The Fine Line Between Complaint and Grief

I recently heard a talk that left me wondering "is there a difference between complaining and grieving?"  The speaker was sharing both how the Lord had brought her through very difficult trials (which was a real blessing to hear), and also how we as fellow Christians could minister and be mindful of the trials of another.  The second part was what led to my questions, my musings, and what (I hope) the Lord is teaching me. Here goes... they kind of build on each other, but are interrelated.  Hopefully it is somewhat coherent. :)

1. Grief is real.  It's a part of this life, sure as breathing.  For Christians, suffering is guaranteed, even escalated, because of our faith.  But it's also redeemed, given purpose, given a Presence.  We are comforted in our suffering by the One who knows us best and loves us most, we are assured that this suffering is doing wonderful things in us, and that it will make us happier in the long (eternal) run.  Our Savior picked up every bit of leftover bread when He fed the multitudes-- would He ever waste our sufferings?

2. We are commanded to share each other's joys and griefs.  That is, there will be times when someone else is crying when we feel like laughing, and we are supposed to put aside our desire to whoop and holler and try to enter into their grief, as if it were our own.  There will be other times when our pain is so deep that we wonder how anyone anywhere could even smile.  In those times, we are to give thanks for another's blessings, and rejoice with them.  WOW!! I remember reading something that Richard Wurmbrand, who was tortured for 14 years in Soviet Romania for his confession of Christ and continued preaching of Him, wrote-- something along the lines of "I remembered that somewhere, some believer was full, some believer had his children around him, some believer was worshiping God freely, and so I could rejoice for them, with them, even in my prison cell." (Read his description of the priest who taught him this here.)  Talk about humbling. 

3. The Biblical command to 'do all things without complaining' is not a gag order on grief.  We CAN grieve without complaining, but we have to watch ourselves!  Picture this:  an obviously-pregnant woman enters a room, sweating in the July heat, ankles swollen and face tired.  She immediately begins bemoaning how uncomfortable she is, how hard being pregnant is, how she just wishes the baby would hurry up and be born.  That's complaining, and it probably isn't exactly "helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it might benefit those who listen." (Eph. 4:29)  As my mom often chided us, "That's the sort of talk that got Israel wandering in the desert for 40 years!"  Picture another scenario, though:  the same obviously- pregnant woman comes into the room, and at the question "how are you?" she says, quite seriously "I am having such a hard time being pregnant right now.  I really could use your prayer-- everything hurts and I haven't slept a solid night for 5 months now."  That's not complaining, that's grieving (at least as I see it), and any one who hears that-- man, woman without kids, woman with 5 kids, woman wishing she had kids-- can and should acknowledge that her grief is real, and do what they can to ease it, whether it be with encouraging words from Scripture, with reminders that something beautiful will come of this pain, prayer, a glass of cool water, or a big hug. But expressing our pain, our emotion, our questions, our confusion, can be a part of grief, an asking for burden-sharing, even of worship-- just check the Psalms!-- and doesn't need a Phil 2:14 "do all things without complaining!" slapped onto it.

4. Different kinds of grief are... different, but all potentially equally painful.  Suffering naturally turns us inward and make us so selfish.  When I hurt deeply, it is all too easy to let that pain become the lens through which I interpret everything around me.   "How could she share her struggles? Can't she see that MY pain is the worst? How dare he laugh around me?  Doesn't he know I'm suffering?"  You get the idea.  But that's just not Biblical.  If I'm a Christian with a chronically painful back, and my sister in Christ is crying because she didn't get accepted into the study program she wanted so badly, we can both validate each other's grief.   We can put our arms around each other and say "we're both hurting-- let's take our pain to Jesus together."

Two areas I've felt this and seen this at my stage of life are singleness v. marriage and infertility v. child-rearing.  I've heard things like "Don't complain about how hard your marriage is to your single friends.  They don't want to hear it."  Similarly, I've heard "If you're having a hard time being pregnant, only talk about it with people who are 'like you' (as in, people who are not infertile)."  I think both of those are dead wrong. Of course, I don't think that complaining is ever right, especially not about one's husband, whom we have vowed to honor and are commanded to respect (Eph. 5:33), BUT to say that one can only share one's sufferings with one who has suffered the same sorrow kind of defeats the point of verses like "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2).  It doesn't say anything about only sharing burdens like the ones we already carry.   That would imply that our pain is more valid than another's. Honestly, I think it's very helpful for singles -- who so often are tempted to make an idol of marriage-- to hear the struggles and heart-aches that marriage can bring.  Similarly, it is a good reminder to the one who is overwhelmed and weary from day-and-night childcare to hear that others would give anything to have a child.  And the converses are true.  Other griefs act as great perspective checks.

5.  It seems the best way to share grief is to first just listen, probably hug, too, and then offer to pray (possibly right then & there).  However, hearing a litany of "what not to say" is only so helpful.  If we rather start at the point that everyone has hurt, and probably means to comfort, we'll be way better off-- less offended for sure-- than expecting everyone to walk around eggshells around me because "I'm suffering."

So back to the beginning, and also the conclusion... everyone has hurt.  I read Proverbs 14:10 as a depressed and confused 6th grader and was struck by its truth "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."  We are all the walking wounded, despite the smile and clean clothes.  For some, the hurt is clear and public, perhaps painfully obvious:  the broken engagement, the death of a child, the sudden loss of a job.  Their grief is easy to spot, so easy that these grieving are likely to crave anonymity instead of sympathy.  For others, the pain is buried deep, darkly shrouded, the despair so often borne alone:  the spouse addicted to pornography, the dream that must be buried yet again, the secret hope so long deferred, a long loneliness that wears down the soul.  Talk to anyone long enough, though, and you will find a fellow sufferer.  Our challenge in Christ is to extend a hand, then put our own shoulder gently under the other's burden, and together face the Light. I like how the ESV puts that verse-- "The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy."  Let us not be strangers!

I guess the one-liner swirling through my mind after typing and thinking and praying a bit on this is: let's SHARE our burdens, without complaining, yet without guilt.  What are your thoughts?  Anything to add or share?

And She Threw it Out the Window, the Window, the Second-story...

I was just reminded of that old children's silly-song; the one that turns every nursery into a defenestration event; "Mary had a little lamb, it's fleece was white as snow, and every where that Mary went, she threw it out the window, the window, the second-story window; with a heave and a ho, and a mighty throw, she threw it out the window... Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater, had a wife and couldn't keep her, so he put her in a pumpkin shell, and then he threw her out the window, the window, the second...."  You get the point.

It kind of reminded me of my day yesterday.

Well, no, I didn't exactly throw my daughter (or my sheep) out the window.  I didn't really throw anything at all.  Actually, I didn't really do anything, except memorize the crack and hole in our ceiling, just above our bed, and close my eyes a lot.  So what got thrown out the window?  Well, all my plans.

