringing us out to San Antonio for a week, I could NOT say no!  They have very generously entertained us for the past 5 days, and we have more planned for our last 3!  Here are some pics (clips of childish cuteness to follow) so you can enjoy our Texas Adventure with us!

Eowyn playing with her cloth paper-doll on the flight over.

Practicing for life with triplets? (at a play house called Just Add Children)

Power shoppers

These live oaks are so beautiful in a rugged, twisted way.

Pretty much sweet cuteness incarnate, Ryan (13 mos)

Our favorite way to beat the heat!

VERY typical:  Ryan trying to literally dive in head-first, Jane playing safely OUTSIDE the pool.

Eowyn's response to me taking a picture "No!!!" 

The downtown Riverwalk (I'm a fan!)

Second "Frontier" Fave: Raw Milk Yogurt

As a follow-up to yesterday's post on Just-Fruit "Frontier" Jam, here is the technique I regularly use to make our yogurt.  Thank you to my friend Randi for the know-how on this one!  I also referred to Nourishing Traditions, Gut and Psychology Syndrome, Internal Bliss and these tutorials (1, 2 & 3).

Step 1:  Get out a half-gallon of fresh, raw, creamy milk from a source you trust-- grass fed and organic are not optional here. 

Step 2:  Gently heat the milk to between 101 and 118 degrees F.  You don't want to go above 118 or else you will start killing the enzymes in the milk (thence kind of defeating the purpose of starting with raw milk, though of course it's still going to be better than most milk).  The first time I did this I borrowed a friend's meat thermometer and stopped at precisely 110 degrees, noting how hot it felt on my pinky.  Since then I guesstimate.  It's about the right temp when you stick your finger in and it feels hot-- too hot to keep in for long but not so hot you scald yourself.  The milk should not be boiling or frothing.   I use a wooden spoon to stir it every so often.  The milk heats up rather quickly.

Meanwhile, have your yogurt starter waiting in the bottom of the jars you'll use.  Most sources recommend about 2 T of yogurt as a starter for a half gallon.  I now guesstimate; a bit more or less doesn't seem to really make that much difference.  You do want enough to jump start the fermentation, but not so much that it all turns to whey.

Step 3:  As soon as the milk reaches 110, pour a little into the jar(s) with the starter in them, and stir.  This warms the starter up a bit so it isn't shocked by the hot milk.  Then pour in the rest of the milk.  Stir gently a few times.  Quickly put the jars into a cooler stuffed with towels for insulation.  Leave to incubate over night.  I usually put it in the fridge in the morning so it doesn't get too tangy.

Optional Step 4- Thickening the Yogurt: I usually do this with half of the yogurt if it's too runny-- strain it through a coffee filter in a strainer over a glass bowl for a few hours.  Keep the liquid (whey) and use it in smoothies, soaking grains, baking or as a probiotic supplement (it's tangy and not bad tasting).  The yogurt remaining will be as thick and creamy as you want it to be.  If you let it keep dripping then you'll end up with raw cream cheese (yum!!).  I don't bother dripping the yogurt we use for smoothies since it gets slushed up anyway! :)

My favorite ways to enjoy yogurt are with just-fruit jam in it and a dusting of cinnamon, or with fresh or frozen berries, cinnamon, ginger and raw honey or Grade B maple syrup drizzled on it.  Eowyn is quite a fan as well!

First "Frontier" (i.e. Low-Tech) Fave: Jam

As many of you know, I long for the days of the homesteader, and dream of one day having our own little farm on a few acres of land, growing enough to feed a sizeable brood of people-chicks as well as a cow, a few goats, chickens, a dog or two and a passel of cats.  In the meantime, we have one child, no pets, and a small city lot.  I make up for the lack of mouths to feed by taking in as many guests as possible-- we have several adopted "family" members regularly around our table, and, like my mama taught me, I find great joy in making sure nobody goes home hungry or lonesome.  I also try to do as much "low-tech," DIY as possible.  (I'm even venturing into the realm of furniture and jobs involving... hacksaws, gulp).  If Ma Ingalls couldn't buy it, I don't like using it.  Usually.  The occasional frappucino is an exception.

Slowly I'm adding more and more kitchen jobs to my own bag of tricks (though it's nice to know I can grab them from a store shelf in a pinch).  It started with buying dry beans instead of canned, moved on to getting a little coffee grinder to grind my own grains, trying my hand at fermentation of water kefir, soaking, seasoning & drying my own nuts, and most recently expanded to making my own nut butters, nut milk & nut pulp (and nut milk lattes, yum!).   Two new successes and now-Szrama staples are raw milk yogurt and fresh fruit preserves.  They are SO simple and low-tech that they make me happy, and I thought I'd share them with others since I had difficulty in tracking down precise instructions online.


In the spirit of eating seasonally, Eowyn & I recently picked a bumper crop of local strawberries-- juicy, sweet, and red.  Along with pies, strawberry ice cream and plenty of strawberries & cream, I sliced & froze a gallon for smoothies, then tried my hand at jam-making.  The following technique is a result of a plea for help on FB, and I am indebted to my friend Megan for the knowledge.

Just Fruit Jam

Step One: wash your berries. Aim for a mix of very-ripe (sweet!) berries, moderately ripe berries, and a good many underripe (still have green tips) berries.  The less ripe, the more natural pectin they contain.

Step 2: Cut the berries in half and bring to a boil.  I left mine on the heat about 30 minutes, stirring almost constantly.  In the mean time wash and sanitize your glass jars.

Step 3:  Boil your lids & rings.  Keep them boiling until you slap them on the jars.  (I used a few standard metal lids for giving away, but mostly used reusable plastic Tattler lids.)

Step 4:  Prepare your hot water bath.  You need to have enough water boiling to cover 1" over the tops of your jars, and there needs to be something keeping the jars off the bottom of the pot.  I used my pasta insert and it barely fit in 6 jars & their water.

