Why I Ask What I Ask

I just re-read an excellent book, and this quote jumped out at me as capturing so well why I take the time to research rather than take for granted, and then go further by encouraging those around me to research, too.

"Priya never recieved her MMR due to her egg allergies, but otherwise was fully immunized.  After putting her on an elimination diet, she improved greatly.  She started to grow, and to sleep better.  She was happier and more alert. The dietary changes helped her, but her immune system remained hyperactive and hypersensitive, and never fully recovered. Priya died of an anaphylactic reaction to a trace amount of peanut in an egg roll.  I wish I could turn back time.  I wish I knew then what I know now, about the effects of vaccines and heavy metals on a developing immune system.  I sought out the people I thought would help, but I was sent down a path that led to tragedy."
~ Dr. Anju Usman, MD speaking of her daughter in a presentation on nutrient therapy & a biomedical view of ASD.  Quoted in Healing the New Childhood Epidemics, by Dr. Kenneth Bock (MD)

I never want a friend of mine to have to say those words.  If even one family is spared that kind of "I wish I'd known" burden because they looked into something rather than just going with the flow, then all the effort of blogging, posting, reading, talking and writing will be worth it.  In this world we all will suffer; there's no way around it.  But I would far rather have suffering come from something I could not prevent or foresee than through something I brought into my own life, even unknowingly!  Let's always try to go ahead with eyes wide open!!

This is why it's worth it to me to bring up issues like vaccines, water purity, breast-feeding, responsible farming and cheap manufacturing from child slavery.  Yes, it risks offending some because they think I'm judging them (I'm not, I promise.  I'm just asking you to ask some questions for a minute.).  But if the price tag might be higher than you're willing to pay, wouldn't you want to know that up front?  Again, I'm not saying I KNOW the final price tag on any of these or other issues-- my goal isn't to put my own answer out there for everyone to agree with.  My goal is to get the questions, the prayers, the asking started, so that God can guide you, whomever you are reading this, in areas where you might not have thought to even ask for guidance.  In each of these areas (and many more besides), someone else did so for me.

(Dr. Usman, quoted above, had her first 3 children fully vaccinated (minus the MMR for Priya) on schedule and all three of them suffer from many allergies and auto-immune conditions.  She chose to not vaccinate her youngest, and he is free from any such disease.  While this isn't a controlled matched study, it is startling.  I highly recommend the book! And no, Dr. Bock isn't anti-vaccine; he's just leery of the current CDC schedule and certain ingredients in today's vaccines.  He has a suggested vaccination schedule in an appendix of his book.)

Book Review: Surprised By Oxford (Carolyn Weber)

Fun little story about this book:  I got through the bulk of it on our recent trip to & from Portland, Oregon-- well, more precisely Boring & Damascus, Oregon.  While we were there, we attended and enjoyed the Church of the Good Shepherd.  Our friend who invited us there talked a bit about their founding pastor, stating he was in the special forces a long time ago and was friends with folks high-up in the military, so they do a lot to honor veterans & current soldiers.  As I was reading this book, I "met" the narrator/author's future father-in-law, who was a pastor in Boring, Oregon-- he founded a church out there after serving as a Green Beret in Vietnam and feeling a call to leave military service and enter pastoral.  The thank yous in the back gave his name as Stu Weber.  A quick google revealed that he was indeed the founding pastor of the church we'd attended on Easter morning, mere days before I read about him on the page!  Kinda cool, huh?

Ok, anyway about the book itself.  Reminiscent of Sheldon Vanauken's A Severe Mercy in both setting (Oxford) and content (beautifully written account of grappling with the Gospel and coming to faith in Christ) and of Lauren Winner's Girl Meets God in both content and layout (the liturgical/scholastic year), it is a memoir narrating the author's journey into academia and faith.  Carolyn is a diligent Canadian graduate student who arrives in Oxford from a broken but loving family, with her work ethic and literary bent to stand on, and the nagging memory of a favorite professor who happened to be a Christian.  She is surprised to find herself befriended by several Christians who are surprisingly normal, especially one American Oregon boy she dubs "TDH" (for Tall Dark & Handsome).  Surrounded by fellow searchers as well as those who claim they've been Found, she is surprised that her former categories for the Believing are hard-pressed here.  She meets Christians in all sorts of surprising places, from the Provost to respected professors, all in the intense intelligent atmosphere that Oxford exudes.

I highly recommend this book, both as an engaging story (it's a romance, it's a faith journey, it's a coming-of-age) and as a Biblically-sound apology of Christianity. In fact, the human romance is a mere reflection of the Divine Romance unfolding in Carolyn's life.  There is meaning her nickname, "Caro,"-- Italian for "beloved." She realizes just how Beloved she is, and it sets her free. Some passages I highlighted with specific struggles of my own in mind.  Others I marked thinking of friends who seem to be struggling to believe.  I hope this book's story helps me portray the Story all the better to those around me still in darkness.  Fans of Lewis & his ilk will also smile to find nods to him in particular passages.  Fans of Milton will rejoice as well.  Personally, I'm motivated to read Paradise Lost!

The writing is beautiful.  Many thoughts are profound.  I dog-eared many pages, starred passages and underlined many a line.  This book re-kindled in me a desire to embrace poetry, particularly ancient poetry.  I love Oxford more than any place I've visited, and it was wonderful to read about events occurring in places I myself had been.  (It seems Oxford has the same effect on many people.)  For those who have never been to Oxford, you'll want to go.  Mrs. Weber does a great job bringing its sights, smells and feel to life.

Teachers and parents-- especially mothers-- take heart!  You will be encouraged as you see how much influence you can have and just how valuable your work is.

Perhaps the book could have been shorter... but she is an academic, so what do you expect? :)

4 1/2 stars.

Disclaimer:  I received a free copy of this book through the Book Sneeze program in exchange for my honest review.  All opinions are my own.

Marveling at Adoption

A good friend of mine from my college days, Kyle, recently released his first book, The Dream Key (a children's adventure/sci-fi novel) on Amazon as an ebook.  He's offering it free right now, so I snagged it.

It's a fun, fast read, with cool nuggets of poetry and truth throughout-- stuff that got me thinking.  One such snippet describes one aspect of life under the harsh religion known as The Order:

"Adoption is illegal here. It isn't theologically sound, they say. If someone receives new parents, they are receiving what they have not earned. The Order dictates that you must earn all that you receive, and since orphans cannot earn new parents, they must remain detached from any family life."

Think about that.  Adoption really is totally NOT merit-based.  No child could ever earn parents-- not their love, not their provision, not their care. such a reminder of why what we have in the Gospel (adoption by the King of Heaven!!) is so amazing, precious and undeserved!  (as is everything else, if you think about it... what if our religion, too, was based on earning?)

Those of you who've been Adopted, like me, just let this sink in:

"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.  For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."  (Rom. 8: 15-20)

Not only do we get to pray to God as His kids (no way are we holy enough to come into His presence otherwise!), we can look forward to receiving EVERYTHING THAT JESUS, His Perfect First Son GETS!!!!!  Enough that Paul, who was beaten within an inch of death many times, who was permanently scarred & disfigured by his whippings as a preacher, who was shipwrecked and imprisoned, could say "it's not even worth mentioning compared to what's coming After."  Talk about undeserved.

"But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God." (Gal 4:4-7)

God sent His One Son, Beloved from before Time existed, to be born to a life of suffering, then to die a death of utter desertion... why?  So that we-- hateful orphan urchins-- could be adopted as equals with that perfect, beloved, always-obedient Son.  How many of us would willingly do that to gain siblings?  How many parents would willingly send their children to do that?

