I will be a healer, and love all things that grow

Couponing & The Big Picture

2012-01-23T09:09:00.003-05:00

I love getting a good deal. It's a rush that my husband just doesn't adequately appreciate. Thankfully, my girl friends & sisters do, so I always have someone to pat my back and congratulate me on a deal well-snagged. I set limits & budgets on just about everything, making shopping (when I'm not pregnant, that is) a sort of treasure-hunt or obstacle course that I thoroughly enjoy. Meal-plans, clearance, sales, off-season purchasing, second-hand stores, repurposing/reusing, coupons, DIY, gardening, buying in bulk, directly from producers or through whole-salers all are my weapons of choice.

While I do use the occasional coupon (especially when the cashier hands them to me with my receipt), I've generally found them to be fairly unhelpful-- either for brands I can't or don't buy, or for products I don't need. The times I have tried to be more aggressive about couponing, I've found that it wasn't worth the time it took for me to try and track the coupons down & print them out, much less hit multiple stores. Something about some tactics I read about bothered me, too, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

The other day one of my favorite blogs (Keeper of the Home) featured this blogpost, entitled "Can Coupons Be Used Responsibly?" and I found myself saying "Yes! That's it! YES!! That's what I've been trying to think but couldn't figure out!" I LOVE this post. It states simply & persuasively many of the questions & thoughts I’ve had swirling in my head. I think it hits the nail on the head about our American obsession with “cheap” over quality, especially in the food area. I encourage you to check it out for yourselves! The author welcomes comments & is really quick about responding to them. It does NOT condemn couponing -- it just puts it in perspective and tries to pull back & look at the big picture.

A sample (emphasis original):

Coupons in and of themselves are not bad. In fact, they can be valuable tools. For example, combining coupons with store sales can maximize savings for the consumer and profit for both the store and manufacturer of the product, as the sharing of the consumer discount minimizes the loss to both store and manufacturer.

This is a realistic part of a free market and it used to work. Lately, though, coupons have been taken out of their proper context and used unfairly. Take, for instance, the idea of stockpiling a product that can be obtained free or next to no cost when coupons are combined with store sales. [...]

The extreme bargain-hunting mindset, which has the potential to take on a sense of entitlement, has essentially dissolved the idea of brand loyalty as consumers begin to make purchases based on the current low price instead.

Unfortunately, as brand loyalty dissipates, commitment to consumers in the form of quality and service has become a thing of the past. Many companies are learning that to stay competitive, offering the lowest price is all that matters to many shoppers today, where in the past, quality was an equally important consideration. In the race to provide the most competitive price today, the cheapest possible materials are often used.

How often do we sit back and think about the labor & ingredients that went into what we bought, and ask ourselves if it was all ethically done? Is a made-in-India product cheaper because it used child labor? There's all sorts of thorny issues to be considered: slave labor, child labor, techniques (many are toxic to the land or harmful to its inhabitants), worker wages, quality of product (cheap ingredients aren't usually good for the body), number of middle men... all of those go into the final sticker price on any item we purchase. While this tool isn't perfect (it doesn't take into account a lot of variables), it's eye-opening: The Slavery Footprint test. Something to think about and pray about for sure. This website lists the 13 products most likely to be made by forced or child labor. These are items you may want to consider buying exclusively from fair-trade or local sources. One last resource to check out is The Story of Stuff, a short animated film that walks through where our stuff comes from & where it ends up. Watch it!! Think about it. This is stuff I'm still trying to figure out.

In our family I’ve found the main way around the cheap-is-best trap without spending extravagantly is to emphasize quality over quantity. Do I really NEED 10 bath & shower products? Not really. I can either make them myself or buy a concentrate that I dilute (less packaging & water cost). So I spend the same amount as if I’d used double/triple coupons, but I’ve skipped the waste, the harmful chemicals, and I haven’t short-changed anyone on cost. Baking powder, vinegar & essential oils are always pretty inexpensive!

Similarly with clothes: I don’t NEED 20 outfits for my 2 year old. We wash laundry 1-2 a week, so at most she needs 7 outfits + a church outfit. I either make them myself (usually using recycled material like daddy’s old shirts) buy them consignment (my $3/item limit is final), thankfully accept hand-me-downs, or enjoy Grandma’s gifts. We give away what we receive extras of. I also try to only buy brands that we know will last through many children/washings, and/or that are made fairly. Even with only one child so far, I can tell a difference between the way The Children's Place and Garanimals (the Wal-Mart brand) wear. By contrast, the outfits my great-grandmother hand-made for my grandma are still going strong!!

The same thinking is applied to our books, toys and food– get the minimum needed, get quality, and take care of it. I know that our food expense/person is fairly comparable to (if not lower than) most families' despite our need to buy gluten-free, soy-free, mostly organic, seasonal items. (HAH pregnancy has thrown a wrench in this, though, and we've eaten a LOT more convenience foods the past 4 months than usual!) There is also the question of "does cheap equal more expenses later?"-- like in health-care expenses or replacement costs. Our daughter isn't allowed to abuse her toys, and she watches them get confiscated if she doesn't take care of them. (We try to make sure her toys are age-appropriate so that this is a reasonable expectation.) The side benefit is FAR less clean up and clutter! I also feel like having less makes us less “owned” by our possessions. We pay a fair price for what we have (“the worker is worthy of his wages”), we enjoy it, and we use it thoroughly. No extreme couponing needed. :)

What about you? How do you balance the reality of a limited budget with the needs of your family and the burden of living ethically in a global economy? Have you found a way to make couponing work for you? Any brands you highly recommend? If so, why?

Modesty and Breast-feeding

2012-01-19T09:36:00.056-05:00

As a Christian woman, I'm really concerned about being a godly woman-- a big part of that is modesty. If you're like me, you've probably read several books on the topic, heard many sermons, seen "are you dressed modestly?" checklists, and had lots of discussions about it. There's no question that in our society we do NOT value modesty or the chastity it protects and proclaims. I firmly believe that how we treat and display our bodies reflects our view of our Creator, in Whose Image we are made.

As a Christian mom, the topic of modesty & correct use of the body has gained a new facet: breast-feeding. I've been disturbed to hear some mothers come to the conclusion that a nursing mother should always isolate herself while nursing her baby for the sake of modesty, even from her other children and other women. Others -- not only Christians in this case, but Westerners in general- I've known were unable to breast-feed because they "felt uncomfortable doing it." On the other end of the spectrum, some women hold "nurse-ins" where they join together to nurse their babies in public with no covering at all. Which of these approaches is most appropriate? How does nursing fit in with Christian modesty? I think we have to step back a little further to even start to get an answer, and ask: how does nursing fit into our understanding of our bodies as women?

It seems to me that a primary function of the whole female body really is nurturing-- I'd even go so far as to say that it's crucial and central to our view of femininity. We are built to nurture, it's part of our image of God. (Isa. 49:14-15, 66:12-13, Hosea 11:1-4) It starts in Genesis with the naming (defining, in many ways) of the First Woman, and it carries on through every list of womanly virtue in the New Testament.

"The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living." (Gen. 3:20)

"No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds." (1 Tim 5:9-10)

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." (Titus 2:3-5)

A very basic part of this nurturing is the bearing, feeding & care of children. We, as opposed to our male fellow Image-bearers, have the body parts to carry children, to give them birth, to nurse them, and tend them. We've got the hips to carry them around, the multi-tasking brain to attend to a household, and the type of sleep that enables us to wake at a child's cry (read a fascinating article on this from the NY Times). Child-safety expert Gavin de Becker says that women are more likely to stay with a lost child until the parents are found, while a man is more likely to merely direct the child to help. My point? Whether we physically care for children or not, nurturing is still a part of our feminine make-up. Women who never bear children should still see their bodies as instruments of nurture. We are nurturing when we pick up our kids (or a neighbor's) and hug them, put an arm around a hurting friend, make a meal for a lonely person, care for a sick patient, tend a garden... we are nurturing, we are women, we are being God-like.

This PERFECTLY captures what I'm trying to say!

Our culture's attack on modesty has led to a hyper-sexualization of breasts, it seems. They are used to sell everything; is it any wonder that some moms can't bring themselves to breast-feed because all their lives they'd grown up thinking of breasts as exclusively sexual? Some wean their babies very early, as soon as the child showed any signs of being able to ask for milk, because they're disturbed that their child can now "ask for it." Poor babies! There's a breast-feeding doll that's come out and if you read the comments, you'll see that many people are appalled, saying it as "sexual" and "inappropriate." I'd say that's the furthest thing from sexual there is-- the feeding of an innocent child! Surely even adoptive children can grow up with a proper understanding of nursing children, of knowing that's one very big reason why God gave Mommies the anatomy He did. [I wouldn't spend $90 on such a doll, though... Eowyn "nurses" pretty much any ol' stuffed animal happily.]

That said, we are not animals, and there is a difference between a human mother feeding her baby and a cow feeding hers. People wear clothes. Animals don't. There sure are other functions animals take NO efforts to hide that we humans treat (appropriately) as very private-- we have the glorious burden of being made in God's image, we have the shame of a sinful nature. In an effort to show respect for my body, to keep any others from stumbling (into lust), and to be considerate of those whom it might make truly uncomfortable, I practice & encourage discretion in public or around guys (covering up is not really a big deal). BUT, there are just no guarantees. I've had to nurse all over the world in all sorts of settings and I'm sure someone somewhere has seen some skin, lol, not by choice, but that's just life. The nursing of a child is a totally natural happening and it's something good. (Kind of like kissing your husband, I think-- we're not going to flaunt it and make out in public, but if someone catches us smooching we have nothing to be ashamed of!!) [As a culture check, in our church care group we had a single guy who grew up as an MK in Papua New Guinea, where women nurse children on one side & suckling pigs on the other, with no covering at ALL... everywhere!!! As you can imagine, he was absolutely comfortable around breastfeeding women, especially if they were covered up (and lacking in suckling pigs).] I do hope that my own children grow up in a world where it's not even an issue, because everyone knows that's just how babies are fed naturally!

As far as it being potentially inappropriate for children to see maternal breasts, from Scripture it would be almost impossible to say. However, kids were weaned around age 3 in Biblical times, kids were plentiful and in many families there were multiple moms in a household. It is a stretch to think that kids would grow up watching their parents & other women nurse?

What are your thoughts on this topic of modesty/feminine Image of God intersecting with breast-feeding? Do you think of nursing as an aspect of feminine nurturing, as a mere biological process, or what?

**Please note: this article is not trying to assess whether or not Christian women who are able SHOULD breast-feed or not (nor in what manner they choose to do that), but rather examining the question of how nursing fits in with our view of Christian feminine modesty.**

Home Birth, A Safe Option?

2012-01-18T16:02:00.001-05:00

Two articles have recently come to my attention (see, you think that I'm all on the ball and a researcher type, but REALLY, I just have great friends who send me this stuff =D) regarding the safety of home birth.

The first I read is from England, and it compared midwife-attended home births, midwife-attended center births, midwife-attended hospital births & doctor-attended hospital births. The findings were fascinating: for first-time births, midwife-attended center births are safest overall; fewer C-sections & other interventions risky to the mom, as well as low infant mortality & morbidity. Midwife-attended hospital births were next, followed by doctor-attended hospital births. Home births were marginally less safe (we're talking under 1% difference). For all later births, there was no difference in harm to the baby. However, as far as "normal" birth is concerned (meaning one without interventions like forceps, and episiotomies), home birth is the clear winner. Here's how the percentages stack up for normal births: 90% home birth, 83% freestanding midwife unit, 76% hospital midwife unit, and 60% hospital obstetric unit.

This Oxford University research raises fundamental questions about maternity care in the UK. Nine out of 10 babies are born in medically-led obstetric units. There has been a trend to centralise this into fewer and larger centres to guarantee consultant cover. Many of the decisions have taken place without definitive evidence about the safety for babies and the experience for mothers. This study provides that.

It reveals an unexplained difference in the rate of normal birth between units run by midwives and those run by doctors. The disparity on emergency Caesarean sections is particularly striking. It suggests a different culture in the way midwives and doctors see birth, with doctors concerned about risks and midwives focused on normality.

The second article is on a similar study in Canada, though from 2000-2004 (published in 2009). It compared midwife-attended home births, midwife-attended hospital births and doctor-attended hospital births, and revealed "the mortality rate per 1,000 births was 0.35 in the home birth group, 0.57 in hospital births attended by midwives, and 0.64 among those attended by physicians." This article continues:

Women who gave birth at home were less likely to need interventions or to have problems such as vaginal tearing or hemorrhaging. These babies were also less likely to need oxygen therapy or resuscitation, the study found.

The authors acknowledge that "self-selection" could have skewed the study results, in that women who prefer home deliveries tend to be healthier and otherwise more fit to have a home birth.

Good stuff to think about!

Just as a note, it's enlightening to read the same UK study reported with a different "spin." While it's clear from the actual study that the risk to the babies was all under 1% (4.5 per 1000 to 9.3 per 1000), this study spins the data to say: "First-time mothers who opt for a home birth are almost three times more likely to have a baby who dies or suffers brain damage"! Sounds much more scary when it's put that way, doesn't it!? This just highlights why it's important to look at actual data, not just the way a newspaper reports them! (Here's a link to the actual medical journal article.)

Big Changes for the KY Szrama Family

2012-01-09T12:54:00.003-05:00

I have some confessions to make:

I just joined Living Social (like Groupon). I've been researching area preschools, pediatricians, and family doctors. I've been asking around for recommendations on where to get local, organic food in season. Ryan & I made a bucket list. Ryan & I have been looking at various churches.

Why is this unusual? Because they're not for Louisville-- except for the list, entitled "Things to Do Before Leaving Louisville." Yes, in a sudden & strange turn of events, Ryan & I have had our offer accepted for a house in Greenville, SC, and are set to close on February 10th. Of this year.

Why Greenville? Well, as many of you know, I grew up in Greenville; it's my hometown, my college town (Go Furman Paladins!), my parents' town. Two of my aunts, my parents, and one set of grandparents live there, with my sisters 4 hours or less away. I still have friends living in the area, either from college, high school, or before. Why now? The short answer is "because I'm a wuss." =D

The long answer goes something like... why not now? For the past few years Ryan & I have realized that we were just in Louisville because we were in Louisville. One by one our ties to the city-- jobs, school, church commitments, close friends-- have all gone away. Meanwhile, Ryan's job takes him around the world in increasing amounts, while I can accompany him less. Being pregnant with all its difficulties (again) leads us to expect that future pregnancies will be just as difficult-- probably more so as more young children are added to the mix. Friends are amazing and willing to help (I've had friends come make meals, come help me process apples & pumpkins, take Eowyn for the day, and pray for us), but when most of us are in the same boat (pregnant, with little ones), it's hard to get help at the drop of a hat. However, the longer we stay the more roots we set down here and it's harder & harder to leave. Ryan has lived in Louisville for 14 years, and in the past 2 has re-connected with high school friends that have become dear brothers in Christ to him. While our first "wave" of close friends have all moved on, we have begun to make new close friendships...and that pattern is likely to continue.

So, we have been looking at moving to Greenville to be near family in the next season of our lives (most of Ryan's side of our family live 2- 4 hours of Greenville, too-- as opposed to the 8 they are now). It seems the Biblical "norm" is to be close to your family unless God specifically calls you elsewhere, and we have felt no such call. Louisville was the perfect place for us to begin our marriage, careers, and family, to experience life in community and enjoy getting to know a city together. Now, it seemed like time to move on, but how to know when?

We prayed that the Lord would make it clear by showing us a house that was "too good a deal to pass up" and then opening all the appropriate doors to buying it. Ryan's kept a "potential properties" tab open on his browser and we've looked at dozens of houses from afar. Over Christmas we visited my folks and went with a Realtor friend of ours, as we'd done for the past few visits, and once again ruled out all the ones we saw. However, at midnight before we were due to leave Ryan somehow saw another property online, one that looked perfect for us! He & my father raced over (remember, it's midnight), used flashlights & the car's high beams to peer in all the windows (yes, it was a vacant house, otherwise Ryan probably would have had a view of Greenville's county jail, lol). The realtor had asked us if we wanted to see any properties on our way out of town, and at this point Ryan emailed back and said "yes!" and provided the address of the property he & my dad had found. He added in a few more "since we're already in the area," and the realtor added one she thought we'd like, based on what she's learned of our tastes. Next morning we set out, and we liked ALL of them. It was the exact opposite of the day before! We especially liked the one our realtor "thought we might like." We decided to stay the rest of the day and visit a new area church plant the following morning. We were really encouraged by the church service (we could see ourselves worshiping & serving there), and the whole way home we talked about the houses we'd seen.

We contacted some mortgage brokers to see if we could even get financing without selling our current home first. Within a day, we knew we could. We made an offer on The House...counter offer... counter-counter offer... settled. Now we are gathering up paper work for the actual sale and, should our financing come through as expected, we will close on our new home 4 states away in a month. Whew! We went from casually looking at homes to committing to BUY one in less than a week, and it's left us a little windswept. It's a clear answer to prayer and a huge blessing to me-- I know my husband is moving because he loves me. That means so much.

We are excited about having a beautiful home with plenty of room for guests and more children, with an office for Ryan NOT in the middle of things; we love the idea of being within walking distance of family... we are counting up all the goodbyes that must be said in the next 2 months, though, and it is sad. We want to fully enjoy every last minute of our time in Louisville!!

A few pictures of our favorite parts of the house:

Eowyn's favorite part: the "Belle" staircase
(can you tell she got 'Beauty & the Beast' for Christmas?)

The wood-burning fireplace whose adjacent arches which we intend to turn into bookshelves!

The partition dividing tiled kitchen from living room

Remodeled kitchen with beautiful tile details and tile countertops--
I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE CABINET SPACE!!

I guess all that's left to say is-- COME VISIT US SOON!! (If you want an incentive, see this really nifty little video here.) And, there are more adventures just around the corner!

Happy "Three Kings Day!"

2012-01-06T21:38:00.000-05:00

Gifts of men from distant lands

Prophesy the story:

Gold- a King is born today,

Incense- our God is with us,

Myrrh- His death will make a way,

And by His blood He'll win us.

- "Joy Has Dawned" by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend, 2004

It's the last day of Christmas ...you know the old song, "The 12 Days of Christmas"? It refers to the old practice of actually celebrating 12 days of "Christmastide;" starting December 25th (the end of the "Advent" season in the Church year), and stretching 12 full days until Epiphany, or "Three Kings Day." Yes, yes, shhhh all you Theologically-Correct peeps, we KNOW that the Magi probably didn't come exactly 12 days after Jesus' birth to the stable in Bethlehem (it was probably more like 2 years later... in a house), and they weren't exactly"kings," and we don't know that there were three of them... but the name has a nice ring, ok? Just play along.

Epiphany is defined as "from the Greek epiphaneia: manifestation, striking appearance." We use the word to mean a sudden revelation, a flash of inspiration or understanding. In the sense of the holiday, the word is used literally: the sudden revealing of God as a man, not only the long-awaited Messiah of the Jews but also the Savior of the World... even of Gentiles, like... me. Today was set aside by the church fathers to celebrate the day that Old Testament prophesies opening up the salvation offered in Israel would be extended to the world, exemplefied by foreign wise men bowing low and giving this child their treasures.

Isaiah 49:6 records God the Father speaking about His coming servant:
“It is too light a thing that you should be my servant to raise up the tribes of Jacob and to bring back the preserved of Israel; I will make you as a light for the nations, that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth.” Isaiah 60:3 adds: "And nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising"

All day Simeon's words spoken over the 8-day-old Jesus have rung in my ears:

“Lord, now you are letting your servantdepart in peace, according to your word; for my eyes have seen your salvation that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and for glory to your people Israel.” Luke 2:24-32

Eowyn & I made ginger-molasses cookies, invited some friends over for the Veggie Tales "The Star of Christmas" and played with the Nativity Set one last time. I tried to listen to hymns about the Wise Men, Simeon (hear my favorite song on that topic, "Your King Has Come," here.)
or the Incarnation. I'm so thankful that God decided to open up salvation to us Gentiles! Today has been a good day to "remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ."

And that all started with the Incarnation, as lowly (shepherds) and high (Magi) alike were brought near to worship the King of kings.

