St. Valentine's Day 2013

Some of the valentines we mailed.  First time I've sent mail to Pakistan!

So glad there are several holidays in winter to break up the monotony of indoor cold days!  I've always loved Valentine's Day as a day to show love to everyone around us (thank you, Mom, for that legacy), and lately have come to appreciate it as a day to remember and show love to the persecuted church!  Did you know St. Valentine was a real man, one who was a champion of Christian marriage, a bold declarer of the Gospel, and ultimately a martyr for his Lord?  Yeah, forget Cupid!

 We had some friends over, read The Story of St. Valentine, More than Cards & Candy Hearts, ate heart-shaped sandwiches & cookies, made valentines to send to Christians imprisoned abroad for their faith, talked about the reality of persecution in our day (just as it was a reality in Valentine's day), and wrapped up in blankets we mailed to Sudanese Christians through VoM's "Blanket and a Bible" program.  I used the Voice of the Martyr's resource pack "Letter Writing Kit" to get the photos, addresses & backstories for several Christians currently in jail, many facing death, for loving Christ fearlessly.

Jillian munching

Two of our other lil guests

Ginger hearts with chocolate buttercream frosting.  Yum.

The full table

Liam, our youngest Valentine :)

Another friend!

Bouquet fresh from our backyard

 

Friends had been bringing by blankets for weeks! 

After naps for all, Eowyn & Liam enjoyed a treasure hunt through the house, supervised by our sweet friend from church, "Miss Jen," while Ryan & I got to try a wine-beer-chocolate-and-cheese tasting at The Community Tap.  Really fun!! Ryan LOVED the Beats Solo HD headphones I gave him for Valentine's Day (a prayed-for found deal!), and I'm excited about reading through the book he picked for us to read together!  PS the chocolate at the Community Tap is AH-MAY-ZING!!!!

Since Nina started the treasure-hunt-tradition...

... she did another treasure hunt at her house that weekend! 

 Happy Valentine's Day!

The Shadows Prove the Sunlight

Yesterday I packed a snack and water cup for my two-year-old daughter, dressed her in a pink sundress and pigtails, and dropped her off at the church nursery.  I sat next to my husband and held his hand as we sang hymns, shared a electronic Bible with him, and poked him when he made funny comments during the sermon.  It was a very normal, happy day for our little family.

Across the continent, my friends were crying.  Their baby girl had just died in their arms.  After 9 months of expectation, of waiting, of doing everything just right, after a labor and delivery that seemed absolutely perfect, they spent 24 hours wondering why their baby girl wouldn't breathe on her own... and then held her as she was welcomed home to her Father in Heaven.

A few states north of me, another friend was also grieving.  A year ago she was excitedly telling me about her and her newly-wed husband's plans to move West and start their dream life.  Then, all of a sudden, I saw on Facebook that he had cancer.  Just like that, their plans all changed.  We all prayed for healing and for persevering grace.  Yesterday, the Lord answered those prayers by bringing her husband into a perfect body that will never suffer again, and His grace has shone through her testimony (and his) throughout this entire trial.

It hit me that they both just lost the things I most treasure on this earth.  I mean, what would it be like to make that post to Facebook: "my husband is with Jesus now."  Or "Thank you for all your prayers; we'll need them even more as we head home from the hospital with empty arms"?  I can imagine all too well.  It would tear my heart to shreds.

And at the same time, the Lord is bringing other thoughts to mind.  Their shadow has opened my eyes to the light I am enjoying.  Shadows are supposed to do that-- to draw our eyes in search of the Light casting them.

And yet I complain to my Father in Heaven that my husband didn't help with the dishes again, that I'm so tired of being woken up to take a toddler "potty" again, that my marriage isn't the easy companionship it is "supposed" to be every day, that my daughter has those days where she tests every single limit in our home (including my sanity).  I complain, and I whine "this isn't what I asked for!  I've obeyed You so well-- can't I get the perfect happy life I "deserve?"" (hah!)