We'd just gotten back from a trip-- ok, please excuse the trip-summary; I just can't resist the urge to chronicle-- Two Fridays ago, Ryan, his sister Courtney (who'd stayed with us a week), Eowyn & I drove down to Greenville, SC, meeting Ryan's step-dad (otherwise known as "Poppy") in Knoxville and drop Courtney off with him (I almost choked to death in MacDonald's, but that's a long story involving speculation as to the condition of Adam & Eve's DNA, extra-salty fries, and a very stubborn couple).  We listened to Eowyn screaming, Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban (review coming soon on my blog), and pulled in to my parents' just in time for a quick dinner and settling Eowyn in with Nina & GB.  Then Ryan & I drove up the road for our first-ever Marriage Retreat.  I'm sure I'll post thoughts on that later, but for now, I highly recommend it for every one; young, old, newly-wed, on the rocks, whatever.  The one we went to was put on by Family Life, called A Weekend to Remember, and it was very well-done.  Solid, thought-provoking, Biblical, and accessible (so lacking so much of the time!!).   My sister & bro-in-law were there, too, as were several other folks we knew from around town.

Two Sundays ago we enjoyed a big family lunch with several of my aunts & their families, my sisters, and my grandparents, at my mom's house.  Eowyn was very happy to see us back, which of course was gratifying.  Then Ryan flew out to Chicago for three days, while E & I visited old friends, enjoyed Lake Keowee on Uncle Steve's new boat, were so encouraged by my parent's church small group (Eowyn caused quite a stir by dancing during singing, then saying "AMEN!" every time anyone mentioned Jesus' name during prayer), were spoiled by Nina (my mom), had a little road trip down to visit my baby sister at Clemson University, and spent time with family.  Ryan flew back in to Greenville and we all enjoyed walking around in the magnificent down town area, and checking out houses for sale in the area (no, we aren't moving yet).  I'll have to post pictures soon, especially of the Children's Garden, which was just superb.  You wouldn't think a toddler would get excited about a garden, but oh, she did.

Saturday we drove up to Abingdon, VA, to spend the night and much of Mother's Day with Grandma & Grandpa Presley.  We went to church with them, and Grandpa grilled steaks for us all after wards. Eowyn really showed off for them, tickling every one, playing with all the toys, and being very obedient, cuddly and sweet.  After church we drove home... with poor Eowyn only taking a 1 hour nap instead of her usual 2+... she was a basket case.  The only way I could keep her from crying hysterically- and not an angry cry, but a "my world is falling please don't leave me, Mommy" break-your-heart sob, was by holding her hand.  She's never really wanted to do that before, going down the stairs excepted, so I thought that was sweet... but two hours later my shoulder was sore and I had really hoped to get more mending done!  Oh well... by God's grace we made it home, unpacked the car, sorted the mail, and I even got 2 loads of laundry thrown in.  We talked to all our moms to wish them Happy Mother's Day, and Ryan's Dad to wish him Happy Birthday, and called it a night. I fell asleep composing my To-Do List:

Unpack.  Plant the cuttings brought from Tia Olga's garden.  Weed, thin, and finish planting garden.  Make chicken stock.  Thaw beef stock.  Render beef tallow.  Meal plan & get groceries for week, starting the GAPS diet for Eowyn & I on Tuesday.  Finish mending projects.  [If time, blog about 3 children's books I read while gone.  Plan music & Spanish lessons for summer.]

I could do that, yeah, no problem.  It would be good to get everything in order and jump back into life at home.

I woke up Monday with a sore throat, though, which didn't surprise me too much; I've been fighting one off and on for three weeks now, and it rears its head whenever I don't get enough rest and/or eat too much sugar (usually traveling supplies both circumstances).  I nursed Eowyn, helped her potty, then we both went back to bed.  Two hours later I awoke from a stressful dream and realized that I was cramping my neck.  When I moved to rearrange my pillow and stretch, sharp pain exploded in my neck.  Any movement of my head brought severe pain.  I moved my arms, legs, even shoulders just fine-- it was just my neck.  I could tell it was muscular, not a nerve being pinched-- there was no accompanying metallic tang or twangy feel.  Still, it hurt, my position making it worse.  I had to move, to try and ease the pain.  As I did, I started to cry.  Ryan woke up and reached for my hand.  "What's wrong?"  "I can't move.  My neck hurts so bad.  I can't move."

Next thing you know, Eowyn was up and crying, too.  Poor Ryan.  Mr. Not-a-morning-person had a baby who wanted Mommy and a Mommy who couldn't move to hold the baby.  We finally got her to snuggle on my chest; I could stroke her hair but couldn't look at her.  And that was pretty much our day.  Ryan took Eowyn to the store to get us some food.  He grabbed Tangled from Red Box, which was fun.  He put Eowyn to bed and heated up enchiladas for me.  He called around trying to find someone to watch Eowyn, then decided to just watch her himself and call the day a wash as far as work went.  He put my hair in a pony tail when I couldn't do it myself.  He cut up my steak into bite-sized pieces.  He poured me water and kefir and brought me ibuprofin.  The only time he was a less-than-perfect nurse was when he put stuff just out of my peripheral vision, leaving me to feel around blindly to find it.  But that was quite innocent, and each time it happened we both laughed, which was nice.

Me?  I did... nothing.  No shopping, no stock, no gardening, not even any book reviewing.  I did rest, and snuggle Eowyn, and watch Tangled and Lord of the Beans and most of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.  I took a nap.  Towards the end of the day I was able to get up and bring the laundry up (very slowly) and even put it away.  I was able to find a nice light book that I could hold up above my head without tiring my arms.  I was able to read a good-night story to Eowyn and give her a bottle.

My plans went out the window.  But instead of making me fume and fuss, I was able to just enjoy the day of rest.  I didn't get much "done," but I was able to be cared for by my husband, and daughter.  (Every time I cried or made a sound in pain, she'd rush over to me saying "Hug!", and would comfort me with kisses-- oh the sweetest little kisses ever)  It was a day of receiving, not of giving.  Of resting, not of working.  It was what God had ordained for me.  I'm sure there are parables there, but I haven't really tried to find them yet.  It's just where I was yesterday, and still am in part today, though I have been able to do much more, so I thought I'd share.  Maybe God is trying to teach me that I want to see myself as the Do-er, when sometimes He wants me to be the Rest-er.  Or maybe He's trying to teach me to Rest even as I Do... like Jesus was fed as He did the works His Father sent Him to do.  Hmmm...

Maybe tomorrow I'll go outside and try to pick up the pieces of those plans, if they haven't blown too far.

The Venting Cry

Before having a child, I remember everyone talking about how moms would learn to tell the difference between a "hungry cry" and a "wet diaper cry," etc.  Thanks to my years of baby-sitting experience, I already could usually tell the difference between a mad temper cry, a tired "fuss," and a wail of sadness... but as to what was causing the sadness-- dirty diaper, temperature, sickness, hunger, lonliness, I had no idea.  Newborns don't really have temper cries yet, so that distinction wasn't much help.  I wondered if I was the only mom to have no idea why her child was wailing, and figured "No way.   Kids have been screaming for thousands of years; I can't be the very first wife to look at her husband and answer his 'Why is she crying?' with a rather distraught 'Because she's a baby?  Your guess is as good as mine!'"  Comforting as that was, it didn't help much in the moment.