Our Christmas 2011

2012-01-04T23:01:00.000-05:00

The Thursday before Christmas, Ryan & I loaded up our car (and child) at a record early time despite my "bad pregnancy morning." The normally-5-hour trip to Grandma's stretched to 8+ due to weather, a very-slow-eating two year old, and bad traffic. Poor Ryan. We passed the time with Fablehaven on Audiobook, naps for Mommy & baby, Christmas music and some library DVDs for Eowyn, and finally made it to Grandma's in time for dinner.

At Grandma's, Eowyn enjoyed all the music-making Christmas ornaments & toys, dancing & singing to her heart's delight (Jingle Bells is her favorite), the toys Grandma & Grandpa still have-- especially the train set that her daddy & uncles enjoyed-- not to mention all the attention & affection of her aunts, uncles, cousins (first-once-removed, to be precise), grandparents & great-grandparents. She is so well-loved. Christmas Eve we went to the service at Grandma & Grandpa's church, then drove through the local Christmas lights show at the Bristol Motor Speedway (very cool). That night Eowyn opened her customary books & home-made PJs (from upcycled fabric; this year from my old flannel pants...yes I will eventually run out of old jammies, I know). She LOVED her "p'itty p'itty jamas" as well as her new books The Tower of London, Paris, & If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. We adults did our "White Elephant" gift exchange-- Ryan got his prize RC helicopter, I got an amazingly-scented candle & some chocolate. We also opened one gift, this year from Ryan's parents ("Poppy & Grams" to Eowyn).

Sunday morning, we opened our gifts & stockings before heading off to church. Eowyn's wardrobe received a massive increase in cuteness, let me tell you. Seriously, I'm almost jealous. ;) She and I also received digital cameras... mine's an SLR & hers has thumbnail-size resolutions, but hey, in her words "We match!!" I still haven't worked out how to um, work, mine fully... but I LOVE it and am enjoying playing immensely! (Thank you, Babe. =D) The "worst" part of the morning was having to be opening gifts by 8 am (pregnant me does not do mornings so well), but hey, I will not complain about getting amazing gifts with the people I love! :) The Lord was gracious & gave me a reprieve from sickness after we opened gifts, for the whole day! [please excuse the paltry photos here- we have more on my new camera as well as my cousin Kasey's, but they will be forthcoming]

Note how her necklace is currently a crown.
A moment before it was dangling on the bridge of her nose as her "glasses."

Modeling her new nightgown on Christmas Eve

Singing carols on the way to church Christmas Morning (LOVE her Christmas outfit)

Christmas dinner was plentiful & delicious, as were the games of various sorts we all played over the next few days-- Ticket to Ride, Agricola, Carcasonne, and Scene It: Harry Potter. Have I mentioned Grandpa's fudge (as my dad later put it: "I think that might have been the best fudge I ever had. I need another piece to decide.")? Or the mountains, and I mean MOUNTAINS of cookies & baked goods amassed on ever flat surface? I think Greg & Kendi brought 200 cookies with them, not kidding.

Tuesday afternoon we drove down to Greenville, SC, to celebrate a second Christmas with that "side" of the family. This kid is going to think she gets presents for a solid month every December, lol. I'll put up more on the Greenville leg of our trip- all the Ruiz clan get-togethers, the times with the sisters, etc- tomorrow or sometime after my mid-night snack. :) In the meantime here's one of my favorite shots of my daughter perched on my mom's counter, watching the morning, snacking on cereal, and waiting for Nina & GB to wake up. It reminds me so much of my own childhood in this very same house.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T16:56:00.002-05:00

Lots going on in our lives... many updates are over-due, but for those who are stopping by from our Christmas cards, here is a little slideshow of Eowyn over the past year.

Enjoy!

12 Days of Large-Family Christmas

2011-12-21T09:00:00.001-05:00

This is a lot of fun! :) Ignore the key-change mid final verse... sorry as a music geek I had to say it.

I think it's crazy that people get so many comments with 7 kids while just two generations ago that was the norm!

Merry Christmas!!
As a bonus, one of my favorites EVER:

PS- 1. this group was known for performing "Africa" 2. one member (you'll know which) had earlier complained about the lack of non-Christmas songs in the "Holiday" concert schedule

New Worship Album by Ben Brainard

2011-12-19T15:30:00.001-05:00

Here is a great chance to pre-order an album by a friend of ours that promises to be musically AND theologically sound. Our friend Ben Brainard, now a pastor at LaGrange Baptist Church, was the worship leader at our home fellowship (Immanuel) for years... and we STILL miss him. :) He even came and worked with my boys when I was a private-school choral conductor. We also hammed it up at VBS leading the music together, and he & Ryan were our skit masters ...fun times. He's a gifted composer and prayer-full man. Anyway, he's put his first album on Kickstarter, a website that lets you donate any amount you wish towards a project. Check it out --for $15 you can pre-order the album, and there are all sorts of other options too. Enjoy & please pass this on... it could be that Christmas gift for one who's impossible to buy for... Music ministers & worship leaders please take note-- this album is intended to be useful for congregational worship too; catchy simple melodies and rich singable words. The project will close in two days, and if the full amount isn't raised, Ben will have to try again some other way/time. He's so close right now!

Check it out: Congregational Worship Album We Are the Light.

None of these songs have been professionally recorded yet- thence the Kickstarter project- so all samples are still "in the raw" (think Rich Mullins' Jesus Record)

Pearls of Pain

2011-12-16T23:51:00.003-05:00

I've been working on a post on brokenness and creativity- on the part grief & loss plays on our ability to tell Stories... but... it will have to wait. My sister called, and two hours later, I'm even more tired than I was before (though I have even more to think about- sisters are good for that). =D A line from a poem I'd written in college kept coming back to me, about how Jesus gathered up every broken bit of bread after He'd fed the 5000. Such a picture of our Lord's intentionality in breaking: He never breaks needlessly or wastefully. Anyway, I dug through my old journals & found this in #30. It was written as I watched a close friend allow her suffering & pain to pull her inward instead of outward, forfeiting the blessings she could both have and be. It's not the greatest poem I've ever written by any stretch, but here it is. The imagery of pain as a pearl isn't all that bad-- pearls are formed through irritation, through pain-- and they benefit no one if kept within. Best of all, though, is the idea that in our pain, we meet Him. As Ben Patterson put it, "He is the treasure to be found in all that hurts us." (Waiting) A treasure meant not only for us, but for us to share.

"A Precious Pearl"

We sat and watched the falling rain
You near to me,
Yet sealed so tight--
Curled up around your pearl of pain.

Do you know my tears can fall?
That I cry out
And wrestle doubt,
Watching you weep there, in your wall?

You know it's precious in His sight?
A death, a cross,
A fruitful loss--
That pain that curls you up so tight.

I think of bread, by Galilee...
He never wastes
A thing He breaks,
But gathers it to useful be.

I think of Acts, how He decreed
His glorious Name
And Bride's delight
As end of every holy deed.

As left Hand takes, His right one gives,
His promise stands:
The one with Christ,
Though he have naught, yet full he lives.

A pearl of pain, of loss, of shame
So costly, so
Isolating--
Yet priceless, meant His grace to frame.

written June 20, 2005

So Long, Moses Video

2011-12-15T21:24:00.000-05:00

A friend linked to this wonderful video accompanying Andrew Peterson's "So Long, Moses" which is a part of his Christmas album, Behold the Lamb of God.

It's a wonderful Advent (and just overview of the Bible in general) song! Enjoy!

Thanks, Mary Scott! :)

Shutterfly Stationery Card (Christmas Card #2)

2011-12-14T16:39:00.002-05:00

Christ Wishes Religious Christmas Card

Turn family photos into personalized Christmas cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

I had some fun with different types of cards, as you can see... :)

Family Christmas Card 2011

2011-12-12T10:17:00.003-05:00

(click on the image to enlarge)
This year we again turned to Shutterfly to make our family Christmas cards. I think they have a great selection, and I really like how all the designs are organizable in different ways, so you can easily find one you want. The only thing I found frustrating was the save function. If you save your card, then go back and change it and save it under a different name, it will still replace your previous card with the current one. You need to start a new project for each card and save it separately. Just trying to spare you. :)

But really, there is something for everyone. You can even have them mail the cards for you! I of course am trying to write our yearly epic tome of a newsletter (I needed to be back home by my calendar as I couldn't remember what all we did this year)... to be emailed or mailed to you all soon!

--the Szrama family chronicler

Disclaimer: Shutterfly provided 25 free 5x7 photo cards to sample & then review via blog. All opinions are my own.

Made Your Flu Shot Lately?

2011-12-12T10:04:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I find this both hilarious and profoundly gross. Twice I dry-heaved while watching it, even as I was laughing my head off. But that might be because I'm pregnant. Ryan kept telling me "it's not even real, it's just water in the blender..." Anyway, here's a humorous reminder of what you might be about to shoot directly into your bloodstream or up your child's nose.

Aspiring to Love the Same Lord

2011-12-12T10:02:00.000-05:00

...as those who've gone before us.

Thanks to my sis Nicole for passing this one on.

Little Bit of Mid-Winter Sun

2011-12-11T14:50:00.000-05:00

She was intimidated by the waves, and just
wanted to curl up and "sleep" for quite a while.

Ryan's company had a retreat & then hosted a Dupal Commerce training near Ft. Lauderdale, Florida this past week (in Hallandale/Hollywood, FL). He pitched the idea of us coming along a few months back, but I wasn't sure I'd be feeling up to traveling. However, as the day drew nearer, I was more afraid I wasn't feeling up to being alone! So we bought tickets and began to look forward to a few days in the warmth.

I am SO thankful we got to do this. God gave me a wonderful break from pregnancy-sickness and I felt much better than I had in a while. The warm sun & cool water felt great on my poor ol' legs, and Eowyn had a blast splashing in the pool and kicking over my sandcastles (with absolutely no remorse). The hotel was quite nice, with a pool & hot tub that we got to enjoy the first night because the thermostat was turned way down (yay!). Every morning Eowyn & I would head to the beach for a few hours-- she was mostly terrified of the waves, and the water was too cold for my liking, but it was very warm (70s-80) in the sun, and we would spread a towel or grab a lounge chair and read books or play in the sand. She loved burying her feet and then fake crying "Mama, I lost my feet! I can't find them!" She also enjoyed sprinkling my legs with sand and wanting me to cry... One morning I had the idea to bring along a plastic cup and that was definitely her favorite-- she dug and poured and loved watching me build, the whole time asking "I knock it over now?" Once the sun had risen a good bit and the shallow end of the hotel pool was in full sunlight, we would go to the pool & splash around. She absolutely loved it!!

We took nice naps after lunch, and in the afternoon did a variety of things. Once we walked with a friend to get some Ben & Jerry's, another time we were stuck inside from the rain & watched cartoons. Once we went back to the pool. Eowyn learned to "play" Angry Birds on our phones. Everyone doted on her; some of Ryan's business partners even bought her an Angry Birds Hallandale Beach t-shirt!! Totally the perfect souvenir...

Ryan's business partner Tim had arranged all sorts of fun food outings for us, and we enjoyed sushi on the Broadwalk (no, that's not a typo), catered food by the hotel pool, excellent seafood, huge juicy burgers (though we were terrorized by giant crows dropping sea grapes on us... seriously, they left purple stains on Ryan's pants!), and a memorable middle eastern restaurant -complete with belly dancer -where Eowyn learned to shout "Opa!" and throw napkins in the air.

I was shocked at how FEW families were down there-- we saw maybe 2 other young children on the beach when we went. Everyone else was at least 65. I can't wait to homeschool and just head down to the beach in December "because!" :) The first afternoon we arrived, Ryan, Eowyn & I were splashing around in the pool, almost delirious because it was 80 degrees and it was due to snow back home, and we were in swimsuits, and I remember saying "coming here was the best idea we've ever had!" So, thank you, Commerce Guys, for making it possible, and ultimately, thank You, Father, who delights to give your children undeserved, unexpected good gifts.

Just not sure about those waves...

Finally, a grin! (I showed her how to "lose" her feet)

One of our lunch spots

Looking for the birds

They're cute now... wait until they're dropping stuff on your head

Playing in the hotel pool

Found it!

Chillin' like a villain

Another favorite pastime: splashing

Mr. Tim entertaining her with his iPad

Cup +Sand = FUN!

Told you everyone doted on her...

She was absolutely taken with this little "P'incess" book, given her by the hotel staff

Some Szrama Traditions

2011-12-05T09:54:00.012-05:00

Ok, this is one of those posts where I'm throwing random stuff out there and I want you to throw lots back!! So here's the question: what are your favorite holiday traditions? They can be personal (like you always read through Dickens' A Christmas Carol) or familial, like going to Ace Mountain Farms to cut down your own tree on the 16th... whatever! They can even be food-related... I just might not read those until I'm in my 3rd trimester. :)

Some that we've started in our li'l family are...

1. Advent wreath & candles at dinner- yes, you've all heard enough about that. I will confess that our wreath is an evergreen wreath from Michael's, wrapped with some clearance Christmas ribbon from Hobby Lobby (I think). The candles are all left-overs, and the chalice in the middle was a gift from one of my students my first year of teaching. Each year I pop in a new tea-light and it becomes our Christ candle. Simple, frugal, pretty, and it works! As Eowyn gets older I hope to add in an Advent devotional or story book (like Gaarder's The Christmas Mystery).

2. Jesse Tree at breakfast. Once again, enough said.

Szrama Family 2011 ornaments

3. Trimming the tree (AFTER Thanksgiving) -- for 2 years now Eowyn's been my buddy during this. This year she was absolutely enthralled, and each new ornament she unwrapped was met with a breathless "Oh, Mommy, yook!" {She also knocked over the tree, breaking some ornaments, but reinforcing the lesson that she must not touch the tree... "or Mommy be sad when I break you star." Now she occasionally reminds our tree "Don't you fall over, Tree!"}

4. Family ornaments- each year we pick or make a Christmas ornament that represents an event from that year. Our first year of marriage, it was our cake toppers (a knight & a maiden) threaded onto ribbon from our rehearsal dinner inscribed with our names & wedding date. We have a a Hungarian coin on ribbon (2008), a pink "baby" ornament for 2009 (when Eowyn was born), an upcycled Christmas Eiffel Tower from '95 (2010), and this year, Ryan picked out a red double-decker London bus while we were in England. (I write the year on the ornament in permanent marker as well as writing it into our Christmas memories book.)

5. Kids' ornaments- as my mom did for us, we are starting ornament collections for our kids. We pick one each year -- this year, Eowyn actually picked her own; a Queen Katherine bought in Westminster Abbey, London.

6. Christmas Eve gift bags-- on Christmas Eve, our children get to open 2 gifts, which are the same type every year: a book relating to the past year in some way, and a new pair of Christmas jammies, home-made by Mommy (so far out of upcycled material). I made 2 drawstring bags (one large, one small) out of the same fabric as the top of Eowyn's Christmas stocking, so that each year, she'll know easily which presents are hers to open Christmas Eve (cuts down on packaging waste too!). I look forward to making bags & stockings in different fabrics for each child God gives us!

Eowyn's ornament from 2011: England's Queen Katherine

7. Stocking pins-- this was something Ryan grew up doing: adding a little something to his stocking each year. Last year Eowyn added an Eiffel Tower pin (since she visited Paris twice), and this year she'll add a slightly-less glamorous potty-trained pin. Hey, it was a big deal! She can always pin it to the back of her stocking while she's a mortified teenager. ;)

8. Basket of Christmas toys & books-- so far we have only a few, but Eowyn loves them! My favorite is a finger-puppet felt Nativity set my mom found for me while I was still teaching. It's just perfect for little hands!

9. Christmas memories book-- this was a wedding gift from Ryan's grandparents (I think, right?), with spaces to record traditions, events, menus, gathering places, memorable gifts, and more each holiday. I love that we have this record, especially since I'll probably forget which ornament was for which year, or which kid gave Grandma that... it's already fun to go back and read about our past Christmases together!

Ok those are ours: what are yours?

Our Christmas Memories book, under the tree

Lowest-Tech Jesse Tree Possible

2011-12-04T14:43:00.001-05:00

You may or may not have heard of a Jesse Tree. I hadn't until a friend mentioned she was making one for her boys a few years back. The idea is to have a visual of Isaiah 11:1- "There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit." This speaks of the coming Messiah as one who would be of David's royal line (Jesse was David's father), despite that line's seeming death (during the Exile). So this tree-- often depicted as branches coming out of an old stump-- has become a symbol for the lineage of Christ; for everything that happened to make us ready for the Messiah (Christ)-child to be born... to have to come to die for us.

Each day of Advent, a symbolic ornament is added to represent one event or character in the lead-up to the Messiah's birth in Bethlehem. Starting with God's Creation of the world on Day 1, moving through the Fall (which is the whole reason we NEED a Savior), the Flood, the calling of Abraham, the Exodus, the Kingdom, the Prophets, the Exile, and then the familiar events of Matt 1-3 & Luke 1-2.

I had hoped to make ornaments from figurines, felt, toys, and other craftsy ideas. :) But I just haven't found the energy to make it up to Hobby Lobby, so this year we are doing the lowest-tech Jesse Tree you've ever seen. Brown paper (mine was packing material), a computer printer, markers, tape & scissors are all ya need. Ryan's quote was "Awe-struck would be too strong a word" when he saw it. Heh, I know. But Eowyn loves it, and it's helpful for me to have a 'trial-run' to decide which calendar to use (even how many days to go-- the 25 day version or 29 day version) before I go make all the ornaments.

I printed off two lists- a longer list (starts 4 Sundays before Christmas Day) from Christian Voice, and a 25-day list (starts Dec 1st) from jesse-tree.com. I printed off coloring graphics from osv.com and from The Reformed Church in America. There are tons more out there; I just wanted something Eowyn could color, so that's why I went with the simple black & white outlines. This is another cool packet-- this would totally make part of a fun birthday or new-baby gift. If I were doing these to be our permanent Jesse Tree ornaments I might have done some of the colored ones like these.

Every morning after breakfast, while she's still contained in her high chair, I "read" (usually it's more of a re-cap) the day's story to Eowyn from one of our many children's Bibles-- right now the Illustrated Children's Bible Vol 1 is working great. Then she gets one marker at a time (to her great delight) and makes a few marks on the day's ornament. We work on colors too as she gets to tell me which color she'd like next. Then I tape it onto our tree. Ta-da!

I've been pleasantly surprised at how much the symbols seem to help Eowyn remember each story from day to day, and how often I find them popping up in later discussions. I know some of the symbolism goes WAY over her head-- like the stars for Abraham, or the Rainbow for Noah-- but at least they are becoming familiar to her, and some day (I pray) when someone asks her how she "knows so much about God's promises & care of His people," that she has to squint and think and say "you know, I don't remember-- I just have always known those stories."

Advent!!

2011-12-03T16:03:00.002-05:00

As many of you know, I love Advent. I feel somehow cheated, let down whenever I go straight into Christmas without leading up to... like I tried to leap with no momentum. I need visual reminders, tangible traditions, things I can see and touch and feel and smell and hear to remind me of what is coming-- rather, what has come, Who has come, and why He came. I love history, and my favorite type of writing is a "snapshot," taking a moment out of someone's life and "getting inside their head" so I understand what they felt and what they would do. Advent helps me do that with the Nativity. I can imagine the shepherds and their terror, then their wonder. I can imagine Mary, on the ground in a barn, hardly more than a child, bringing the Son of God into the world in the same bloody way millions of women have done since Eve. I can imagine Joseph's determination to find shelter for his wife, his taking of a stable, his internal struggle between despair and trust in the God he had chosen to obey... there's Anna and Simeon, and with them thousands of Jews, wondering if God had forgotten them utterly, waiting beneath what seemed like an Iron Sky. Every facet of this story of His first coming points me ahead to the reality of His second coming. We, too, are a waiting people.

But it all takes time for me. If I'm to understand the faith, the trust, the fear cast out by love, then I need to hear it again and again. If I'm to truly worship amidst the gift-wrapping and lights, to truly love amidst the gift-giving and carols, then I must give the Spirit ample tools of Scripture and prayer. It takes time for my too-stubborn-too-cold heart to Remember just how much my Father gave for me.

The candles on a table, the cadence of my husband's voice reading ancient prophesies of judgment and deliverance, of a Returning King. The singing of "Away in a Manger" to a squirming toddler on my lap-- all these help me to Remember. (Read Ann Voskamp's thoughts on the topic here.)