And one more that I especially love:
"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." (Psalm 103:13-14)

As is so often the case, it's children's literature (and/or the fantasy/sci-fi imagination-stoking genre) that leads me to worship.  Story has such power to teach!  What a beauty the "baptized imagination" is!!  (that's a CS Lewis reference to George MacDonald's writings, btw)

Parents,  kids, kids at heart, go download the book (if you have an iPhone but no kindle you can get it on your iPhone through the Kindle for iPhone app)!  Apart from a few very minor editorial glitches it's really good!  My only complaint is... it's a cliff-hanger ending!!  Sequel, you'd better be on your way!!

[if anyone is wondering why a Christian girl like me would spend time reading- no, reveling!- in fantasy or sci-fi literature, please check out these 4 posts on the topic:  In Defense of Magic, The Defense, Cont,  Addendum to the Defense, and What About that Scary Ghost?) Two other great short quotes from GK Chesterton and Dorothy Sayers might help too.]

Vision Forum & Other Coupon Codes

I've been doing the last of our holiday shopping online this morning, and thought I'd share 3 sites I've used a bit... well, actually 4. You'll see.

The first is Dealoz.com. It's a meta-search engine that will compile a list of all the prices for a specific book online. It searches Amazon (new & used), Barnes & Noble, half.com, and tons more. It includes shipping, and even finds coupon codes for you! If you are thinking about getting a book for someone, check it first!

The second is Better World Books.They are often cheaper than Amazon, have free shipping (which Amazon Marketplace often lacks), and donate one book to charity for each you buy.  I love their mission for world literacy and environmentally friendly mailing!  As a bonus, use the coupon code CIRCLEKALUMNICOUPON to get 10% off your order total.

Third is Vision Forum.  I like a lot of their products (but try to take their quiver-full, homeschool-only leanings in stride), but tend to find that much is overpriced, and their shipping has been SO expensive in the past.  This year they're getting on the lower-shipping train, though, with $5 flat-rate shipping, AND here's a code to get 20% off your total order:  ALLEXTRA20.  I also have a coupon code for $10 off if anyone wants it, as for me the 20% off was worth more.  Just message me and I'll get it to you!

The sort-of 4th site I recommend is a jumping-off point called eBates.  You log in there and then use their links to go to many of your favorite stores for cash back (a certain percentage of your order).  Barnes & Noble, Better World Books, Land's End Walmart.com, and Snapfish all are on ebates.


Please tell me- what tips, sites & codes do you use to get the most bang for your buck these days?

Enjoy! :)

Trying-to-save-so-we-can-give-more

Family Pics 2011

November has come with all its colors in Kentucky.  We are doing well as a family, with Eowyn talking, pretending, singing, counting and learning more and more.  A more lengthy update on her will come later, as she's so cute. :)  Mama is feeling generally seasick & tired, but with naps, supplements like liver, kombucha, fresh raw juices, cod liver oil and plenty of good food is managing well.  She is still running moderately and hopes to complete her first half-marathon next Saturday!  Most of her spare time is spent poring over required reading or completing assignments for her doula certification.  Ryan (aka Daddy) is traveling a good deal, with trips to Austin & Florida coming up and recently completed visits to Indianapolis & Atlanta.  God continues to bless his business and grow it in all sorts of ways!

We had a friend of ours (Elise of eMarie Photography) take our pictures and we couldn't be happier.
  She did a great job of capturing Eowyn's many moods-- goofy, sulky, difficult, energetic, lively, nurturing, and sweet.

Recently read books include:
- The Son of Neptune (The Heroes of Olympus, Book 2)- Rick Riordan- fun read!
- Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - Ina May Gaskin- super-helpful for anyone wishing to be a part of the child birthing process, especially in a more natural way.
- The Labor Progress Handbook: Early Interventions to Prevent and Treat Dystocia-
Penny Simkin, Ruth Ancheta- this was invaluable to me during my first solo doula birth. It's a bit technical, but the myriad of positions and suggestions are well-illustrated and explained.
- The Nursing Mother's Companion- Kathleen Huggins- of the 4 books on breastfeeding I've read/skimmed, this is my favorite (I'm also working through The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding and The Complete Book of Breastfeeding). I feel like Nursing Mother's Companion is the most helpful in concrete ways.

Working on:
- The Birth Partner- Peggy Simkin- great for expectant dads, nurses, doulas, moms, and other labor partners
- At Home in Mitford- Jan Karon- this is a sweet book I've read before and am enjoying re-reading. GREAT for the holidays!!
- Catching Fire (Book 2 of The Hunger Games)- Suzanne Collins -really fun book, really terrible audiobook!
- Three in a Bed- Deborah Jackson- on co-sleeping... so far I am far from convinced
- The Attachment Parenting Book- Dr. William & Martha Sears- it's assigned reading... and I'm trying to read with an open mind.
- Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows- an audiobook I'm falling asleep to these days. I find I drop off to sleep much quicker if a familiar story is read to me-- one I'm not afraid to nod off during (since I know what happens next anyway). Otherwise my brain puts in too much of my OWN story and I just think and think and think and think...
-Radical- David Platt

10 Books Every Parent's Gotta Read

(cross-posted on my Book Review Blog)

My self-appointed-task?  Create a list of the Top Ten Books EVERY parent should read...no matter their child's age, or whether they were adopting or giving birth.  Of course, this is an impossible task and could probably be debated endlessly.  But I like a challenge, and it's been fun. :)  I've tried to include books covering every aspect of a child-- the physical (medical), the mental, the emotional, the spiritual.  Without further ado, here are my (current) top 10, in alphabetical order:

Age of Opportunity- Paul David Tripp-- ok, even if teenage-hood is MILES away, as in, you don't even have a bona fide toddler yet, you probably already are being told to dread the teenage years. Everyone, from your cashier to your nice old neighbor are saying "he's cute now, but oh just wait until he's 16!" This kind of attitude, of dreading adolescence and expecting a rebellious, disrespectful, identity-crisising son or daughter is a self-fulfilling prophecy... AND it's unBiblical. Most of the disciples were teens when they were called to follow our Lord as His closest friends (only Peter & Jesus were old enough to pay the temple tax in Matt. 17:27). Anyway, this book is a breath of fresh air of training children so that you actually enjoy their teen years as much as any others.

Heart of Anger, The: Practical Help for Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children- Lou Priolo-- how many of our children's (and our own!) chronic "behavior problems" stem from sinful anger?  Pretty much all of them... This book first of all helped me to examine my own heart for anger, and bring IT under the Lord's control, and then out of that to help my daughter.  It is excellent in listing ways that we often unwittingly provoke our little ones to anger.

How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor- Robert S. Mendelsohn-- this inclusive guide to childhood illness & treatment is written by an experienced family physician who's delivered and treated thousands of children over the past few decades of practice.  His basic premise is that parents are fully capable of treating 90% of their children's illnesses at home, not only well, but better than a doctor.  This book will help you know when your child needs help beyond what you can give, and how to treat most illnesses at home. He explains that medical school trains doctors to want to meet their patient's parents expectations by intervening, even when rest and time are the best cure.  Get it, read it, be informed, and learn all sorts of ways to ease your child's suffering even when there's nothing that can be done medically (like during a cold).  He covers everything from earaches to teething to vaccines to viruses to infections to the BIG diseases like meningitis that definitely DO need a doctor's help.