This has been such a reminder of just how happy my life is;  of just how much the Lord has given me in plain, undeserved kindness.  If and when He calls me to go through the trials of loss (someday, I will lose everything I love to death), I know He will give me His Joy and Peace even then.  But in the mean time, really, why do I complain?

Not only do I have the eternal blessings of Holy Spirit to comfort, guide & convict, of a Savior's love so deep it went to Calvary for me and constantly pleads my case in front of God, of a Father who looks at me with pure affection and pride because He only sees His perfect Son when He looks at me-- as if that wasn't enough, I also have a beautiful, safe home in a peaceful country, with a hard-working husband who makes me laugh, and a baby girl whose preciousness only grows every day.  That's just the important stuff-- there are so many other blessings that are gifts I forget about.  As someone once said, "Anything short of Hell is Grace."  And anything on top of that?  I guess it's just extravagance.

May I always treat my Father as an extravagant Giver instead of a stingy kill-joy.  No matter what hardships He ordains for me, I know they are temporary, and are intended to make me happier-- infinitely happy!-- later on.

“For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

  

Soul, then know thy full salvation-
Rise o’er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
What a Father’s smiles are thine,
  What a Savior died to win thee--
Child of heaven, canst thou repine? 
(-"Jesus, I my Cross Have Taken")

  

Seeking to walk as one who knows that Beauty and feels that Smile everyday,

~Christina

Fourth Anniversary: the Versailles Gardens

We kind of like to  keep the goofy  anniversary gift traditions-- like first anniversary is the "paper anniversary," etc.  Our 4th anniversary proved a bit more challenging for me than for Ryan, though:  "flowers and fruit."  Riiiight.  'Cause every guy likes fruit and flowers and finds that super romantic, right?  Ryan "bent" the rules for me a bit and bought me an amazing new bike, with a pink FLOWERY bell on it.  Easy for him.  I brainstormed a long time before buying him a French copy of one of his favorite books, St. Exupery's Le Petit Prince, who you might recall tends his rose (a flower, yep) tenderly (I also gave him a book by Orson Scott Card on how to write good fiction, saying that word-craft and story-growing is as involved & slow-yielding as plant-growing... but yes, it's a stretch).

We did decide to totally stay in our theme in how we celebrated together:  a day at Versailles, on their Garden tour.  Wow.  Talk about beautiful flowers in abundance!!  The Summer Garden tour is special in that all the fountains are turned on (not the norm in Versailles these days) and Baroque music is playing all over the park.  Many of the fountains had music and water shows, with the jets alternating quite spectacularly in time to period music.  Very cool.  We had to leave the garden for dinner so they could set up for part 2:  the after-dark light-music-water shows, also including lasers, smoke, lanterns, fire and a finale of fireworks & music.  As we followed our maps around the atmosphere was so jovial that we felt like we were at a party under the Sun King himself, and half-expected to see aperetif trays or champagne stations around every bend.  Eowyn weathered the day like a champ, enjoying the flowers very much and splashing her little feet in the fountains.  She napped while Ryan & I enjoyed an all-crepe dinner (Ryan's first!) and woke up chipper and happy for the finale.  I can't imagine a better way to spend a summer day... except maybe if we could have gotten INTO the pond and enjoyed a swim... Oh to have been a guest at Versailles!

The whale-bone looking thing is a modern statue of some sort... we didn't think it added much to the decor.  Nor did we find it particularly genius-- definitely not worthy of its placement here.

We got lots of colors practice!

I can only imagine what it would have been like to stroll around when this sort of display was the norm!

Funny baby

PS- I don't usually advocate taking your kids with you on an anniversary get-away... kind of defeats half the purpose, in my mind.  But I will make exceptions for Paris. :)  And we did enjoy a get-away earlier in the year to the Weekend to Remember conference so I got my alone-with-hubby time for the year and was quite content.