This year we are just following the liturgy from the Book of Common Prayer Year 1. It's a lot of Scripture and not a lot of commentary (none), but I like it because it is something to read every day. Here is a simpler, more straightforward daily reading schedule (from Providence Church- HT: Noel Piper) If you wanted something for each Sunday, The Village Church offers a free Advent eBook here.
Other friends have recommended Ann Voskamp's Jesse Tree Advent devotional. Download it free!

Also a wonderful exploration of the potential hazards of emphasizing Santa to children by Noel Piper is here. She pretty much says exactly what I think... just better. :)

I must take a nap now, but when I wake up I'll post pictures of our {exceedingly humble} first attempt at a Jesse Tree. :)

Yummy Easy Recipe

2011-11-17T13:31:00.000-05:00

I just saw this and thought it looked yummy! It's a recipe for Maple-Vanilla Panna Cruda, along with some tidbits about the origins of maple syrup!

Vision Forum & Other Coupon Codes

2011-11-17T10:10:00.002-05:00

I've been doing the last of our holiday shopping online this morning, and thought I'd share 3 sites I've used a bit... well, actually 4. You'll see.

The first is Dealoz.com. It's a meta-search engine that will compile a list of all the prices for a specific book online. It searches Amazon (new & used), Barnes & Noble, half.com, and tons more. It includes shipping, and even finds coupon codes for you! If you are thinking about getting a book for someone, check it first!

The second is Better World Books.They are often cheaper than Amazon, have free shipping (which Amazon Marketplace often lacks), and donate one book to charity for each you buy. I love their mission for world literacy and environmentally friendly mailing! As a bonus, use the coupon code CIRCLEKALUMNICOUPON to get 10% off your order total.

Third is Vision Forum. I like a lot of their products (but try to take their quiver-full, homeschool-only leanings in stride), but tend to find that much is overpriced, and their shipping has been SO expensive in the past. This year they're getting on the lower-shipping train, though, with $5 flat-rate shipping, AND here's a code to get 20% off your total order: ALLEXTRA20. I also have a coupon code for $10 off if anyone wants it, as for me the 20% off was worth more. Just message me and I'll get it to you!

The sort-of 4th site I recommend is a jumping-off point called eBates. You log in there and then use their links to go to many of your favorite stores for cash back (a certain percentage of your order). Barnes & Noble, Better World Books, Land's End Walmart.com, and Snapfish all are on ebates.

Please tell me- what tips, sites & codes do you use to get the most bang for your buck these days?

Enjoy! :)

Trying-to-save-so-we-can-give-more

Loving our Two Year Old

2011-11-16T17:36:00.003-05:00

"Look, I wink!"

Oh, Éowyn Grace, you two-year-old, you! I may not have as much energy as usual, growing this brother or sister of yours, but that just means I get more time to try and memorize you in all your toddler cuteness. I love our morning snuggles, when I bring sleepy you into our bed and you wake us up with your antics. Much as I will one day love sleeping until I actually am ready to wake up, I will miss your warm wiggly body.

I'm fascinated with how quickly you grow in your grasp of language. Your mind is always active, always learning. I love that you still don't get language perfectly, that we get to enjoy your baby-talk a few months more; like how you sternly tell Daddy 'no pat my back-pack' (meaning your back), or ask me to 'make-a-me a tail?' (referring to a pig-tail in your hair). Most notably is your use of 'you' as your article of choice-- in your mouth, it can mean the, that, a, my, his, or yours, as in 'Hold you hand' or 'Baby needs you Mommy' (translation: the baby needs his mommy). Some cute Eowyn-isms: cop-corm, heart-beep, butt (button), ooh-hah (musica), powin (pouting- which she will demonstrate if you don't understand her), shone (phone). In both languages, you know all your colors, can count to 10 (but almost always skip 3), and have a huge vocabulary for your age. You prefer to speak in English, though you understand Spanish perfectly, and do have select phrases you always say in Spanish (such as 'agua'). I try to exercise my brain and use Spanish, though it's hard to keep up with your growing needs for correction & conversation. :)

Ahh, correction. Yes, you definitely need that, on some days in spades. You've got quite a stubborn streak, and (especially when you're hungry & tired) can keep up a steady fuss-fit-cry-scream going for hours at a time. You also have begun to believe that you "need" (and you use that word with relish) about 25 items before going to sleep-- on nights when you really get going, you'll ask for multiple bo-bos, certain babies by name, paci(s), agua, hugs, kisses, tickles, music, songs sung (most-requested: O Ma Dawlin, Da Seep Song, Jesus, Los Pollitos, Amaze Gace & My Sunshine), to be covered up, to be rocked, and even just plain old held. When told 'no' or given an unpalatable instruction, you often fling your head away and close your eyes, as if blocking out the sight of us could make it more bearable. Or, if you aren't restrained by a high chair, the floor will do for refuge, hands over your face, bum in the air, "powin" with all your might. Of course you aren't allowed to do this, but you still try, and I try very hard not to laugh. Because it is cute. I've been so pleased to see you respond with understanding when we've compared this reaction to that of King Zedekiah in one of your Bibles, where Isaiah is shown pleading with him to listen & repent, and he turns proudly away. This has become your favorite picture in the Bible, and when reminded of it in the moment, you often crack a smile and give in. I am praying for your little heart, and praising the Lord that He is showing you mercy already!

You are still a Mama's girl through and through, though since Mama's been unavailable more often lately, through musical duties or sickness or fatigue, you and Daddy have become much more close. You call out for him when you wake up, you laugh with him, tickle him, and nothing makes me happier. He freely shares his technology with you (far more freely than I do), and your constant refrain is "See pictures, Daddy? (on your iPhone)" or "Pay game? (on your computer)." Any noise of him upstairs or outside prompts you to shout "Daddy get you! Hold you Mama!" and jump into my arms.

You make us laugh a lot, either through your "jokes" of calling things by their improper name and laughing yourself silly over it (forks & spoons especially, or potties & chairs), or threatening to go to sleep in your carseat, complete with fake snores, or though your childish ways of putting things. "It stinks like poopin'!" or "Hmmm... is sticky in my nose." You know the difference between needs & wants, and love to say "I NEED ___" first, then once prompted, grin and amend "I want _____."

You tend to be extremely sociable unless we want you to be, then clam up and try to hide. After many discussions of how you are not allowed to be rude to anyone, I had to smile when you overcompensated by SHOUTING greetings to folks in the store. Despite your fake shyness, you wake up asking to "see amigos?" every morning. You also request Skype or phone calls to family members regularly, and you know who goes with whom.

Eating has been challenging the last 5 weeks, due to sickness. There seems to be a lingering issue with texture-- contrary to your former habit of inhaling as much food as could possibly fit into your mouth, and then some, you spit out anything larger than a pinky-nail and proclaim it "too big." We are constantly reminding you that you have teeth and can use them. I'm sure this will pass. :)

You are still a true girly- girl. Purses, shoes, boots, hair-dos, pretty clothes, babies, food, phones, all fascinate you. You love to talk and remember everyone's name you've ever met. When you see animals, you invariably try to put them into families-- if there are 3 of anything, they are a mommy, a daddy, and a baby. However, you are also a child of the 21st C, and you love iPhones & skype, computer games & movies, and anything with buttons. The zoo & the library are favorite spots, though you don't mind shopping with mommy either. You love books, especially little scrapbooks, or any book sized for your hands actually. A few favorites are 'The Very Hungry Catterpillar,' 'The Very Quiet Cricket,' 'The Red Ripe Strawberry', 'The Napping House,' and 'The Gingerbread Man.' We try to go to the park whenever the weather permits. Just last week it was warm and the leaves were half-off the trees, forming a glorious golden carpet. I taught you how to drag your feet and listen to the swish-swish of autumnal footsteps, and we made pillows in the leaves and laid down to watch the leaves dance down. It was a truly precious moment-- the warmth, the colors, your delight at experiencing your first autumn, your small voice, the pillowy leaves, the chance to just rest and enjoy. I know you won't remember it, so I have treasured it up for both of us.

I love you, Cha-chi.

Mommy

Some Eowyn-Tales

2011-11-15T17:41:00.001-05:00

At my Aunt LM's house in New York, all the cupboards were at child-level, so Eowyn had enjoyed opening them and peering inside, though she wasn't allowed to touch anything. Making dinner for the family one night, I was stymied in my attempt to locate their cheese grater. I turned to Eowyn, always close by, and asked her "do you know where the cheese-grater is?," fully knowing I'd never told her that word in my life. She thought for a minute, then got up, went straight to the corner cupboard, and pulled out, sure enough, a cheese grater! "For cheese?" she asked, handing it to me. I guess all those mornings of watching me grate cheese over her eggs paid off!

Eowyn accompanied me to a friend's prenatal appointment, and with fascination watched the doctor smear gel on her belly, and heard the baby's heartbeat. Later I found her with a honey bottle, pretending to squirt gel on herself, saying "swich-wich," and then reminding herself "wipe it off!" At any mention of this friend or her baby (now born), Eowyn repeats this, and finishes with "and he get out!" :)

I had agreed to sing 2 songs to Eowyn before bed, but couldn't figure out which she wanted. "Yo-po" is what it sounded like, and that wasn't ringing any bells... She kept trying "hung-ee? cold?" My mind was racing...what songs do I sing about hunger & cold? Finally she exclaimed "bok-bok!" It all clicked: she was asking for the Spanish folksong called 'Los Pollitos' (thence the yo-po), which is about baby chicks (bok-boks) and how their mom feeds them when they are hungry, and snuggles them when they are cold. What had confused me was that it's completely in Spanish, and I'd never translated it for her-- she did that on her own.

A friend was over for a snack, and we were eating pumpkin muffins on the couch. Seeing that our plates were done, Eowyn asked to take them. Interested to see what she'd do, I let her take them. She walked straight to her little kitchen (b-day gift) and pretended to wash them right off in its sink. My little home-maker in the making!

Eowyn approached me with one of her babies. "This Ellie," she informed me. I nodded. "I Mommy," she clapped herself on the chest. "You 'Stina," she finished, pointing to me. "You're the Mommy of this baby, not me?" I asked. "Yep." Guess I can enjoy grand-parenthood a bit earlier than I thought. She's also taken to joyfully calling out "Ryan!!" whenever she first sees her father, much to the delight of nursery workers and friends. Then there was that time she waved and called out "Bye, Kis-teena!" as she was carried into her Sunday School class...

Family Pics 2011

2011-11-08T13:30:00.002-05:00

November has come with all its colors in Kentucky. We are doing well as a family, with Eowyn talking, pretending, singing, counting and learning more and more. A more lengthy update on her will come later, as she's so cute. :) Mama is feeling generally seasick & tired, but with naps, supplements like liver, kombucha, fresh raw juices, cod liver oil and plenty of good food is managing well. She is still running moderately and hopes to complete her first half-marathon next Saturday! Most of her spare time is spent poring over required reading or completing assignments for her doula certification. Ryan (aka Daddy) is traveling a good deal, with trips to Austin & Florida coming up and recently completed visits to Indianapolis & Atlanta. God continues to bless his business and grow it in all sorts of ways!

We had a friend of ours (Elise of eMarie Photography) take our pictures and we couldn't be happier.
She did a great job of capturing Eowyn's many moods-- goofy, sulky, difficult, energetic, lively, nurturing, and sweet.

Recently read books include:
- The Son of Neptune (The Heroes of Olympus, Book 2)- Rick Riordan- fun read!
- Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - Ina May Gaskin- super-helpful for anyone wishing to be a part of the child birthing process, especially in a more natural way.
- The Labor Progress Handbook: Early Interventions to Prevent and Treat Dystocia-
Penny Simkin, Ruth Ancheta- this was invaluable to me during my first solo doula birth. It's a bit technical, but the myriad of positions and suggestions are well-illustrated and explained.
- The Nursing Mother's Companion- Kathleen Huggins- of the 4 books on breastfeeding I've read/skimmed, this is my favorite (I'm also working through The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding and The Complete Book of Breastfeeding). I feel like Nursing Mother's Companion is the most helpful in concrete ways.

Working on:
- The Birth Partner- Peggy Simkin- great for expectant dads, nurses, doulas, moms, and other labor partners
- At Home in Mitford- Jan Karon- this is a sweet book I've read before and am enjoying re-reading. GREAT for the holidays!!
- Catching Fire (Book 2 of The Hunger Games)- Suzanne Collins -really fun book, really terrible audiobook!
- Three in a Bed- Deborah Jackson- on co-sleeping... so far I am far from convinced
- The Attachment Parenting Book- Dr. William & Martha Sears- it's assigned reading... and I'm trying to read with an open mind.
- Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows- an audiobook I'm falling asleep to these days. I find I drop off to sleep much quicker if a familiar story is read to me-- one I'm not afraid to nod off during (since I know what happens next anyway). Otherwise my brain puts in too much of my OWN story and I just think and think and think and think...
-Radical- David Platt

Child Spacing-- does it matter?

2011-11-07T15:23:00.004-05:00

Today I'm going to throw something out there that we don't often hear about: the effect child-spacing has on the health & intelligence of the children of a family. No, this isn't the old birth-order idea, where you expect the firstborn to be responsible, smart, and strong-willed, with the youngest being the baby, often the clown... No, I'm talking strictly nutrition here. What do I mean?

Here in the states 2 years is often seen as the ideal (or most common) age between children in a family. It's not uncommon to have even less "space" between them, with many families having several children each spaced a mere 15 to 18 months apart. One family I know had 2 pregnancies within a school year (11 months apart), bringing their family total to 5 children under the age of 7 by year's end. While we might shake our heads in terror at the thought of caring for that many small children, one thing we don't usually consider is the immense strain conceiving, carrying and nursing each child is on the mom's body. Babies aren't made from nothing-- they take huge amounts of energy, vitamins, minerals, proteins & fats to properly function.

Traditionally, worldwide, the 'ideal' space between children in one family was seen as 3 years. I like the way the Healthy Home Economist puts it:

"Traditional cultures knew that proper spacing between children was necessary to ensure that younger siblings were as healthy and smart as the first. Tribes practiced this through a system of multiple wives or abstinence in the monogamous cultures.
The minimum time between children of the same mother was 3 years. Any time frame less than that was frowned upon and even looked at with scorn as it opened up the very real possibility of a child with less ability and intelligence or even birth defects. Three years between pregnancies gave Mom the opportunity to breastfeed the child for an extended period of time and also to replenish her own nutritional stores before gestation began anew. " Please read her whole article here.

This idea intrigued me. Instinctively I had personally known I didn't want to get pregnant right away after having Eowyn for at least two reasons-- I wanted to make sure she got to nurse for an extended period of time (especially with us being so selective about the vaccines she gets), and I knew that my body would need a long time to replenish, especially with all the lack of nutritional intake I was able to have during my pregnancy... so much of it was coming right back up. Once I weaned Eowyn, I still wanted a few months at least of "stocking up" in case baby #2 brought as much of a hiatus on my eating as his/her sister did.

"Maternal nutritional depletion" is a "plausible explanation" for why short periods between pregnancies can mean harmful birthing outcomes, particularly in developing countries." (Abstract from 2006 study published in the AMJ)

I've since found phrases in literature such as "Three to Five Saves Lives"-- referring to the fact that waiting three to five years between child births actually increases the odds of Baby #2's survival. While this is especially true in developing countries, it is still a valid consideration all over the world. Read more here or here.

Some might point to their (seemingly) healthy kids and say "well, they're 15 months apart and they turned out fine!" and it could be absolutely true... but what about Mama? (Or baby #4 if your reserves become non-existent?) I remember reading Willa Cather & other pioneer-era stories and noticing that it was almost expected for women to lose teeth with every pregnancy. Why might this be? God has designed us so perfectly to pull any and every nutrient the baby needs from wherever can be found-- be it our bones & teeth, our reserve stores, or our diet. (You can also be more at risk for cavities if you vomit a lot during pregnancy. yuck.) For early American farmers who might have had several children closely spaced (even if many died in infancy) this could mean mothers were so nutrient-starved that their bodies took from their own teeth, especially if it was a lean time such as winter after a poor harvest. Teeth are also a good indicator of our internal health. When Dr. Price, a dentist, researched traditional people groups around the world, he found that tooth decay and degenerative diseases went hand in hand. See a good summary of his findings here. Basically, if your teeth start having problems, that's a red flag that you've got deeper issues going on internally.

Pregnancies right on top of the other (less than 2 years apart) usually lead to a malnourished mother. Maternal health & diet has a huge effect on kids. Just how big we probably don't know. One study with rats seems to indicate that our diets while pregnant can influence our grandchildren! Crazy! In some ways, a prenatal diet can have more lasting effects than breastfeeding-- nothing is more crucial than a foundation, and bodies are being built during pregnancy. So on the one hand, starting out with plenty of reserves is really important, but on the other, maintaining a nutrient-dense diet during pregnancy is just as important. I felt that for me, since I knew I'd probably have food aversions & general inability to keep food down (as I did for Eowyn) that a solid foundation was even more crucial. I wanted a bit of nutritional wiggle-room during pregnancy!

One of the reasons I so strongly resist the "I trust God with my child bearing so I won't do anything to affect it" line of thinking is that it so often puts kids so close together that the mother is physiologically maxed out, not to mention run ragged emotionally. (and how many parents might welcome MORE children if they had more space between them?) For many, breast-feeding is a natural child-spacer, especially if you're eating lots of whole foods without lots of hormones in them... but for some, breast feeding isn't enough. Maybe it's genetics, or age, or diet, or all of the above. I love the idea of LAM, but am still trying to research it before I put all my trust in it. I know I didn't want to risk it myself! :) God gives us all sorts of ways to be responsible as we trust Him and use the myriad of means available to us... I'm so thankful we have ways today of attempting child-spacing besides polygamy or 2 years of abstinence!!

Of course, so far I've only mentioned physical factors in spacing our children. However, there are a whole host of factors each couple should take into account. I like the way Kate at Modern Alternative Mama put it in one of her follow-up comments:

"The problem (I think for many) is that there are just SO many considerations with child spacing, not just perfect health. Babies can be healthy at 2 years apart even if they'd be better at 2.5 or 3 years apart. But there's family situation, finances, siblings needs, etc. etc. to consider too. I do LOVE how close my first two are, now. [...] I like people to know about traditional child spacing because it can help them to make a decision, it can be a part of what they consider. It can also answer questions for them about maybe why they're struggling to get pregnant or having miscarriages or other issues like that. So, I "report" it, knowing full well that while it's the "best" idea, that we don't live in a perfect world. Does that make sense? I hope."

I totally feel that tension. I definitely wanted a second baby a bit earlier than what we will have, but even as I struggled with my impatience I knew that the few months difference wouldn't matter in the long run at all, and that the Lord was doing what was right by me. Looking back, it could be that I needed those extra few months with no strain on my body to get ready for this baby, or for more babies or health challenges down the road. So, yes-- take this information on child spacing and its benefits, and include that in your schema for deciding when to seek to add more children to your home, with prayer & trust in the Lord. And if He brings a child to your home earlier than you expected, know that He will provide all that is needed... and eat healthier than ever!! :)

Feel free to comment, agree, or protest! I welcome your thoughts! What were some factors you would consider in trying to conceive (again)?

Acid-Reflux and Colic Research BREAKTHROUGH

2011-10-29T22:03:00.001-04:00

At least it's a breakthrough for me. :) As many of you remember, my daughter Eowyn struggled with painful acid reflux (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease, or GERD) from about week 3 of her life to month 5. We worked through massive amounts of spit-up (the most epic being at my friend Val's house, one which left us both staring speechless as it soaked down through every layer of clothing on me, pooling in my pants waist band-- gross? tell me about it), refusal to nurse do to painful association, fussiness... and we made it. (For more on our drug-free War on Reflux, read here.)

But the same brain that exhausted my grandmother with incessant questions in a ceaseless drive to know wasn't happy here. My daughter wasn't suffering anymore, but... why had she had this condition in the first place? Why was there an absolute epidemic of acid reflux in my circle of mommy-friends, with Zantac and Prevacid handed out like candy? This condition has completely exploded, along with it a huge influx of regular, daily prescription drug use in infants-- which in turn is linked to a whole host of potential long-term (chronic, systemic) problems. With all my baby sitting, etc., I'd never heard of a baby medicated for acid reflux before my friend's son had it (2 years before Eowyn was born). True, there have always been "colicky" babies, and I'm sure some of the babies now diagnosed with GERD & medicated would have been labeled "colicky" before. Regardless, I wanted to know WHY.

What's a mom to do? KEEP LOOKING!

