It kind of reminded me of my day yesterday.
Well, no, I didn't exactly throw my daughter (or my sheep) out the window. I didn't really throw anything at all. Actually, I didn't really do anything, except memorize the crack and hole in our ceiling, just above our bed, and close my eyes a lot. So what got thrown out the window? Well, all my plans.
We'd just gotten back from a trip-- ok, please excuse the trip-summary; I just can't resist the urge to chronicle-- Two Fridays ago, Ryan, his sister Courtney (who'd stayed with us a week), Eowyn & I drove down to Greenville, SC, meeting Ryan's step-dad (otherwise known as "Poppy") in Knoxville and drop Courtney off with him (I almost choked to death in MacDonald's, but that's a long story involving speculation as to the condition of Adam & Eve's DNA, extra-salty fries, and a very stubborn couple). We listened to Eowyn screaming, Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban (review coming soon on my blog), and pulled in to my parents' just in time for a quick dinner and settling Eowyn in with Nina & GB. Then Ryan & I drove up the road for our first-ever Marriage Retreat. I'm sure I'll post thoughts on that later, but for now, I highly recommend it for every one; young, old, newly-wed, on the rocks, whatever. The one we went to was put on by Family Life, called A Weekend to Remember, and it was very well-done. Solid, thought-provoking, Biblical, and accessible (so lacking so much of the time!!). My sister & bro-in-law were there, too, as were several other folks we knew from around town.
Two Sundays ago we enjoyed a big family lunch with several of my aunts & their families, my sisters, and my grandparents, at my mom's house. Eowyn was very happy to see us back, which of course was gratifying. Then Ryan flew out to Chicago for three days, while E & I visited old friends, enjoyed Lake Keowee on Uncle Steve's new boat, were so encouraged by my parent's church small group (Eowyn caused quite a stir by dancing during singing, then saying "AMEN!" every time anyone mentioned Jesus' name during prayer), were spoiled by Nina (my mom), had a little road trip down to visit my baby sister at Clemson University, and spent time with family. Ryan flew back in to Greenville and we all enjoyed walking around in the magnificent down town area, and checking out houses for sale in the area (no, we aren't moving yet). I'll have to post pictures soon, especially of the Children's Garden, which was just superb. You wouldn't think a toddler would get excited about a garden, but oh, she did.
Saturday we drove up to Abingdon, VA, to spend the night and much of Mother's Day with Grandma & Grandpa Presley. We went to church with them, and Grandpa grilled steaks for us all after wards. Eowyn really showed off for them, tickling every one, playing with all the toys, and being very obedient, cuddly and sweet. After church we drove home... with poor Eowyn only taking a 1 hour nap instead of her usual 2+... she was a basket case. The only way I could keep her from crying hysterically- and not an angry cry, but a "my world is falling please don't leave me, Mommy" break-your-heart sob, was by holding her hand. She's never really wanted to do that before, going down the stairs excepted, so I thought that was sweet... but two hours later my shoulder was sore and I had really hoped to get more mending done! Oh well... by God's grace we made it home, unpacked the car, sorted the mail, and I even got 2 loads of laundry thrown in. We talked to all our moms to wish them Happy Mother's Day, and Ryan's Dad to wish him Happy Birthday, and called it a night. I fell asleep composing my To-Do List:
Unpack. Plant the cuttings brought from Tia Olga's garden. Weed, thin, and finish planting garden. Make chicken stock. Thaw beef stock. Render beef tallow. Meal plan & get groceries for week, starting the GAPS diet for Eowyn & I on Tuesday. Finish mending projects. [If time, blog about 3 children's books I read while gone. Plan music & Spanish lessons for summer.]
I could do that, yeah, no problem. It would be good to get everything in order and jump back into life at home.
I woke up Monday with a sore throat, though, which didn't surprise me too much; I've been fighting one off and on for three weeks now, and it rears its head whenever I don't get enough rest and/or eat too much sugar (usually traveling supplies both circumstances). I nursed Eowyn, helped her potty, then we both went back to bed. Two hours later I awoke from a stressful dream and realized that I was cramping my neck. When I moved to rearrange my pillow and stretch, sharp pain exploded in my neck. Any movement of my head brought severe pain. I moved my arms, legs, even shoulders just fine-- it was just my neck. I could tell it was muscular, not a nerve being pinched-- there was no accompanying metallic tang or twangy feel. Still, it hurt, my position making it worse. I had to move, to try and ease the pain. As I did, I started to cry. Ryan woke up and reached for my hand. "What's wrong?" "I can't move. My neck hurts so bad. I can't move."
Next thing you know, Eowyn was up and crying, too. Poor Ryan. Mr. Not-a-morning-person had a baby who wanted Mommy and a Mommy who couldn't move to hold the baby. We finally got her to snuggle on my chest; I could stroke her hair but couldn't look at her. And that was pretty much our day. Ryan took Eowyn to the store to get us some food. He grabbed Tangled from Red Box, which was fun. He put Eowyn to bed and heated up enchiladas for me. He called around trying to find someone to watch Eowyn, then decided to just watch her himself and call the day a wash as far as work went. He put my hair in a pony tail when I couldn't do it myself. He cut up my steak into bite-sized pieces. He poured me water and kefir and brought me ibuprofin. The only time he was a less-than-perfect nurse was when he put stuff just out of my peripheral vision, leaving me to feel around blindly to find it. But that was quite innocent, and each time it happened we both laughed, which was nice.
Me? I did... nothing. No shopping, no stock, no gardening, not even any book reviewing. I did rest, and snuggle Eowyn, and watch Tangled and Lord of the Beans and most of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I took a nap. Towards the end of the day I was able to get up and bring the laundry up (very slowly) and even put it away. I was able to find a nice light book that I could hold up above my head without tiring my arms. I was able to read a good-night story to Eowyn and give her a bottle.
My plans went out the window. But instead of making me fume and fuss, I was able to just enjoy the day of rest. I didn't get much "done," but I was able to be cared for by my husband, and daughter. (Every time I cried or made a sound in pain, she'd rush over to me saying "Hug!", and would comfort me with kisses-- oh the sweetest little kisses ever) It was a day of receiving, not of giving. Of resting, not of working. It was what God had ordained for me. I'm sure there are parables there, but I haven't really tried to find them yet. It's just where I was yesterday, and still am in part today, though I have been able to do much more, so I thought I'd share. Maybe God is trying to teach me that I want to see myself as the Do-er, when sometimes He wants me to be the Rest-er. Or maybe He's trying to teach me to Rest even as I Do... like Jesus was fed as He did the works His Father sent Him to do. Hmmm...
Maybe tomorrow I'll go outside and try to pick up the pieces of those plans, if they haven't blown too far.