Step 5:  Pour the cooked fruit into the jars, leaving about 1" headroom and wiping down the rims.  Put a lid on top and a ring screwed on securely but not as tight as it will go.  Immerse the fruit into the hot water bath and boil for 10-15 minutes.

Step 6:  Pull jars out and allow to cool over a 12-hr period.  Their lids should all sink in, indicating an airtight seal.  If one doesn't, refrigerate it and let it be the first one you eat!

Step 7: Admire! Ta-Da!! I did a second batch with mulberries and a few crisp apples cooked with the strawberries.  My thought was that the mulberries add sweetness and the apples add pectin, so we'll see how the texture between the pure strawberries & mul-straw-apple berries compares.

EDIT:  It's been a few months, and we've popped open and enjoyed two VERY YUMMY jars of this jam!  THe mul-stra-apple jam is very "normal" in texture, quite sweet, and very yummy.  I loved finding chunks of fruit in it, but some folks may want a more uniform texture-- I'd suggest using a potato masher (boiled to sanitize) right before putting the fruit into jars.  Still haven't tried the just-strawberries yet.  Will update when I do!

A Few Good (GAPS) Meals

These are meals we've either eaten or that I have planned for this coming week.  I've used Internal Bliss, the cookbook that came with the GAPS book, Nourishing Traditions, and recipes I've adapted for GAPS-friendliness (substituting almond meal for breadcrumbs, things like that).  When we've had company over (which has actually occurred quite frequently, and Ryan's parents were here for 8 days!), I usually added a garden salad and garlic bread, and E & I just didn't eat that.

I'll do it this way-- rather than listing out each meal as a meal, I'll just list the main dishes, sides & desserts separately.  Especially in the first 2 weeks, I rotated the same few dishes quite a bit.

Main dishes: 
-- baked salmon (lemon, garlic, paprika, sea salt, pepper, olive oil),
-- roast chicken (butter, fresh herbs from the garden, sea salt & pepper) baked with veggies (carrots, broccoli, onion, celery, and squash)
-- beef-broth soup
-- Jean's Meatloaf with homemade tomato sauce
-- spaghetti squash "noodles" with fresh tomato sauce
--meat (chicken, duck, pork loin) roasted with veggies (broccoli, carrot, onion & carrot)
-- nut pancakes (made with pumpkin, eggs & peanut butter) spread with chicken or tuna salad (onion, celery, homemade raw mayo, dill weed, sea salt, garlic powder, lemon juice)
-- almond crust sausage pizza
-- ommlettes (bacon & cheese, cheese, sour cream & veggie...)
-- eggs & bacon or sausage (Eowyn's favorite)
-- smoothies!!-- two favorites have been "pumpkin pie" and "peanut butter"-- now that we can eat fruit the variety is endless
-- curried chicken (also curried beef) with carrots, onion, broccoli & zucchini-- SO GOOD!
-- Mexican-style green salad (greens, tomato, salsa, cheese, sour cream, beef bologna)

Sides
-- carrots julienne
-- roasted mashed carrots (with sea salt & cultured cream... wow)-- so sweet they taste candied!
-- cream of brocolli soup (homemade stock, cultured cream, broc & onions)
-- grilled cheese apples  (SO good!!  just slice apples, top with cheese, and broil/toast/bake!)
-- kale chips of various flavors
-- steamed broccoli with garlic & herbs
-- jalapeno cheese buscuits
-- hazelnut & seed crackers
-- real (lacto-fermented) saurkraut (cabbage & carrots) & pickles (just salt, water, peppercorn & pickling cucumbers)
-- zucchini sauteed in tallow (yum!)-- Eowyn adored these and ate them like chips
-- fresh fruits & veggies like always  (including the first lettuce from our garden!)
-- apple sauce with liver (Eowyn alone eats this... and she loves it.  I am not quite so brave.  I do intend to learn to cook and like liver, though... soon.)

Desserts
-- nut pancakes (made with pumpkin/squash, eggs & peanut butter)spread with butter & all-fruit jam or maple syrup
-- strawberry ice cream, coconut ice cream (coconut milk, cultured cream, raw milk & maple syrup)
-- strawberry-rhubarb custard pie (the crust was the trickiest, but I managed & will post a recipe soon); also blueberry-rhubarb custard pie
-- mulberry crumble
-- dried fruits (I'm starting to make my own in our dehydrator)
-- "Lara bars" (the easiest "cookie" ever, and the best way to sneak nutrition into your diet
-- hazelnut milk latte
--  stewed apples (apples, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger & butter)

If anyone wants any particular recipes, feel free to ask!

GAPS Intro

Many of you know that Eowyn & I (and, when he eats with us, Ryan) are on a long-term diet called the 'Gut and Psychology Syndrome' diet, or GAPS diet.  Its goal is to heal the gut, in four ways:  (1) giving it a "break" from anything hard to digest during the Intro stage, (2) replenish the bacteria ("gut flora") necessary for proper digestion, immune function, overall and mental health (3) starve off opportunistic yeasts & harmful bacteria ("bad gut flora"), and (4) provide foods rich in healing properties and nutrients.  It's been used to successfully treat many types of chronic conditions, from dyslexia to autism (ASDs) to epilepsy to acid reflux.  Quite a tall order for a diet, which is why those who go on it expect to stick to it for at least 18 months- 2 years, longer for long-established problems.  Properly-prepared gluten-free grains may be reintroduced if desired after that point (2ish years) in addition to GAPS-approved foods.

So what kinds of foods hurt the gut?  First off, SUGAR-- so no refined sugar in any forms, and limited natural sugars (in the earliest stages of the Introduction diet dried fruits & most fresh fruits are eliminated).  Also grains, raw fibrous veggies at first (until the gut is mostly healed) improperly prepared beans, nuts & lentils, and anything processed (no MSG, no artificial flavorings, no propa-hexa-muta-gora-bora-bora... you get the idea).  Fertilizers, pesticides, and other remnants of commercial farming make their way into foods and upset guts trying to heal, so as much as can be bought organic should be.  The fresher the better, too!