Dating vs. Going on Dates

Some of you may have read my previous post on our family "Three Rules for Dating," and might be wondering how in the world any of us ever met our spouses!  This post will hopefully shed a little bit of light on "how this could work."  Far from trying to tell you how "you should do this," I'm rather trying to sketch out "how one could do this."  My own experience has been far from pain-free, far from sinless, far from perfect, however, I do believe that I was spared much heart-ache and sin!

I went to a public high school with an academic magnet program, which was quite the unique experience!  I had many friends and was friendly with everyone, guys and girls alike, but stayed out of the boy-girl drama, and had my closest friends at church.  There were only a hand-full of believers in my entire school.  But that was what I wanted-- a practice mission field.  Going in with that kind of expectation helped me guard my heart very well.  I knew I wanted to go on to college, that I loved studying and learning, and that I had no business giving my heart away just yet.  I turned down guys who "asked me out," taking the chance to tell them about Jesus and Who He was to me, and also to explain that I viewed dating as preparation for marriage, not divorce, and that I didn't think we were really ready to think about marriage just yet. :)  They usually looked at me a little strange, but accepted it.

What about prom?  I went in a group with a "date" who was really a friend (one year I went with a school mate, believer, and my senior year I brought along one of my closest friends from church, who also happened to be my cousin).  Both times we went out to eat in a group, had a great time getting dressed up and taking pictures, rocked out the dance floor and got picked up by our parents by midnight.  Both nights formed some of my favorite memories of my high school career, and I had no regrets from any of it.  Good, clean fun with my friends, getting to dress up pretty and do "special" things... what more does a high-schooler want?

This pattern of learning to relate to guys and girls in group settings, of not being opposed to going on memorable "dates" as friends in groups, and being clear about my own standards and desire to remain only friends came with me to college.  (There was a year in between where I got my heart broken, but I'll share that in a final post.)  My parents had asked me not to allow myself to be drawn into an exclusive dating relationship ("courtship" to be technical) until my sophomore year of college, and in hindsight I appreciate how wise that was.  I had many guy friends, some of them fairly close (I think it's naturally easier for girls to relate to guys-- that's how it's supposed to work in marriage!  Guys just aren't all... dramatic!), but it was always clear that we were just brother & sister, or friends if they were unbelievers.  My closest friends were girls; my roommate, classmates, dorm-mates, friends from church. 

Before I go on, let me differentiate between "dates" and "dating."  In my mind, a guy and a girl can go on a date as a "get to know you."  They might like each other (or just one might like the other), they might think they possibly could start liking each other, they might just have heard good things about each other.  Going on a date --usually out somewhere, alone or in a group-- has the intention of getting to know each other specifically.  However, it doesn't imply exclusivity.  There were weeks and months where I went on dates with different guys, and wasn't a girlfriend to any of them.  I only ever truly dated one person:  the man who is now my husband, Ryan.  And once we started dating and I was "his girlfriend," I never went on another date with anyone else!  (I've heard other people call going on dates "just hanging out," and dating "courting")

Why allow one-on-one dates at all?  Well, honestly, because sometimes there's just not much other way to get to know someone.  Sure, you could get them into a group, but if it's just an excuse to talk to her, why not skip making everyone else feel like a third wheel, and spend some time getting to know The Girl. Oh yes, in case this doesn't go without saying-- I never asked a guy out, but rather let them ask if they were interested.