Eowyn's not a newborn, anymore; she's a toddler with quite a large bi-lingual vocabulary.  She usually can tell me what she wants in her own words, or I've known her long enough to have a good guess.  So why bring this up now?  Ryan & I were reminded of a cry that every mom needs to know exists:  the "Venting" cry.  Bear with me just a moment while I offer some help to those who are where I was 18 months ago.

1. Your baby isn't crying to be mean.  This is so hard to remember at 5 am, after a long fussy day, 4 mid-night feedings, and 9 + months of sleep deprivation.  But she isn't trying to frustrate you, or to pitch a fit; she's just 6 weeks old and is going through a growth spurt.  Or she's 5 months old and getting her first tooth.  Or she's got a cold and those aches hurt.  But resist the urge to yell at her to for once think about some one else's needs, and pray for grace to sustain you both.

2. Make your own "is it this?" checklist.  Instead of first offering food, which can comfort anyone but isn't usually why a baby cries, make up a routine in your mind of things to check- like: something wrong (an arm stuck in a blanket, or a paci dropped), temperature (is her arm cold or is she sweating?), diaper messy, time (more on a flexible routine in a sec), fever or swollen gums, and last of all, food.  I would wear Eowyn in an Ergo carrier when she was having a particularly hard day (or when I was).

3. Flexible routine.  Honestly, this is what has "saved" my sanity as a mother.  Because I have a routine, I know what Eowyn is used to at any given point of the day, and what she therefore most likely needs.  From 8 weeks-ish on, I fed her on a loose 3 hour schedule (never to the point of making her cry if she was hungry or counting minutes), starting at whatever time she woke up for her first feeding.  (When I went back to work I set my alarm for 5 am to feed her so I could nurse her on my breaks at school.)  Then we did a feed-wake time- sleep cycle until the next feeding.  As she got older, I adapted it so I fed her, then she was awake until her next feeding, then slept for 3 hours until her next feeding.  Like I said, it was very flexible, and Eowyn napped in her carseat, in her crib, in her cradle, or in her Ergo while I ran errands.  Why am I bringing this up?  Because it made her cries far more predictable.  It also alerted me to something different going on if she was crying when she wasn't usually hungry, or napping sporadically-- I knew it was a growth spurt, or a tooth, or a sickness, or eventually, time to change routines (to 3 1/2 or 4 hour cycles, or to drop a nap).  Honestly, I think this is really how experienced moms read their children's cries!

4. The Vent Cry- I grew up around babies, starting with 2 baby sisters, and moving through 18 younger first cousins, innumerable baby-sitting charges, church nurseries, and nannying jobs.  This was SUCH a help in new-motherhood.  One of my earliest memories is actually of 3-year-old-me assuring our panicking baby-sitter that "it's ok; sometimes Mama says they just have to cry."  Babies get easily over-tired, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and just want to be left to fall asleep in peace.  Not so different than us, huh? =D  This brings me to the origin of this whole post:  Eowyn's behavior on our drive home today.  It was past her nap-time by over an hour, and we put her in the car seat and drove off.  About 5 minutes into the drive she was wailing, asking to be held, to get out, to get down.  Louder and louder came the cries... then up came the bo-bo (her blankie), and mid-cry, she conked out, mouth open, bo-bo to her cheek.  Just like that.  If I'd been at home and a younger mom, I might have tried to console her all sorts of ways, hugging her, patting her, singing, when all she really wanted was to go to sleep with her bo-bo.  That started me thinking ...that's something all new moms need to know!  Sometimes babies just vent.  You can't make it better by holding them, you only make it worse.  Sometimes, the best thing for everyone is to put Baby in his crib, with his bo-bo (if he has one), kiss him, and close the door.  They vent their fatigue for a few minutes, then ...blessed silence.

So, to sum it up:  Babies are always trying to tell you something with their cries.  Sometimes, it's just "can't you leave me alone!?"  Humbling, but true.

PS.  Do not try the Vent Cry on your husband.  Use your words. :)

Broccoli-Cheddar Soup, GF version

My mom makes this wonderful soup, and Eowyn and I have been gobbling it up.  Any recipe that contains broccoli which I will gobble deserves to be shared; let's just say it ain't my favorite veggie.  But, I am resolved to find at least one method of preparation for each and every formerly-hated vegetable that I truly can enjoy.  So for carrots, it's being cut up and put in a pot pie, or roasted along with sweet potatoes, red potatoes, and onions.  For cauliflower, it's being baked in a cheesy-oniony sauce.  For cabbage, I've found a tomato soup that uses quite a bit, as well as cole-slaw & colcannon (soon I'm going to have to make lots of saurkraut).  This is my new favorite way to get in my broccoli:

Broccoli- Cheddar Soup, GF (with dairy-free option)

3 cups chicken broth (or water saved from boiling or steaming veggies)

1 onion, chopped

4 cups broccoli, chopped

dash of garlic powder (or 1 minced/pressed garlic clove)

1 t dried thyme (or 1 T fresh thyme)

2 bay leaves

4 T unsalted butter, olive oil, coconut oil or palm shortening (non- hydrogenated, of course)

2 T cornstarch OR 4 T rice or corn flour (optional)

1/2 t sea salt

ground pepper to taste

2 c full-fat milk (could use coconut milk for a different flavor, or almond milk)

2 c shredded cheddar cheese  (could substitute with cubed red potatoes, added in first step)

shredded chicken, turkey, ham or bacon (optional)

1. In large saucepan, mix broth, onion, broccoli, garlic, thyme and bay leaves.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until vegetables are soft (~10 min). 

2. Remove bay leaves.  Puree soup to desired consistency, either with immersion blender, traditional blender, food processor, or by using a potato masher. 

3. Melt butter in saucepan.  If using a flour, whisk in along with salt & pepper.  If using corn starch, first dissolve in 1/2 c of the milk, add the salt & pepper, then whisk into butter.  Add cheddar, stirring until it dissolves.

4. Add to broccoli mixture and cook until blended.  Add in meat if desired.  Serve with corn chips, gluten-free crackers or croutons.

This soup is great re-heated, and is thick enough for my toddler to feed it herself (fairly =D) effectively.  Nice and filling, too!  We are planting lots of broccoli & cabbage in our garden this year, so we'll be using this soup more than once, I guarantee!

NB:  as always, I recommend using organic animal products, and local/pesticide-free produce when possible.


What recipes do you like for veggies you always thought you hated?