What heals the gut?  Lots of bone broths & stocks, fermented foods (saurkraut- which I HAVE learned to like, natural pickles... AMAZING, yogurt, kombucha, kefirs of all kinds), ginger, coconut & natural, whole-food fats (ghee, butter, tallow, lard, olive oil, palm oil, coconut oil, and cream once dairy is introduced).  While pasteurized dairy is not allowed, raw milk & cream, and fermented dairy products like yogurt, sour cream, pima cream & most cheeses are encouraged.  I've had fun learning to make my own of most of the above-- thanks to modern appliances, most is REALLY easy!  (For those familiar with Weston A. Price's work, or with the Whole/Traditional Foods or Slow Cooking movements, it's like a WAPF diet without grains and most beans, with extra emphasis on fermented foods.)

Anyway, it is a learning curve, and many people get about a month into the diet and get super bored.  If you're used to cooking a lot of grain-based meals it's definitely intimidating.  Eowyn & I went through the six-step Introduction Cycle in 2 weeks, which is kind of the minimum suggested.  While both of us had warning signs of imbalanced gut flora-- for me, my Celiac's disease, bad morning sickness during pregnancy, recurrent ear infections (3 in as many months after 20 years without them) and the beginnings of renewed yeast imbalances (urg, after being free for 4 years!!!) were signs.  For Eowyn, signs that my bad gut flora had been passed on to her (through delivery and subsequent breast-feeding) were severe enough acid reflux to be prescribed medication (HUGE RED FLAG IN BABIES!!!), and food reactions (to blueberries, to peanuts, to wheat, to who knew what).  What's motivated me?  Well, the recurrent ear infections were getting annoying, and my doctor was about to refer me to an ENT, because "adults aren't supposed to get ear infections."  While regular chiropractic care was keeping the fluid draining enough to delay infection, I could still feel the fluid in my ears all the time.  Also, if I do get pregnant in this coming year, I'll do ANYTHING to avoid morning sickness, and ANYTHING to try and pass on GOOD gut flora to my next baby!! 

I highly recommend Dr McBride's book Gut & Psychology Syndrome, for anyone interested in nutrition, mental health, learning disabilities, and child-rearing in general.  Actually, truth be told I think all moms should read it.  In our generation, it's become normal to be prescribed anti-nausea medication during pregnancy and to need to either radically change your diet while nursing (no dairy, no chocolate, no peanuts, etc) or give your baby Prevacid for 5 months, and food intolerances or learning disabilities in kids are ubiquitous.

Next is a list of meals that have worked for us, lest anyone think we are starving (and for anyone who's on GAPS and would like some fresh ideas!).

PS- so far, Eowyn has shown NO reactions to any of the foods she seemed to react to before!!  She's eating all sorts of nuts, including peanuts, all berries, and hasn't had red cheeks or diaper rash at all!  Praise the Lord!

Imagining Grief

Kind of as a follow-up to the post I wrote a few days ago, here is a link to an insightful blog post (by Molly Piper) on the value of imagining another's grief as a way to attempt to enter into it with them, instead of just saying "I can't even imagine," and walking off.  (Thank you, Mary Scott, for the lead!)

I'd also like to clarify and say that I DO definitely think there's a time and place to share our griefs.  I don't think we need (or want to) tell everyone we see, even at church, just how we hurt and why.  Though there is room for that -- like in my pregnant-woman-illustration-- and it does breed humility and honesty as Ashlea pointed out in the comments (please read hers-- it is really good stuff), I was thinking of closer circles of friends, such as a church small group, family member, or best friend. 

Personal bent-  my best friend, already long married, was grappling with infertility (and the difficulty of being a "seminary widow") while I was bopping along as a college student.  She still shared her pain with me, and I did my best to enter into it and try to encourage her (and pray hard that God would give her a child!), through poetry and Scripture and silly socks and all the things that good friends do together (like almost setting the kitchen on fire making falafel).  Later, when she miscarried, I did my best to listen and to assure her that God was still good, remembering what had most comforted me in my own 'dark night of the soul.'  I found it so encouraging that she said my words actually were exactly what she needed to hear, not because "I'd been there," but because I'd known pain, and I know the Comforter.  In our own church small group we don't break up singles and marrieds, nor those with kids and without them (we do often split up guy-girl), and it's really sweet to hear people praying fervently on behalf of others for pain and hardships they've never personally experienced-- the healthy young mom praying for the ailing older woman; the married woman praying for God's guidance for a single girl struggling to know her role & future; the college kid praying for the mom at her wit's end with two-year-old tantrums. 

So please don't misunderstand; I think there is HUGE need for sensitivity and consideration, and I do NOT mean to say that every stay-at-home mom should call up her single friend and moan to her about how hard it is to stay home every day, when she knows that that's exactly what her single friend wants more than anything in the world.  I do mean that if her friend loves her, then she will ask how she is doing, and in that moment it would not be wrong for the tired mom to be honest. 

Ok, baby crying... gotta go!  Please, keep the comments and interaction coming! 

The Fine Line Between Complaint and Grief

I recently heard a talk that left me wondering "is there a difference between complaining and grieving?"  The speaker was sharing both how the Lord had brought her through very difficult trials (which was a real blessing to hear), and also how we as fellow Christians could minister and be mindful of the trials of another.  The second part was what led to my questions, my musings, and what (I hope) the Lord is teaching me. Here goes... they kind of build on each other, but are interrelated.  Hopefully it is somewhat coherent. :)

1. Grief is real.  It's a part of this life, sure as breathing.  For Christians, suffering is guaranteed, even escalated, because of our faith.  But it's also redeemed, given purpose, given a Presence.  We are comforted in our suffering by the One who knows us best and loves us most, we are assured that this suffering is doing wonderful things in us, and that it will make us happier in the long (eternal) run.  Our Savior picked up every bit of leftover bread when He fed the multitudes-- would He ever waste our sufferings?

