I was supposed to share my testimony at RUF Core Group . Anyway, the RUF Core Group "testimonies" are more life-journey stories, including where we are now, and how we got there. In an effort to make my story a little more cohesive, I tried to pull themes out...so it's been an introspective sort of day--but not in a bad way: it's led me to praise God for everything He's done in my life. (ok my sisters are filming each other dancing to Hindu music...it's a little sketchy, not gonna lie. I'm throwing things at them. And pretending to blow them away with a fan. Side note over.)
One theme of my life isn't so much a theme, but more a recurring struggle. The struggle to be driven by love and joy, rather than guilt and fear... I had to face it again on Sunday... the past weekend was crazy, between work, studying, concerts, church activities, and chaplaining. Despite all that, I'm still glowing from Fall Break, which is at least a whole separate entry, not to be cheapened with inadequate snippets
...but these are some thoughts I've had tonight...
Since coming back things are busy as ever...I feel once again like I'm on the treadmill, and barely ahead of it! Yesterday morning in church I felt pretty overwhelmed and guilty, looking out over the congregation and remembering how many people I WANT to keep up with, but don't, or all the people that I know are struggling, but don't do anything to help... There's a lot of people. I knew that was guilt and pride talking-- as if I were the Savior of the world, and the ONLY representative of Christ on earth, when I'm sitting in the middle of CHURCH for crying out loud! But I had to work through it and talk it through with some sisters in Christ.
There's a hymn that often convicts/encourages me; this isn't the whole thing, but here's the parts that God's Spirit often brings to mind when I'm feeling rather ... "Martha"ish. "Weary, working, burdened one,/ Wherefore toil you so?/ Cease your doing; all was done/ Long, long ago.// ...Cast your deadly "doing" down—/ Down at Jesus' feet; Stand in Him, in Him alone,/ Gloriously complete.//" (From the hymn "It is Finished" by James Proctor) I know that hymn's more about striving to attain our own righteousness before God...but really that's what we're doing when we try to be all and in all...when it is CHRIST who is in all and through all, right? "For from Him and to Him and through Him are all things; to Him be the glory forever and ever, Amen!" (Rom. 11:36)
I just read this this morning in a book I'm skimming to judge its "goodness." =D So far it is pretty good! "But we get it all backwards. We think that the Christian life is made up of people, people, and more people! In fact, it seems like we're always with people-- people at home, people at school (and after school), people at church. ...On and on the people list goes. Yet, here's the truth: "The greater proportion of your day-- of your life-- spent in quiet, in reflection, in prayer, [in study], in scheduling, in preparation, the greater will be the effectiveness, the impact, the power of the part of your life that shows."" (A Young Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George)
anyway...that's the part of the path I've walked today... maybe it will encourage someone out there. ...lol in class this afternoon our teacher was warning us of the dangers of blogging... hehehe...