At our book club yesterday our discussion centered on the book Wives and Daughters. Two things came up which relate to godly womanhood, particularly in light of the Christian culture in which we now live. Two issues which at time seem to lack balance in our day.
The first is that the "Proverbs 31 woman" is an IDEAL woman-- she never existed, and never will. She's the perfect wife whose traits young men are told to look for in their future wives. That takes a lot of the discouragement and pressure off of us! We are told in Eph 5:22 to submit to our OWN husbands, which means that each wife's godly, good submission will look a little different. We might be embodying some of all the godly traits that the "Prov 31 Woman" personified, and each look different, because we're each married to different guys, and we're each submitting to very-different them.
The second issue was the topic of personal interests in the context of marriage. One of the wives in our book, Mrs. Hamley, is a wonderful wife and mother, yet she is so described:
"He had married a delicate fine London lady; it was one of those perplexing marriages of which one cannot understand the reasons. Yet they were very happy, though possibly Mrs Hamley would not have sunk into the condition of a chronic invalid, if her husband had cared a little more for her various tastes, or allowed her the companionship of those who did. After his marriage he was wont to say he had got all that was worth having out of that crowd of houses they called London. It was a compliment to his wife which he repeated until the year of her death; it charmed her at first, it pleased her up to the last time of her hearing it; but, for all that, she used sometimes to wish that he would recognize the fact that there might still be something worth hearing and seeing in the great city. But he never went there again, and though he did not prohibit her going, yet he showed so little sympathy with her when she came back full of what she had done on her visit that she ceased caring to go. Not but what he was kind and willing in giving his consent, and in furnishing her amply with money. 'There, there, my little woman, take that! Dress yourself up as fine as any on 'em, and buy what you like, for the credit of Hamley of Hamley; and go to the park and the play, and show off with the best on 'em. I shall be glad to see thee back again, I know; but have thy fling while thou art about it.' Then when she came back it was, 'Well, well, it has pleased thee, I suppose, so that's all right. But the very talking about it tires me, I know, and I can't think how you have stood it all. Come out and see how pretty the flowers are looking in the south garden. I've made them sow all the seeds you like; and I went over to Hollingford nursery to buy the cuttings of the plants you admired last year. A breath of fresh air will clear my brain after listening to all this talk about the whirl of London, which is like to have turned me giddy.'
Mrs Hamley was a great reader, and had considerable literary taste. She was gentle and sentimental; tender and good. She gave up her visits to London; she gave up her sociable pleasure in the company of her fellows in education and position. Her husband, [...] loved his wife all the more dearly for her sacrifices for him; but, deprived of all her strong interests, she sank into ill-health; nothing definite; only she never was well."
~Wives and Daughters, Chapter 4, by Elizabeth Gaskell (wonderful read-- http://www.online-literature.com/elizabeth_gaskell/wives_daughters/)
That lead to a discussion on wives constantly/willingly sacrificing their own interests, hobbies or friends for the sake of a husband or child's preference, not just in some matters, but in every or most, or even in the ones that are deep-felt. One of my friends, a very godly wife and mother herself, mentioned how her sister had just had to speak to her husband about this-- as the mother of a very young boy (so far the only one) while her husband pastors and pursues his Phd, she was finding little time to read, get out or do anything on her own. She respectfully pointed out to her husband that as their son grew up, he would respect his father as a man, because of his character, and also because of his learning and experience-- her husband is and would become even more of a well-rounded, well-grounded, articulate man. She told him that she wanted her son to also have a mother whom he could respect and relate to as a complete person, a beautiful Imago Dei. I thought that really crystallized the point. A wife devoid of any interests or hobbies that make her unique is not only boring, but not really respectable. At times, it seems, the love of husband and child may lead a wife and mother to hold withold some time or money from her family, and with their blessing use it to edify or enjoy herself. (I mean, come on, what guy sets out to marry a boring woman?)
Even more importantly, it seems the glory of God is at stake. As Eric Liddell (Olympic gold medalist, then missionary to China-- he died there as a martyr) put it, "God made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure!" God has made each of us to reflect His Image, and not all of us reflect that in the same way. When we EACH glorify God, we have unity, but not homogenity. Ecclesiastes seems to flesh this out-- over and over the writer comes back to "Remember your Creator, keeping His commands, and as you do, be glad in what God's given you to do, seek joys that please you, because in so doing you are glorifying God." "The glory of God is a man fully alive," Ireneus said. The second half of that quote completes it: "moreover man's life is the vision of God."
Let us be women with eyes full of God, living out our lives FULLY alive and joyful. Let us fully explore each talent, interest or perspective God has given us, with the ultimate goal being for everything to go back to God: for our joy to move us to praise God, and for our sucess to move others to marvel at what God has made. Both of these points to us seemed to be a little bit lacking in many Christian-calls-to-wifehood. As we seek to do our husbands good, and to serve them and our children, we are not called to be cookie-cutter doormats, or insipid smiling servants with no interests of our own. The Lord has not called us to that. He has called us to die to our flesh, yes, but in doing that we are more free than ever to serve Him with and find joy in honing our unique, God-given gifts. We will better be able to use them to serve the church that way, as Rom 12 and 1 Peter 4 call us to do.
Thoughts?
Joyful and thankful for His grace, which has redeemed my every joy,
--Christina
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