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are- Ann Voskamp--not usually a conventional "parenting" selection, I know, but I think the perspective it brings, that of intentionally rejoicing in the mundane, the difficult, and the easily overlooked, is crucial to joy-filled, Christ-exalting parenting.  It's made a huge difference in my life, that's for sure.

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)- Gavin de Becker-- How do we teach our children to be smart in scary situations and stay safe, yet not be quivering balls of cowardice? What if we are actually far more equipped to sense danger and to instinctively know how to protect ourselves than we know? This book premises that fear is actually an instinct, a gift that can keep children safe when we know how to use it. This book teaches you how to talk through danger with your kids, what to teach them to do when lost, and how to recognize predators & dangerous situations... all the while making your children MORE confident and bold rather than afraid & timid (because knowledge really is power). Especially critical for parents of girls to read!!

Read-Aloud Handbook, The- Jim Trelease-- Every parent can home-educate, no matter where their kids get their grades, with one very simple tool: reading aloud. This book's first section will convince you beyond any shadow of doubt just how precious and vital reading aloud to your children is. The second section recommends books to be read aloud for various ages. Another life-changer for me!

Real Food for Mother and Baby- Nina Planck-- this book will be helpful in laying the foundation for a lifestyle of health, starting before your children are even born (if you add children to your family naturally). Even if you meet your children through adoption, this book will help you help your children maximize their potential through healthy eating. The best guide to maternity, infant & child eating I've ever read. (Chuck '"What to Expect When You're Expecting's" nutritional guides and buy this one instead.)

Shepherding a Child's Heart- Tedd Tripp-- my favorite help in knowing how to lovingly, Biblically discipline and train my daughter. This book revolutionized my own family growing up, and still guides how I want to interact with my kids as they grow. (For those with small children, I'd highly recommend Don't Make Me Count to Three! by Ginger Plowman, which is a user-friendly version of Shepherding for preschoolers...and don't worry, it has nothing to do with counting to three.)

Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, The- Henci Goer-- if you are pregnant, go get this book now. Seriously. Click the link & order it off Amazon ASAP. Preferably along with Nina Planck's book. If you're not pregnant and don't plan to be, this still should be in your Top 10, because it teaches non-medical folks (like us) how to discern what is routinely done and what is beneficial & safe. Is an induction at 40 weeks medically sound? What about the expected epidural? Is VBAC safer than repeat C-sections? Is pitocin worth its risks? This book doesn't answer the questions for you; it presents research and lets you make your own decisions, which is EXACTLY how you want to be in the habit of evaluating every medical recommendation you come across, from sticking rice in your baby's milk for reflux, to vaccinating starting at birth, to choosing to breast or bottle feed, to smearing preventative antibiotics on your newborn's eyes, to switching your 2-year-old to low-fat milk.

Well-Trained Mind, The: A Guide to Classical Education at Home- Susan Wise Bauer & Jessie Wise -- best book on education I've read. Even if you are intentionally choosing public school or private schooling for your child(ren), you can use this book to ensure that their minds are getting full doses of what they need to thrive.

A few runners-up...

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth- Ina May Gaskin- excellent if you are pregnant or planning to be (or on helping someone in labor). Not quite as applicable to adoptive parents.

The Vaccine Guide: Risks and Benefits for Children and Adults Randall Neudstaedter-- the best look at vaccines of the many I've read; I love the book's layout: it takes each vaccine on its own, addresses its risks, its benefits, gives two or three suggested routes (such as 1. do the vaccine at this age, 2. don't do the vaccine but supplement with this or 3. do the vaccine, with this brand), and then has pages of references. Even if you know you want to "do whatever the doctor says," read this. If you are traveling and need shots, read this. I love that this book lets you take it one shot at a time.

Child Training Tips; what I wish I'd known when my children were young- Reb Bradley-- my favorite sections are those on "How to tell when correction has been effective" and "Signs of passive rebellion." Again, really helpful to those of us with preschoolers/toddlers. Well-rounded, with plenty of emphasis on the need positively teach and not just correct.

The Myth of Adolescence: Raising Responsible Children in an Irresponsible Society- David Black-- great in evaluating what the Bible says about "teenagers."

Celebrations of Faith- Randy & Lisa Wilson-- this little book is extremely helpful at being intentionally God-honoring in all our parenting, with a special emphasis on holiday & other traditions. Great perspective even if you don't use a single one of their recommendations.

Don't Make Me Count to Three!- Ginger Plowman-- as stated above, this is my favorite for parents with young children. If you are intimidated by Shepherding Your Child's Heart or are struggling to know how to apply it, pick this one up. It's a short read (or re-read), and so so applicable.

What books would you have added? Ryan's recommendation was "Don't Overthink Parenting" by Don't Read This Book, hah.

Summer Reading...

"Well, he said, I'm back."
~Sam Gamgee to his wife, Rosie.  Last line of The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien.

Our family has had quite a few adventures this July, from VBS to family visits to the British Virgin Islands, and back.  We have a garden growing (and partially threatened by pests of various types & sizes... I just came in from spreading diatomaceous earth with a vengeance!  We have lost so many of our gourds --squash, pumpkin, cucumber-- almost all of our potatoes, cauliflower & brocolli, all of our peas, and now some of our tomatoes are starting to pine.  Sigh.), a toddler learning, a marriage deepening, and about twenty-odd books between the two of us a-reading.  Since it would take too much time (and pictures, which I don't have ready yet) to try and catch up with our travels, gardens, and the brewing thoughts of my mind, I'll try to re-enter blog-world gently with a book list... I love books.  I love lists.  And I have about 20 minutes of nap-time left. :)