2. We are commanded to share each other's joys and griefs.  That is, there will be times when someone else is crying when we feel like laughing, and we are supposed to put aside our desire to whoop and holler and try to enter into their grief, as if it were our own.  There will be other times when our pain is so deep that we wonder how anyone anywhere could even smile.  In those times, we are to give thanks for another's blessings, and rejoice with them.  WOW!! I remember reading something that Richard Wurmbrand, who was tortured for 14 years in Soviet Romania for his confession of Christ and continued preaching of Him, wrote-- something along the lines of "I remembered that somewhere, some believer was full, some believer had his children around him, some believer was worshiping God freely, and so I could rejoice for them, with them, even in my prison cell." (Read his description of the priest who taught him this here.)  Talk about humbling. 

3. The Biblical command to 'do all things without complaining' is not a gag order on grief.  We CAN grieve without complaining, but we have to watch ourselves!  Picture this:  an obviously-pregnant woman enters a room, sweating in the July heat, ankles swollen and face tired.  She immediately begins bemoaning how uncomfortable she is, how hard being pregnant is, how she just wishes the baby would hurry up and be born.  That's complaining, and it probably isn't exactly "helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it might benefit those who listen." (Eph. 4:29)  As my mom often chided us, "That's the sort of talk that got Israel wandering in the desert for 40 years!"  Picture another scenario, though:  the same obviously- pregnant woman comes into the room, and at the question "how are you?" she says, quite seriously "I am having such a hard time being pregnant right now.  I really could use your prayer-- everything hurts and I haven't slept a solid night for 5 months now."  That's not complaining, that's grieving (at least as I see it), and any one who hears that-- man, woman without kids, woman with 5 kids, woman wishing she had kids-- can and should acknowledge that her grief is real, and do what they can to ease it, whether it be with encouraging words from Scripture, with reminders that something beautiful will come of this pain, prayer, a glass of cool water, or a big hug. But expressing our pain, our emotion, our questions, our confusion, can be a part of grief, an asking for burden-sharing, even of worship-- just check the Psalms!-- and doesn't need a Phil 2:14 "do all things without complaining!" slapped onto it.

4. Different kinds of grief are... different, but all potentially equally painful.  Suffering naturally turns us inward and make us so selfish.  When I hurt deeply, it is all too easy to let that pain become the lens through which I interpret everything around me.   "How could she share her struggles? Can't she see that MY pain is the worst? How dare he laugh around me?  Doesn't he know I'm suffering?"  You get the idea.  But that's just not Biblical.  If I'm a Christian with a chronically painful back, and my sister in Christ is crying because she didn't get accepted into the study program she wanted so badly, we can both validate each other's grief.   We can put our arms around each other and say "we're both hurting-- let's take our pain to Jesus together."

Two areas I've felt this and seen this at my stage of life are singleness v. marriage and infertility v. child-rearing.  I've heard things like "Don't complain about how hard your marriage is to your single friends.  They don't want to hear it."  Similarly, I've heard "If you're having a hard time being pregnant, only talk about it with people who are 'like you' (as in, people who are not infertile)."  I think both of those are dead wrong. Of course, I don't think that complaining is ever right, especially not about one's husband, whom we have vowed to honor and are commanded to respect (Eph. 5:33), BUT to say that one can only share one's sufferings with one who has suffered the same sorrow kind of defeats the point of verses like "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2).  It doesn't say anything about only sharing burdens like the ones we already carry.   That would imply that our pain is more valid than another's. Honestly, I think it's very helpful for singles -- who so often are tempted to make an idol of marriage-- to hear the struggles and heart-aches that marriage can bring.  Similarly, it is a good reminder to the one who is overwhelmed and weary from day-and-night childcare to hear that others would give anything to have a child.  And the converses are true.  Other griefs act as great perspective checks.

5.  It seems the best way to share grief is to first just listen, probably hug, too, and then offer to pray (possibly right then & there).  However, hearing a litany of "what not to say" is only so helpful.  If we rather start at the point that everyone has hurt, and probably means to comfort, we'll be way better off-- less offended for sure-- than expecting everyone to walk around eggshells around me because "I'm suffering."

So back to the beginning, and also the conclusion... everyone has hurt.  I read Proverbs 14:10 as a depressed and confused 6th grader and was struck by its truth "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."  We are all the walking wounded, despite the smile and clean clothes.  For some, the hurt is clear and public, perhaps painfully obvious:  the broken engagement, the death of a child, the sudden loss of a job.  Their grief is easy to spot, so easy that these grieving are likely to crave anonymity instead of sympathy.  For others, the pain is buried deep, darkly shrouded, the despair so often borne alone:  the spouse addicted to pornography, the dream that must be buried yet again, the secret hope so long deferred, a long loneliness that wears down the soul.  Talk to anyone long enough, though, and you will find a fellow sufferer.  Our challenge in Christ is to extend a hand, then put our own shoulder gently under the other's burden, and together face the Light. I like how the ESV puts that verse-- "The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy."  Let us not be strangers!

I guess the one-liner swirling through my mind after typing and thinking and praying a bit on this is: let's SHARE our burdens, without complaining, yet without guilt.  What are your thoughts?  Anything to add or share?

And She Threw it Out the Window, the Window, the Second-story...

I was just reminded of that old children's silly-song; the one that turns every nursery into a defenestration event; "Mary had a little lamb, it's fleece was white as snow, and every where that Mary went, she threw it out the window, the window, the second-story window; with a heave and a ho, and a mighty throw, she threw it out the window... Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater, had a wife and couldn't keep her, so he put her in a pumpkin shell, and then he threw her out the window, the window, the second...."  You get the point.