Ok so here's how I rolled.  I had my own "Three Date Rule"-- I'd give any believing guy who asked one date.  (Well, except for Presbyterians, because I knew my Baptist convictions were too deep to ever be able to submit to a Presbyterian husband.  My RUF campus pastor loved to tease me about this!)  If I liked something about them, and they asked a second time, I'd say yes to a second date.  By the end of that date (as well as any group activities we'd done) I'd usually have a pretty good idea of whether I'd consider dating them long-term, with a view towards marriage.  If they asked for a third date, and I was game, I'd tell them it was time to call my Dad and get his blessing (for guys that I went on out-of-town group dates with, to formal balls, I would have Dad interview them before date 1). He asked to meet with them, got to know them a bit, gave them the "what are your intentions towards my daughter" talk, and if he trusted them, he would give the OK, and we'd go on our third date.  Usually by this point I knew whether I was interested enough to be exclusive, and we'd have the DTR ("Determine the Relationship" talk). With everyone but Ryan, I had be loving and honest enough to tell these amazing guys that I didn't think I was the right one for them (talk about making yourself feel about this big), and to make it clear that I didn't want to become exclusive or date at all any more.  Hard as those talks were, they were much easier than a break-up would have been!!  Stopping a relationship from becoming exclusive is way easier than having to back-track and get un-exclusive!  I will also say that on dates or in dating relationships, the Beloved's admonition to not "arouse or awaken love until it so desires" is one to take seriously; emotional guardedness= emotional purity (and less broken hearts!)!!  Fun as it is to feel all giddy and infatuated, if it clouds your thinking or leads someone else on, it's not worth it!

I also wasn't afraid to use the Dad card to scare off guys I didn't want to date. :)  One was too chicken to even talk to my dad at all.  Easy one to cross off my list!


Please, feel free to ask questions, make comments, or post your own dating do's & don'ts!

Three Rules for Dating

Lately I've shared my family's "Three Dating Rules" with several people in vastly different circumstances, and each time they've been met with enthusiasm.  SO I thought I'd type them up and share them, along with some personal stories (dating examples) from my own history in a follow-up post.  With all the dating going on right now (some of the kids I have a relationship with have already had serious boyfriends-- even sexual relationships-- and innumerable breakups by age 14), it still surprises me how few parents sit down and sketch out a family vision for dating & guy-girl relationships, which will hopefully end in marriage.  Even kids from excellent families often tell me very sad stories of "wish I'd known" which could have easily been avoided had they had a "Game Plan" going into it.

So, Daddy, this one's for you. :)

I was in my early teens and my sisters were still middle-schoolers when my family joined up with another family with daughters my sisters' ages and started a Bible study on dating.  Our dads got together and wrote the curriculum themselves, incorporating skits, object lessons, and guest interviews from actual couples.  All were QUITE memorable-- ask any one of us 6 girls, a good decade later, and we all still remember a lot, if not all, of what we were taught.  It was also a lot of fun.  Seeing your dads dress up as Pet Smart employees, jocks & geeks is really hilarious.  Someday if I get a publisher's ear I'd LOVE to get that curriculum published!

But I digress.

First, our dads laid the foundational tenets of our family's view on "dating:" (this is my own interpretation, from memory, not a word-for-word transcription...unlike the Three Rules)

A. It's a process that is part of children still functioning under the authority and protection of their parents (especially their fathers), NOT something kids figure out on their own.

B. It's primarily to be a way to evaluate suitability for marriage, NOT to have a good time.

C. It's for those who are secure in God's Love for them, seeking to serve God by serving others, NOT a way to feel loved and served.

D. Marriage is not the be-all and end-all.  Though it's desirable and what we prepare for (statistically it's most likely), a life devoted to God is the goal, single or unmarried.

(Those familiar with the dating-vs.-courtship-vs.-betrothal debate will see that this fits under 'courtship.'  Recreational dating is a better preparation for divorce than marriage, and betrothal is not realistic nor natural in our culture; but I could write a whole post on that.  If there is interest, I can!)  

 All of us knew that our dating relationships would begin with our suitor asking for our father's permission, guidance, and ongoing involvement, as well as the incorporation of our whole families into the relationship.  We were all still under our dad's authority & protection until the wedding day, not our boyfriend's nor our own.  What a relief!  Good parents know their kids pretty well, and can usually size up suitable partners for them pretty accurately, without the rose-colored glasses to cloud the picture.