Finished:
- The Help, Kathryn Stockett- my sister lent me this for the plane home and I liked it quite a bit.  A book about a book (always fun), in this case a tell-all of Black Southern maids about what life is like for them in the earliest parts of the Civil Rights movements (1960s).  As a White Southerner who has been blessed to grow up free from a lot of racial prejudice, this book was helpful in understanding why the racial lines are drawn so deeply in many parts of the South.  It also makes me think about the political events in another light; the laws in the South at the time actually made the treating of Black Americans as equals illegal.  I think we forget that sometimes.  But it's there in the Jim Crow laws; not allowed to have the same toilets, not allowed to marry, not allowed to be served at the same grocery stores.  We have come a long way, and I am thankful... and we still have so many remaining bits of filth- racism- left to eradicate.  I highly recommend this for every Southerner to read.  Only sad part to me was the seeming lack of any true Christians; even though many of the main characters are church-goers, religious and pray a lot, love for and trust in Christ is conspicuously absent, and the white hypocritical "Christians" literally sickened me.  I was very convicted as a mom, too, by the insights this has into parenting.  Well-written good thought-provoking story.  4 stars.
- By the Pricking of My Thumbs, and Partners in Crime, Agatha Christie- salt & sun equal mystery stories to me, so I grabbed a few paperbacks for our BVI trip and thoroughly enjoyed them.   These are about the couple Tommy & Tuppence Berensford, a set of characters I'd never met before (my favorite has always been Hercule Poirot), and these books followed a bit different plot line than your typical Agatha Christie.  Both were fun, the best part being the interplay between the husband and wife-- so realistic, affectionate, and quotable. The plots in Partners in Crime weren't too "wow" (I solved some of them myself, and others were unsolvable without inside information, which I never like).  3 1/2 stars.
- Unnatural Death, Dorothy L. Sayers- I do love Lord Peter Wimsey!!  I appreciated the theological depth here too.  (I wasn't expecting it, and when I saw it, I remembered "duh, Sayers was an Inkling!  She might have read this to Lewis, Chesterton & Tolkien!)  There is a great dialogue between a pastor and a middle-aged spinster employed by Wimsey on the nature of sin, and where responsibility lays. Lovable characters, gripping plot, believable mystery.  Good stuff. 4 stars.
- Fablehaven: Keys to the Demon Prison, Brandon Mull- Book 5 in this very enjoyable series for kids. (Demons in this story are not spiritual, but rather fantastical, thoroughly evil beings.)  Was impressed by the writing and by the moral depth this series provides.  Not strictly Christian (there's an annoying "no religion has it totally right" passage in book 2), but definitely moral, with a view of death, growing up, right & wrong, and the afterlife that is quite in line with Scripture.  4 stars.
- Protecting the Gift, Gavin de Becker- a MUST READ for every parent.  Not kidding.  (I may compile a list of the 10 books I think every parent should read, hmmm...)  I bought this after a friend recommended it, on the same day another friend of mine (lives in my neighborhood) and I were discussing how to teach our kids to be confident & friendly while still keeping them safe (especially our beautiful girls).  This book presents fear as a (God-given) gift which is intended to help us stay safe.  If we teach our children to honor that prickling of the hairs on their necks as well as arming them with the knowledge of what to do, we serve them well.  The book is especially empowering to young moms, describing what amazing feats they have accomplished in order to protect their children (like literally beating an attacker with their bare hands with a baby on their hip), and passes on the clear message:  your daughter could do this, too.  Get it.  Read it.  Teach it to your kids.  5 stars.
- Heaven is for Real, Todd Burpo-  We all read this as discussion-fodder on our sailing trip (our devotional topic was Heaven).  If you're hoping for proof that Heaven is real, well, you should go back to reading the Bible.  If you want to read an encouraging, faith-strengthening reminder of the way God cares for His own both now and forever, pick this up.  I won't get into whether or not this little boy actually went to Heaven, or the New Heaven and the New Earth, or just had a vision.  Whatever the case, the Lord is using it to comfort His saints, and this story is encouraging. 
- Ragman and Other Cries of Faith, Walt Wangerin, Jr.- Wow.  Wangerin is becoming one of Ryan's & my favorite shared authors.  He is a master story-teller.  I LOVE that he is writing outside of my own faith tradition (he is a Lutheran pastor I believe) and so he says things a bit differently, quotes different sources, and pulls in different traditions than I'm used to.  Keeps me from getting jaded.  This book is not a straight story; it's a collection of different genres-- drama, poetry, allegory, sermon, memoir, essay-- each beautiful and powerful in its own way.  The collection is far from a haphazard anthology, but is instead itself an intentionally ordered mosaic meant to draw the soul to God as part of a community being drawn to God.  The chapter on preaching is one I want to copy and send to every pastor I know!! 5 stars.  Quotes WILL be showing up on this blog, I guarantee.
- Warbreaker, Brandon Sanderson-  Ryan has been asking me to read this one by his new favorite fantasy author.  Sanderson is a Mormon, and it seems Mormons are really good at creating complex worlds full of their own religions, types of magic, social orders and traditions.  (Is it that those already creatively inclined are drawn to Mormonism, with its far-fetched beliefs and teaching that each man will become a god with his own world to shape... or does the belief stir up the creativity? Hmmm...)  I appreciated the book for its characters, new cultures to explore, and mystery-- and totally clean (yay!).  Interesting ideas about what makes religion 'true' and what motivates the religious. 3 stars.
- The Bartimeus Trilogy, Jonathan Stroud-- a children's fantasy series that Ryan really enjoyed.  I liked it ok, but found it questionably near true Occult. The magic in these series is invocative; it calls upon powerful demons (invisible to most humans and residents of another reality), controlling them with spells and symbols, and forcing them to do what would be impossible for humans.  This book obviously doesn't take place in our world, which helps keep it as distinctly fiction rather than potentially confusing kids.  An engaging enough plot with plenty of wit and humor; a bit dark; shows power-lust for the wickedness that it is, and self-sacrificing love as the truest greatest power.  Still unsure how to rate it.

In Progress (so far I LOVE them all!!!):
- Let Me Be a Woman, Elisabeth Elliot
- Bad Girls of the Bible, & Really Bad Girls of the Bible, Liz Curtis Higgs
- Undefiled, Harry Shaumberg
- Living in Light of the Gospel Story, World Harvest Mission
- When God Writes your Love Story, Eric & Leslie Ludy
- A Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp
- Elantris, Brandon Sanderson
- The Heart of Anger, Lou Priolo (I can't find my new copy anywhere-- did I loan it out already?)

Next up:
Matched, Ally Condie
The Hunger Games, a trilogy by Suzanne Collins
Pure Excitement, Joe White
Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy

Any I should add?

Wow.

I just finished one of the most sobering, saddening, soul-stirring books she has ever read-- one that breaks my heart for Taiwan and reminds me of the desperate depravity that is our inheritance as Adam's children, save for Eve's Son Jesus the Christ.

The book wasn't particularly well-written, artistic or inspiring. It was facts simply stated; a story spun with plain threads. The stories on their own are enough. The book is called Dead Women Walking (written by Jennifer Su), a book describing the idol-worship, demonic torment, abuse, addictions and absolutely mind-boggling darkness & despair faced by three women in Taiwan's working class.  Recently.

As in; this kind of stuff happens every day.

Right now. To lots of women and children.

It made me sick; it shocked me, opened my eyes to see just how dark places of the world are (and I know America has hearts equally dark & depraved, though on the whole we do have legal and social protections that do actually protect the innocent.) Read it (or something like it), and let your heart break for what breaks our God's!  This book also reminded me of where True Hope really lies-- in the God who made Heaven and earth, who knows and cares for every hopeless, tormented soul, and who has the power to bind demons and change people after a lifetime of horrors.

It's leaving me asking questions of the Lord, questions like "What must I do to help?  How can I 'go' to this ripe harvest even from here?"

Lord, pour out your Spirit on Taiwan!

Beautiful, Oops!

Just a note on this post:  you might start out wondering why it's here, instead of at my book-review blog (www.mamaszrama.com), because it does start off being about a really cool new children's book.  But bear with me, because it's not actually about this book, cool as it is.

This little book has recently captured my fancy.  Called Beautiful, Oops!, it is a whole new type of pop-up book, celebrating the potential in every "mistake."  The book itself is a study in creativity-- totally thinking "outside the box."  This would be a GREAT way to start a discussion with your children on God as Redeemer; One who reclaims for Himself what is captive, ugly and wrong, making it beautiful, holy and right by His very presence.  Watch a video of it here.

Our culture prefers the word "mistake."  It's somehow easier to say than "sin."  It doesn't imply evil, just misunderstanding or poor judgement.  Maybe even accidental action or inaction.  And we make a lot of those (I know I do).  Several times I've heard friends try to pass off a serious hurtful sin as "one mistake" lately.  Well, it was a mistake... and it was also a sin.  Bearing this in mind, that labeling something a "mistake" doesn't let us off the hook where repentance is concerned, this little book contains a lot of truth.  The first way to go about seeing something beautiful come from a sinful mistake always must be repentance; an admission of guilt, an apology, an asking for forgiveness from the offended party AND from God, and a resolve to turn from that sin and do the opposite. With our pride gone and forgiveness granted we are free to be amazed at how God weaves our mistake, our weakness, our sin, into a glorious tapestry of grace and joy.