Mother's Day as a Way to Mother Orphans

Mother's Day 2010

Wow, Mother's Day is JUST around the corner!  I've been thinking- why not use the day to give gifts to our mothers that also benefit motherless children worldwide.  All of these directly benefit orphans in some way.  Here are some ideas:

• TOMS shoes- you buy one for your mom, one pair is given to a needy child
• Just Love Coffee- for each bag sold, $5 is donated to an adopting family to offset their adoption cost.  
• My friend Bethany's handmade shop, For His Glory Designs, which has really cool headband/hair barrettes, among other things.  100% of its proceeds go towards their adoption of 2 children from the DRC.  (I have 2 flowers from her that I wear a LOT.  They of course match 2 of Eowyn's =D)
• Get a set of coasters from my friend Heather's "Casey Adoption Store" etsy-- these remind us of all that is ours in Christ, and are SO encouraging!  (read their family adoption story here)
• Donate to Sixty Feet

I'm sure there are 100s of other ways to give gifts that both encourage our moms AND care for someone without a mom.  What are your ideas?

Let the Buyer Beware (in both food & health care)

On fast food... know that just because it's called "natural," it doesn't have to actually be "natural."  Take Wendy's "Natural Cut Fries," for instance... apparently the fries' CUT is "natural," not the fries themselves...

On health care... know that one in three hospitalized patients experiences an error in treatment in the U.S.  (I know, that is a REALLY high percentage!)  If & when you or a loved one goes to the hospital, make sure you either are prepared to be an advocate or have an advocate who is committed to cross-checking orders, prescriptions, meds, and care options! If you know you'll be headed to the hospital, research as much as you can about your condition, procedure, treatment options, and names of health practitioners whose opinions you especially trust. A place with so many shift changes and overlapping areas of responsibility is bound to be prone to error!

Make WAR (on sin!)

On Mondays I often need an extra dose of motivation towards what I call "mundane righteousness."  By that I mean the gall to get up and live my ordinary little life like Christ actually rose from the dead, and like He actually cares about my thoughts and actions.  Here's what's helping me today:  a song and a sermon.

Those of you who have known me a while know that rap is not my natural first choice of music. :)  However, when you go to church with a Dove-and-Grammy-nominated-rapper, your horizons tend to be stretched, and even broadened! :)  Last summer FLAME (otherwise known as Marcus Gray) did a free concert in my/our church's neighborhood park, and Ryan & I packed up the baby and went, mostly to show support to our brother and to try and love on any neighbors who might show up. I was surprised (and thrilled!) to actually find myself worshipping, and being tremendously encouraged!  Marcus is a gifted evangelist & teacher, and he just drips Gospel no whatever he says!  Anyway, here is a song of his that is a great one to get in your head when you need to be reminded that the Enemy is real, and that his greatest ally is inside of you... in other words, EVERY DAY!  It's called "Make War," and it opens with a wonderful John Piper clip:

"I MAKE WAR!/Cause sin never sleeps/
It's got me in a trance/you can see it in my dreams/
I MAKE WAR!/Man I beat my flesh/
to the death/every breath/like I beat my chest/
I MAKE WAR/sun up/
I MAKE WAR/sun down/
I MAKE WAR/time in/
I MAKE WAR/time out/
I MAKE WAR/against lust/
against pride/against me/until I die/" -Flame

I particularly like this because of our Sunday sermon last week.  One of our pastors, Ryan Fullerton, preached from 1 Cor 3 on growing up in Christ instead of staying immature and needing bottle-feedings.  To do that, we need to be serious about "making war" on our fleshly desires!  I highly recommend the sermon; download or stream it here.   (The final title doesn't really capture the scope of the message, "Is There a Carnal Christian?," but you've got to call it something!)

For He Lives!

My favorite Easter hymn (and that's saying a lot because I LOVE SO MANY!! I mean, what better topic is there to sing about!?)



"And we are raised with Him/ Death is dead/ Love has won! Christ Has CONQUERED!/ And we shall reign with Him/ For He lives/ Christ has risen from the dead!" AMEN!???

Rejoicing in Christ's literal, bodily, victorious resurrection...that guarantees my freedom from sin right now, and my own resurrection some day!

Sad Saturday

The disciples would all have been confused, terrified, heart-broken, completely disoriented... Their master, their Rabbi, the one they had pledged to follow in every respect (Jewish talmidim even followed their rabbis into the latrine!) was gone.  More, he was condemned, cast out, executed as a criminal, rejected by the religious leaders they trusted to interpret the Scriptures.  His mission had completely, utterly, totally, failed.  And now... they would have to somehow ...do what?  Go home? Get back to fishing?  Start over... if that was even an option.

I'm so glad that Saturday's dark night faded into Sunday's light!

Ryan & I just enjoyed a date (courtesy of visiting grandparents) featuring picking up dessert at PF Chang's -their Flourless Chocolate Dome, of course- and watching The Source Code. I won't really comment on the movie, though i will say I found it quite compelling right up until the ending [for those who've seen it, I would have been fine ending the movie when the "last kiss" scene froze- "He's done enough, let him die (happy)"].  Anyway, the hero has to relive the last 8 minutes before a train explodes, over and over again.  Meaning, he has to die over and over again.  The hero, an American soldier, at one point points out that "most men think dying once for their country is enough.

That reminded me of Hebrews 9:25-28, speaking of Christ's sacrificial death:

Nor did he [Jesus] enter heaven to offer himself again and again, the way the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year with blood that is not his own. Otherwise Christ would have had to suffer many times since the creation of the world. But he has appeared once for all at the culmination of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself.  Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him. 

 Our Savior's ONE sacrifice was enough to deal with ALL the sin of EVERY ONE of His people.  Amen!  And I love how this passage ties His first coming (Advent) with His Second, when He will come as the Victorious Lion instead of the Sacrificial Lamb. "...not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him..."  Maranatha!

(Another much better meditation on the Cross from one who is living it out daily in Uganda)

Good Friday

Do This in Remembrance of Me

Thursday would have been Passover for our Lord Jesus.  A time of incredible joy, of looking back at what amazing deliverance God had wrought for His people before.  A time to renew faith and family ties, to rejoice, to remember.

All day I've had this song fragment in my head, from VBS-

"Pass over, pass over; You must pass over me,

for see the stain that's overhead- the crimson stain-

Passover, passover, You must pass over me,

for, see, the lamb has died instead.

And I will live, I will live,

I will live giving glory to the Eternal One.

I will live, I will live,

I will live, because of what He's done."

Something is supposed to be different when someone dies for you.  You can't just go on like your life was never in danger, like no one loved you so amazingly astoundingly much, like no great mercy spared your life in passing you by, yes, Guilty One- you.  We who live must live on-- in remembrance.

I've been thinking about what Jesus must have been thinking all day as He participated in the preparations for Passover, for what He knew would be His Last Meal on earth, His last night with those He loved-- His last night of the bliss of perfect fellowship with the most delightful being in existence:  God the Father.  Did He slit the lamb's throat Himself?  Did He cry as He did it?  Did His gaze linger long on the blood painted on post & lintel?  Did the bitter herbs stick in His mouth as He pondered just how bitter the separation to come would be?  

Surely, there must have been sadness.  Hours later He would be weeping desperately in the Garden.  Yet, even so, Hebrews 12:2 says He went to the Cross for Joy.  Somehow, He looked around at each face in that room (maybe even supernaturally at faces not even yet born?) and He rejoiced that tonight- tonight!- He would bind them to Himself, forever. That tonight, He would seal their- our- eternal perfect Joy and would finish the work that would bring home every lost child.