My first bit of light came in reading Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride's Gut and Psychology Syndrome, which is an exposition of all the ways gut-flora imbalance (too much harmful yeast & bacteria crowding out the good guys we need for good health) affects us. One big symptom of an imbalanced gut flora is severe morning sickness during pregnancy, especially if there is no family history for it. (My mom never had it with any of us 3 girls. I did. Check.) These same moms with unbalanced gut flora pass on their imbalance to their children through birth and breastfeeding... often leading to acid reflux in babies. First light-bulb moment for me.

How do we get our gut flora wacked out in the first place? Antibiotics. Diets high in sugar & refined grains. Formula feeding instead of breast-feeding. Environmental toxins. Our moms (and in some part our dads). About two generations ago, breastfeeding fell into disrepute, at the same time that drugs like antibiotics and vaccines (containing antibiotics) became an integral part of childhood, as the American diet turned ever-more towards pre-made instead of home-grown and canning overtook fermenting. It would make sense that now we would see a whole host of moms-- perhaps breast-fed by a formula-fed mom-- who grew up on antibiotics and Little Debbies having bad morning sickness, and then having babies with acid-reflux heretofore unseen in such numbers. Yes, it all fits.

But what to do about it? KEEP LOOKING!!

In one of my doula-reading books, I found a citation to a 2007 study published in Pediatrics. This study, in fact. The boiled-down version: two sets of babies (all breast-fed) suffering from generic "colic" were treated in low-tech ways. One group got simethicone drops (gas drops). The other got a probiotic (beneficial bacteria), Lactobaccilus reuteri. Both sets of moms were avoiding cow's milk in their own diets.

"Ninety breastfed colicky infants were assigned randomly to receive either the probiotic L reuteri (10⁸ live bacteria per day) or simethicone (60 mg/day) each day for 28 days. The mothers avoided cow's milk in their diet. Parents monitored daily crying times and adverse effects by using a questionnaire.
RESULTS. Eighty-three infants completed the trial: 41 in the probiotic group and 42 in the simethicone group. The infants were similar regarding gestational age, birth weight, gender, and crying time at baseline. Daily median crying times in the probiotic and simethicone groups were 159 minutes/day and 177 minutes/day, respectively, on the seventh day and 51 minutes/day and 145 minutes/day on the 28th day. On day 28, 39 patients (95%) were responders in the probiotic group and 3 patients (7%) were responders in the simethicone group. No adverse effects were reported.

Did you catch that? Babies were crying about 160 minutes/day (over 2 1/2 hrs) before the intervention, started crying less within one week of getting the probiotics, and went down to under 1 hour of crying (and which baby doesn't cry about 1 hour a day, all told?)! The babies in the gas drop group was still crying nearly 2 & 1/2 hours every day by the end of the 4 weeks. The study summarizes "In our cohort, L reuteri improved colicky symptoms in breastfed infants within 1 week of treatment, compared with simethicone, which suggests that probiotics may have a role in the treatment of infantile colic." I'd say!!!!!

I will keep my eyes peeled for studies that specifically look at probiotic's role in treating acid-reflux (this study excluded infants with that condition to keep variables to a minimum), and ideas about whether other probiotics could be used, even those in yogurt. (This particular study used probiotics sold by BioGaia AB from Stockholm, Sweden)

In the meantime, may this help any of you trying to shush a sad baby!!

Announcing...

2011-10-27T14:52:00.001-04:00

10 Books Every Parent's Gotta Read

2011-10-26T09:28:00.001-04:00

(cross-posted on my Book Review Blog)

My self-appointed-task? Create a list of the Top Ten Books EVERY parent should read...no matter their child's age, or whether they were adopting or giving birth. Of course, this is an impossible task and could probably be debated endlessly. But I like a challenge, and it's been fun. :) I've tried to include books covering every aspect of a child-- the physical (medical), the mental, the emotional, the spiritual. Without further ado, here are my (current) top 10, in alphabetical order:

Age of Opportunity- Paul David Tripp-- ok, even if teenage-hood is MILES away, as in, you don't even have a bona fide toddler yet, you probably already are being told to dread the teenage years. Everyone, from your cashier to your nice old neighbor are saying "he's cute now, but oh just wait until he's 16!" This kind of attitude, of dreading adolescence and expecting a rebellious, disrespectful, identity-crisising son or daughter is a self-fulfilling prophecy... AND it's unBiblical. Most of the disciples were teens when they were called to follow our Lord as His closest friends (only Peter & Jesus were old enough to pay the temple tax in Matt. 17:27). Anyway, this book is a breath of fresh air of training children so that you actually enjoy their teen years as much as any others.

Heart of Anger, The: Practical Help for Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children- Lou Priolo-- how many of our children's (and our own!) chronic "behavior problems" stem from sinful anger? Pretty much all of them... This book first of all helped me to examine my own heart for anger, and bring IT under the Lord's control, and then out of that to help my daughter. It is excellent in listing ways that we often unwittingly provoke our little ones to anger.

How to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor- Robert S. Mendelsohn-- this inclusive guide to childhood illness & treatment is written by an experienced family physician who's delivered and treated thousands of children over the past few decades of practice. His basic premise is that parents are fully capable of treating 90% of their children's illnesses at home, not only well, but better than a doctor. This book will help you know when your child needs help beyond what you can give, and how to treat most illnesses at home. He explains that medical school trains doctors to want to meet their patient's parents expectations by intervening, even when rest and time are the best cure. Get it, read it, be informed, and learn all sorts of ways to ease your child's suffering even when there's nothing that can be done medically (like during a cold). He covers everything from earaches to teething to vaccines to viruses to infections to the BIG diseases like meningitis that definitely DO need a doctor's help.

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are- Ann Voskamp--not usually a conventional "parenting" selection, I know, but I think the perspective it brings, that of intentionally rejoicing in the mundane, the difficult, and the easily overlooked, is crucial to joy-filled, Christ-exalting parenting. It's made a huge difference in my life, that's for sure.

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)- Gavin de Becker-- How do we teach our children to be smart in scary situations and stay safe, yet not be quivering balls of cowardice? What if we are actually far more equipped to sense danger and to instinctively know how to protect ourselves than we know? This book premises that fear is actually an instinct, a gift that can keep children safe when we know how to use it. This book teaches you how to talk through danger with your kids, what to teach them to do when lost, and how to recognize predators & dangerous situations... all the while making your children MORE confident and bold rather than afraid & timid (because knowledge really is power). Especially critical for parents of girls to read!!

Read-Aloud Handbook, The- Jim Trelease-- Every parent can home-educate, no matter where their kids get their grades, with one very simple tool: reading aloud. This book's first section will convince you beyond any shadow of doubt just how precious and vital reading aloud to your children is. The second section recommends books to be read aloud for various ages. Another life-changer for me!

Real Food for Mother and Baby- Nina Planck-- this book will be helpful in laying the foundation for a lifestyle of health, starting before your children are even born (if you add children to your family naturally). Even if you meet your children through adoption, this book will help you help your children maximize their potential through healthy eating. The best guide to maternity, infant & child eating I've ever read. (Chuck '"What to Expect When You're Expecting's" nutritional guides and buy this one instead.)

Shepherding a Child's Heart- Tedd Tripp-- my favorite help in knowing how to lovingly, Biblically discipline and train my daughter. This book revolutionized my own family growing up, and still guides how I want to interact with my kids as they grow. (For those with small children, I'd highly recommend Don't Make Me Count to Three! by Ginger Plowman, which is a user-friendly version of Shepherding for preschoolers...and don't worry, it has nothing to do with counting to three.)

Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, The- Henci Goer-- if you are pregnant, go get this book now. Seriously. Click the link & order it off Amazon ASAP. Preferably along with Nina Planck's book. If you're not pregnant and don't plan to be, this still should be in your Top 10, because it teaches non-medical folks (like us) how to discern what is routinely done and what is beneficial & safe. Is an induction at 40 weeks medically sound? What about the expected epidural? Is VBAC safer than repeat C-sections? Is pitocin worth its risks? This book doesn't answer the questions for you; it presents research and lets you make your own decisions, which is EXACTLY how you want to be in the habit of evaluating every medical recommendation you come across, from sticking rice in your baby's milk for reflux, to vaccinating starting at birth, to choosing to breast or bottle feed, to smearing preventative antibiotics on your newborn's eyes, to switching your 2-year-old to low-fat milk.

Well-Trained Mind, The: A Guide to Classical Education at Home- Susan Wise Bauer & Jessie Wise -- best book on education I've read. Even if you are intentionally choosing public school or private schooling for your child(ren), you can use this book to ensure that their minds are getting full doses of what they need to thrive.

A few runners-up...

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth- Ina May Gaskin- excellent if you are pregnant or planning to be (or on helping someone in labor). Not quite as applicable to adoptive parents.

The Vaccine Guide: Risks and Benefits for Children and Adults Randall Neudstaedter-- the best look at vaccines of the many I've read; I love the book's layout: it takes each vaccine on its own, addresses its risks, its benefits, gives two or three suggested routes (such as 1. do the vaccine at this age, 2. don't do the vaccine but supplement with this or 3. do the vaccine, with this brand), and then has pages of references. Even if you know you want to "do whatever the doctor says," read this. If you are traveling and need shots, read this. I love that this book lets you take it one shot at a time.

Child Training Tips; what I wish I'd known when my children were young- Reb Bradley-- my favorite sections are those on "How to tell when correction has been effective" and "Signs of passive rebellion." Again, really helpful to those of us with preschoolers/toddlers. Well-rounded, with plenty of emphasis on the need positively teach and not just correct.

The Myth of Adolescence: Raising Responsible Children in an Irresponsible Society- David Black-- great in evaluating what the Bible says about "teenagers."

Celebrations of Faith- Randy & Lisa Wilson-- this little book is extremely helpful at being intentionally God-honoring in all our parenting, with a special emphasis on holiday & other traditions. Great perspective even if you don't use a single one of their recommendations.

Don't Make Me Count to Three!- Ginger Plowman-- as stated above, this is my favorite for parents with young children. If you are intimidated by Shepherding Your Child's Heart or are struggling to know how to apply it, pick this one up. It's a short read (or re-read), and so so applicable.

What books would you have added? Ryan's recommendation was "Don't Overthink Parenting" by Don't Read This Book, hah.

Weaning Tales

2011-10-25T09:40:00.002-04:00

I feel like I can finally write this, several months down the road.

After 5 difficult months of pretty much dancing on my head to get Eowyn to nurse, I had the joy of nursing her easily for 16 months. I am so thankful. I got to fulfill all my motherly dreams-- nursing my baby (right after birth, no less!), nursing through 21 months, and getting to have a nice break between nursing and whenever we have # 2. (Sick as I was with E, I want a nice cushion of rebuilding reserves!!)

So... weaning? How did it go? It was pretty much painless. We never associated nursing with sleeping, though I did nurse her right before bed, so there wasn't that to overcome. She was used to nursing right after waking up, which made it pretty simple to offer a snack instead. I started the process when she was totally healthy and we weren't traveling or going through any major transitions. It was also quite warm outside (April) when we started, and by the time we finished (June) it was downright hot. It seemed to make "cold milk" (raw organic cow's milk) more attractive and snuggling less so. At 19 months, she was nursing 7 times a day-- three meals (mostly solid food, bm was just to complete it), plus a mid-afternoon snack, bedtime snack (loved those), first-thing-in-the-morning (love how it got me 2 extra hours of sleep!!), and dream feed just before I went to bed myself. I dropped one feeding per week, starting with her dream feed. I was afraid she'd start waking up hungry but she did absolutely fine, actually seeming to sleep longer stretches BETTER... rookie mistake. I definitely won't make that again-- dream feed will be bye-bye MUCH sooner!!

Next to go was her post-nap afternoon snack, and then breakfast, dinner, lunch, before bedtime and finally the first-morning-nurse. I replaced them with whole food snacks (except for the dream feed & before bed, those I just dropped totally). I dropped them the way I did to try and keep the demand as even throughout the day as possible, so I wouldn't be engorged all morning and dry all evening, or vice versa. Eowyn never insisted on milk since I started, so it wasn't traumatic or anything. I'd try and prevent her asking by offering a snack or meal before she asked, and when she did ask, I'd say "not now" and offer something else.

Last to go was the first-morning-nurse, which I kept going for 3 weeks, and didn't feel like I had much milk left at all. I kept expecting my supply to totally go, but it seemed to be holding fine, and the little cold she'd gotten went away, so I finally just had to cut it. One morning (June 7th to be exact =D) I just got her milk from downstairs when she woke up wanting milk, and she took it great. But I wanted to remember my last time nursing her, as opposed to the half-conscious state of my early-morning nursings. (vague memories most mornings) so I ended up taking a few more days of either nursing her first thing in the morning, or offering "cold milk" and then nursing her later in the day. I reasoned that this got my body used to making milk even less frequently. Also, it's bittersweet to let such a precious thing go. We'd come so far in our nursing relationship, from new and amazing to hard and frustrating to the norm and easy... yet I've always treasured this privelege.

Post-weaning reunion after 9 days apart
(Ryan & I went sailing in the BVI)

The last day I nursed her, we had been out and she'd fallen asleep in the carseat (or stroller? I can't believe I've already forgotten!). I carried her up to her bed, but I knew that she would wake up as soon as I put her down, despite desperately needing more sleep. So, I sat down by her bed, and nursed her one last time, savoring every minute of it. I will always remember the soft afternoon light filtering just so through her red polka-dot curtains, her warm trusting body nestled into mine, her sweet sleepy breathing, her still-fuzzy-head. I laid her in bed happily milk-drunk, and she finished up her nap in peace. I closed the door behind me, so glad that (Lord willing!) this would not be my last time nursing a baby,... because I knew I really would miss it. I also felt very freed-- strange to feel both at once.

Since then, she didn't ask to nurse until she saw some other moms nursing younger babies. Once she even specified "I want mama's milk." But she happily accepts it when I tell her that it's "all gone!" and that she can have "cold milk" or a snack if she wants it. It was painless, happy, and non-scarring all around. She still nurses her baby dolls (and a friend's baby in one hilarious instance) and knows that when little babies cry, sometimes they "need milk."

I don't know if it's related to the weaning, but she did go through a SUPER OUT OF THIS WORLD clingy phase around weaning time (I think it started before actually). Several friends have said that their kids did the same thing around 18/20 months, others say that big developmental milestones (like potty training) sometimes cause that sort of behavior. She did have a lot going on-- potty training, weaning, Daddy traveling... But we have gotten through that too.

Anyway, hope this helps someone... and even if it doesn't, it's so good for me to have a record so my forgetful mommy-brain doesn't forget it all!

How To Survive-Even Thrive- In a Growing (or Large) Church

2011-10-24T18:30:00.000-04:00

Bear with me as I walk down my church-history lane... For all but 3 years of my life until I was 20, I attended the same church, where I was baptized, became a member, worked as an intern twice, and finally celebrated my wedding. The church has always numbered about 350 people-- for the first half of my time there it was the same 350 folks; friends I'd grown up with, older kids I respected, younger kids I mentored; lots of people to look out for me. Then people started leaving (both due to seasons of life and Southern Bible-Belt-itis), and we always had new people joining, so while the number of members stayed fairly constant, the faces changed.

Those three years that I was in France, my family attended a small (maybe 12 adults on a Sunday?) French-speaking Baptist church in a small town near ours. The only other child my age became my best friend, and her mom, Annie, was our Sunday School teacher. When my sisters & I showed up, the children's class quadrupled in size... though we did have some older kids and then another family with younger children joined fairly soon thereafter. It was wonderful in some ways-- very close fellowship, the entire church over to one family's house (often ours), and no question of where we fit in. We often joined up with a larger Baptist church in the nearby city to do Christmas or Easter events or to head to summer camp.

For the past 5 years, I've been at Immanuel in Louisville. When I joined it was a bit smaller than the church I'd grown up attending, but the fellowship and the united vision of reaching the neighborhood for Jesus was incredibly refreshing to my rumpled spirit (I'd just gone through the most painful trials of my life). There were (are) plenty of folks of my own age/station, the preaching is good, the music rocks, and there's never a shortage of ways to pitch in. However, as the church has grown and people have moved on (mostly to do ministry elsewhere --this IS a college/seminary city), I've had stretches of intense loneliness among the crowd. Our closest friends moved away or got too busy for us, the vision for reaching the neighborhood morphed into reaching the city, and the closeness of the small fellowship we'd joined was diluted by 2 services and many new members. I distinctly remember sitting in my chair after one service, and looking around thinking "And I don't care about you, I don't care about you, and nope, don't care about you, either." Pretty depressing.

So... how have I gone about making a big church seem less big?

Well, a big part of it is prayer. Prayer for a willing, caring spirit. When I looked around not caring, I knew it wasn't with eyes of faith-- it was with human eyes that didn't want to know the pain of separation or failure again. When Jesus looked around, He saw needs and moved to meet them. He didn't look for everyone to meet His needs. So I had to pray that the Lord would give me eyes to See, and a heart to love, drawing on His Endless Love. I had to repent of not caring, and asking Him to make me start caring.

Another huge piece has been THE overarching lesson of this stage of my life: contentment. A holy 'so what?' attitude. "Keep your lives free from love of money, and be content with what you have." (how?) "For He has said: I will never leave you, nor forsake you." Contentment -that is, a deep inner joy & peace- doesn't come from having all your wants met, from your marriage bringing you endless romance, from your children sleeping through the night, from having all your best friends living nearby, from having the amount of children that you want, when you want them... no, it comes from being with Him. That is to say, anywhere. The essence of Heaven will be His presence without any barriers, right? And by His spirit, we have a taste of that now, through Immanuel, God with us. His Spirit lives in us, teaching us, reminding us. So long as He is with us (and, as above verse states... that's all the time for the believer), we have every reason to be happy. "Think what Spirit dwells within thee, what a Father's smile is thine, what a Savior died to win thee!!-- Child of heaven, cans't thou repine?" i.e. "With God being as good as you have Him, do you have any room for pouting??"

On the practical front, I've found two things helpful. One, don't feel guilty making a few close friends (and/or maintaining close friendships that aren't local anymore). As a wise SS teacher of mine once put it, "you can't be best friends with everybody." So don't feel bad calling the same friend over and over, because you "click" so well. Be intentional about those close friendships, though-- don't let them just be about common interests or kids of the same age-- bring up the Gospel. Bring up Jesus and how you are dealing with Him.

Balanced with that, I've found it helpful to be as wide-spread in my fellowship as possible. Our church really emphasizes small groups, and while that has its merits, it isn't the whole church. If there's a baby shower or wedding shower and I know the person, I try to go. If it's a real friend of mine, I'll try to send a gift & card if I can't make it. If there's any church function of any kind, I try to go. No, I don't make it a law and feel guilty for not going, but if I can make it, I will. If someone needs a meal, I sign up when I can. If the nursery needs a sub, I do it. If I find out a friend needs help, I volunteer. Seriously-- I do NOT feel guilty not doing stuff when it would be too much, when Eowyn is sick or we are flying in the day before from London or we are just too tired. But how hard is it, really, to head over to someone's house for 2 hours with a small gift in tow? I get to talk to people, make new friends, occasionally play awesome games, and deepen acquaintances into friendships. I usually leave encouraged. (Ryan either watches Eowyn, or my next door neighbor comes over while she's asleep if it's in the evening, or if I get permission from the hosts, I bring her with me) I've been amazed at how much this simple policy of staying involved has helped me. You really start to care about the people you make cards or meals for, or those you work alongside (VBS, anyone!?).

My last help has been to seek and welcome laughter in all its forms. If you're determined to hate something, you probably will... If you want to have fun, yep, you probably will do that, too.

How have you found or deepened fellowship in your own communities of faith?

Last Bits of New York

2011-10-15T16:39:00.000-04:00

I've posted several more "artsty" pics (as in... non-child-containing) over at Capturing the Essence, as well as two video clips from our time in The Big Apple. Enjoy!

Adventures in Brooklyn

2011-10-14T11:28:00.000-04:00

About to enter the River Cafe (no idea how hoity-toity it would be)

Eowyn was not bothered by the high standards in the least

My scallops (which Eowyn shared with me)

Eowyn's potato & goat cheese terrine, accompanied by marinated golden beets (YUM!)