Ok, the Three Rules are:

1.  Only date those whom you find interesting and attractive.  No pity dates, no revenge dates, no desperate dates.  If you don't think they're fun to be around, you don't have to say yes, no matter how awesome everyone else thinks s/he is.  Not to say you couldn't hang out a bit in groups to try and find out whether they might become interesting & attractive to you... but saying 'no' for no reason other than personal preference isn't wrong.  See Song of Solomon -- we are supposed to find our spouses fascinating (and spouse-hood is the aim of courtship!).

2. Only date those who meet the criteria met upon beforehand by you and your parents.  If you are a Christian, than Christianity is a non-negotiable (marriage between an unbeliever and a believer is expressly forbidden in Scripture, and it is also a great sorrow to all those who find themselves in one.  Since dating is evaluating suitability for marriage, this is a no-brainer.  2 Cor 6:14)  My criteria included being over 5' 11'', not having a temper, enjoying different cultures, being spiritually mature & able to lead me, and being open to missions & adoption (among other things).  My dad added 'able to provide' to the list (something most girls don't think about).  If you make the list BEFORE the Potential steps up, you won't be trying to make it "fit" any one person.

3. Only date when you are in a season of life when you could reasonably consider marriage (not necessarily immediately, but in the natural course of an un-rushed relationship).  This would change for each person.  In my situation, I was committed to pursuing a degree at a university, cramming several different programs into 4 years (with the help of lots of high school credit), and I knew I was not interested in marriage soon after high school.  So my folks asked me to wait to get into a dating relationship until after my freshman year of college, allowing me to really get my bearings, to build deep friendships with girls, to be free to enjoy my new home without any one person monopolizing my time, and to figure out what my focus was to be.  I wouldn't trade my days on campus for anything-- I grew so much, threw myself into my studies, made amazing memories, learned so much, loved hard and made really deep friendships-- none of which which would have been possible if I'd had a guy claiming most of my mind and heart space.  **note that I did feel the freedom to go on individual dates with different guys in a non-romantic context (different school functions).  We always went in groups and had a blast!

The main reasoning behind this last rule is to guard against temptation-- especially sexual but also towards discontentment. "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (Song of Solomon 8:4)  If you let yourself fall in love with The One when you are unable to be married (relatively) soon, frustrations are multiplied!  I think this applies to kids who start to like each other in high school; you can keep an affection in check by not entering into a commitment until you are able to keep it, and keep it soon.  You won't have to let immaturity ruin a great friendship. :)

So... those were our three "rules," and they have served me well.  One of my sisters is also happily married, and in a wonderful twist, one of the other girls in our study is now dating my first cousin... HAH we knew they found each other "interesting and attractive"!! =D

What guidelines did you have in your families, or do you want to have in yours now?

Five Things I've Learned about Being a Godly Wife

An engaged friend recently asked me the following:  "I would love to learn from you in how to exalt the Lord in my position as a wife. How do I encourage, bless, support, and affirm my future husband?"  Somewhat unconsciously, my response turned into a five-of-a-kind, and as I am very tired, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and let it double as a blog post. 

As I wrote, I realized I was basically writing down all the areas in which I consistently struggle in my own marriage.  This isn't me writing a list of all that I've done right; it's a list of what God's Word says I must do.  It's me reminding myself to STOP doing wrong! :)  I need to hear this advice better than anyone I know.  Seriously.

"Hmmm... great question! And honestly, you will know how best to answer that-- remember that you are called to be a helper to your OWN husband, not any other man, so your submission and helping will be uniquely suited to him!  (1 Peter 3:1- "Wives, be subject to your own husbands...") One bit of advice I was given that's been helpful was to make it a point to ask him daily or weekly "what is one thing I can do to help you today?" or "what is one thing you'd like me to prioritize this week?" His answer could be as simple as praying for a family member or making a batch of cookies, or as difficult as getting up early to pack his lunch for work, or re-arranging dinner at a different time than usual.