This has got me thinking...thinking about a blog post written by a friend of mine who just found out that his youngest adopted son, whom he will soon bring home from Ethiopia, was conceived in rape.  Woah.  Talk about sobering.  By my friend's account, the girl was quite young-- some might still call her a little girl-- and she was violently assaulted, violated by a sick man's lust, never to be innocent again.  Talk about a "mistake." That doesn't even do it justice-- that wasn't a mistake; it was sin; despicable, awful, terrible, harmful, the stench of death.  Yet, out of that terror-inducing, evil, agonizing violence God brought a beautiful thing:  someone made in His Own Image.  Wow.  From one man's wicked act God brought life, and in His mercy the girl bearing that life prized it above her own comfort.  She carried her son, gave birth, and then did everything in her power to see that her son --the baby she never asked for from a man she had every right to hate-- was cared for.  And she went away happy. That girl -so young, so poor, so far away- whose name I do not know has become one of my heroes as a mother.

What did God bring out of an evil, disgusting sin?  First of all, a baby boy, fearfully and wonderfully made.  Secondly, the joy of a desperately poor young Ethiopian mother, who has peace in her heart and on her face in knowing that she sacrificed herself for her son.  Thirdly, the delight of my friends, who have a son to love and hold and teach.  Fourthly, the enrichment of his brother and two sisters, who will now grow up sharing all their memories with him.  Think of the aunts, the uncles, the cousins, the grandparents, the friends, the school teachers, the doctors, the nurses whom he will touch... The list will go on and on as this child grows.  His parents are bound to Cameroon to translate Scripture there; it could be that he will save the lives-- physical or spiritual-- of thousands there; time only will tell.

Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God?  You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:20)

You can read even more "Beautiful Oops" stories here, as 4 adoptive parents recount the miracles that brought their precious children into their arms.  I love the pictures of these smiling babies that are beside each story (I have held and changed several of the children featured!).  One of the most striking paragraphs to me:

Shortly after our son Isaiah was born, he was abandoned in a high school.  He was found sobbing and with the umbilical cord still attached by a man named Teshome.  We will forever be thankful for his kindness in saving our son’s life!  He took Isaiah to the police, and from there he was sent to an orphanage.  We are often brought to tears thinking about how close Isaiah came to death.  He is such a happy, curious, strong boy and brings us so much joy and delight.  We praise the Lord for protecting his life and allowing us to be his parents!

Contrast that with this view of mistakes:


Oh Lord, keep us from the arrogance that would make us judges of the effects of sin-- either our own or one inflicted upon us. Give us hearts dedicated to Redemption; determined and expectant to see You work unimaginable beauty from our ashes!

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified." (Isaiah 61:3)

New Years Resolves

I grew up doing these, and always feel like I'm missing out on a great opportunity if I let a new year slip by without some purposed changes coming along.  So... here I go making these public, now that I've had a week to let them stew, and to talk to Ryan about them...

1. Spiritual-  read through the Bible using the Plan for Shirkers & Slackers (explained a bit here).  My buddy Val is teaming up with me on this one all the way from Toronto! Ryan & I are reading through Moments With You, a couple's devotional by Dennis & Barbara Rainey, every night together. So far we've made it a week straight and are enjoying it and finding it helpful!! :) (thanks for the wedding gift, Uncle Jeff & Aunt Karen!)
2. Spiritual- keep more of a liturgical year by celebrating Advent & Lent both personally and as a family, as well as the 12 Days of Christmas (between Christmas Eve & Epiphany/Three Kings Day)
3. Physical- exercise at least 4 days a week (using DVDs, gardening & walking, and that new iPod insert for my shoe Ryan gave me for Christmas), with the goal of running a 10-mile or half-marathon race this summer
4. Physical- continue to cook seasonally, with an expanded garden grown from seeds this summer (the "from seeds" part is what really freaks me out), and canning/preserving as much as I can
5. Intellectual- keep on reading, reviewing one book per week on my children's book review blog.
6. Intellectual- keep on blogging, streamlining my blog to reflect my passion for equipping others to fully use the brains God has given us by thinking critically about what we eat, read, and do.


TA-DA!

What about you?  Have you done any formal (or informal) resolves for this year?

So What About that Burning Bush?

A few years ago I wrote a post on teaching kids about God's holiness.  It came to mind as I explored this topic of "what do we let kids read?" so I've dusted it off and tweaked it a bit, and voila. Here it is. :) As always, your comments are welcome!

One more thing many parents struggle with is perhaps the most frightening, and definitely the most important area of possible "restriction." I'm not talking about monsters, nor bad examples. I'm talking about the terrifying reality of God's pure holiness. Our kids, like us, know deep down just how sinful they are. Until God saves them, they automatically feel guilt when they disobey, steal, lie, or sin in other ways. Before my daughter was one, I saw it in her big blue eyes-- as she looked at me in the rear-view mirror immediately after pulling off her hairbow as she was instructed not to do. Mention "sin" in a preschool classroom and you immediately get blame-shifting; stories of how bad their brothers and sisters are... so Garden of Eden. Our kids know that they are guilty sinners.

When you start talking about God hating and punishing sin... that has the potential to cause huge fear in a child. Have you ever had to think about this? The plain ol' fact is that "holy God + sinful us" equals our doom! To some, this seems too harsh or frightening to teach to children. Being a preschool teacher and curriculum developer, it's something I DO think about... a lot. It's hard to know what kids can understand, what is beyond them but good to start teaching anyway, and what is unbalanced. The holiness of God, and how that interacts with us is one especially touchy issue in our culture these days. But, if it's in the Bible and if it's necessary to salvation, it must not be kept from a child! Yes...it is frightening. But if we do not first know our own damnation, we will never be desperate for salvation. And it is only the self-admitted "sick" who get the Doctor. (Mark 2:17)

One word picture is that of a fire. God is holy and perfect, and anything less than holy and perfect is incinerated in His presence. I know many people immediately assume "hellfire and brimstone!" with this word picture, but that's not primarily what I mean. Feel free to tell me what you think of the following:

YHWH (Biblical name for God in Hebrew-- usually pronounced "Yahweh" or "Jehovah" in the King James Version) is a consuming fire, as Hebrews (12:29) emphasizes, and those who have sin inherent in their being will be consumed by that Glory, by that holiness. Adam & Eve were sent away from the Garden as punishment (Gen 3:22) and because now they faced the possibility of eternal corruption, but later we see that it was in mercy, too. Had they stayed in God's presence in their sinful state, they would have been utterly consumed. They passed on this inability to face God uncovered to all humans (Ex. 33:20). That's a crucial part of why why Moses had to function as a mediator for the people of Israel (Dt. 5:24-25), why the sacrificial system was instituted-- the sacrifices were literally "burnt up" so that the people didn't have to be.

Knowing all this about Who God Is really prepares us to marvel at the Incarnation; that God would put on flesh SO THAT we could see His glory without being consumed (2 Cor 4:6). I'm not advocating trying to push Hellish images on our little ones, but rather to give them the same word pictures that the Bible uses for God; including that of a fire. Only when we are in Jesus are we like the Burning Bush: on fire but not consumed. Certainly I don't want to over-emphasize any one attribute of God (His holiness) at the expense of another (for example, His mercy...which interestingly enough is the attribute He called out as He covered Moses with His Hand)... but we also want to give a real enough picture, according to Scripture, to instill in our children a "holy fear of God." Then calling Him "Abba," and knowing that HE made promises to US to make a way for us to be NEAR Him again is so much more marvelous and incredible!! That's the message I start teaching in week 3 with the promise God made to Eve (Gen. 3:16), and which we keep teaching until the last day of school, with the possibility of being like Jesus.