Just reminded me of our old car =D I didn't get a picture of Ryan's amazing tuna tartare, our favorite

Her first tire swing, in Prospect Park

Two birds that entertained us on our walk home

Bubble Tea!! How I've missed that! :)

Rockin' the Water Play Table in the Brooklyn Children's Museum (she did have a little trouble keeping the water IN the table)

The Sand Table was another huge hit!

Experiencing a Child-Sized Spider Web at the Prospect Zoo
(with cousin Ian, one of Eowyn's favorite new 'Amigos')

Enjoying a turtle shell

The featured event of the sea lion training session

Carousel Ride in Prospect Park

Super cool carousel

Being silly with Ian (of course she was terrified the whole time, then as soon as it stopped asked 'I do dat again?!')

Ian beasting it out helping all the moms bring down their strollers at the Subway stop with a broken elevator

Sensory Box Fun?

2011-10-13T14:43:00.000-04:00

This is from a super-craftsy mom's blog that I keep in my reader for ideas. This post is on sensory boxes, which sound to me like imagination vitamins! Most of you know that I am not one to be frilly or go out of the way to do something if it doesn't serve a purpose (even if that purpose is to "be asthetically pleasing" or "to provide a learning activity"), but I'm leaning more towards doing some cooler things with Eowyn now that she's older. Up to this point, my MO has been to give her simple toys (or natural items) and let her play. She gets "water play" in her weekly bath, or at the splash park, or in basins in the back yard while I garden. She has a well-stocked play kitchen and plenty of play baby dolls & accessories. We take walks and she is encouraged to pick up leaves and grass and rocks and get as dirty as she wants-- we can always wash hands later, right? All of those were simple, imagination-fostering... and no effort for me. :)

But ...after seeing just how fascinated she was with the water table and sand table at the Brooklyn Children's Museum yesterday, I'm considering going a little out of my way and creating a SIMPLE sensory box she can play with at home... something I could pull out during dinner-prep and let her enjoy in the kitchen (where any spills are easily swept up), perhaps? Hmmm...

Have any of you done any sort of tactile/sensory boxes?

Adventures in Manhattan

2011-10-11T14:45:00.003-04:00

Enjoying FAO Schwartz

Ryan is a speaker again at Do It With Drupal, which is being held in New York City this year. Many of you know that I have an aunt (with associated uncle & cousins) who live in Brooklyn, NY... put the two together, and we had a perfect situation for a week-long trip to The Big Apple. While both Ryan & I had been before, we had not been as adults, nor since being married, and since Eowyn needed to complete her fashion-tour of Paris, London & New York City, we HAD to come.

Ryan's conference is Wednesday-Friday, with a speaker's dinner on Tuesday that we both get to go to (yay for family babysitting!). We flew up on Saturday and have spent several days taking in the city and visiting with family together. Another Ruiz aunt & her family will fly in Wednesday night & we'll get to enjoy them too before leaving Saturday. I plan to take Eowyn to several fun places around Brooklyn while "Daddy" is working Wed-Fri morning.

Hmmm.... Do we buy this or send Eowyn to college?

On the Staten Island Ferry

Approaching Manhattan

Watching all the pretty lights!

Sunday morning we worshiped at a SGM church called, simply, City Church, literally 2 blocks from my aunt's house in Park Slope (love that 9 Marks Network Website!). It was great to get to sing and be refreshed from the word in the middle of the stress of travel! Eowyn even did great in the nursery. :)

Sunday afternoon my aunt graciously showed us around Manhattan (my uncle feeling ill with what turned out to be walking pneumonia), letting us pop into FAO Schwartz, a Godiva shop (got some truffles YUM), several gorgeous churches, and leading us down Wall Street to the Stock Exchange & Times Square, and a bit of Central Park. Ryan & I even caught the (gorgeous!!) grand finale of an organ recital in St Patrick's Cathedral. I have a soft spot for the organ played well... especially in a cathedral! Definitely can't wait to meet Bach in Heaven.

Monday morning Ryan, the little E & I walked around Brooklyn (more on that later) and then took the Staten Island ferry past Lady Liberty and back. I liked that we got to do so much walking around, just trying to get a feel on this city's pulse, its rhythm. Not an old steady rhythm like the cobblestoned majesty of Paris nor the inescapable press of history & passing time like London-- but an intense swirling busyness full of many languages and the best of hundreds of cultures. We heard more languages in New York City than anywhere else.

As always, we saw and heard one thing we would never have expected- a woman playing the musical saw!! Eowyn was quite enthralled, as you can see in the clip below.

Vaccination Summary

2011-09-22T15:17:00.001-04:00

Because I still frequently receive emails or Facebook messages regarding vaccinations, I thought I'd post a summary (full of links) on how I go about sifting through all the vaccine information and mis-information out there:

First off, I am SO, so glad you're thinking through all of this-- so many folks don't even, well, THINK of that! :) Considering how much time most of us put into researching the homes we buy, the cars we drive, and the places we vacation, it makes sense that we should research something that could affect our children for their entire lives!

I've done a series of blog posts that might be a good starting point for you:
1. Overview- http://www.keeperofthehome.org/2011/02/the-thoughtful-parents-guide-to-thinking-through-vaccinations.html
2. 10 Questions to Ask- http://www.keeperofthehome.org/2011/03/the-thoughtful-parents-guide-to-thinking-through-vaccinations-10-questions-to-ask.html
3. Resources both Pro & Con- http://www.keeperofthehome.org/2011/03/the-thoughtful-parents-guide-to-thinking-through-vaccinations-pro-vaccine-and-cautionary-resources.html

Here is our own family's schedule (which I am often re-thinking & editing): http://eowyns-heir.blogspot.com/2010/11/vaccine-schedule-long-awaited.html

There are more of my own posts about vaccines if you want to read them: http://eowyns-heir.blogspot.com/search/label/Vaccines

We are super selective & slow about vaccines, aiming to build a good foundation with breast-feeding, lots of whole foods (including plenty of fermented/cultured foods/drinks & healthy fats like fish oil and organic butter), and an exposure to plenty of environmental factors like animals, dirt & grass. We employ regular hand-washing & use natural hand-sanitizer when out & about to minimize coughs & colds, but I'm not a germophobe by any definition. I'm also prepared to use as many natural resources to fight disease naturally if my children do contract potentially serious diseases (but usually temporary and straightforward in healthy kids) like chicken pox, polio, or measles-- like supplementing with vitamins, boosting their immune system with herbs, and using drug-free pain management techniques like warm compresses, etc. I know it won't be fun if & when my daughter gets the mumps, but I know it's a part of parenting the Lord will give me the strength to persevere through!!

Once Upon a Potty (and Last Cloth Diaper Review)

2011-09-21T15:10:00.000-04:00

Trying out our new potty! (During our marathon at 18 mos)

We've been holding Eowyn over the toilet, naming "poop" and "pee," and making "ssss" and grunting sounds for their respective actions for months now-- since she was very small. For quite a while she would do either in the potty when prompted-- probably from around 8 months or so on until 13 or so months. At that point she burped/spit up while trying to poop and this scared her, and she regressed a lot. We've done cloth diapers since she was about 6 weeks old, meaning she's felt it when she wet or pooped, and she's never liked to be dirty-- it always wakes her up from her nap.

Talking with the wealth of other moms I know it seemed like those who started potty training earlier (15-18 months) might have had to work a little longer with their children, but didn't face the battle of wills or fears & tears that my friends who waited until their children were 2 & up had to contend with. My overall impression is that if you don't train before age 2, you end up almost having to wait until age 3, when it's something the child wants. Why? Well, for one, they call it the "terrible twos" for a reason-- kids are asserting their wills all over the place! But also, because kids are absolutely wired to learn at this stage, and are aware of just about everything (which is why they can get us into trouble repeating what we said one time when we thought they weren't listening); so if this self-aware little one gets in the habit of feeling the need to poop/pee, doing it in their diaper, and then being changed later, they learn that that is what you are supposed to do, and most find it a great system all around! In their minds-- why change it?

So, around 15 months I started trying to fully ditch the diapers. We got a few little training panties from a friend, picked up a child-sized toilet seat for our toilet, ordered pull-on nylon diaper covers (Dappi 2 pack for $5 or Bummis single for $5-- both work great, and I use them as covers over fitted diapers too), and gave taking her every 15 minutes a go. She wasn't very interested, and I didn't really give it long enough, looking back. I backed after a day or so of trying, though I did keep putting her on the potty and rewarding any successes.

Eowyn at 17 mos

Three months later, I read up on potty training in a marathon three-day event (read about it here and here-- I love how they emphasize the treating it as a normal event, just something we all do), and committed to going through with it. I stocked up on raisins (our potty-training treat), as well as juice which is a treat in our house. We stayed upstairs as much as possible where the floors are hardwood and it stays warmer so she could run around pretty much naked (except for a shirt). I set a timer to take her every 15 minutes, and if she was clean & dry when it went off, she got a raisin. When she sat on the potty, she got a raisin. When she peed, a raisin. Poop earned her 2 raisins. She kind of seemed to get it, but was resisting going when I put her on the potty, often waiting until after she got off to go... all over the floor. I'd say "oh, no! a mess! this is not where pee-pee goes!" have her help me clean it up, and we'd talk about where put pee, and on we'd go. I tried very hard not to get visibly frustrated with her or angry, and give lots of hugs and kisses-- but I know I did get frustrated more than once, especially if we had just spent 10 minutes on the potty with no show. (I don't know if I buy the whole "making sure you tell them it's ok to have accidents" at this stage. It's NOT ok for them to have accidents, isn't that the point? I understand with an older child or one who is in the habit of using the potty-- ask the parents of the kids in my preK classes, I have never, ever embarrassed a child --and of course I don't want to make potty-training traumatic, but I do want my child to understand that peeing all over the floor is not acceptable. I know, I'm very politically incorrect here, and feel free to pitch in your 2 cents.... =D) However, by the end of the day she was still having mostly accidents, and I was so discouraged. Ryan came over and was like "come on, woman! It's been ONE day, and she's not even two!!! Don't you think you can cut yourselves a little slack?" True, very true, my man.

I had an idea of getting a little potty that Eowyn could get onto & off of herself, so I found one on Craigslist for $4. We drove to get it the next morning, found a use for it in the parking lot before we even left, and Eowyn was so excited that she didn't want to get off! This little froggy potty marked the turning point for us. I backed off taking her by the timer, and instead let her get on and off whenever she wanted to, rewarding her each time. Clad only in a t-shirt, this little monkey seemed to relish getting onto her very own potty, sitting a while, and getting up... over and over and over. I started to wonder if she'd EVER get off the thing! :) By day 3 she was very nearly a pro, enough that we went over to a friend's for a play date. While there I did set a timer to take her, and she kept on not going...after half an hour I was sure she was about to burst, when my friend pulled out a little potty seat. We put that on the potty, and Eowyn unloaded. This actually really encouraged me, because it proved that she absolutely could hold it when she wanted to.

Early on, we practiced using the big potty without a child seat, so that she could use them anywhere (incidentally, I've found it's best to kind of put them on side-ways). Call me European or hippy, but we also are quite adept at making use of bushes and trees for emergencies. When they are this young, you often don't get much time between "Pee-pee, Mama" and "it's running down the stroller." More than once I've pulled over at the nearest grassy spot! This has actually helped a lot, and we have had several folks ask us how we trained her to do this, because their children absolutely can not go anywhere except a flush toilet, even if they are camping. Just throwing that out there. :)

She's serious about this.

Now, Eowyn's second birthday is just around the corner, and accidents are very, very rare. Rewards were first dropped for sitting on the potty, then staying clean & dry, but we kept rewarding for poop/pee for several months to avoid regression/deal with setbacks. She tells me when she needs to go and I take her. If I'm feeling particularly lazy, I'll strip her from the waist down again and set her little potty out so she can take herself, calling me to come wipe as needed. For church or babysitting I use the thicker training pants along with a pull-on cover "just in case." I like this because it still feels like underwear and not like a diaper. Over naps & night-time she is in diapers, though she often wakes up dry, and/or wakes herself up in the night asking to be taken to the potty. I'm trying to decide how & when to transition or incorporate the following: a big-girl bed, waking her up when I go to bed to go potty, nap-time undies, and night-time undies. I will say I'm in no particular hurry for any of these. We have a wet or soiled diaper about once every 2 days, so it's not adding much to my laundry, that's for sure!

Quick note on which diapers we still use the most: our Ecobaby Organic Fitted diapers are workhorses, because they have elastic in the back enabling them to be pulled on & off like a training pant, with the thickness of a diaper. I usually put this on without the snap-in doubler, covered with a Dappi nylon pant or a wool bum sweater overnight. I am SO glad I scored a half-dozen of those off Craigslist for $6.50 a piece!! I also still ocasionally use infant size prefolds (yes, back to infant sized now that she doesn't need as much absorbancy) trifolded into a snap-closed one-size cover like Kawaii baby or Rumparooz, or our Kawaii snap-closed one-size pocket diapers.

My advice to parents wanting to potty train? Start young, stick it out for a full 3 days, go nearly-naked (your child, not you =D) and buy a little potty. Also, JUST SAY NO to pull-ups!! They are a marketing ploy!! If your child has to stay in diapers over night, invest in cloth "pull-ups" or pocket diapers, or just keep buying the disposables they were wearing before.

Quick-quicks, slows & stops... i.e. An Intro to Rhythm

2011-09-12T10:29:00.000-04:00

Beat & Rhythm are NOT the same. This video helps show the difference using spoken poetry: the beat is the jumps, the words are the rhythm. (You could try this same activity at home, though for little kids, just have fun keeping the beat & varying the volume. For older kids, try to figure out some (or all) of the rhythms-- they aren't straight-forward!)

So far I've listed several games for reinforcing the idea of steady beat, but haven't touched rhythm yet. Beat & pitch are the two main objectives you should always be reinforcing with your little ones, right down to gently patting the steady beat of hymns in church or stomping to the beat of a radio tune (then ask whether it was 'fast'-allegro or 'slow'-adagio or medium- andante. See a full list of musical terms for speed- tempo- here). However even young kids can enjoy exploring basic rhythms. Use this process to teach quarter notes, eighth notes & quarter rests. Go at the pace of your children-- introduce the idea, enjoy it, and leave it. You could spend a week or a day or 10 minutes or a month on each step:

1. introduce the idea of stops (hands held out, palms up, in an "I don't know" kind of position), slows (a clap- keep your hands clapped together for a few seconds) and quick-quicks (claps twice as fast as 'slows')
2. have your children echo 3-beat patterns, such as "stop, slow, stop" or "slow, quick-quick, quick-quick"
3. label your 3-beat pattern a "rhythm." Use the terms rhythm & pattern together often in describing what you are doing.
4. allow your children to take turns clapping a 3-beat rhythm with you echoing them. You can have them speak a rhythm without clapping first, then show them how to clap it and have them clap it with you if they have trouble speaking & clapping simultaneously.
5. explain to children that slows, stops & quick-quicks can be written down, either with
- green rectangles, yellow squares & red squares
- joined eighth notes, quarter notes & quarter rests
- combo of two
6. Set out a 3-beat pattern (literally lay out the rectangles/quarter notes), perform & have them echo. Let them compose, perform & echo.
7. Introduce the idea of a measure by making a measure sheet that has 3 (or 4) empty boxes into which the quick-quick, slows & stops can fit, with a modified time signature (top number- # of empty boxes, bottom either a drawn quarter note or a yellow box) and measure bar.
8. Repeat process with 4 beat patterns.
9. Down the road, create sheets with 2 measures (each containing either 3 or 4 boxes & modified time signature as above) introducing the idea of an end bar.

**Can experiment with adding in words or pitches (could add in 'sol' 'la' and 'mi') for older children.

Keep a Steady Beat

2011-09-11T10:55:00.000-04:00

video of 'That's a Mighty Pretty Motion'

Instrument bag "Orchestra Game"- keep a beat to music

Matching the Conductor's Beat-- tapping legs along with the teacher, as she speeds up & slows down (saying the tempo name for older kids & slow/fast for younger ones)

The Beauty of Solfege

2011-09-10T09:24:00.084-04:00

How do keys and solfege relate? Do is whichever note is the tonic of that key; in C major, C=do, D= re, E= mi, G= so, etc. In A major, A=do, B=re, C#=mi, etc. So if you have access to a piano or xylophone or any instrument, pick a key and get your do from that. I often use C major just because it's easy (no sharps or flats), but try to move it around so your kids are learning the distance between pitches themselves, not just learning them in one key (if you want to do that, may as well learn the note names "A" "B" "C#" etc.).

Here are several children's songs that can be sung using the following pitches:

- so, mi- "Tell me Your Name," "Tick Tock/Cuckoo"
- so, mi, la- first part of "Rain Rain Go Away," "One Two, Tie My Sho"
- so, mi, la, do- first part of "Michael Row the Boat Ashore"
- so, mi, la, do, re- "Keep Inchin Along (score here: http://www.pentatonika.net/sacred_zipper.html), "Baa Baa Black Sheep," "Let Us Chase the Squirrel" (game, more ideas), "Who's That Knocking At My Window?"
- so, mi, la, do, re, low so- "That's a Mighty Pretty Motion" (Dee Di Dee)
- so, mi, la, do, re, low so, fa- "Twinkle Twinkle," "Michael Row The Boat Ashore," "Allouette"
- so, mi, la, do, re, low so, fa, high do- "Row Row Row your Boat"
- so, mi, la, do, re, low so, fa, high do, ti- "Old MacDonald"

So, why would we ever want to start with solfege? Because you are well on the way to an extremely usable musicality once you have an internal memory of how "far away" two pitches are from one another, and how they relate within a scale. Once you start practicing pitches in harmony (your sister sings do while you sing mi, or you sing so while Mom plays a do on the piano) you begin to internalize that do-mi-so make up a beautiful triad, that do-fa makes you think of an 'Amen,' and that hearing ti makes you very badly want to go up to do, especially when you hear ti & re together. Add to that an ability to see the pitches and their "distances" from one another on paper, and you'll be a huge help to any choir or instrumental group you ever join!! You'll also be able to sing a tune on sight once you know its solfege syllables, and transposing (as is often done in guitar) will be a snap. I love the way the choral director of the Shenandoah Valley Children's Choir put it here.

A scale is like a musical ladder with uneven rungs, not even ones! Scales are made up of whole steps and half steps. (e.g. the intervals, mi to fa and ti to do are half steps. The other steps in the scale are whole steps.) The Curwen/Kodály handsigns are designed to emphasize where the whole and half steps fall. When singers learn solfege and handsigns, their ears learn where the whole steps and half steps are in the music, and it helps them to sing much better in tune!

In several settings I was required to first learn all songs in solfege; this makes learning the pitches & rhythms easier (the "notes") without the added burden of learning the correct words (especially when the words were in another language!). My directors would at times make us bring out all sorts of emotion with nothing but solfege syllables, just to teach us how to convey emotion through our tones and facial expressions, not relying on the words. I would strongly encourage you parents to take some of your children's favorite songs and learn them in solfege (you can use this website here-a cool resource that puts many familiar songs into solfege). In teaching new songs, you may want to learn/teach the solfege first, then the words. Start this young enough with your kids, and they just absorb the pitches and assume that's just how everyone learns new songs. I love that Eowyn already tries to do the pitches & hand signs (she isn't 2 yet).

Here's a song that reinforces all the solfege hand signs-- you might need it for yourself more than for your children, since they will likely internalize them as they learn them!

The hand signs are great used in an echo game with little ones (you sing 3 or 4 pitches with accompanying gestures, and the children echo them-- you can specify whether you want them to use the gestures or just sing). In every musical situation (choir, class, playing with your toddler), beginning with the "so-so-so, so-la-so, so-mi-mi, mi-re-do" sequence centers & anchors pitch memory, "wakes up" the voice, and warming up with songs purely of solfege syllables is often really good for establishing internal pitch. Here's the familiar one from The Sound of Music:

(the solfege part starts around 2:15)

More videos: a really interesting solfege piece in the minor 'aolian' mode at the beginning of this video, an example of what a 5th grade choir can do, one music teacher's composition here (called 'New Year Carol'), and my favorite, the Tallis Cannon.

Why So Many Echoes?

2011-09-09T22:29:00.000-04:00

As you've no doubt gathered from my vlogs & suggestions, I view "The Echo game" as a great way to introduce many musical concepts. This game is very simple: seat the children around you, and instruct them to watch & listen first (very important!), then do what you did. So many concepts can be introduced this way: 3-pitch patterns, phrases of songs (solfege syllables or words), clapped/tapped rhythms, beats of varying tempo (slow, quick, etc.)...