As far as "my own" advice, here goes:

Let's be honest- we all look at our husbands this way sometimes!

1. Don't expect marriage to be all that you expect it to be. :) Your husband is a sinner, and at some point, you will definitely think "how did I marry such a total jerk?!" It's in THOSE MOMENTS that you have to remember "I am submitting to my husband out of trust in CHRIST, not him." We are to submit "as unto the Lord," being Sarah's daughters who "do not fear what is frightening," and calling our husbands "lord" even when they pimp us out to foreign kings to save their own skins (like Abraham did regularly). Why/how? Because we are serving and trusting our perfect Savior, NOT our imperfect husbands.  (1 Peter 3:6)  (Note: just as often, you will be shocked and discouraged by your own sin, saying "I never thought I would be this terrible of a wife!"  The Gospel of Christ's perfection in our place is for us then, too!)

2. Be quick to forgive. Oh so hard for me... but we entrust ourselves to Him who judges justly (like Christ did- 1 Peter 2:19-23), and we draw love from the Great Love with which He loved us, so that we can forgive as the Lord forgave us. (Eph. 4:32)

3. Bite your tongue... a lot. It's so easy for us women to criticize, to nag, to suggest, to TALK!! And done in the right way/right spirit, out of love for your husband and your Lord, that will be a huge asset... but most of the time, we just need to bite our tongues in the moment, take it to the Lord in prayer, and wait. "Each of you should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for the anger of man does not bring about the righteousness God requires." (James 1:19-20) When we speak it is supposed to be full of grace, respectful, honest, and aimed to build up (Eph. 4:29). Even when we are confronting our husbands about sin, we are called to do it for their good and Christ's glory. Someone told me that the glory of God is seen in the difference between how you'd act/speak naturally and how you'd act/speak because of God's grace in your life. All that to say, if you are crying and he wants to know why, you should tell him (another great tip I was given the day before my wedding)-- guys usually are pretty clueless about that sort of thing,-- but tell him in a way that doesn't vent your frustration on him. ** Let him hold you while you cry (even if you're mad at him); it will help you both!!**

4. Be committed to righteousness, period.  Even when your husband fails miserably in the area of spiritual leadership. This is hard because we naturally want to try and take over, yet super-naturally we absolutely do NOT want to do that, but there will probably be a time or seasons where your husband is unavailable or not functioning as a spiritual leader. In those times, keep striving after godliness; be fulfilled by times with CHRIST instead of just wishing your husband would "step up to the plate." Keep reading good books on God's character, His work, and godliness, not to mention the Bible!  Do not neglect the great duty of prayer!!  Kind of like Jesus told Simon Peter when he asked about John; "What's it to you if he ___-- YOU follow Me." (John 21:22)

5. Treat him like a hero-- respect him verbally as much as you can... the more specific, the better (guys like straight talk). "You are so good at giving honest compliments." "Your heart for the church is so encouraging!" "Thank you for taking out the trash without me even noticing-- you bless me so much." Love notes, Scripture and encouragements in dry-erase marker on the bathroom mirror are fun!  When all you can think of is the bad times, look at old pictures or scrapbooks to be reminded of all the good times.  That will help you remember that you do love this man, this very dear man, and that you actually are glad to be his wife. :)

Love,
-- Christina
PS- favorite marriage books: A Love that Lasts; when marriage meets grace, by Gary & Betsy Riccuci, When Sinners Say I Do, by Dave Harvey, and A Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (read this after being married a year or two). I also found Reforming Marriage by Doug Wilson, and The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman helpful, even if you don't agree with every single thing in there.  (I just realized that 'Gary is apparently a good name for marriage-book authors...)"