"But none of the ransomed ever knew
How deep were the waters crossed;
Nor how dark was the night the Lord passed through
Ere He found His sheep that was lost.
Out in the desert He heard its cry,
Sick and helpless and ready to die.

And all through the mountains, thunder riven
And up from the rocky steep,
There arose a glad cry to the gate of Heaven,
“Rejoice! I have found My sheep!”
And the angels echoed around the throne,
“Rejoice, for the Lord brings back His own!

 "There were Ninety-and-Nine" (hear my favorite rendition here)

I am struck by the things that our Christ remembered as He put into motion what He asked us to remember-- not just the meal of blood & body itself, but the crucifixion and resurrection it depicts.  He was remembering all of His Father's & His plan, orchestrated throughout history and countless lives, this plan to stomp on the Serpent's head; the plan to be the Truth that would overturn every effort of the Father of Lies; the plan to "get His people back" (as I told my preschoolers every year). The whole of history had been leading up to this night, this night of agony, this night of flawless execution.  And our Lord knew it.  As He reminded His forgetful disciples just a few days later, "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!  Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?"And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself." (Luke 22:24-27)

I am amazed that somehow, He thought it was worth it.  Yet I know, that because God had bound Himself to it -sworn by His very own name- that His honor would have to be upheld, and that THAT would be worth it.

Lord, help me to remember, not just with my mind and affirming nods as the story is read, but with beating heart and caught breath and flushed cheeks.  Let me live with that memory burning behind my eyes, spurring me to both action and restraint, shaping my will and actions and even my tastes.  Let Your Body and Blood define me.  May we never forget.

Teaching Tuesday

According to this handy little "Harmony of the Events of Holy Week" Chart, Tuesday was a day of teaching:  teaching on the power of faith in an all-powerful God, teaching on Christ's role as Savior and Messiah, teaching on the Resurrection & the Second Coming, teaching on the Great Commandment, and teaching on how Christ's followers live in this non-Christ-following world.  Like yesterday and the day before, Jesus and His disciples walked from Bethany into Jerusalem and out again.  Something drew Jesus into the city He loved, the city for whom He came to die, the city that would kill Him, again and again and again.

It seems like Jesus was trying to pack in as much as He could in His last week.  Or perhaps He always taught that way, but the week's end so burned the events of their Master's final week into His followers' minds that they remembered far more of these teaching sessions than any other week's.

I just started Walt Wangerin Jr's Ragman (so far it is wonderful), and the part of its invocation struck me as perfect for a Holy Week meditation (especially as a city-dweller):

"...where can I look and I do not see You?

The city?  Hot with human enmity, cold with old mortality, the city?  Busy and fatigued; kissing below back alley stairs, lips as limp as rotten violets; and children cursing like their parents, parents careless; parties for wasted wealth on Saturday night, exhausted Sunday morning; cars and lights and sirens; ointments, rouges, polishes, colognes and coin-- the city?  Turning to the city do I turn from You?

No, my Lord, for You are in the city.  In all the affairs of humankind, You are there.  You were not ashamed to be born of a woman, flesh like hers and mine, troubled as she and I by all the bruises of that flesh.  You emptied Yourself to enter the city, and though Your coming may not make it good, it makes You cry, and there You are." 

Post-Palm Sunday Monday

My more liturgically-inclined friends know it as "Holy Monday," and we Baptists think of it as "oh yeah, Easter is next Sunday!"  Regardless of what you call it, Easter --the most celebrated day of the Christian calendar-- will be upon us in 7 days.  One of my goals for this year was to immerse myself more deeply in the Christian calendar, not because it's mandated or prescribed, but because I know it will help me to enjoy far more deeply each season and holiday.  Holiday meant, originally, "holy day," and to be truly 'holy,' a day must be "set apart."  It's hard for me to set apart a day for anything without preparing for it, both physically and mentally.  Especially spiritually.  Christian holy-days are set apart for concentrated, intentional worship.  All the trappings are meant to enhance that central focus, not detract from it!

I've pretty much failed this year at observing Lent.  Somehow it just snuck up on me.  I could blame my non-liturgical church (which doesn't even nod at Palm Sunday-- I'm always a little surprised when they even have a Good Friday service, lol)... but it was really just me being focused elsewhere.  Thankfully, I "randomly" (as in, the Lord prompted me to) decided to listen to a sermon while making a meal today, and turned to Grace Church in Greenville, SC's sermon library.  Lo and behold, my old youth pastor (still a favorite preacher to listen to) had preached yesterday, and the sermon was up.  I clicked the title, "When God Draws Near," and found the sermon to be very encouraging.  It also reminded me that I'd missed Palm Sunday (drat). But at least now I won't miss the rest of Holy Week!!

I'm going to be reading the events of Christ's Passion Week in the Gospels this week, and will try to post a thought or link or quote -SOMETHING- each day to point us all forward to Easter, the day on which Christians around the world say "Halleluiah!! He is risen!  Christ is risen indeed!!"  (But I won't say that yet-- the early church wouldn't say 'halleluiah' for all of Lent excepting Sundays, just so it would rip forth with extra joy on the Anniversary of our Savior's Victory!)

Here's my Holy Monday link:  the sermon "When God Draws Near" by Bill White, preached April 17th, 2011.  You can download or stream it there.

Crucified for Joy

"I've tried more of me
and I come up dry
trading You for things-
things that go away.

My happiness

is found in less

of me and more,

more of You.

I have found the Answer is to know You

and be Loved by You alone.

You crucify me, and the world to me, 

and I will only boast in You."

 -Shane & Shane, "The Answer"

"Come, we that love the Lord,
And let our joys be known;
Join in a song with sweet accord,
And thus surround the throne.

We’re marching to Zion,
Beautiful, beautiful Zion;
We’re marching upward to Zion,
The beautiful city of God.

The sorrows of the mind
Be banished from the place;
Religion never was designed
To make our pleasures less."

-Isaac Watts & Robert Lowry, 1707 "Marching to Zion"

"He's [God] a hedonist at heart. All those fasts & vigils & stakes & crosses are only a facade. Or only like foam on the seashore. Out at sea, out in His sea, there is pleasure, and more pleasure. He makes no secret of it; at His right hand are "pleasures for evermore.""
-CS Lewis, The Screwtape Letters (Letter 22)

Five Things I've Learned about Being a Godly Wife

An engaged friend recently asked me the following:  "I would love to learn from you in how to exalt the Lord in my position as a wife. How do I encourage, bless, support, and affirm my future husband?"  Somewhat unconsciously, my response turned into a five-of-a-kind, and as I am very tired, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and let it double as a blog post. 

As I wrote, I realized I was basically writing down all the areas in which I consistently struggle in my own marriage.  This isn't me writing a list of all that I've done right; it's a list of what God's Word says I must do.  It's me reminding myself to STOP doing wrong! :)  I need to hear this advice better than anyone I know.  Seriously.