You could incorporate music into your morning circle time or afternoon post-nap activity. Start with familiar games & songs (like "Such a Makin' a Circle" or "Tell Me Your Name"), do some pitch echoing with familiar pitches, then add in a new one. Practice 3-pitch patterns with the new pitch(es). Reinforce it with a new song. Then you can move to echoing rhythmic patterns, or to another musical activity. Close with singing the new song or clapping a new phrase together, you with the children, proving to them that they can remember and use the new skills relying on their own memory.

Why, though? If you think back to how children learn naturally, you'll understand why; they are natural sponges, learning by copying-- by echoing, by imitating. Far too often we make the mistake of starting off musical education with labels and symbols-- but who learned to talk by reading? No, kids learn best by hearing & watching, then copying, practicing, and later on, down the road, being told what they are doing (being given a label), then being shown the symbol, and finally using the symbol themselves. Think of learning to speak: for months a baby watches & listens as his parents make all sorts of noises. He soon tries to copy the sounds, without knowing their meanings. Next he learns what words go with what (labeling). A few years later, he learns that words can be written down using letters. Yet another year or so later, he learns to make the symbols himself and is on his way to writing. Watching/hearing, imitating, labeling, symbolizing, replicating. Imitating this process with musical learning is the most natural, meaning the least frustrating for everyone involved!! "The Echo Game" allows children to focus on imitation first, then they are given a label & a context, all in a safe setting.

A Crash Course on Teaching Pitch

2011-09-09T10:42:00.009-04:00

This little movie aims to be a crash course on the background of the "syllabic relative pitch system (solfege)" developed by Zoltán Kodály & the hand signs (developed by John Curwen) used to represent them, as well as a game used to build pitch-matching skills. While the game would probably only interest younger children, the hand signs are extremely helpful for every age, both for their visual/kinetic aspects and their usability in choral settings. A follow-up video will outline the introduction of all 7 pitches.

Such a Makin' a Circle

2011-09-08T21:11:00.000-04:00

At the request of a newly-homeschooling mom, I'm uploading (finally!) some videos of musical games & tips. These would be appropriate for preschool-1st grade (some even 2nd). I have been so pleased (and a bit surprised!) to see Eowyn (not yet 2) already mimicking and trying many of these on her own! I taught a small class for some friends over the summer, and Eowyn was in my lap or on my hip for most of them, and she definitely absorbed a lot of it!

Sorry for the Dr. Jekell-Mr. Hyde look on this one, with half my face in shadow. It's the end of a long day.

More to come... I wouldn't want to leave out solfege, "stop-slow-quick-quick" or "That's a Mighty Pretty Motion," now would I?

Wool Dryer Balls?

2011-09-04T18:35:00.000-04:00

Tell me if these do not look cool!

Anyone have any experience with them? I'd love to buy 2-3, but would love some input first.

Montessori Toddler Treasure Bag

2011-09-03T22:48:00.001-04:00

A few months ago, a blog I like to read (Frugal Granola) linked up to a site detailing how to put together a "Treasure Basket" for your baby/toddler. Around the same time, I retrieved a box full of childhood memorabilia from my parents' attic. What in the world was I going to do with little momentoes from around the world-- stuff I'd bought on family trips or received from a voyaging family member? Much of it was way too cool to throw away: the leather dragon I'd bought at a European castle, bright cloth bags from Guatemala, a leather coin purse from Canada, a metal horse from my horse collection, little Easter eggs on strings, a geode, a wooden kaleidescope... After reading the article on a Toddler Treasure Basket, the two came together. I think Montessori as an education philosophy has serious flaws, but I do love their emphasis on discovery and "sensorial exploration." So I culled through my knickknacks and selected those made of natural materials (wood, leather, stone, metal, cloth, ceramic, yarn) and/or with interesting textures and/or designs. I tried to include lots of container-type toys-- boxes, bags-- so she could practice putting things in and out. You can see many of the objects above. I put them in a giant zip-up bag from 31, and voila! Cheapest toy I've ever made.

I put this together some time in March, and it is now September ...so that's 7 months of play it's given (and still is giving) us. I add to the bag from time to time, and don't leave it out as a constantly-available toy, which I'm sure has extended its appeal. So far the bag has proved invaluable on car trips, in restaurants, and anytime we have to wait in one place for an extended period of time. At first I usually gave her only one object at a time (especially in a restaurant), but now that she is older I often give her the whole bag and she loves taking objects out and making them interact together. She often comments on whether the toys are cold or hot, soft or rough, etc., and she LOVES making the horses "gallop." Definitely my daughter.

So go on-- those random things you didn't know what to do with? They just might be a great part of your child's Treasure Bag. :)

London Day 4: WAG, Bike Shop & Lots & Lots of Trains...

2011-08-25T14:30:00.001-04:00

Eowyn's become quite used to trains. I think this is very cool, for an American child. She now has an experiential grasp of a concept that for many is just a picture with a "whoo-whoo" sound effect. Not only do we have tracks near our home, but now she's watched them come and go and has ridden in them skads of times. I love it!

This morning was damp and chilly, as well as our last morning with just us two. I decided we had better do all the errand-y things we mightn't have time to do tomorrow on Daddy's days off. We headed to the East Croydon rail station for our now-familiar routine of a morning coffee to go and a pass through the barrier to grab an overland train to Victoria, where we'd catch any number of tube trains to anywhere in Greater London. (Have I mentioned how much my daughter loves coffee? Doesn't matter if it's black, my usual dark with cream, or a mocha, she begs for a few sips.) We had a minor setback of Eowyn announcing her need to "potty" a few stops from our destination, meaning we had to jump out and take care of business, then wait for the next train to come by... We passed the time reading her current favorite books The Gingerbread Man (pronounced "Gingababada Man") and The Napping House (said with a Hebraic gutteral 'h').

First stop was quite a hop skip and a jump away, over to the Notting Hill district to the Bicycle Workshop, which I'd emailed about picking up an accessory for our Bobike baby bike seat. It's difficult enough to buy a Bobike seat in the US, but the accessories are downright impossible to find. However, they are all over the UK. We snagged a cool little chest rest/handlebar that fits onto her beloved Bobike mini-- this will give her some support if she every falls asleep, as well as a place to hold on. The folks at the Workshop were friendly, quite taken with Eowyn, and helpful as could be. We were glad to see they like Michelin tires, too. :)

Next stop was over to the WAGfree Bakery in Brixton to grab some more meat pies, a Victorian Cream puff and a grilled bacon-greens-and-cheese "toastie" (all gluten-free and so delicious). Eowyn was a huge fan of the bacon and hasn't stopped asking me for more since. I learned my lesson and bought a half dozen of the meat pies so we can have easy packable lunches the next 2 days.

After all that running around town, we were both dragging. We ate our toastie while it was still hot (on the train home), and then spent a quiet afternoon napping, reading and playing in our apartment before meeting up with Daddy and his work friends for dinner. I finally got my pub food at "The George," a popular pub on Croydon's High Street. It was pretty tasty fare; Eowyn was a big fan of the "mushy peas," and I liked the gluten free berry crumble! Everyone was riding high on the DrupalCon thrill, full of ideas for new partnerships and developments. It's always fun to talk to folks from all over the world-- I got to learn all about the Dutch school system from Bojan, and talk about the amazing cuteness of mixed-ethnicity kids with a guy hailing from Taiwan. We headed home and put Eowyn to bed, and did some last preparations for our big day out as a family the next day.

One of Ryan's business buddies, Randy, stayed the night in our hotel as our other hotel-mates flew home as soon as the Con was over, and I had the dubious honor of explaining our ghettified means of washing our clothes... our apartment came with a really cool all-in-one washer and dryer, but unfortunately no soap, no owner's manual, and no instructions... did I mention that the only labels on all the dials were letters of the alphabet? Thankfully, the internet does exist, and I managed to track down an owner's manual pdf, and we came up with an "it-works-just-a-time-or-two" detergent of a squirt of dish soap, shampoo, body soap, and an extra rinse cycle.

London Day 3: the Science Museum, Westminster Abbey, the London Museum & the London Wall Walk

2011-08-24T18:42:00.001-04:00

Today was much more "successful" in terms of things working out the way I'd hoped. :)

Éowyn 'dahing' on our train from East Croydon to Victoria

We took our time with a leisurely breakfast in our apartment, Éowyn having woken us up thoroughly in the night (I think she got too hot), then Ryan walked us to the train station on his way into the conference. Éowyn loves having her Daddy around for sure! We caught a train to Victoria, changed over to the Tube and soon found ourselves walking down the pedestrian subway to the Science Museum from South Kensington station. One complaint: entire all-holding-hands families walking at the pace of a baby snail, blocking the tunnel from those of us "on a mission."

Everything we did today was FREE!! (well, except for the innumerable trains & metros) I love this setup: it eliminates any pressure to "get my money's worth" by trying to see the whole thing with a toddler, since I know I can either come back if we feel like it, or just let the babe enjoy as much as she can and call it a day! We spent a few hours in the lowest floor, the 'Garden Room,' which is aimed at little guys and encourages touching, discovering and interacting with lights, sounds, and different textures.

Enjoying the "Garden Room" in the Science Museum

Puppets! We were lions, elephants, giraffes and more... all her zoo favorites!

I really liked the 'Secrets of the Home' exhibits, which go into the history and mechanics of pretty much any household fixture you can list-- toilets, washing machines, toasters, vacuums, locks/security-- we watched some old commercials and short documentaries on inventors, and tried our hand at sneaking through a "laser" field to a safe. E loved it when I held her tight and set off the sirens and "Burglar!" signs flashed (I did manage to get through all the way "undetected" when I crawled flat on my belly)-- I had to do it several times and even then she wanted "again!"

Learning how a washing machine agitator works

Definitely trying this our next sailing trip

A positive FOREST of door-stoppers to twang, Mom!!

We headed towards Westminster Abbey in the hopes of catching their last free band concert of the summer. We got there fine, Éowyn much the pinker and strawberry-smelling. When we arrived near Parliament we had trouble (as usual) finding the spot where the concert was. Despite plenty of signs & fliers announcing the concert, we couldn't find the 'Westminster Abbey College Gardens' on any map or plan of the Abbey...and neither could anyone else I asked. With some help from another searching mom, I did manage to find the gardens and the concert, both of which were splendid. We picnicked, Éowyn danced and splashed in the fountain, and enjoyed the sunshine & the music. I loved the 'James Bond' medley and the 'Blue & the Grey' piece, the latter interweaving many familiar American tunes.

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We walked through the Abbey courtyards and museum, skipping the sanctuary itself, and spending a good deal of time in the shops. So many fascinating books to choose from! Éowyn selected a Christmas Queen Victoria ornament (my sisters & I have matching ones!) that she is determined is her new 'baby.' She fell asleep and I took advantage of the freedom to browse at my leisure and read a whole book about Henry VIII's six wives. [What a disgusting hypocrite of a man to behead two of them for "adultery" when he himself was never faithful!! Many of his wives were religious and far more righteous than he... a powerful reminder that power corrupts-- who was there who could challenge the king about his own sin, when all he had to do was chop off his head? No Nathan the Prophet for this David. In a way I'm glad God didn't let his house-- the one he was so desperate to establish-- stand, with none of his children having heirs to England's throne, despite his philandering, plotting, scheming and divorcing. It was a solemn reminder that it was God Who is truly the Sovereign, He Who determines who reigns and who doesn't.]

The weather was lovely and we enjoyed our time walking along what's left of London's ancient wall & moat... Roman & medieval artifacts are my favorites. My camera died at this point and I have no more pictures. We found the Museum of London with some difficulty (Again, where are the clear signs & instructions in this city!!? That and all the construction made it really tricky, especially pushing a stroller!). It was a bit over E's head; the young-child exhibits close early, apparently. We did enjoy their book corner and walking along looking at costumes & vehicles. (I found their Victorian "Park Gardens" movie exhibit totally weird and inappropriate for children, between a woman dressed in drag and a prostitute hitting on a noblewoman while a married man met with his mistress... yeah.)

We went home by way of St. Paul's Cathedral, where Éowyn was completely fascinated by the bells chiming 6 o'clock! I've never heard bells like it, all cascading on top of each other, the sound going on and on. Éowyn was totally mesmerized, asking me where the bells were-- we walked right up to the bell tower and I pointed up. "Want see!" she said. "We can't-- they're too high, too far away." "Too high?" That became her refrain the whole way home. "Can't touch- too high, Mama! Too high!" It was really cool to see her remembering something, trying to bring it up to talk about it with me later on, all on her own. So cool that I am conversing with a growing little mind!!

She didn't throw any big tantrums today, though I had to stay on her about not putting her hands (and coins, extra yuck!) in her mouth-- she's got one last eye-tooth coming in on the top right, and it wants chewing. That and not wanting to hold my hand-- "I want walk!!" she'll yell, trying to pull free. Definitely had a few sessions about not yelling "No!" to Mommy and to obey without fussing. I'm teaching her to apologize and ask properly and it's really cute to hear her use the phrases at other times, like if she sees me hurt myself or be disappointed, or even randomly. I'll hear this tiny, sweet voice saying "I fa-ee (sorry), Mama, I fa-ee." :)

Dinner was back at our local Indian restaurant, pubs not welcoming children after 8 o'clock... it was tasty and Éowyn requested "chicken." The only thing that would have made Éowyn's day perfect would have been seeing Daddy before bed. She kept asking for him.

As for me, I'm gonna have seriously developed triceps from the "push-chair" hauling. I'm trying to make a point to consciously thank Jesus every time someone offers to help me in the train/tube stations. I almost cried when a young teenaged boy helped me-- he was probably about 14, and I just wanted to hug his neck and tell him what an amazing gentleman he already was, and that he was going to grow up into a man worth honoring and respecting... but thought that would probably creep him out, so instead we both thanked him profusely and I clasped him on the shoulder... seemed so lame. (I did pray for God to bless and claim him for Himself.) These Tube & Railway stations are NOT stroller-friendly!!

London Day 2- Golder's Hill Park (Hampstead Heath)

2011-08-23T16:14:00.005-04:00

When I think of England I think less of London and more of the country side or small university towns. The Inklings are to blame for the last, and as for the other, I think it's due to Sherlock Holmes in The Hound of the Baskervilles, or The Secret Garden, or Wuthering Heights, or any of Jane Austen's books; they all make reference to vast country estates set amidst wild lonely moors. Words like 'heather,' 'heath,' and 'moor' fascinated me as a child, describing something I did not know, most impressionable in George MacDonald's 'The Lost Princess.' Partly out of a desire to see this for myself and perhaps finally understand what those alien terms mean, I hoped to see a bit of it myself.

While googling public transit information last night, I came across a notice of a free children's fair in something called 'Hampstead Heath' or 'Golder's Hill Park.' Turns out that "Hampstead Heath" is a huge public park that is in large part left as untouched heathland; exactly what will come to mind every time I think about rural England now. A look on glutenfreefoodie told me that a highly-recommended pub was quite near, and the weather was forecasted to be alternately cloudy & sunny. It was decided then!

Well, as so often happens, a lot went "wrong." It rained, for starters. We kept having trouble finding every spot we'd hoped to visit. The carnival was canceled. The Butterfly Garden was only open while Éowyn was asleep, and buggies weren't allowed in. Éowyn threw a loud, long tantrum on several underground trains (complete with screeches, hand-flapping and screaming). We reached the rave-reviewed pub after they stopped serving lunch (and three hours before the kitchen opened for dinner). We couldn't find Daddy for dinner. I went to pick E up to stick her in the high chair and found she'd peed all over herself (down to her socks). Yeah, looking at all could totally get me in a bad mood.

BUT... (but God, who is rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us....)

There's a whole 'nother side to the story of our day. First of all, the rain wasn't a drenching deal-breaker, but rather what I consider stereo-typical English cold drizzle. No problem. The ticket agent who sold me my unlimited week-long rail pass was kind and helpful. I got a loyalty stamp card at the train station coffee shop and think I'll earn a free coffee by the time we leave (our apt doesn't have a coffee pot)! Our detour to Brixton resulted in the yumminess outlined in this post. We found every place we wanted to find, and talked to many kind helpful souls along the way-- my baby's giant blue eyes ensure warm welcomes with all but the coldest of hearts. Golder's Hill Park was gorgeous, and Éowyn had a wonderful time touching all the flowers, watching the animals in their zoo, picking up acorns, sticks, tiny leaves and rocks, and "running" by different ponds. We enjoyed a panna cotta at the pub. A visit to a tiny used-book shop resulted in a British version of Harry Potter & the Philosopher's Stone (the one souvenir I wanted from London) as well as lovely hardback editions of Winnie- the- Pooh, The House at Pooh Corner and The Child's Manuel of Dinghy Sailing for Ryan. I also grabbed a really cool book called Children's English History in Verse which means we will get to have our children memorize poetry related to every historical period we study (I can hardly wait!!). On top of all that, the bookseller gave me an additional discount, and gifted Eowyn a small volume she had clasped in her hand. He wrapped it up in a fun bag and everything. She was absolutely mesmerized by this. Over and over on the way home, she'd point to the book and say "Is my peh-sant. I say tank-oo." She "read" it carefully over and over, meaning our train rides home were much quieter. I had an extra set of clothes for her, and we were almost home come accident-time anyway.

Marvelling at "two 'ittle leaf!"

Raindrops on Roses

Being goofy- the cutest was her calling the lemurs "come 'ere, ee-mur!"

The deer were completely unafraid

We got to practice all our colors

Cool tree in the deer-field

On our first London bus ride

Acorns!

Note the heron perched on the house

So many little blessings all day long lead me to remember that it was, after all, a good day. :)

Gluten-Free in London

2011-08-23T16:12:00.001-04:00

Savory pies... why do we not make these in the States??

Yum! I could get used to this, Mom!

Bread. Need I remind you that this is a luxury for me?

My travel buddy

Mom, I just don't know if I can fit all of this into my mouth

So far I've been fortunate in finding authentic English fare that is hearty, tasty, and gluten/soy-free! We are indulging a bit off the GAPS diet while we're here, enjoying the foods England is best at: savory pies, crusty bread, treacle tart, cheddar cheese, meats, 'crisps' (chips), and even a creme-filled breakfast pasty. Oh wow happy day.

It took us a bit of backtracking and asking for help, but we finally found the WAG-free Bakery; a booth in the Brixton Village (very near to both the Brixton Underground & Railway stations if you know where you're going). It's not a 'proper' cafe, but rather a booth in a covered market place. Brixton seemed quite the shopper's paradise, with fresh food stalls everywhere alongside every kind of store you would think of. E & I stopped by for breakfast and to get a bag lunch on our first foray into (across) London town. What to get??? The possibilities seemed endless! I wanted some 'typical' fare, tastes I couldnt' get back home. We settled on a loaf of thick crusty bread (the bulk of which will be slathered with rich English butter for breakfast tomorrow), 3 savory pies (I should have bought a half-dozen!), a cream & berry filled pasty and (with Harry P's preference in mind, I admit) a small treacle tart, along with a cappucinno for Mama. All were delicious. We saved 2 pies, bread, and the treacle for lunch and enjoyed the rest then. Eowyn really liked the ham & mushroom pie, and ate the cheese & onion and steak pies well too.

Thus far the Gluten Free Foodie blog has been a good resource-- great recommendations (just not much directions...seems like a common theme for me so far in Britain; no street signs, inadequate maps, addresses that don't mean much). I've tried out 2 of her recommendations so far and have enjoyed them! We have also had dinner (twice!) at Bella Italia, a local Italian food chain that has a nice gluten free menu. I've had two of their pizzas and both were tasty (good thin crust!), and their chocolate torte was rich without being too sweet. Ryan was a HUGE fan.

Looking for the Little Loves

2011-08-22T10:46:00.000-04:00

Happy Peek-a-Boos

L'Ile de la Cite viewed from the Pont des Arts

L'Ile de la Cite in the middle of the Seine

Door- one of Paris' thousands (millions?) of extraneous bits of beauty

Underside of the Pont de Bir-Hakeim (pedestrian/metro bridge)

A fountain of clean sparkling water backdropped by perfect blue sky

My biggest blessings about to cross the river

In Paris, there is more beauty the more you look.