Please, my married friends (especially those of you who are wiser and/or more experienced than I am!), chime in with your own advice, tips, and bits of Truth!  Husbands, this includes you!

Helpful Analogies For Sexual Purity Before the Lord

My best friend is a pastor's wife up in the snowy north (aka Toronto, Canada), and is leading her women's group through several topics relating to godly living as women.  Their last session, entitled "Two Whys to Make Us Wise," dealt particularly with sexual purity.  Many of you who appreciated the blog post celebrating the God-honoring romance of my sister & brother-in-law may want to check out her latest blog post summarizing their session.  I particularly found the analogies helpful, and am tucking them away to use in mentoring my children in the more distant future, and any teens I am in relationship with in the nearer future.

To whet your appetite, the two "whys" she discusses are 1. Why do we have sex? and 2. Why should we honor God with our bodies (especially as Christians)?

A Toast to the Yearly-Weds

--Edit-- a good post on a similar topic can be found here.  It has several analogies to help you think through (or maybe guide your child or mentee through) purity before the Lord!

A year ago today my sister and her best friend woke up as Mr. Samuel & Mrs. Lauren Pond for the first time.  In a bizzare twist of fate-- i.e. God's sovereign sense of humor-- their legal names would sound equally unfamiliar to their friends, as both go by their middle names... and since their second names contain most of the same letters, we call them collectively "Nicolin."  Yes, this time last year my mom, dad, and sister Anna were still reeling in post-wedding shock, and trying to internalize the knowledge that the eternally-messy bedroom to the far right of the stairs was in one sense empty forever... though (hehhe) its occupant has left many a sign of her long residency, much to my mom's chagrin (it still hasn't been cleaned out.).

I think it's safe to say that any guest at the Thompson-Pond rehearsal dinner, wedding, or reception, was treated to an amazing party. I've never had more fun at any rehearsal dinner-- the dancing was, well, for lack of a better word, amazing.  It was hands-down the best New Year's celebration I've ever been to!  Both families know how to boogie, and the late-night-festive atmosphere was enough to bring out even our shyer friends to the dance floor in droves.  Oh so fun.  There were toasts a-plenty, with lots of laughs and even a few tears... the sister in me could not resist a roast, I dredged up an old email from a teenaged-Nicole in which she outlined her plan to be married and pregnant with her fourth child by the time I found a suitor at all and read pertinent portions aloud.  As guests could see MY husband and 3 month old daughter while I read, the irony was not lost.  We (Anna & I) followed that up with a musical number of our own composition... it began "She was getting behind on the plan/ getting desperate to locate a man..." and poked fun at my sister and now-brother-in-law's unusual meeting and courtship.  It was a pretty catchy tune, and Anna & I had way too much fun singing it.


The wedding was gorgeous-- flowers and candles which many talented folks had spent the week arranging, unique music, a Gospel-centered ceremony, awesomely cool vows (hehehe there is a story there), my dad crying his eyes out (he's a softie when it comes to his daughters), a bazillion little cousins in tiny suits and flower girl dresses, and my bubbly, friend-to-everyone sister as a bride radiant with happiness.  The reception was tamer than the rehearsal dinner, but was still a blast, full of old friends and family come from far away; good food and more great music (like my sister Anna's performance with a family friend for the couple's first dance).  Dancing, talking, photo shoots, food, nursing my refluxy, grumpy baby in a bathroom stall and gladly handing her off to auntie after auntie, and all of a sudden, we were blowing bubbles on Prince Charming and Snow White as they sailed past, then... they were gone.