"Hmmm... great question! And honestly, you will know how best to answer that-- remember that you are called to be a helper to your OWN husband, not any other man, so your submission and helping will be uniquely suited to him!  (1 Peter 3:1- "Wives, be subject to your own husbands...") One bit of advice I was given that's been helpful was to make it a point to ask him daily or weekly "what is one thing I can do to help you today?" or "what is one thing you'd like me to prioritize this week?" His answer could be as simple as praying for a family member or making a batch of cookies, or as difficult as getting up early to pack his lunch for work, or re-arranging dinner at a different time than usual.

As far as "my own" advice, here goes:

Let's be honest- we all look at our husbands this way sometimes!

1. Don't expect marriage to be all that you expect it to be. :) Your husband is a sinner, and at some point, you will definitely think "how did I marry such a total jerk?!" It's in THOSE MOMENTS that you have to remember "I am submitting to my husband out of trust in CHRIST, not him." We are to submit "as unto the Lord," being Sarah's daughters who "do not fear what is frightening," and calling our husbands "lord" even when they pimp us out to foreign kings to save their own skins (like Abraham did regularly). Why/how? Because we are serving and trusting our perfect Savior, NOT our imperfect husbands.  (1 Peter 3:6)  (Note: just as often, you will be shocked and discouraged by your own sin, saying "I never thought I would be this terrible of a wife!"  The Gospel of Christ's perfection in our place is for us then, too!)

2. Be quick to forgive. Oh so hard for me... but we entrust ourselves to Him who judges justly (like Christ did- 1 Peter 2:19-23), and we draw love from the Great Love with which He loved us, so that we can forgive as the Lord forgave us. (Eph. 4:32)

3. Bite your tongue... a lot. It's so easy for us women to criticize, to nag, to suggest, to TALK!! And done in the right way/right spirit, out of love for your husband and your Lord, that will be a huge asset... but most of the time, we just need to bite our tongues in the moment, take it to the Lord in prayer, and wait. "Each of you should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for the anger of man does not bring about the righteousness God requires." (James 1:19-20) When we speak it is supposed to be full of grace, respectful, honest, and aimed to build up (Eph. 4:29). Even when we are confronting our husbands about sin, we are called to do it for their good and Christ's glory. Someone told me that the glory of God is seen in the difference between how you'd act/speak naturally and how you'd act/speak because of God's grace in your life. All that to say, if you are crying and he wants to know why, you should tell him (another great tip I was given the day before my wedding)-- guys usually are pretty clueless about that sort of thing,-- but tell him in a way that doesn't vent your frustration on him. ** Let him hold you while you cry (even if you're mad at him); it will help you both!!**

4. Be committed to righteousness, period.  Even when your husband fails miserably in the area of spiritual leadership. This is hard because we naturally want to try and take over, yet super-naturally we absolutely do NOT want to do that, but there will probably be a time or seasons where your husband is unavailable or not functioning as a spiritual leader. In those times, keep striving after godliness; be fulfilled by times with CHRIST instead of just wishing your husband would "step up to the plate." Keep reading good books on God's character, His work, and godliness, not to mention the Bible!  Do not neglect the great duty of prayer!!  Kind of like Jesus told Simon Peter when he asked about John; "What's it to you if he ___-- YOU follow Me." (John 21:22)

5. Treat him like a hero-- respect him verbally as much as you can... the more specific, the better (guys like straight talk). "You are so good at giving honest compliments." "Your heart for the church is so encouraging!" "Thank you for taking out the trash without me even noticing-- you bless me so much." Love notes, Scripture and encouragements in dry-erase marker on the bathroom mirror are fun!  When all you can think of is the bad times, look at old pictures or scrapbooks to be reminded of all the good times.  That will help you remember that you do love this man, this very dear man, and that you actually are glad to be his wife. :)

Love,
-- Christina
PS- favorite marriage books: A Love that Lasts; when marriage meets grace, by Gary & Betsy Riccuci, When Sinners Say I Do, by Dave Harvey, and A Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (read this after being married a year or two). I also found Reforming Marriage by Doug Wilson, and The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman helpful, even if you don't agree with every single thing in there.  (I just realized that 'Gary is apparently a good name for marriage-book authors...)"

Please, my married friends (especially those of you who are wiser and/or more experienced than I am!), chime in with your own advice, tips, and bits of Truth!  Husbands, this includes you!

5 Distinctive Baby Gifts

Don't want to give a set of washcloths or a tiny outfit?  Here are some ! For all you busy moms or non-craftsy friends, these are my top 5 off-the-beaten path gifts that do not require any assembling on your part: 

1. The Teethifier ($6.50)- I searched long and hard for a teether that would actually reach my daughter's aching swollen rear gums.  Those molars are bears to come in, and her little fingers already bore marks from sticking them in past all her other teeth... not to mention all the germs she was pushing in every time she did that.  This teether has been super-helpful!

2. "You Are Loved" ($18) baby book or "The Little Things" thankfulness journal ($9) from Gadanke. I am eager to order several of Katie's handmade journals myself, particularly her thankfulness journal!  They are so distinctive, beautiful, and creative!

3. Christmas ornament, toy nativity set ($20 Playmobil set on Amazon), and/or related books (such as Noel Piper's Treasuring Christ in our Traditions -$10, or the little ebook A Natural Noel, $7)-- many parents would love to better use the Christmas season to teach their child of Christ, but are so intimidated because they don't know how to get started.  If you give them something to start them off before they even need to be "worrying about it yet," they will be one step ahead, and will more than likely be very well prepared when their child's first remembered Christmas rolls around!  (Hint:  troll stores after Christmas each year to find non-year-specific ornaments and Christmas items on sale, often for 90% off!)

4. Cloth finger puppets, such as these ($15 on etsy)-- go an extra step and get Nativity finger puppets and you will be blessing a family every year for years! 

5. Board books or music CDs- these are easy to find all over the place; check sales online and in stores, take advantage of clearance or bargains.  For lots of book ideas, see my Amazon store... and here are some CD ideas:
- Slugs, Bugs & Lullabies or Slugs, Bugs & Lullabies Christmas
- any of the Seeds albums (great because each CD comes with an extra CD)
- any of the Hide Em in Your Heart CDs (or DVDs)
- any of the Praise Baby CDs (which have a lovely mix of hymns, older, and newer praise music)
- CDs of classical music
- Why Can't I See God? or other Judy Rogers albums
- a hymns CD (such as Michael Card's Starkindler or Fernando Ortega's Hymns)
- Sleep Sound in Jesus, Come to the Cradle or Close Your Eyes so You Can See by Michael Card

My favorite money-saving gift-buying tip is to keep a physical list (or a mental one, if your brain is less hole-y than mine is these days) of gift ideas for groups of people and specific loved ones, and snag gifts for them when you see them on sale.  We have a gift cupboard for this exact purpose, which allows us to give gifts that are useful and nice to our families on time (relatively speaking =D), without spending too much money, and short-cutting the whole Christmas rush.  I grab stuff at craft stores, on trips, online during sales or free shipping events, or when I randomly see a special at my local grocery store.  (I just have to remember to check what I have regularly so I don't forget!)  This has the added benefit of keeping my loved ones regularly at the front of my mind and in my prayers!