To make it a little more personal, it was fear of my own sinfulness in the face of God's holiness which first awakened my three-year-old soul to my need for a Mediator, and which finally led me to Christ. It wasn't until I was 9 or so and God opened my eyes more fully to my main sin of pride that I actually ran to Him for Grace, but all along that holy fear kept me from a lot of sin, and kept me knowing I needed Jesus.

The truth is that children CAN come to Jesus. Likely, they know deep down inside that they do need salvation; a sense of guilt seems quite natural, a merciful product of our Image-bearing. They still need to be taught, to be given the knowledge that will lead them to Jesus. We are commanded not to hinder them-- oh let us urge them to run!!

I hope this is good for thought-fodder... it has helped me better love my Savior!

So What About that Grouchy Ladybug?

Yesterday we talked about whether it is truly wise to restrict children's "interaction" with scary situations via story (ghosts, goblins, monsters, dragons, bad guys, etc.) I've interacted with other children who were similarly restricted, not so much about scary things, but about  "getting the wrong idea" from reading about disobedient, or disrespectful children.  I was one of those kids, actually.  There were several movies we weren't allowed to see, because the characters "were rebellious," or "had bad attitudes."  One of these was Disney's The Little Mermaid.  Looking back, I have to kind of laugh at that restriction, because Ariel's sinful rebellion against her father is very clearly portrayed as wrong-- disastrously so.  Her actions put her father's very kingdom in jeopardy, and in the end it's his loving self-sacrifice for his disobedient daughter that saves her life, and everyone's.  Talk about a missed opportunity to discuss the consequences of rebellion, the wisdom of following Scripture's command to obey parents, and even to find an allegory of the Gospel!

One friend recently mentioned a book I have recommended as a favorite on my book blog and aStore; Eric Carle's The Grouchy Ladybug.  It's a gorgeous book with splendid illustrations, that very cleverly portray the passage of time.  The story of the very grouchy ladybug, who tries to pick a fight with every creature kind enough to say "good morning," to her is one with which kids readily identify (ok, I admit.  I identify with that feeling!!), and they love the justice that puts her in her place, ready to sweetly say "good morning!" to those she meets instead.  As a teacher, I appreciate the text's repetition as well as the collage illustrations for which Eric Carle is so well-loved.

As is my habit, this topic has been stewing in my brain for the past few days... As parents, is it wise to let our children see, hear, or read about those who act foolishly?  What about "scary" things?  What does Scripture say about this?  While it doesn't directly speak to children's books, it is itself meant to be a tool used to teach children (Dt. 6:6-7).  Even if we take that verse in the narrowest sense, and say it only means we are to teach our children the Law of God (what was given on Mount Sinai), that law includes plenty of graphic details which most would hesitate to teach their youngest children.  Ok.  Say we say we'll teach the principles of the law, and use discretion in introducing our children to the more difficult-to-deal-with portions. Next, my mind went to the book of Proverbs-- written specifically for children.  Immediately two examples of kids-with-bad-attitudes came to mind "the Leech has two daughters, Give, Give! they cry." (Prov. 15:30), and "the sluggard says "there is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!" (Prov. 22:13, 26:13).  The Proverbs are chock-full of descriptions of different types of fools; we taught through them last summer in Sunday School, and they were such potent tools in helping kids see both the consequences of folly, and to judge their own hearts.  The more I've thought about it, the more convinced I am that it isn't a bad thing to let kids experience foolishness (including rebellion and disrespect) vicariously through stories, so long as the account shows a true-to-life ending.  I mean this:  if the kid in the story is always rude to Mom and that's never addressed, you need a discussion with your child and possibly a chucking of the book, but if the kid is rude to Mom, gets a big talking-to, apologizes humbly and makes her cupcakes at the end, cheer!

Trust me, your child does not need a book to teach them how to be selfish or mean.  They've got that down pat all on their own.  They may use a book's language to convey their frustration and sin, but that just makes it even easier for you, the parent, to point the sin out and deal with it in a Biblical way as you point them to Christ.  "You're acting just like the Grouchy Ladybug, aren't you?  Do you remember how she got smacked by a whale when she tried to pick a fight?  What did she learn?  How does God's Word teach us to treat others?  Now, you can either learn the hard way (like the Grouchy Ladybug did), by me disciplining you, or you can pray in your heart right now for God to help you to act in kindness instead of selfish grumpiness.  Go sit in your room for one minute while you think about it."  Hug, sent to room, and hopefully comes out with a better outlook on life.

I think I need to hear that myself sometimes.   :)

So What About that Scary Ghost?

I especially remember my first preschool class. Precious, sweet kids... lots of them, full of energy!  One day we were sitting and reading a familiar fairy tale, and one of the little girls flipped out at the word "witch."  This was a "good witch," mind you, not a scary or evil one.  She wasn't scared, just concerned because she "wasn't allowed to say witch, or to talk about them."  Hmmm... ok.  This was my first encounter with this particular family's standards on what their kids were allowed to hear, see or say. Ghosts, witch, fat, stupid... all were on the "taboo" list.  Wolf in the Three Little Pigs? Nope. "Mommy doesn't want me to see anything scary."  As a teacher, of course you never want to undermine the parent, but it was also getting pretty impossible to read any fairy tale or even describe "same and different" without an alarm bell going off in this little girl's mind (saying "this crayon is fat, and that one is skinny" was what got me into trouble over saying "fat.").  She was a real sweetheart, and it got to the point where she knew if she felt that her mom wouldn't want her hearing something-- say an audio-book kids were listening to in center time-- that she'd just go do something else.  And we made it through the year both unscathed.

I've since thought a lot about her. Don't get me wrong- she was from an amazing, supportive, fun family whose parents were some of my greatest encourager and cheerleaders.  I know her mom had reasons to be so protective of her little eyes and ears, one being her tendency towards bad nightmares.  I wonder, though, if she'd been allowed to experience "frightening" things as frightening instead of as forbidden, and then freely discuss them, if she'd have been better able to deal with her fears.

Children in ages past were expected to confront a lot more fears than ours are.  Have you ever read Grimm's original fairy tales?  Totally gory.  Yuck.  Kids back then usually saw death firsthand; they either lost a grandparent living with them to old age, or a relative to war, plague or an accident.  Certainly they watched animal death regularly as their parents butchered chickens & hogs and hunted fowl and deer.  They lived through natural disasters and actual dangers.  What would they think of our reluctance to let our preschoolers read about monsters?

I've thought about this on and off for the past several years. As parents, is it wise to let our children see, hear, or read about "scary" things?  What does Scripture say about this?  The Bible is plenty full of scary situations-- not from pretend creatures like ghosts and goblins, but from very real-life evil men and angels.  Fear in children is natural.  As G. K. Chesterton put it,

“Fairy tales are more than true – not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.” 