My husband got me and the baby home, where we collapsed still-dressed on the bed.  I got to thinking... about how right everything had been, from their courtship to their wedding ceremony to their send-off, and that amidst all the toasting and the roasting, the dancing, and the music, that I hadn't really heard or said much to honor them.  I resolved to correct that with a blog post... but, well, between the 4-state-drive home and two more months of acid reflux in Eowyn, then an absolutely travel-packed summer (we were away more than we were home)... it never happened.  So now, it's finally time.  :)


Nicole & Colin, I want to honor you for walking in purity and in righteousness.  You guys did so many things right.  Two years of dating under parental supervision... Colin even agreed to book/Bible studies with my dad (his girlfriend's father... woah talk about intimidating).  A commitment to a God-honoring ceremony and an engagement period that honored each other.  You have each always had an attitude of doing what was best for the other, not just yourself.  I'm not saying that you were perfect, that it was a flawlessly smooth road between starting to like each other and driving away as Mr. & Mrs.-- there were plenty of blow-ups and frustrations and eye-rollings, and "seriously, Dad!?"s, and lots of times where y'all wished you were already married and the whole dating/engaged phase was just OVER.  But I am confident that God the Father was smiling as you got married, and that angels were cheering & devils were booing at your triumph over the overwhelming worldly pressures to compromise and rebel.  There wasn't any "oh I hope no one ever finds out about __" in your eyes as you watched each other during the ceremony.


Little saddens me more than to see our culture's acceptance & encouragement of promiscuity & independence at the cost of parental authority.  Yeah, that was a mouthful, I know... but think about it.  What romantic comedy have you seen recently in which the happily-ever-after couple didn't sleep together before they were married?  ... yeah... can't think of one, either, aside from Jane Austen novels. Today, it's expected that one way you show that you are a grown-up, one way that you show you really love each other, is that you sleep together and see if the sparks fly.  I have seen a lot of shows in which parents tell their kids that they shouldn't sleep with someone "until they are ready," or "unless you really love each other."  I haven't seen any in which parents told them that being "in love" & "ready" meant that you were wearing a wedding band on your finger.  What movie has the star-crossed-lovers listening to and honoring their loving, wonderful parents as they date?


In real life, promiscuity doesn't lead to happy-ever-afters.  Refusal to listen to parents isn't smart or wise.  I can think of literally dozens of friends of mine who went against their parent's advice or other godly counsel and dated that guy or that girl, and are now hurting and full of regrets.  By contrast, I know of only two couples who went against their parents' wishes and have "lived to tell the tale," and in both cases they had the backing of their churches and Scripture, and it was their families who were in the wrong.  I've seen people who lived together torn up inside by a break-up, bleeding and wounded as if they had gotten a divorce.  Promiscuity leads to shame, to deep heart-ache, to lonliness, to disease, to pregnancies (or even worse, abortions), to brides feeling like filthy hypocrites in their white wedding gowns.  And even if you make it through "unscathed," there's still the opinion of God to consider.  Deep down every human knows that He is watching, that He does care, and that there will be a reckoning.  God's laws aren't arbitrary; they are set up for our own greater joy!  (Please don't misunderstand: in no way do I want to minimize God's forgiveness, of any sin or even sinful life pattern-- "His love can make the foulest clean; His blood availed for me!"  Whenever there is repentance, there is forgiveness and a new beginning-- "the vilest offender who truly believes/ that moment from Jesus forgiveness receives./Praise the Lord!")


Purity isn't prudishness.  Honoring your parents and obeying them even in your dating relationship isn't a sign of weakness or immaturity.  Both take far more courage, prayer, and supernatural grace than giving in to what comes naturally.  The reward, though, is a wedding day like you two had:  one in which there were no regrets.


I raise my glass to you, and to the warriors behind you whose fervent prayers kept you walking in the Light.

Happy Monthiversary!

While musing about our evening plans earlier in the afternoon, I blurted out. "Tonight's our monthiversary!" (Yep- 2 years and 5 months) Ryan congratulated me on my knowledge of the date. I then reminded him of my Starbucks gift card from Grandma and it was a date. We left after dinner and enjoyed our mochas, speed Scrabble, a darling baby who was sweet enough to fall asleep and let us talk... and of course, talking. :)

I love you, sweetheart.