It kind of reminded me of my day yesterday.

Well, no, I didn't exactly throw my daughter (or my sheep) out the window.  I didn't really throw anything at all.  Actually, I didn't really do anything, except memorize the crack and hole in our ceiling, just above our bed, and close my eyes a lot.  So what got thrown out the window?  Well, all my plans.

We'd just gotten back from a trip-- ok, please excuse the trip-summary; I just can't resist the urge to chronicle-- Two Fridays ago, Ryan, his sister Courtney (who'd stayed with us a week), Eowyn & I drove down to Greenville, SC, meeting Ryan's step-dad (otherwise known as "Poppy") in Knoxville and drop Courtney off with him (I almost choked to death in MacDonald's, but that's a long story involving speculation as to the condition of Adam & Eve's DNA, extra-salty fries, and a very stubborn couple).  We listened to Eowyn screaming, Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban (review coming soon on my blog), and pulled in to my parents' just in time for a quick dinner and settling Eowyn in with Nina & GB.  Then Ryan & I drove up the road for our first-ever Marriage Retreat.  I'm sure I'll post thoughts on that later, but for now, I highly recommend it for every one; young, old, newly-wed, on the rocks, whatever.  The one we went to was put on by Family Life, called A Weekend to Remember, and it was very well-done.  Solid, thought-provoking, Biblical, and accessible (so lacking so much of the time!!).   My sister & bro-in-law were there, too, as were several other folks we knew from around town.

Two Sundays ago we enjoyed a big family lunch with several of my aunts & their families, my sisters, and my grandparents, at my mom's house.  Eowyn was very happy to see us back, which of course was gratifying.  Then Ryan flew out to Chicago for three days, while E & I visited old friends, enjoyed Lake Keowee on Uncle Steve's new boat, were so encouraged by my parent's church small group (Eowyn caused quite a stir by dancing during singing, then saying "AMEN!" every time anyone mentioned Jesus' name during prayer), were spoiled by Nina (my mom), had a little road trip down to visit my baby sister at Clemson University, and spent time with family.  Ryan flew back in to Greenville and we all enjoyed walking around in the magnificent down town area, and checking out houses for sale in the area (no, we aren't moving yet).  I'll have to post pictures soon, especially of the Children's Garden, which was just superb.  You wouldn't think a toddler would get excited about a garden, but oh, she did.

Saturday we drove up to Abingdon, VA, to spend the night and much of Mother's Day with Grandma & Grandpa Presley.  We went to church with them, and Grandpa grilled steaks for us all after wards. Eowyn really showed off for them, tickling every one, playing with all the toys, and being very obedient, cuddly and sweet.  After church we drove home... with poor Eowyn only taking a 1 hour nap instead of her usual 2+... she was a basket case.  The only way I could keep her from crying hysterically- and not an angry cry, but a "my world is falling please don't leave me, Mommy" break-your-heart sob, was by holding her hand.  She's never really wanted to do that before, going down the stairs excepted, so I thought that was sweet... but two hours later my shoulder was sore and I had really hoped to get more mending done!  Oh well... by God's grace we made it home, unpacked the car, sorted the mail, and I even got 2 loads of laundry thrown in.  We talked to all our moms to wish them Happy Mother's Day, and Ryan's Dad to wish him Happy Birthday, and called it a night. I fell asleep composing my To-Do List:

Unpack.  Plant the cuttings brought from Tia Olga's garden.  Weed, thin, and finish planting garden.  Make chicken stock.  Thaw beef stock.  Render beef tallow.  Meal plan & get groceries for week, starting the GAPS diet for Eowyn & I on Tuesday.  Finish mending projects.  [If time, blog about 3 children's books I read while gone.  Plan music & Spanish lessons for summer.]

I could do that, yeah, no problem.  It would be good to get everything in order and jump back into life at home.

I woke up Monday with a sore throat, though, which didn't surprise me too much; I've been fighting one off and on for three weeks now, and it rears its head whenever I don't get enough rest and/or eat too much sugar (usually traveling supplies both circumstances).  I nursed Eowyn, helped her potty, then we both went back to bed.  Two hours later I awoke from a stressful dream and realized that I was cramping my neck.  When I moved to rearrange my pillow and stretch, sharp pain exploded in my neck.  Any movement of my head brought severe pain.  I moved my arms, legs, even shoulders just fine-- it was just my neck.  I could tell it was muscular, not a nerve being pinched-- there was no accompanying metallic tang or twangy feel.  Still, it hurt, my position making it worse.  I had to move, to try and ease the pain.  As I did, I started to cry.  Ryan woke up and reached for my hand.  "What's wrong?"  "I can't move.  My neck hurts so bad.  I can't move."

Next thing you know, Eowyn was up and crying, too.  Poor Ryan.  Mr. Not-a-morning-person had a baby who wanted Mommy and a Mommy who couldn't move to hold the baby.  We finally got her to snuggle on my chest; I could stroke her hair but couldn't look at her.  And that was pretty much our day.  Ryan took Eowyn to the store to get us some food.  He grabbed Tangled from Red Box, which was fun.  He put Eowyn to bed and heated up enchiladas for me.  He called around trying to find someone to watch Eowyn, then decided to just watch her himself and call the day a wash as far as work went.  He put my hair in a pony tail when I couldn't do it myself.  He cut up my steak into bite-sized pieces.  He poured me water and kefir and brought me ibuprofin.  The only time he was a less-than-perfect nurse was when he put stuff just out of my peripheral vision, leaving me to feel around blindly to find it.  But that was quite innocent, and each time it happened we both laughed, which was nice.