I'm convinced that life is the same way. God is good-- lavishly, extravagantly so. He spills out kindness from His very being; it just overflows everywhere. Everything He does is poetry, art; nothing is wasted, nothing is random, nothing is left out. He does everything on purpose-- and He does everything well. Reading One Thousand Gifts has helped me to remember this and to seek opportunities for thanksgiving in the "mundane."

Sejour en Paris, Sommaire (and Kid Travel Tips!)

2011-08-20T10:04:00.002-04:00

Hello faithful blog readers!

Learning to dunk

Now that I'm mostly over jet-lag and we are settled in our week-long home, I hope to keep this blog (i.e. the grandchild-deprived grandparents) updated on our stays in Paris & London.

First, Paris.

With a child, there is a lot less sight-seeing, and a lot more site-being. I imagine that in some ways, having a child along makes you more like a native. Playgrounds, parks, coffee shops, grocery stores, and toy shops aren't on most tourist's "hit-lists," but they are essential to making sure that every member of our traveling party (aka family) gets to enjoy the stay. (I find "stay" to far more accurate than "trip" now if that's any indication.) I'll try to sprinkle in tips as to what's worked for us, in case any of you are planning trips with little ones. (Eowyn will be 2 in a month, and she's an active little toddler, just like she should be =D)

Our friends the Chalamets lent us their apartment while they were on vacation, so we got to have our own little home, right in the heart of Paris. We were a block from a major metro stop, within 10 minutes walking distance of both the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe, with great access to a natural food store, a playground, and public transit to Paris City Center. Since the Chalamets have a little guy a month older than Eowyn and a new baby girl, the house was equipped with plenty of kid gear, and Eowyn had her own room (best for everyone when jet-lag is involved). Eowyn LOVED all the toys. As soon as she would see their front door, she'd declare "I wanna go pay! (play)"

Tip #1-- establish a "home base" as soon as possible. It doesn't matter if it's a chair in a corner of a hotel room with a stuffed animal, plastic spoon and cup; just give your child a place they can unwind, play freely, and gain a little security. And I'm serious about the plasticware being pretty entertaining toys. :)

This visit, we had 2 full days as a family, and decided to go to the top of the Arc de Triomphe, to spend a day in Versailles' gardens. The 2 days it was just E & I (Daddy was pow-wowing in preparation for DrupalCon London), we did some shopping at the Galleries Lafayette, and walked around the Rive Gauche (5eme & 6eme arrondissments). We also enjoyed getting together with several friends on different ocassions-- dinner out one night with my childhood best friend (I hadn't seen her in almost 14 years!!), getting our personal tour from our resident Parisian guide Sego, and an amazing dinner at the home of Ryan's business partner Fred. It's such a blessing to have friends in a foreign city!!

Tip # 2--for traveling with kids-- pick one site/day. Notice I said site, not sight. If there are several things within walking distance (and I mean one that won't leave your kids writhing in agony in the stroller) they can be viewed in one day... but mostly pick one area!

We had absolutely glorious weather the days we were outside. The Parisians kept telling us how lucky we were, that it had been "tellement moche" (so very ugly) up 'til now. We definitely enjoyed the 70-80s; warm enough to be out without pants or sleeves, but not so hot as to make us sweat bullets.

In front of the Louvre

Wednesday we arrived at 7 am French time after an overnight flight made worse by a overly-cautious flight attendant who wanted us to buckle Eowyn in a seat all night long instead of letting her sleep on the floor (as we have done on every other flight). She seemed to have no problem with all the adults on the plane sleeping or sitting on the floor, and didn't protest when I lay down with Eowyn... but oh no, she is much safer where she can wake herself up every time she tries to turn over, where she can fall off the seat. Sigh. Regardless we made it and were determined to spend as much time outside as possible to try and reset our bodies' clocks. Ryan headed into the office and I loaded up Eowyn for some shopping at the coolest mall in Paris-- les Galeries Lafayette. Our first mission was to locate and purchase Ellie II (Ellie I's wherabouts being still unknown). The Corolle dolls have a trademark vanilla scent that I adore; to me it smells like my childhood in France. (I'm not sure why because I didn't actually own a Corolle doll... I guess most of my friends did, though, and I definitely smelled them plenty in the stores.) When we walked past the aisles where the "Ellies" were laying, Eowyn's face lit up, and she held out her arms, exclaiming "Ellie!?" as if to say, "how did you get here?" Needless to say the two have been inseparable since then. I also found a fun book on Paris for kids and a Petit Bateau birthday dress for her before heading home to nap. Tip # 3- buy an age-appropriate book on your travel destination when you get there; you can use it to talk about the trip later, and you'll learn all sorts of fascinating details most adult tour guides leave out! Then we went to our local natural food store to stock up on GF-goodies (like madeleines & nutella-filled crepes), sit on a street cafe and dunk them in our coffee, and play on the playground. Tip #4- an hour of running around covers a multitude of sins (or hours strapped into something). Find a playground, an open space, a park, and let that steam RUN OUT! This= sound sleeping at night, and quicker recovery from jet lag!

The Arc de Triomphe was great. Amazing view, really amazing view-- just a cool experience overall! It's expensive (though I could have gotten us in for free if I'd just been a little less honest, as European young adults get in for free, and no one ever asks for ID, hehehe) but worth it at least once!

Splashing in a fountain in the Louvre gardens

No Szrama trip to Paris is complete without Berthillon ice cream, which you can buy in the very heart of the city, right behind to Notre Dame. The flavors are exquisite-- my favorites are salted butter caramel and chocolate whisky (or bitter cocoa, which has perfectly enough sweetness and lovely robust chocolate flavor)-- and we tried several fruit sorbets (grapefruit, coconut, wild peach and pear) that were very refreshing. Eowyn has taken to ice cream very well, asking for it daily. The kid's going to have serious sugar withdrawal when we get back to our regularly-scheduled-program, hah. Actually, one of my favorite things about French cuisine is how low-sugar the desserts are. They are often sweetened only with fruit; even the ice cream is mostly cream and the sugars present in the flavorings. Yum. Tip #5- let your kids enjoy the vacation, too. Let them get some extra dessert, a toy native to that area, or skip some unloved food, all the while maintaining enough routine (and veggies or fruits) that they stay rested and healthy!

Friday while Ryan slaved away, Eowyn & I went out into the sunshine in the company of our dear Segolene. She is always so wonderful about taking me to new little corners of Paris. Paris is so full of beauty; it never ceases to surprise me, and there is always more to see. Just look up at any given point and you'll see a mosaic in a wall, artful wrought-iron balconies, courtyards bursting with flowers, or an architectural gem. We laughed about how easy it is to get lost in Paris because you're so tempted to walk about with your neck craned back trying to take it all in! This time we went around the Sorbonne district to the south of the la Seine. It's the scholarly district, and it felt like such a different city-- quiet, far less cars, almost a village feel. I'm sure come la rentree (school starting back up) students make it quite lively. I did manage to sell some of my college required French reading...I got only about 50 cents for them, but hey! I didn't need them taking up room in my house, and now maybe someone will enjoy them. And I just got a kick out of selling them. =D

Checking out the locks on the "Lover's Bridge"--
supposedly a lock symbolizing your love here "locks" it in!

Waiting for the train to Versailles

Versailles was fun. We were a bit perturbed at how many things seemed arbitrarily closing earlier than stated, or were closed, but we still enjoyed the gardens very much. This summer they had many of the fountains on accompanied by French baroque music (lots of Jean-Baptiste Lully, Louis XIV's court composer). Definitely extra-cool. I just wish they had more green spaces to actually walk or sit on!! Seriously, what's the point of a green garden if you have to choke on dust the whole time? We grabbed dinner in a creperie (Ryan's first all-crepe meal!), and then came back for the night show. The fountains were lit up with lights and set to Baroque music; smoke machines and lasers added effects in certain gardens; lanterns lighted up the paths; and a fireworks/fire/music show capped off the night. We were very glad to have caught it all! Next time we go back in cooler weather, we'll try the inside of the castle (it was too crowded to be enjoyable this time around). Tip-- buy your tickets at the Versailles Tourist Office a block before the castle, avoiding long lines and waits at the actual castle. The only time this might not be advantageous is if you have several students or paying children in your party, because they don't sell reduced-price tickets. In that case you could save time AND money by buying tickets online.

Square René Viviani, with Notre Dame de Paris behind

Just across the river from Notre Dame is a beautiful little park, the most beautiful I've seen in the city. It's small, but bursting with flowers, quiet and peaceful. It's home to the oldest tree in the city, too! Next time you are in Paris, get some Berthillon and a french pastry around 4 (le gouter- snack time; which is non-negotiable in France), amble across the river and sit down in that park and just watch the river and the people go by. You won't regret it.

In front of Paris' oldest living tree

Summer Reading...

2011-08-08T01:11:00.000-04:00

"Well, he said, I'm back."
~Sam Gamgee to his wife, Rosie. Last line of The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien.

Our family has had quite a few adventures this July, from VBS to family visits to the British Virgin Islands, and back. We have a garden growing (and partially threatened by pests of various types & sizes... I just came in from spreading diatomaceous earth with a vengeance! We have lost so many of our gourds --squash, pumpkin, cucumber-- almost all of our potatoes, cauliflower & brocolli, all of our peas, and now some of our tomatoes are starting to pine. Sigh.), a toddler learning, a marriage deepening, and about twenty-odd books between the two of us a-reading. Since it would take too much time (and pictures, which I don't have ready yet) to try and catch up with our travels, gardens, and the brewing thoughts of my mind, I'll try to re-enter blog-world gently with a book list... I love books. I love lists. And I have about 20 minutes of nap-time left. :)

Finished:
- The Help, Kathryn Stockett- my sister lent me this for the plane home and I liked it quite a bit. A book about a book (always fun), in this case a tell-all of Black Southern maids about what life is like for them in the earliest parts of the Civil Rights movements (1960s). As a White Southerner who has been blessed to grow up free from a lot of racial prejudice, this book was helpful in understanding why the racial lines are drawn so deeply in many parts of the South. It also makes me think about the political events in another light; the laws in the South at the time actually made the treating of Black Americans as equals illegal. I think we forget that sometimes. But it's there in the Jim Crow laws; not allowed to have the same toilets, not allowed to marry, not allowed to be served at the same grocery stores. We have come a long way, and I am thankful... and we still have so many remaining bits of filth- racism- left to eradicate. I highly recommend this for every Southerner to read. Only sad part to me was the seeming lack of any true Christians; even though many of the main characters are church-goers, religious and pray a lot, love for and trust in Christ is conspicuously absent, and the white hypocritical "Christians" literally sickened me. I was very convicted as a mom, too, by the insights this has into parenting. Well-written good thought-provoking story. 4 stars.
- By the Pricking of My Thumbs, and Partners in Crime, Agatha Christie- salt & sun equal mystery stories to me, so I grabbed a few paperbacks for our BVI trip and thoroughly enjoyed them. These are about the couple Tommy & Tuppence Berensford, a set of characters I'd never met before (my favorite has always been Hercule Poirot), and these books followed a bit different plot line than your typical Agatha Christie. Both were fun, the best part being the interplay between the husband and wife-- so realistic, affectionate, and quotable. The plots in Partners in Crime weren't too "wow" (I solved some of them myself, and others were unsolvable without inside information, which I never like). 3 1/2 stars.
- Unnatural Death, Dorothy L. Sayers- I do love Lord Peter Wimsey!! I appreciated the theological depth here too. (I wasn't expecting it, and when I saw it, I remembered "duh, Sayers was an Inkling! She might have read this to Lewis, Chesterton & Tolkien!) There is a great dialogue between a pastor and a middle-aged spinster employed by Wimsey on the nature of sin, and where responsibility lays. Lovable characters, gripping plot, believable mystery. Good stuff. 4 stars.
- Fablehaven: Keys to the Demon Prison, Brandon Mull- Book 5 in this very enjoyable series for kids. (Demons in this story are not spiritual, but rather fantastical, thoroughly evil beings.) Was impressed by the writing and by the moral depth this series provides. Not strictly Christian (there's an annoying "no religion has it totally right" passage in book 2), but definitely moral, with a view of death, growing up, right & wrong, and the afterlife that is quite in line with Scripture. 4 stars.
- Protecting the Gift, Gavin de Becker- a MUST READ for every parent. Not kidding. (I may compile a list of the 10 books I think every parent should read, hmmm...) I bought this after a friend recommended it, on the same day another friend of mine (lives in my neighborhood) and I were discussing how to teach our kids to be confident & friendly while still keeping them safe (especially our beautiful girls). This book presents fear as a (God-given) gift which is intended to help us stay safe. If we teach our children to honor that prickling of the hairs on their necks as well as arming them with the knowledge of what to do, we serve them well. The book is especially empowering to young moms, describing what amazing feats they have accomplished in order to protect their children (like literally beating an attacker with their bare hands with a baby on their hip), and passes on the clear message: your daughter could do this, too. Get it. Read it. Teach it to your kids. 5 stars.
- Heaven is for Real, Todd Burpo- We all read this as discussion-fodder on our sailing trip (our devotional topic was Heaven). If you're hoping for proof that Heaven is real, well, you should go back to reading the Bible. If you want to read an encouraging, faith-strengthening reminder of the way God cares for His own both now and forever, pick this up. I won't get into whether or not this little boy actually went to Heaven, or the New Heaven and the New Earth, or just had a vision. Whatever the case, the Lord is using it to comfort His saints, and this story is encouraging.
- Ragman and Other Cries of Faith, Walt Wangerin, Jr.- Wow. Wangerin is becoming one of Ryan's & my favorite shared authors. He is a master story-teller. I LOVE that he is writing outside of my own faith tradition (he is a Lutheran pastor I believe) and so he says things a bit differently, quotes different sources, and pulls in different traditions than I'm used to. Keeps me from getting jaded. This book is not a straight story; it's a collection of different genres-- drama, poetry, allegory, sermon, memoir, essay-- each beautiful and powerful in its own way. The collection is far from a haphazard anthology, but is instead itself an intentionally ordered mosaic meant to draw the soul to God as part of a community being drawn to God. The chapter on preaching is one I want to copy and send to every pastor I know!! 5 stars. Quotes WILL be showing up on this blog, I guarantee.
- Warbreaker, Brandon Sanderson- Ryan has been asking me to read this one by his new favorite fantasy author. Sanderson is a Mormon, and it seems Mormons are really good at creating complex worlds full of their own religions, types of magic, social orders and traditions. (Is it that those already creatively inclined are drawn to Mormonism, with its far-fetched beliefs and teaching that each man will become a god with his own world to shape... or does the belief stir up the creativity? Hmmm...) I appreciated the book for its characters, new cultures to explore, and mystery-- and totally clean (yay!). Interesting ideas about what makes religion 'true' and what motivates the religious. 3 stars.
- The Bartimeus Trilogy, Jonathan Stroud-- a children's fantasy series that Ryan really enjoyed. I liked it ok, but found it questionably near true Occult. The magic in these series is invocative; it calls upon powerful demons (invisible to most humans and residents of another reality), controlling them with spells and symbols, and forcing them to do what would be impossible for humans. This book obviously doesn't take place in our world, which helps keep it as distinctly fiction rather than potentially confusing kids. An engaging enough plot with plenty of wit and humor; a bit dark; shows power-lust for the wickedness that it is, and self-sacrificing love as the truest greatest power. Still unsure how to rate it.

In Progress (so far I LOVE them all!!!):
- Let Me Be a Woman, Elisabeth Elliot
- Bad Girls of the Bible, & Really Bad Girls of the Bible, Liz Curtis Higgs
- Undefiled, Harry Shaumberg
- Living in Light of the Gospel Story, World Harvest Mission
- When God Writes your Love Story, Eric & Leslie Ludy
- A Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp
- Elantris, Brandon Sanderson
- The Heart of Anger, Lou Priolo (I can't find my new copy anywhere-- did I loan it out already?)

Next up:
Matched, Ally Condie
The Hunger Games, a trilogy by Suzanne Collins
Pure Excitement, Joe White
Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy

Any I should add?

Dating vs. Going on Dates

2011-07-09T08:49:00.012-04:00

Some of you may have read my previous post on our family "Three Rules for Dating," and might be wondering how in the world any of us ever met our spouses! This post will hopefully shed a little bit of light on "how this could work." Far from trying to tell you how "you should do this," I'm rather trying to sketch out "how one could do this." My own experience has been far from pain-free, far from sinless, far from perfect, however, I do believe that I was spared much heart-ache and sin!

I went to a public high school with an academic magnet program, which was quite the unique experience! I had many friends and was friendly with everyone, guys and girls alike, but stayed out of the boy-girl drama, and had my closest friends at church. There were only a hand-full of believers in my entire school. But that was what I wanted-- a practice mission field. Going in with that kind of expectation helped me guard my heart very well. I knew I wanted to go on to college, that I loved studying and learning, and that I had no business giving my heart away just yet. I turned down guys who "asked me out," taking the chance to tell them about Jesus and Who He was to me, and also to explain that I viewed dating as preparation for marriage, not divorce, and that I didn't think we were really ready to think about marriage just yet. :) They usually looked at me a little strange, but accepted it.

What about prom? I went in a group with a "date" who was really a friend (one year I went with a school mate, believer, and my senior year I brought along one of my closest friends from church, who also happened to be my cousin). Both times we went out to eat in a group, had a great time getting dressed up and taking pictures, rocked out the dance floor and got picked up by our parents by midnight. Both nights formed some of my favorite memories of my high school career, and I had no regrets from any of it. Good, clean fun with my friends, getting to dress up pretty and do "special" things... what more does a high-schooler want?

This pattern of learning to relate to guys and girls in group settings, of not being opposed to going on memorable "dates" as friends in groups, and being clear about my own standards and desire to remain only friends came with me to college. (There was a year in between where I got my heart broken, but I'll share that in a final post.) My parents had asked me not to allow myself to be drawn into an exclusive dating relationship ("courtship" to be technical) until my sophomore year of college, and in hindsight I appreciate how wise that was. I had many guy friends, some of them fairly close (I think it's naturally easier for girls to relate to guys-- that's how it's supposed to work in marriage! Guys just aren't all... dramatic!), but it was always clear that we were just brother & sister, or friends if they were unbelievers. My closest friends were girls; my roommate, classmates, dorm-mates, friends from church.

Before I go on, let me differentiate between "dates" and "dating." In my mind, a guy and a girl can go on a date as a "get to know you." They might like each other (or just one might like the other), they might think they possibly could start liking each other, they might just have heard good things about each other. Going on a date --usually out somewhere, alone or in a group-- has the intention of getting to know each other specifically. However, it doesn't imply exclusivity. There were weeks and months where I went on dates with different guys, and wasn't a girlfriend to any of them. I only ever truly dated one person: the man who is now my husband, Ryan. And once we started dating and I was "his girlfriend," I never went on another date with anyone else! (I've heard other people call going on dates "just hanging out," and dating "courting")

Why allow one-on-one dates at all? Well, honestly, because sometimes there's just not much other way to get to know someone. Sure, you could get them into a group, but if it's just an excuse to talk to her, why not skip making everyone else feel like a third wheel, and spend some time getting to know The Girl. Oh yes, in case this doesn't go without saying-- I never asked a guy out, but rather let them ask if they were interested.

Ok so here's how I rolled. I had my own "Three Date Rule"-- I'd give any believing guy who asked one date. (Well, except for Presbyterians, because I knew my Baptist convictions were too deep to ever be able to submit to a Presbyterian husband. My RUF campus pastor loved to tease me about this!) If I liked something about them, and they asked a second time, I'd say yes to a second date. By the end of that date (as well as any group activities we'd done) I'd usually have a pretty good idea of whether I'd consider dating them long-term, with a view towards marriage. If they asked for a third date, and I was game, I'd tell them it was time to call my Dad and get his blessing (for guys that I went on out-of-town group dates with, to formal balls, I would have Dad interview them before date 1). He asked to meet with them, got to know them a bit, gave them the "what are your intentions towards my daughter" talk, and if he trusted them, he would give the OK, and we'd go on our third date. Usually by this point I knew whether I was interested enough to be exclusive, and we'd have the DTR ("Determine the Relationship" talk). With everyone but Ryan, I had be loving and honest enough to tell these amazing guys that I didn't think I was the right one for them (talk about making yourself feel about this big), and to make it clear that I didn't want to become exclusive or date at all any more. Hard as those talks were, they were much easier than a break-up would have been!! Stopping a relationship from becoming exclusive is way easier than having to back-track and get un-exclusive! I will also say that on dates or in dating relationships, the Beloved's admonition to not "arouse or awaken love until it so desires" is one to take seriously; emotional guardedness= emotional purity (and less broken hearts!)!! Fun as it is to feel all giddy and infatuated, if it clouds your thinking or leads someone else on, it's not worth it!