What distinctive gifts do you keep up your sleeves & love to whip out?

Did Video Kill the Radio Star? Trying to Figure Out my Lately-Lacking-Luster Blogging

Or, in my case... did facebooking kill the blogger?  Looking at my older blogposts, I'm surprised at how much every-day life found its way into my blog.  I wrote about friends and church, places I'd seen and funny things I'd heard.  I quoted books and poetry, I talked a lot about music.  I was a lot more open about my feelings and my questions.

Granted, my life is busier in many ways now-- with a toddler to tend all day and a family to feed and enjoy in the evenings (and a body dying for sleep by about 9 pm), I don't have as much leisure time to just plain ol' write.  My journaling has suffered terribly-- whereas before I filled in around 4 journals a year (in tiny writing!), now it's more like 4 years per journal... I think a lot; stuff percolates, but I'm more likely to talk it out with Ryan while we walk, or spill to my sister or Val on the phone while I cook or clean than to spend half an hour putting it on paper.  It's harder to set aside the scant time I have to myself to muse and ponder when I could read a story or complete a project; both feel easier after a day of giving of myself non-stop. I'm also more guarded about my thoughts and feelings.  There is a husband to honor and three sets of families to consider, instead of just me and my lone college self, back when my blog was read by around 6 people on a good day. :)

But I think the biggest reason my blog has cheapened is that now I have facebook.  Whereas before I piled up the mundane, sifting and sorting it until a pattern of beauty emerged; a bit of Meaning I would rejoice to portray here, now... I just throw up a two-line snippet on FB and forget about it.  No layering, no piling up, just single tosses.

It's not that I'm lacking material to mine:  I've been attacking my pile of books with renewed vigor.  I've been doing more household projects than ever, have been learning more about relationships and their sweet tangle.  The Lord has brought old memories to mind as new sermons have been preached. Every day my daughter's capacity to communicate and think grows,  and with it my delight in her and my job as a mommy... and right along with them new challenges and questions and frustrations.  I would much rather pound and meld those into blog-posts than throw them out piecemeal... if I can.

Over and over, though I think of Sally Clarkson's words to us at the Relevant conference.  "Until you are committed to glorifying God by loving your husband and your children as well as you can- when no one ever sees,- you will have nothing to share with others.  You won't have anything worth blogging about."  I've been trying very hard to hold those words close to my heart.  I came home with an armload of bargain books from the Christian Book Nook yesterday, among them When God Writes your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy, and underlined this section "Leslie, don't try to build Me into your life anymore...instead build your life around Me. [...] He was not the central focus of my daily life.  In reality I was only giving Him a few minutes of scattered attention here and there." (p. 61)  Is that my problem?

Well, faithful readers, I don't even know if I succeeded at what I set out to do... but at least I did set out to do... something?  I thank the Lord for this blog; for the people it has encouraged, for the help it's been to me in my own thinking.  More is surely to come.

Wow.

I just finished one of the most sobering, saddening, soul-stirring books she has ever read-- one that breaks my heart for Taiwan and reminds me of the desperate depravity that is our inheritance as Adam's children, save for Eve's Son Jesus the Christ.

The book wasn't particularly well-written, artistic or inspiring. It was facts simply stated; a story spun with plain threads. The stories on their own are enough. The book is called Dead Women Walking (written by Jennifer Su), a book describing the idol-worship, demonic torment, abuse, addictions and absolutely mind-boggling darkness & despair faced by three women in Taiwan's working class.  Recently.

As in; this kind of stuff happens every day.

Right now. To lots of women and children.

It made me sick; it shocked me, opened my eyes to see just how dark places of the world are (and I know America has hearts equally dark & depraved, though on the whole we do have legal and social protections that do actually protect the innocent.) Read it (or something like it), and let your heart break for what breaks our God's!  This book also reminded me of where True Hope really lies-- in the God who made Heaven and earth, who knows and cares for every hopeless, tormented soul, and who has the power to bind demons and change people after a lifetime of horrors.

It's leaving me asking questions of the Lord, questions like "What must I do to help?  How can I 'go' to this ripe harvest even from here?"

Lord, pour out your Spirit on Taiwan!

Springtime Weaning

This blog post is solely meant to reflect my musings, and prompt your own.  I'm going to put an idea out there that is quickly labeled "weird" by many Americans, but it's one I've thought of a lot lately.  That subject is breast-feeding past the age of 1.

We all know that breast milk is the best thing for babies.  Whether or not we truly deep-down believe that can be seen by how quick we are to choose formula over breast-milk or how hard we try to nurse.  But even moms who elect to go straight to the bottle "know" that it isn't quite as good as breast milk, though thanks to research we are able to give babies a close second (especially if we use organic products or make our own formulas based on real milks).  That said, please don't feel guilt or judgment coming at you as you read if you didn't breast feed or didn't keep it up as long as you wish, especially if you were literally unable to do so. This is my thinking in "ideal world-land."   Ok, so, in the US & Canada, it's a "given" that breast-feeding is great.  Most moms try to do it at least 6 weeks, and even working moms usually try to keep it up (thanks to another handy invention; the pump!) for 6 months.  The official World Health Organization recommendation is:

"Colostrum, the yellowish, sticky breast milk produced at the end of pregnancy, is recommended by WHO as the perfect food for the newborn, and feeding should be initiated within the first hour after birth.  Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond."

I think most American moms feel like if they've nursed to one year of age, they're champs, and it's time to move on to cow's milk.  While both are true (especially the being champs part), why do we feel like one year is THE end-mark for weaning?  My pediatrician's office asked me matter-of-factly at Éowyn's one-year check up how weaning was going, and told me I could start replacing one feeding per week with a sippy cup of whole milk.  When I told them, yes, I had introduced whole cow's milk but that I hadn't decreased nursing yet, the nurse blinked at me in shock, then assured me that yes, that was totally fine.  Nursing past one year old just isn't much done around here.

Why, though?  The newest article "Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk" from the AAP (an organization that is far from non-interventionist) contains these statements:

• Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother, especially in delaying return of fertility (thereby promoting optimal intervals between births).
• There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.

Around the world weaning often takes place much later.  (See an interesting article here.)  Why do we Westerners put a one-year cap on nursing our babies?  Is it just because everyone else does it?  Is it because we get fed up with nursing?  Once it becomes habit, I think it's absolutely precious.  E was a tough nut to nurse the first 5 months of her life, what with all the screaming and refusing to nurse and the having to stand, sway, pat and walk the entire feedings... but just last week I was thanking the Lord for the sweet blessing it is now.  There is nothing sweeter than a contented baby snuggled at his mother's breast.  It's often the only time my active baby will sit still and let me snuggle and rock her, and I just love how she looks up at me and strokes my face or puts her hand up to my mouth to be kissed.