Me?  I did... nothing.  No shopping, no stock, no gardening, not even any book reviewing.  I did rest, and snuggle Eowyn, and watch Tangled and Lord of the Beans and most of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.  I took a nap.  Towards the end of the day I was able to get up and bring the laundry up (very slowly) and even put it away.  I was able to find a nice light book that I could hold up above my head without tiring my arms.  I was able to read a good-night story to Eowyn and give her a bottle.

My plans went out the window.  But instead of making me fume and fuss, I was able to just enjoy the day of rest.  I didn't get much "done," but I was able to be cared for by my husband, and daughter.  (Every time I cried or made a sound in pain, she'd rush over to me saying "Hug!", and would comfort me with kisses-- oh the sweetest little kisses ever)  It was a day of receiving, not of giving.  Of resting, not of working.  It was what God had ordained for me.  I'm sure there are parables there, but I haven't really tried to find them yet.  It's just where I was yesterday, and still am in part today, though I have been able to do much more, so I thought I'd share.  Maybe God is trying to teach me that I want to see myself as the Do-er, when sometimes He wants me to be the Rest-er.  Or maybe He's trying to teach me to Rest even as I Do... like Jesus was fed as He did the works His Father sent Him to do.  Hmmm...

Maybe tomorrow I'll go outside and try to pick up the pieces of those plans, if they haven't blown too far.

The Venting Cry

Before having a child, I remember everyone talking about how moms would learn to tell the difference between a "hungry cry" and a "wet diaper cry," etc.  Thanks to my years of baby-sitting experience, I already could usually tell the difference between a mad temper cry, a tired "fuss," and a wail of sadness... but as to what was causing the sadness-- dirty diaper, temperature, sickness, hunger, lonliness, I had no idea.  Newborns don't really have temper cries yet, so that distinction wasn't much help.  I wondered if I was the only mom to have no idea why her child was wailing, and figured "No way.   Kids have been screaming for thousands of years; I can't be the very first wife to look at her husband and answer his 'Why is she crying?' with a rather distraught 'Because she's a baby?  Your guess is as good as mine!'"  Comforting as that was, it didn't help much in the moment.

Eowyn's not a newborn, anymore; she's a toddler with quite a large bi-lingual vocabulary.  She usually can tell me what she wants in her own words, or I've known her long enough to have a good guess.  So why bring this up now?  Ryan & I were reminded of a cry that every mom needs to know exists:  the "Venting" cry.  Bear with me just a moment while I offer some help to those who are where I was 18 months ago.

1. Your baby isn't crying to be mean.  This is so hard to remember at 5 am, after a long fussy day, 4 mid-night feedings, and 9 + months of sleep deprivation.  But she isn't trying to frustrate you, or to pitch a fit; she's just 6 weeks old and is going through a growth spurt.  Or she's 5 months old and getting her first tooth.  Or she's got a cold and those aches hurt.  But resist the urge to yell at her to for once think about some one else's needs, and pray for grace to sustain you both.

2. Make your own "is it this?" checklist.  Instead of first offering food, which can comfort anyone but isn't usually why a baby cries, make up a routine in your mind of things to check- like: something wrong (an arm stuck in a blanket, or a paci dropped), temperature (is her arm cold or is she sweating?), diaper messy, time (more on a flexible routine in a sec), fever or swollen gums, and last of all, food.  I would wear Eowyn in an Ergo carrier when she was having a particularly hard day (or when I was).

3. Flexible routine.  Honestly, this is what has "saved" my sanity as a mother.  Because I have a routine, I know what Eowyn is used to at any given point of the day, and what she therefore most likely needs.  From 8 weeks-ish on, I fed her on a loose 3 hour schedule (never to the point of making her cry if she was hungry or counting minutes), starting at whatever time she woke up for her first feeding.  (When I went back to work I set my alarm for 5 am to feed her so I could nurse her on my breaks at school.)  Then we did a feed-wake time- sleep cycle until the next feeding.  As she got older, I adapted it so I fed her, then she was awake until her next feeding, then slept for 3 hours until her next feeding.  Like I said, it was very flexible, and Eowyn napped in her carseat, in her crib, in her cradle, or in her Ergo while I ran errands.  Why am I bringing this up?  Because it made her cries far more predictable.  It also alerted me to something different going on if she was crying when she wasn't usually hungry, or napping sporadically-- I knew it was a growth spurt, or a tooth, or a sickness, or eventually, time to change routines (to 3 1/2 or 4 hour cycles, or to drop a nap).  Honestly, I think this is really how experienced moms read their children's cries!

4. The Vent Cry- I grew up around babies, starting with 2 baby sisters, and moving through 18 younger first cousins, innumerable baby-sitting charges, church nurseries, and nannying jobs.  This was SUCH a help in new-motherhood.  One of my earliest memories is actually of 3-year-old-me assuring our panicking baby-sitter that "it's ok; sometimes Mama says they just have to cry."  Babies get easily over-tired, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and just want to be left to fall asleep in peace.  Not so different than us, huh? =D  This brings me to the origin of this whole post:  Eowyn's behavior on our drive home today.  It was past her nap-time by over an hour, and we put her in the car seat and drove off.  About 5 minutes into the drive she was wailing, asking to be held, to get out, to get down.  Louder and louder came the cries... then up came the bo-bo (her blankie), and mid-cry, she conked out, mouth open, bo-bo to her cheek.  Just like that.  If I'd been at home and a younger mom, I might have tried to console her all sorts of ways, hugging her, patting her, singing, when all she really wanted was to go to sleep with her bo-bo.  That started me thinking ...that's something all new moms need to know!  Sometimes babies just vent.  You can't make it better by holding them, you only make it worse.  Sometimes, the best thing for everyone is to put Baby in his crib, with his bo-bo (if he has one), kiss him, and close the door.  They vent their fatigue for a few minutes, then ...blessed silence.

So, to sum it up:  Babies are always trying to tell you something with their cries.  Sometimes, it's just "can't you leave me alone!?"  Humbling, but true.