Some of you might be at this point shaking your heads, thinking "what the heck is she saying? Dragons do NOT exist, and the LAST thing I want is to fill my child's head with a new fear over something that doesn't even exist."  Think about it this way:  to a child, so many things are frightening, most of them involving potential physical harm.  They're scared of stuffed cows, of quick-moving dogs, of strangers, of the dark.  One day they'll outgrow all those fears by bullying or avoiding them;  they'll learn that they are bigger than those things, or that they're so improbable that they don't need to think about them.  But unless they've been taught not just to avoid or bully fears, but to face them, they'll "graduate" to fears of other things-- fear of failure, of rejection, of humiliation, of being alone, of being wrong.  Christ calls us to face those fears head on, and to fight them-- not in our own strength, but with His.  We are to stare them down and cry "you can do everything you threaten me and more, but you cannot take my Father's love!"  His love sets us free from fear. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." (1 Jn. 4:18)

There are other things to fear in this world-- wicked men with evil thoughts, wild animals ruled by hunger, uncontrollable forces, the unpredictable sin of others, and even celestial enemies.  Those, too, need to be faced, wrestled, and put down, not merely by pulling out a bigger gun (literally) and playing by all the rules (seatbelts, speed limits, airplane security checks), but by putting our faith in a sovereign and ultimately just God.  We stare down those dragons and whisper "you can kill my body, but you cannot harm my soul, and one Day I will eat at the Table prepared for me in the presence of you, my enemies, and I will laugh with Joy in the Presence of my Lord."

Please don't misunderstand me-- I'm not about to park Eowyn in front of Star Wars 3 where Anakin murders children in their beds and talk about it with her.  Nor am I going to pull out Grimms fairy tales and read every frightening bit every night to her.  (Though at this point she wouldn't even know enough to be frightened; she's only 1)  We are always called to use discretion, and to help our children to think about "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Phil. 4:8)  All of our parenting speech should be "only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" (Eph. 4:29).  You know your child, what would be good for them, and what would be exasperating or tempting to your particular child.  That said, don't shy away from hard conversations!  Letting our children experience scary things vicariously through story is one way to talk them through "scary" things.

I was recently asked by some men working on our (hundred-year-old) house if I was ever afraid at night.  Thinking of the neighborhood in which I live, and the fact that my husband was out of town, I admitted that, sometimes, yes.  To my surprise, he then asked, "of ghosts, and all that, right?  Do you believe in ghosts in these old houses?"  I almost laughed, but caught myself, because you know, there really are scary supernatural forces at work, and my confidence isn't in just saying that "ghosts aren't real."  I answered instead, "well, even if they are real, I believe that my Jesus is stronger, so I don't need to be afraid."  One of the other workers immediately grinned and started nodding, and I wonder if one day we'll remember our conversation in Heaven.  As I said goodbye to the workers and shut the door, I realized that my fear regarding the all-too-real rapists and thieves who live in our city (as in all cities), was gone, too.  My Jesus is stronger, indeed.

For All those Last-Minute Gifts...

Maybe my new Amazon Store (Mama Szrama's Book Pics) will help you!  This is in tandem with my book review site, and has links to all the books referenced and recommended on that site.  I hope it helps you find just the perfect book for those precious children in your life, whether they're 18 months or 18 years old!

Why I Read About Heroes

My mind has been impressed with variations on a theme from my readings lately. I've been noticing over and over that "heroes" are just ordinary people who keep doing what is set before them to do, even when it's hard and when it's not what they want, nor what they would naturally do.  Sometimes I think we should just assign chapters in great fiction in counseling. :)

"The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo:  adventures, as I used to call them.  I used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say.  But that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind.  Folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually-- their paths were laid that way... But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didn't.  And if they had, we shouldn't know, because they'd have been forgotten."  (The Two Towers, Book 4, Chapter 8 "The Stairs of Cirith Ungol," J.R.R. Tolkien)

"Piper's dad had called him a hero earlier.  And Leo couldn't believe some of the things he'd done-- smacking around Cyclopes, disarming exploding doorbells, battling six-armed ogres with construction equipment.  They seemed like they had happened to another person.  He was just Leo Valdez, an orphaned kid from Houston. He'd spent his life running away, and part of him still wanted to run.  What was he thinking, flying toward a cursed mansion to fight more evil monsters?"  (The Lost Hero, Chapter 47, Rick Riordan)

"Who now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for His body's sake." Colossians 1:24 [...] " This call has nothing to do with personal sanctification, but with being made broken bread and poured-out wine. God can never make us wine if we object to the fingers He uses to crush us with. If God would only use His own fingers, and make me broken bread and poured-out wine in a special way! But when He uses someone whom we dislike, or some set of circumstances to which we said we would never submit, and makes those the crushers, we object. We must never choose the scene of our own martyrdom.   (My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers,  September 30th)

I think the Holy Spirit's helping me to be strengthened through the examples of others, to be reached and motivated at the "heart level" rather than the intellectual.

We don't get to choose our own adventures, usually.  We just get to choose whether or not to turn back.

Sign Me Up to Go Down Swinging

I had this string of realization as I ran through a vibrantly autumnal local park.  I like to be efficient.  Put forth the minimum effort required to achieve desired goal.  Then, more resources are available for doing more.

Hmmm... spiritually, that bites me.  Well, it bites me when I'm trying to move too quickly and I ram into corners and low gates -ow.  This is totally against the heroic maxim "If I must die, I will at least take as many foul enemies with me as I can!"  My heart would rather say "if I'm going to die anyway, what's the use avoiding it a bit?  Sounds useless and tiring-- not to mention messy."  Go down swinging, why?

Right now, I'm in hermit mode:  don't want to talk, think, or make the spiritual/mental effort to deal with certain things.  I'm sad, hurt, ashamed, struggling to trust.  I tell myself, "I don't have the energy to fight-- what's the point, anyway?  If I'm just going to lapse back into this rut, may as well plod along in it, right?"


Lord, please give me a determination, the resolve to at least "go down swinging."  

It's what the Ents did.  And Frodo, and Sam.

"Of course, it is likely enough, my friends," he said slowly, "likely enough that we are going to our doom: the last march of the Ents. But if we stayed at home and did nothing, doom would find us anyway, sooner or later. That thought has long been growing in our hearts; and that is why we are marching now. It was not a hasty resolve. Now at least the last march of the Ents may be worth a song. Aye," he sighed, "we may help the other peoples before we pass away." (The Two Towers, J.R.R. Tolkien)

It's what Dumbledore explained to Harry once:  

"It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated." [not eradicated by human strength, in this Age, he means] (Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince-- aka HP 6) ~JK Rowling

Oh for such a high view of Truth & Beauty & its Creator and a low of view of ourselves that we might be glad to fight for holiness, with every bit of strength we- I- have.  Yes, even our last breath-- my last breath.

Most inefficient.

But most worthwhile, I think.

As Promised...

and it's live!! Check out my new children's book review site...http://www.mamaszrama.com/! It's very much still in progress--lots to fix, tweak, and standardize,-- but there are at least a few book reviews, articles, authors & series reviews up (a lot of them from this website, so you'll probably recognize a few) I'm sooo excited about it! Thank you, WebMaster Sweetie!!

HutchMoot 2010

Last night around 11 pm, Ryan, Mark T. (a friend from church & neighbor), Eowyn & I got home from the first-ever Hutchmoot, a Christian Creativity conference (I don't really know how else to explain it) I probably should wait a few days to let everything percolate before posting about such a packed weekend...

(This was begun 3 weeks ago, and never finished...blame Paris & Copenhagen for the delay.)

The Hutchmoot began as the brain-child of Pete & Andrew Peterson, growing out of another of their brain children, the Rabbit Room, which is an online community of Storytellers-- artists of all stripes, be they culinary, literary, musical or visual. It in turn is modeled after the room where the Inklings (GK Chesterton, CS Lewis, JRR Tolkien, and other folks with real names instead of initials) met, a little room called "The Rabbit Room" at the Oxford pub, "The Eagle & Child."  Andrew Peterson beautifully tells the story of his trip to Oxford & London here.  I love that post because it resonates with me.  I, too, have walked the streets of Oxford, thinking of Aslan, and Harry Potter, and Luthien dancing for Beren, and of God's Severe Mercy in my life and everyone's... I've longed for artistic community, too.  I've felt the whispers of 1000 thoughts seep out of every cobbled stone as I walked the crooked High Street and listened to dozens of bells. 