I've heard many people say "as soon as they can ask for it, I think they're too old for it."  Éowyn learned to sign "milk" VERY early, around 8 months or so.  Of course, she still couldn't walk or chew much food, or even drink whole milk yet-- probably not a good move to base weaning on the ability to ask for milk.  I think our culture is so much more comfortable in seeing breasts as sexually attractive objects than as what they are just as much intended to be:  functional suppliers of milk for our children.  Maybe that's why we feel uncomfortable with children seeing and feeding from them once they are cognitively aware-- we feel like that's weird, maybe even a bit sick.  Please know that it ISN'T.  One of woman's main roles is a nurturer, literally and figuratively.  There's a reason Adam named his wife "Eve, because she was the mother of all the living."  ("Eve" sounds like the Hebrew for life-giver and resembles the word for living).

But I don't want to to put some other arbitrary cap on nursing, to wonder if we shouldn't "make two the new one." Let's not try to nurse on to 24 months feel guilty if we don't, or weird if we go beyond.  Nor am I a staunch advocate of child-led weaning; in my opinion, breast-feeding is for very young children, not for those able to get a full diet from other sources.  You won't catch me breast-feeding Éowyn through kindergarten, no way.  Nor do I desire to try and nurse her AND grow a second child should the Lord bless us with another one; one parasite at a time, please! :)

I do have one thought, though.  I can't say how many times I've been thankful for breast-feeding through this winter.  Example:  Éowyn had a miserable January, as a cold settled in her sinuses, then both ears, and probably was inflaming her throat too. Add four incoming molars and an itchy, painful allergic reaction to penicillin, and neither of us was getting much sleep.  Her food intake dwindled to one or two bites per meal at most.  Instead, she asked to nurse a lot, even sleeping by me for one precious night, nursing herself into a merciful deep sleep (the first either of us got in a week).  I took her to the doctor's three times in as many weeks, and was absolutely shocked when instead of showing the wasting most toddlers do during illnesses, she'd gained a pound through her ordeal!  The nurse's explanation; "breast-milk is very caloric."  I can't imagine what I would have done had I not been still nursing.  Nothing else soothed her ears and throat, and cow's milk isn't the best during upper-respiratory infections, so I guess I'd have been pushing water and juice and watching her use all her stored fat up to fight off infection. 

I've been thinking; the winter just seems like a bad time to wean.  It's cold; breast-milk is warm, and snuggles are welcome.  It's sickness-season, especially for exploring toddlers and their tired mamas; breast-milk provides immunities, is often the only thing a sick child wants to eat (especially if ears & throats are sore) and is a fuss-free snack (almost a meal!) when it's Mom who isn't feeling so hot.  The summer, by contrast, seems like a much more natural time to wean:  it's hot out, children want cool drinks rather than warm milk, and no one wants more body heat.  I propose the idea of seasonal weaning.  What if we got in our heads to nurse through the winter instead of "to one year?"  I'm hoping that Éowyn will take the lead in weaning once it gets warmer, when there are interesting things to do outside and all around!  (So far, we've cut out all night feedings and her post-nap afternoon "snack," but that's been hard enough.  This child loves her "miwc.")

One more thought on the convenience of nursing into toddler-hood:  The other day we were out running errands and, as so often happens, we got delayed and held up past the little one's dinner time. Being the great mom that I am, I had no snacks with me in the store... except, oh wait... we found a quiet discreet corner, and five minutes later Eowyn was satisfied.  No prep, no clean up, no mess.  Baby happy, Mommy happy.  Everybody happy!

One last quote from Katherine A. Dettwyler, a woman whose research is particularly on this subject (from the article linked to above):

In terms of the benefits of extended breastfeeding, there have been a number of studies comparing breastfed and bottlefed babies in terms of the frequency of various diseases, and also IQ achievement. In every case, the breastfed babies had lower risk of disease and higher IQs than the bottle-fed babies. In those studies that divided breastfed babies into categories based on length of breastfeeding, the babies breastfed the longest did better in terms of both lower disease and higher IQ. [...] This has been shown for gastrointestinal illness, upper respiratory illness, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, heart disease, and on and on and on. Likewise, the babies nursed the longest scored the highest on the IQ tests. [...]  Presumably, the benefits continue to accrue, as your body doesn't *know* that the baby has bad a birth day and suddenly start producing nutritionally and immunologically worthless milk.

5 Things to do with a Flannel ex-Baby Blanket

I don't know about other moms, but the number of blankets I received for my baby far outnumbered the actual amount I could use without putting my daughter at a serious risk for overheating.  I guess there's something irresistible about the soft fabric, and the multitude of adorable prints; we just can't resist buying them for friends!  My baby is past the need for "receiving" blankets, and I've picked my favorites and stored them for "next time."  Barring an addition of triplets to our home, I won't need that remaining stack.  I've given many away, but some have holes or stains, and then there are 3 of those ugly green and pink striped hospital-issued ones... not going to pass those on.  So, what to do with them?  Ahhh... I have so enjoyed trying to take a step back and looking at them through a blanket-less lense.  What could they become?  Here are my top-5 easy answers.  I'd LOVE to hear more of your ideas!!

1. Cut it up, double zig-zag stitch the edges, and use as cloth wipes.  We do cloth diapers, so I keep a stack of cloth wipes in a little basket on Eowyn's dresser, and wet them as needed from a squeeze bottle (gotten in the hospital at E's birth). Super simple!  Even if you use disposable diapers, these would be wonderfully soft wipees for hands, faces, noses, and high chairs!  I've started using only cloths on Eowyn's (and my) nose and have seen and felt a drastic difference... no more red chapped noses around here!

2. Use as the wonderful soft, warm, flannel fabric that it is.  You can do so many things with it if you think of it as fabric:  it can be the underside of a quilt or other blanket, squares in a soft-and-silky "taggy" (or just "silky") blanket, flannel jammies, bibs, or burp cloths.  (For burp cloths, cut one blanket in half, then fold the halves in half.  Sew wrong sides together on 3 sides, turn inside out, sew the final sides together, add ribbons, rick rack, whatever... you will have some of the most absorbent burp cloths EVER!! We were given a stack of some by a craftsy friend, and they became my favorites!)

3. Make them into cloth "mama pads."  Flannel, being soft and very absorbent, is the perfect material for this.  I know, this might be too gross for you... but it is something you can do with flannel blankets! :)

4. Have fun making toys- The simplest is as follows:  cut one blanket in half, turn down the edge and hem it.  Voila!  A perfectly sized doll blanket; easy for little hands to wrap a baby, without risking tripping over a trailing end.  Other ideas are a bit more involved:  blocks, balls, even a bunny!

5. Make a reading companion-- a bookmark that doubles as a glasses or pen holder.  I think this is a great idea and will probably be making some for some dearly beloved older relatives who are always misplacing their reading glasses...

Ok, now that your neurons are firing, tell me... What uses have you found for receiving blankets?