PS.  Do not try the Vent Cry on your husband.  Use your words. :)

Broccoli-Cheddar Soup, GF version

My mom makes this wonderful soup, and Eowyn and I have been gobbling it up.  Any recipe that contains broccoli which I will gobble deserves to be shared; let's just say it ain't my favorite veggie.  But, I am resolved to find at least one method of preparation for each and every formerly-hated vegetable that I truly can enjoy.  So for carrots, it's being cut up and put in a pot pie, or roasted along with sweet potatoes, red potatoes, and onions.  For cauliflower, it's being baked in a cheesy-oniony sauce.  For cabbage, I've found a tomato soup that uses quite a bit, as well as cole-slaw & colcannon (soon I'm going to have to make lots of saurkraut).  This is my new favorite way to get in my broccoli:

Broccoli- Cheddar Soup, GF (with dairy-free option)

3 cups chicken broth (or water saved from boiling or steaming veggies)

1 onion, chopped

4 cups broccoli, chopped

dash of garlic powder (or 1 minced/pressed garlic clove)

1 t dried thyme (or 1 T fresh thyme)

2 bay leaves

4 T unsalted butter, olive oil, coconut oil or palm shortening (non- hydrogenated, of course)

2 T cornstarch OR 4 T rice or corn flour (optional)

1/2 t sea salt

ground pepper to taste

2 c full-fat milk (could use coconut milk for a different flavor, or almond milk)

2 c shredded cheddar cheese  (could substitute with cubed red potatoes, added in first step)

shredded chicken, turkey, ham or bacon (optional)

1. In large saucepan, mix broth, onion, broccoli, garlic, thyme and bay leaves.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until vegetables are soft (~10 min). 

2. Remove bay leaves.  Puree soup to desired consistency, either with immersion blender, traditional blender, food processor, or by using a potato masher. 

3. Melt butter in saucepan.  If using a flour, whisk in along with salt & pepper.  If using corn starch, first dissolve in 1/2 c of the milk, add the salt & pepper, then whisk into butter.  Add cheddar, stirring until it dissolves.

4. Add to broccoli mixture and cook until blended.  Add in meat if desired.  Serve with corn chips, gluten-free crackers or croutons.

This soup is great re-heated, and is thick enough for my toddler to feed it herself (fairly =D) effectively.  Nice and filling, too!  We are planting lots of broccoli & cabbage in our garden this year, so we'll be using this soup more than once, I guarantee!

NB:  as always, I recommend using organic animal products, and local/pesticide-free produce when possible.


What recipes do you like for veggies you always thought you hated?

Mother's Day as a Way to Mother Orphans

Mother's Day 2010

Wow, Mother's Day is JUST around the corner!  I've been thinking- why not use the day to give gifts to our mothers that also benefit motherless children worldwide.  All of these directly benefit orphans in some way.  Here are some ideas:

• TOMS shoes- you buy one for your mom, one pair is given to a needy child
• Just Love Coffee- for each bag sold, $5 is donated to an adopting family to offset their adoption cost.  
• My friend Bethany's handmade shop, For His Glory Designs, which has really cool headband/hair barrettes, among other things.  100% of its proceeds go towards their adoption of 2 children from the DRC.  (I have 2 flowers from her that I wear a LOT.  They of course match 2 of Eowyn's =D)
• Get a set of coasters from my friend Heather's "Casey Adoption Store" etsy-- these remind us of all that is ours in Christ, and are SO encouraging!  (read their family adoption story here)
• Donate to Sixty Feet

I'm sure there are 100s of other ways to give gifts that both encourage our moms AND care for someone without a mom.  What are your ideas?

Let the Buyer Beware (in both food & health care)

On fast food... know that just because it's called "natural," it doesn't have to actually be "natural."  Take Wendy's "Natural Cut Fries," for instance... apparently the fries' CUT is "natural," not the fries themselves...

On health care... know that one in three hospitalized patients experiences an error in treatment in the U.S.  (I know, that is a REALLY high percentage!)  If & when you or a loved one goes to the hospital, make sure you either are prepared to be an advocate or have an advocate who is committed to cross-checking orders, prescriptions, meds, and care options! If you know you'll be headed to the hospital, research as much as you can about your condition, procedure, treatment options, and names of health practitioners whose opinions you especially trust. A place with so many shift changes and overlapping areas of responsibility is bound to be prone to error!

Make WAR (on sin!)

On Mondays I often need an extra dose of motivation towards what I call "mundane righteousness."  By that I mean the gall to get up and live my ordinary little life like Christ actually rose from the dead, and like He actually cares about my thoughts and actions.  Here's what's helping me today:  a song and a sermon.

Those of you who have known me a while know that rap is not my natural first choice of music. :)  However, when you go to church with a Dove-and-Grammy-nominated-rapper, your horizons tend to be stretched, and even broadened! :)  Last summer FLAME (otherwise known as Marcus Gray) did a free concert in my/our church's neighborhood park, and Ryan & I packed up the baby and went, mostly to show support to our brother and to try and love on any neighbors who might show up. I was surprised (and thrilled!) to actually find myself worshipping, and being tremendously encouraged!  Marcus is a gifted evangelist & teacher, and he just drips Gospel no whatever he says!  Anyway, here is a song of his that is a great one to get in your head when you need to be reminded that the Enemy is real, and that his greatest ally is inside of you... in other words, EVERY DAY!  It's called "Make War," and it opens with a wonderful John Piper clip:

"I MAKE WAR!/Cause sin never sleeps/
It's got me in a trance/you can see it in my dreams/
I MAKE WAR!/Man I beat my flesh/
to the death/every breath/like I beat my chest/
I MAKE WAR/sun up/
I MAKE WAR/sun down/
I MAKE WAR/time in/
I MAKE WAR/time out/
I MAKE WAR/against lust/
against pride/against me/until I die/" -Flame

I particularly like this because of our Sunday sermon last week.  One of our pastors, Ryan Fullerton, preached from 1 Cor 3 on growing up in Christ instead of staying immature and needing bottle-feedings.  To do that, we need to be serious about "making war" on our fleshly desires!  I highly recommend the sermon; download or stream it here.   (The final title doesn't really capture the scope of the message, "Is There a Carnal Christian?," but you've got to call it something!)