And then I've come home, gotten married, had a baby, and felt every bit of poetry seep out of my bones.  Well, not every bit-- there are those moments, when I see my baby's glowing grin upon learning a new trick, when I feel the unspeakable Joy that is the precursor to every good poem-- and there certainly have been days of dark greyness, the deep Mourning of which is another heartbeat to True poetry.  Before I met Ryan, I wrote poems all the time.

I remember walking across campus as golden leaves danced in the wind, and feeling words building themselves to poetry in my mind.  I remember laughing with delight at the thought that God had ordained those very leaves to bring ME joy!  I think I lived more Coram Deo then (consciously before the face of God).  I remember using rhythm and rhyme to describe what I couldn't put into mere words; worship, youthful romance, truths teased and wrestled out of Scripture, desperate Hope in dark times, experiences and pleadings with various friends, especially one dearest to me.  Then, my junior year of college, my world imploded.  I have never known darker days, nor do I ever want to.  The Lord brought me through; He carried me, sad poetry and all.

I met Ryan the following summer, and began our fairy-tale-perfect courtship.  I remember sitting in my oh-so-picturesque apartment on St. James Ct, and trying to write a poem describing my journey from stubborn-trust-in-despair to amazed, thankful joy... and I couldn't. It was like I couldn't bear to write of happiness like I had written of grief... like I didn't want to put Ryan in the same category as those who had broken my heart. I put the pen down, and never picked it up again.  In 4 years I haven't written a single poem.  Nor a story... I've voraciously devoured good Stories, but never had the urge to write one.  Deep down, I still felt that I could write, but that I just didn't have any good Story to add.  I prayed "Lord, if you want me to write again, give me a Story or the drive to find one."  In the meantime, I was content using my story-telling ability to make the Testaments come to life for my preschoolers, SS class, VBS and middle school girls' Bible study.

Slowly, though, I've begun to miss written Storytelling.  As my daughter gets older, as my marriage gets both easier and harder, I want to leave a legacy of Story to carry others walking a similar road.  Lately, I've wanted to have a story to write, instead of just realizing I didn't have one.

Ryan writes stories like some people doodle.  He has all sorts of story-ideas, good ones too!, and he writes a character study here, a scene there, and that's it.  He's got fabulous ideas, and notebooks full of bits and pieces of tales I'd love to read... but nothing finished.  Oh, except the fairytale he wrote to ask me to marry him.  I guess he was a little more motivated to finish that one, seeing as how The Question was the ending.  It worked. ;)

We sure love Andrew Peterson, and all the original Rabbit Roomers (the Inklings).  We like to journal and blog, to talk and hear good stories.  Faith & imagination are the topics which first drew me to Ryan. We love reading and music and art fairs and thinking movies and hearing people's stories.  I'd been craving a bit of direction for my one remaining authorial outlet-- this blog-- and maybe this would provide some of that?  Besides, it would be something to do together, and that is usually a good thing.  And the Hutchmoot just sounded SO COOL!!  So we signed up to attend the Hutchmoot, and drove down to Nashville, literally still asking each other why exactly we were here while stuck in traffic on the Nashville turnpike.

After our first amazing meal, I felt like Charlie in Mr Wonka's chocolate factory (we'd just watched Johnny Depp's version the night before), as Mr. Wonka goes down the line of children, describing each one's claim to fame "And you're the little buggar who cracked the system!... You're the one who... You're the one that..."  Then he gets to Charlie: "And you're just lucky to be here, aren't you?"  Swallow.  Yup, that's me.  AP kept referring to us as "Rabbit Roomers" and most of the people we met were authors or aspiring ones, artists or movie critics... every one of THEIR blogs was cool and well-thought-out... and mine... does it even have a point?  And Ryan & I would just look at each other, and tend the baby.

This feeling continued throughout the weekend, but instead of feeling excluded, I felt completely inspired.  These people were people who felt, who appreciated so many of the same things that I do!  "Oh the joy of meeting one who knows the same poems as you!" I was reminded of so many stories I'd forgotten, and amazingly, every one of them brought to mind a friend (or myself) struggling with something.  Maybe in our counseling we should use more stories!!

I'll share the biggest "aha!" moment, then close this rambling tome...hopefully before Eowyn wakes up from her morning nap. :)  SD Smith, Travis Prinzi, and Pete Peterson did a session on struggle and imperfection as part of our characters called "Perfected in Weakness."  I believe it was Travis Prinzi (I'll check once I can get my notes from upstairs...after said baby awakes) who drove home the point that good outcomes ALWAYS come from mercy-God's mercy-, not our merit.  I tend to think that I just have to do the right thing, that when it really counts, I've GOT to obey, or else the gig is up. I tend to despair when I fail... again.  He brought up Lord of the Rings' ending.  Sam and Frodo have been so faithful, so obedient, and have brought the Ring through impossible hardship to the very brink of destruction.  Then, at the moment when obedience really matters-- when Frodo stands to cast it into the fires of Mt. Doom-- he fails.  Instead of casting it in, he negates his whole prior obedience by cradling it to himself, counting it more precious than the whole world and all its good. Gollum shows up and the two begin a fight to the death, as Travis put it, "that's my evil!" "no, MY evil!" "No, MY EVIL!" Great... lots of righteousness going on here... But then, Gollum-- his life spared by Mr. Bilbo out of sheer mercy-- saves them all.  By God's will, he slips and falls, clutching the Ring, into the fire, and both are destroyed.  Mercy, God's mercy, Mr. Bilbo's mercy, saved them all, not Frodo's obedience.  Wow.  Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.

So I want to write now.  I remember that I don't have to have a great story-- just something that reflects The Story.  I don't have to have it all figured out.  I don't even have to obey perfectly (which is good because I don't)... I do have to cling to Mercy...though even then, It is clinging to me.

As you can see, we came home with LOTS of  new books, and I'm resolved to read with even more intentionality.  I'm starting up my old quote journal!  Ryan & I have been drawn closer by discussion of these things we both love. We've started to read together more, and to talk about our stories.  I keep hoping he'll post on how the Hutchmoot affected him. (nudge, nudge, honey) I've gotten several more great blogs on my BlogReader and they inspire me. I've also been inspired to seek beauty in all my work, even in little blog posts.  So I hope you will see more "every-day musing" style posts up here, and probably more organization in when I post on more topical...topics =D (i.e. Tuesdays- Theological Musings, or something of that sort), or at the very least better tags... We're motivated to get http://MamaSzrama.com/books up (that book review site I've mentioned) & running ASAP.I'm also even more excited about attending the Relevant 2010 Blogging conference!! I guess biggest of all, for both Ryan & I, is the desire to be more of a part of the amazing creative communit(ies) available to us.  I want to maximize our marriage's potential for creative community, maximize our Louisvillian surroundings and the similarly-inclined friends we already have here (you know who you are), and I want to be more available to the online communities I have- Rabbit Room, Relevant, and even this little webcorner, Eowyn's Heir.  I guess that's kind of why I went into so much background info, so that all of you reading this, from wherever you are, might know me a little more.  That's a scary thought... but I think it's part of every good story.  The protagonist has to be known, right?