For He Lives!

My favorite Easter hymn (and that's saying a lot because I LOVE SO MANY!! I mean, what better topic is there to sing about!?)



"And we are raised with Him/ Death is dead/ Love has won! Christ Has CONQUERED!/ And we shall reign with Him/ For He lives/ Christ has risen from the dead!" AMEN!???

Rejoicing in Christ's literal, bodily, victorious resurrection...that guarantees my freedom from sin right now, and my own resurrection some day!

Sad Saturday

The disciples would all have been confused, terrified, heart-broken, completely disoriented... Their master, their Rabbi, the one they had pledged to follow in every respect (Jewish talmidim even followed their rabbis into the latrine!) was gone.  More, he was condemned, cast out, executed as a criminal, rejected by the religious leaders they trusted to interpret the Scriptures.  His mission had completely, utterly, totally, failed.  And now... they would have to somehow ...do what?  Go home? Get back to fishing?  Start over... if that was even an option.

I'm so glad that Saturday's dark night faded into Sunday's light!

Ryan & I just enjoyed a date (courtesy of visiting grandparents) featuring picking up dessert at PF Chang's -their Flourless Chocolate Dome, of course- and watching The Source Code. I won't really comment on the movie, though i will say I found it quite compelling right up until the ending [for those who've seen it, I would have been fine ending the movie when the "last kiss" scene froze- "He's done enough, let him die (happy)"].  Anyway, the hero has to relive the last 8 minutes before a train explodes, over and over again.  Meaning, he has to die over and over again.  The hero, an American soldier, at one point points out that "most men think dying once for their country is enough.

That reminded me of Hebrews 9:25-28, speaking of Christ's sacrificial death:

Nor did he [Jesus] enter heaven to offer himself again and again, the way the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year with blood that is not his own. Otherwise Christ would have had to suffer many times since the creation of the world. But he has appeared once for all at the culmination of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself.  Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him. 

 Our Savior's ONE sacrifice was enough to deal with ALL the sin of EVERY ONE of His people.  Amen!  And I love how this passage ties His first coming (Advent) with His Second, when He will come as the Victorious Lion instead of the Sacrificial Lamb. "...not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him..."  Maranatha!

(Another much better meditation on the Cross from one who is living it out daily in Uganda)

Good Friday

Do This in Remembrance of Me

Thursday would have been Passover for our Lord Jesus.  A time of incredible joy, of looking back at what amazing deliverance God had wrought for His people before.  A time to renew faith and family ties, to rejoice, to remember.

All day I've had this song fragment in my head, from VBS-

"Pass over, pass over; You must pass over me,

for see the stain that's overhead- the crimson stain-

Passover, passover, You must pass over me,

for, see, the lamb has died instead.

And I will live, I will live,

I will live giving glory to the Eternal One.

I will live, I will live,

I will live, because of what He's done."

Something is supposed to be different when someone dies for you.  You can't just go on like your life was never in danger, like no one loved you so amazingly astoundingly much, like no great mercy spared your life in passing you by, yes, Guilty One- you.  We who live must live on-- in remembrance.

I've been thinking about what Jesus must have been thinking all day as He participated in the preparations for Passover, for what He knew would be His Last Meal on earth, His last night with those He loved-- His last night of the bliss of perfect fellowship with the most delightful being in existence:  God the Father.  Did He slit the lamb's throat Himself?  Did He cry as He did it?  Did His gaze linger long on the blood painted on post & lintel?  Did the bitter herbs stick in His mouth as He pondered just how bitter the separation to come would be?  

Surely, there must have been sadness.  Hours later He would be weeping desperately in the Garden.  Yet, even so, Hebrews 12:2 says He went to the Cross for Joy.  Somehow, He looked around at each face in that room (maybe even supernaturally at faces not even yet born?) and He rejoiced that tonight- tonight!- He would bind them to Himself, forever. That tonight, He would seal their- our- eternal perfect Joy and would finish the work that would bring home every lost child.

"But none of the ransomed ever knew
How deep were the waters crossed;
Nor how dark was the night the Lord passed through
Ere He found His sheep that was lost.
Out in the desert He heard its cry,
Sick and helpless and ready to die.

And all through the mountains, thunder riven
And up from the rocky steep,
There arose a glad cry to the gate of Heaven,
“Rejoice! I have found My sheep!”
And the angels echoed around the throne,
“Rejoice, for the Lord brings back His own!

 "There were Ninety-and-Nine" (hear my favorite rendition here)

I am struck by the things that our Christ remembered as He put into motion what He asked us to remember-- not just the meal of blood & body itself, but the crucifixion and resurrection it depicts.  He was remembering all of His Father's & His plan, orchestrated throughout history and countless lives, this plan to stomp on the Serpent's head; the plan to be the Truth that would overturn every effort of the Father of Lies; the plan to "get His people back" (as I told my preschoolers every year). The whole of history had been leading up to this night, this night of agony, this night of flawless execution.  And our Lord knew it.  As He reminded His forgetful disciples just a few days later, "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!  Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?"And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself." (Luke 22:24-27)

I am amazed that somehow, He thought it was worth it.  Yet I know, that because God had bound Himself to it -sworn by His very own name- that His honor would have to be upheld, and that THAT would be worth it.

Lord, help me to remember, not just with my mind and affirming nods as the story is read, but with beating heart and caught breath and flushed cheeks.  Let me live with that memory burning behind my eyes, spurring me to both action and restraint, shaping my will and actions and even my tastes.  Let Your Body and Blood define me.  May we never forget.