I also wasn't afraid to use the Dad card to scare off guys I didn't want to date. :) One was too chicken to even talk to my dad at all. Easy one to cross off my list!

Please, feel free to ask questions, make comments, or post your own dating do's & don'ts!

Great Article on Due Dates

2011-07-08T20:49:00.003-04:00

... or why that term is a complete misnomer! I am so proud of several of my friends who have been patiently waiting days and even weeks past their "due dates" (more like guess dates) in order to give their children all the time they need to come out strong and healthy! This article is so equipping and helpful! I pass it on to you as a way to increase your knowledge reservoir!

**Disclaimer-- not having read the other posts on this blog, I can't vouch for them. Like anything, I'm guessing it's a mixed bag. Also, this post does feature a side-shot of a nude pregnant torso, so be forewarned!**

Three Rules for Dating

2011-07-06T23:24:00.003-04:00

Lately I've shared my family's "Three Dating Rules" with several people in vastly different circumstances, and each time they've been met with enthusiasm. SO I thought I'd type them up and share them, along with some personal stories (dating examples) from my own history in a follow-up post. With all the dating going on right now (some of the kids I have a relationship with have already had serious boyfriends-- even sexual relationships-- and innumerable breakups by age 14), it still surprises me how few parents sit down and sketch out a family vision for dating & guy-girl relationships, which will hopefully end in marriage. Even kids from excellent families often tell me very sad stories of "wish I'd known" which could have easily been avoided had they had a "Game Plan" going into it.

So, Daddy, this one's for you. :)

I was in my early teens and my sisters were still middle-schoolers when my family joined up with another family with daughters my sisters' ages and started a Bible study on dating. Our dads got together and wrote the curriculum themselves, incorporating skits, object lessons, and guest interviews from actual couples. All were QUITE memorable-- ask any one of us 6 girls, a good decade later, and we all still remember a lot, if not all, of what we were taught. It was also a lot of fun. Seeing your dads dress up as Pet Smart employees, jocks & geeks is really hilarious. Someday if I get a publisher's ear I'd LOVE to get that curriculum published!

But I digress.

First, our dads laid the foundational tenets of our family's view on "dating:" (this is my own interpretation, from memory, not a word-for-word transcription...unlike the Three Rules)

A. It's a process that is part of children still functioning under the authority and protection of their parents (especially their fathers), NOT something kids figure out on their own.

B. It's primarily to be a way to evaluate suitability for marriage, NOT to have a good time.

C. It's for those who are secure in God's Love for them, seeking to serve God by serving others, NOT a way to feel loved and served.

D. Marriage is not the be-all and end-all. Though it's desirable and what we prepare for (statistically it's most likely), a life devoted to God is the goal, single or unmarried.

(Those familiar with the dating-vs.-courtship-vs.-betrothal debate will see that this fits under 'courtship.' Recreational dating is a better preparation for divorce than marriage, and betrothal is not realistic nor natural in our culture; but I could write a whole post on that. If there is interest, I can!)

All of us knew that our dating relationships would begin with our suitor asking for our father's permission, guidance, and ongoing involvement, as well as the incorporation of our whole families into the relationship. We were all still under our dad's authority & protection until the wedding day, not our boyfriend's nor our own. What a relief! Good parents know their kids pretty well, and can usually size up suitable partners for them pretty accurately, without the rose-colored glasses to cloud the picture.

Ok, the Three Rules are:

1. Only date those whom you find interesting and attractive. No pity dates, no revenge dates, no desperate dates. If you don't think they're fun to be around, you don't have to say yes, no matter how awesome everyone else thinks s/he is. Not to say you couldn't hang out a bit in groups to try and find out whether they might become interesting & attractive to you... but saying 'no' for no reason other than personal preference isn't wrong. See Song of Solomon -- we are supposed to find our spouses fascinating (and spouse-hood is the aim of courtship!).

2. Only date those who meet the criteria met upon beforehand by you and your parents. If you are a Christian, than Christianity is a non-negotiable (marriage between an unbeliever and a believer is expressly forbidden in Scripture, and it is also a great sorrow to all those who find themselves in one. Since dating is evaluating suitability for marriage, this is a no-brainer. 2 Cor 6:14) My criteria included being over 5' 11'', not having a temper, enjoying different cultures, being spiritually mature & able to lead me, and being open to missions & adoption (among other things). My dad added 'able to provide' to the list (something most girls don't think about). If you make the list BEFORE the Potential steps up, you won't be trying to make it "fit" any one person.

3. Only date when you are in a season of life when you could reasonably consider marriage (not necessarily immediately, but in the natural course of an un-rushed relationship). This would change for each person. In my situation, I was committed to pursuing a degree at a university, cramming several different programs into 4 years (with the help of lots of high school credit), and I knew I was not interested in marriage soon after high school. So my folks asked me to wait to get into a dating relationship until after my freshman year of college, allowing me to really get my bearings, to build deep friendships with girls, to be free to enjoy my new home without any one person monopolizing my time, and to figure out what my focus was to be. I wouldn't trade my days on campus for anything-- I grew so much, threw myself into my studies, made amazing memories, learned so much, loved hard and made really deep friendships-- none of which which would have been possible if I'd had a guy claiming most of my mind and heart space. **note that I did feel the freedom to go on individual dates with different guys in a non-romantic context (different school functions). We always went in groups and had a blast!

The main reasoning behind this last rule is to guard against temptation-- especially sexual but also towards discontentment. "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (Song of Solomon 8:4) If you let yourself fall in love with The One when you are unable to be married (relatively) soon, frustrations are multiplied! I think this applies to kids who start to like each other in high school; you can keep an affection in check by not entering into a commitment until you are able to keep it, and keep it soon. You won't have to let immaturity ruin a great friendship. :)

So... those were our three "rules," and they have served me well. One of my sisters is also happily married, and in a wonderful twist, one of the other girls in our study is now dating my first cousin... HAH we knew they found each other "interesting and attractive"!! =D

What guidelines did you have in your families, or do you want to have in yours now?

Great Article on Simple Changes to "Healthify" Old Favorites

2011-06-30T17:58:00.000-04:00

Love a recipe but know it isn't the greatest for you? Check out this post over on Passionate Homemaking! These are all great steps and tidbits to help you take one step at a time towards healthier living!

Along a similar vein, but much more in-depth and thorough is the eBook Healthy Homemaking; one step at a time, by Stephenie Langford (Keeper of the Home). I have it and immediately thought of about 25 people who would love it!

Off to make dinner, speaking of cooking! I came home to an empty fridge and an overflowing garden!

San Antonio- the personal side

2011-06-29T17:44:00.000-04:00

(note the blueberry-stained fingers)

Jane (2) & Eowyn (21 months) were great friends, when they weren't screaming at each other, of course.

Sweet Ryan playing with a favorite toy

A heart-to-heart

Girl time!

Looking at animal pictures on Mr Aaron's iPhone

We snuck in and captured them talking quietly in Jane's "house"

How did they get to be SO CUTE!??

Awww...

Matching cuteness down on the Riverwalk.
(I made these matching dresses out of an outdated outfit of my grandma's, and we got compliments all day!)

Jenny & I by the San Antonio canal. We ate at the Rainforest Cafe-- the BEST place to take kids EVER!

I wish we had gotten pictures of them dancing like crazy in the Rainforest Cafe... it was amazing.

Overview from San Antonio

2011-06-27T10:05:00.005-04:00

Remember the Alamo!

Eowyn and I are enjoying a visit to our friends the Montgomerys in San Antonio, TX. Jenny (the Mrs. of the family) and I first became friends through our church's ladies mentoring ministry, called (rather cheesily, I must say) "Spiritual Friends." Both of us were believers, newly-weds, working women, and newly moved to Louisville from out-of-state. We also both loved scrapbooking, good books, and chocolate. Over the next four years (and three babies between us) we spent hundreds of ours together, either at Book Club, church, watching movies together when our husbands worked late, scrapbooking, or eating, or drinking her precisely-brewed hot chocolate (still don't know anyone who can beat it), or at mother's play group outings. The last year or so of her time in Louisville we started getting together every Wednesday afternoon to scrapbook/craft while our babies napped. We got quite a bit done, and managed to discuss everything from child-rearing to Harry Potter to recipes and everything in between-- frustrations and fears, struggles and dreams, and the slap-happy laughing that comes to sleep-deprived moms pushed slightly above the limit of sanity. Our husbands bonded over computers, Drupal, good food & drink, rock music and a shared alma mater (both are Boyce College grads).

Then she moved suddenly. I was out of town when she called me with the news. We'd known this day was coming, but not so soon (isn't that how it always is?). I hurried home across 4 state lines to help her finish packing and load up the car. Our families shared a final meal of Moe's take-out on their living room floor amidst the final odds & ends of their former life.

I've missed Jenny a lot. Eowyn and Jane are 9 months apart, nearly to the day, and have always played very well together (well, when they weren't trying to strangle each other). And my scrapbooking has suffered. So when Jenny had the brilliant idea of bringing us out to San Antonio for a week, I could NOT say no! They have very generously entertained us for the past 5 days, and we have more planned for our last 3! Here are some pics (clips of childish cuteness to follow) so you can enjoy our Texas Adventure with us!

Eowyn playing with her cloth paper-doll on the flight over.

Practicing for life with triplets? (at a play house called Just Add Children)

Power shoppers

These live oaks are so beautiful in a rugged, twisted way.

Pretty much sweet cuteness incarnate, Ryan (13 mos)

Our favorite way to beat the heat!

VERY typical: Ryan trying to literally dive in head-first, Jane playing safely OUTSIDE the pool.

Eowyn's response to me taking a picture "No!!!"

The downtown Riverwalk (I'm a fan!)

Second "Frontier" Fave: Raw Milk Yogurt

2011-06-18T09:02:00.006-04:00

As a follow-up to yesterday's post on Just-Fruit "Frontier" Jam, here is the technique I regularly use to make our yogurt. Thank you to my friend Randi for the know-how on this one! I also referred to Nourishing Traditions, Gut and Psychology Syndrome, Internal Bliss and these tutorials (1, 2 & 3).

Step 1: Get out a half-gallon of fresh, raw, creamy milk from a source you trust-- grass fed and organic are not optional here.

Step 2: Gently heat the milk to between 101 and 118 degrees F. You don't want to go above 118 or else you will start killing the enzymes in the milk (thence kind of defeating the purpose of starting with raw milk, though of course it's still going to be better than most milk). The first time I did this I borrowed a friend's meat thermometer and stopped at precisely 110 degrees, noting how hot it felt on my pinky. Since then I guesstimate. It's about the right temp when you stick your finger in and it feels hot-- too hot to keep in for long but not so hot you scald yourself. The milk should not be boiling or frothing. I use a wooden spoon to stir it every so often. The milk heats up rather quickly.

Meanwhile, have your yogurt starter waiting in the bottom of the jars you'll use. Most sources recommend about 2 T of yogurt as a starter for a half gallon. I now guesstimate; a bit more or less doesn't seem to really make that much difference. You do want enough to jump start the fermentation, but not so much that it all turns to whey.

Step 3: As soon as the milk reaches 110, pour a little into the jar(s) with the starter in them, and stir. This warms the starter up a bit so it isn't shocked by the hot milk. Then pour in the rest of the milk. Stir gently a few times. Quickly put the jars into a cooler stuffed with towels for insulation. Leave to incubate over night. I usually put it in the fridge in the morning so it doesn't get too tangy.

Optional Step 4- Thickening the Yogurt: I usually do this with half of the yogurt if it's too runny-- strain it through a coffee filter in a strainer over a glass bowl for a few hours. Keep the liquid (whey) and use it in smoothies, soaking grains, baking or as a probiotic supplement (it's tangy and not bad tasting). The yogurt remaining will be as thick and creamy as you want it to be. If you let it keep dripping then you'll end up with raw cream cheese (yum!!). I don't bother dripping the yogurt we use for smoothies since it gets slushed up anyway! :)

My favorite ways to enjoy yogurt are with just-fruit jam in it and a dusting of cinnamon, or with fresh or frozen berries, cinnamon, ginger and raw honey or Grade B maple syrup drizzled on it. Eowyn is quite a fan as well!

First "Frontier" (i.e. Low-Tech) Fave: Jam

2011-06-17T20:58:00.003-04:00

As many of you know, I long for the days of the homesteader, and dream of one day having our own little farm on a few acres of land, growing enough to feed a sizeable brood of people-chicks as well as a cow, a few goats, chickens, a dog or two and a passel of cats. In the meantime, we have one child, no pets, and a small city lot. I make up for the lack of mouths to feed by taking in as many guests as possible-- we have several adopted "family" members regularly around our table, and, like my mama taught me, I find great joy in making sure nobody goes home hungry or lonesome. I also try to do as much "low-tech," DIY as possible. (I'm even venturing into the realm of furniture and jobs involving... hacksaws, gulp). If Ma Ingalls couldn't buy it, I don't like using it. Usually. The occasional frappucino is an exception.

Slowly I'm adding more and more kitchen jobs to my own bag of tricks (though it's nice to know I can grab them from a store shelf in a pinch). It started with buying dry beans instead of canned, moved on to getting a little coffee grinder to grind my own grains, trying my hand at fermentation of water kefir, soaking, seasoning & drying my own nuts, and most recently expanded to making my own nut butters, nut milk & nut pulp (and nut milk lattes, yum!). Two new successes and now-Szrama staples are raw milk yogurt and fresh fruit preserves. They are SO simple and low-tech that they make me happy, and I thought I'd share them with others since I had difficulty in tracking down precise instructions online.

In the spirit of eating seasonally, Eowyn & I recently picked a bumper crop of local strawberries-- juicy, sweet, and red. Along with pies, strawberry ice cream and plenty of strawberries & cream, I sliced & froze a gallon for smoothies, then tried my hand at jam-making. The following technique is a result of a plea for help on FB, and I am indebted to my friend Megan for the knowledge.

Just Fruit Jam

Step One: wash your berries. Aim for a mix of very-ripe (sweet!) berries, moderately ripe berries, and a good many underripe (still have green tips) berries. The less ripe, the more natural pectin they contain.

Step 2: Cut the berries in half and bring to a boil. I left mine on the heat about 30 minutes, stirring almost constantly. In the mean time wash and sanitize your glass jars.

Step 3: Boil your lids & rings. Keep them boiling until you slap them on the jars. (I used a few standard metal lids for giving away, but mostly used reusable plastic Tattler lids.)

Step 4: Prepare your hot water bath. You need to have enough water boiling to cover 1" over the tops of your jars, and there needs to be something keeping the jars off the bottom of the pot. I used my pasta insert and it barely fit in 6 jars & their water.

Step 5: Pour the cooked fruit into the jars, leaving about 1" headroom and wiping down the rims. Put a lid on top and a ring screwed on securely but not as tight as it will go. Immerse the fruit into the hot water bath and boil for 10-15 minutes.

Step 6: Pull jars out and allow to cool over a 12-hr period. Their lids should all sink in, indicating an airtight seal. If one doesn't, refrigerate it and let it be the first one you eat!

Step 7: Admire! Ta-Da!! I did a second batch with mulberries and a few crisp apples cooked with the strawberries. My thought was that the mulberries add sweetness and the apples add pectin, so we'll see how the texture between the pure strawberries & mul-straw-apple berries compares.

EDIT: It's been a few months, and we've popped open and enjoyed two VERY YUMMY jars of this jam! THe mul-stra-apple jam is very "normal" in texture, quite sweet, and very yummy. I loved finding chunks of fruit in it, but some folks may want a more uniform texture-- I'd suggest using a potato masher (boiled to sanitize) right before putting the fruit into jars. Still haven't tried the just-strawberries yet. Will update when I do!

A Few Good (GAPS) Meals

2011-06-06T18:16:00.019-04:00

These are meals we've either eaten or that I have planned for this coming week. I've used Internal Bliss, the cookbook that came with the GAPS book, Nourishing Traditions, and recipes I've adapted for GAPS-friendliness (substituting almond meal for breadcrumbs, things like that). When we've had company over (which has actually occurred quite frequently, and Ryan's parents were here for 8 days!), I usually added a garden salad and garlic bread, and E & I just didn't eat that.

I'll do it this way-- rather than listing out each meal as a meal, I'll just list the main dishes, sides & desserts separately. Especially in the first 2 weeks, I rotated the same few dishes quite a bit.

Main dishes:
-- baked salmon (lemon, garlic, paprika, sea salt, pepper, olive oil),
-- roast chicken (butter, fresh herbs from the garden, sea salt & pepper) baked with veggies (carrots, broccoli, onion, celery, and squash)
-- beef-broth soup
-- Jean's Meatloaf with homemade tomato sauce
-- spaghetti squash "noodles" with fresh tomato sauce
--meat (chicken, duck, pork loin) roasted with veggies (broccoli, carrot, onion & carrot)
-- nut pancakes (made with pumpkin, eggs & peanut butter) spread with chicken or tuna salad (onion, celery, homemade raw mayo, dill weed, sea salt, garlic powder, lemon juice)
-- almond crust sausage pizza
-- ommlettes (bacon & cheese, cheese, sour cream & veggie...)
-- eggs & bacon or sausage (Eowyn's favorite)
-- smoothies!!-- two favorites have been "pumpkin pie" and "peanut butter"-- now that we can eat fruit the variety is endless
-- curried chicken (also curried beef) with carrots, onion, broccoli & zucchini-- SO GOOD!
-- Mexican-style green salad (greens, tomato, salsa, cheese, sour cream, beef bologna)

Sides
-- carrots julienne
-- roasted mashed carrots (with sea salt & cultured cream... wow)-- so sweet they taste candied!
-- cream of brocolli soup (homemade stock, cultured cream, broc & onions)
-- grilled cheese apples (SO good!! just slice apples, top with cheese, and broil/toast/bake!)
-- kale chips of various flavors
-- steamed broccoli with garlic & herbs
-- jalapeno cheese buscuits
-- hazelnut & seed crackers
-- real (lacto-fermented) saurkraut (cabbage & carrots) & pickles (just salt, water, peppercorn & pickling cucumbers)
-- zucchini sauteed in tallow (yum!)-- Eowyn adored these and ate them like chips
-- fresh fruits & veggies like always (including the first lettuce from our garden!)
-- apple sauce with liver (Eowyn alone eats this... and she loves it. I am not quite so brave. I do intend to learn to cook and like liver, though... soon.)

Desserts
-- nut pancakes (made with pumpkin/squash, eggs & peanut butter)spread with butter & all-fruit jam or maple syrup
-- strawberry ice cream, coconut ice cream (coconut milk, cultured cream, raw milk & maple syrup)
-- strawberry-rhubarb custard pie (the crust was the trickiest, but I managed & will post a recipe soon); also blueberry-rhubarb custard pie
-- mulberry crumble
-- dried fruits (I'm starting to make my own in our dehydrator)
-- "Lara bars" (the easiest "cookie" ever, and the best way to sneak nutrition into your diet
-- hazelnut milk latte
-- stewed apples (apples, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger & butter)

If anyone wants any particular recipes, feel free to ask!

GAPS Intro

2011-06-05T18:16:00.001-04:00

Many of you know that Eowyn & I (and, when he eats with us, Ryan) are on a long-term diet called the 'Gut and Psychology Syndrome' diet, or GAPS diet. Its goal is to heal the gut, in four ways: (1) giving it a "break" from anything hard to digest during the Intro stage, (2) replenish the bacteria ("gut flora") necessary for proper digestion, immune function, overall and mental health (3) starve off opportunistic yeasts & harmful bacteria ("bad gut flora"), and (4) provide foods rich in healing properties and nutrients. It's been used to successfully treat many types of chronic conditions, from dyslexia to autism (ASDs) to epilepsy to acid reflux. Quite a tall order for a diet, which is why those who go on it expect to stick to it for at least 18 months- 2 years, longer for long-established problems. Properly-prepared gluten-free grains may be reintroduced if desired after that point (2ish years) in addition to GAPS-approved foods.

So what kinds of foods hurt the gut? First off, SUGAR-- so no refined sugar in any forms, and limited natural sugars (in the earliest stages of the Introduction diet dried fruits & most fresh fruits are eliminated). Also grains, raw fibrous veggies at first (until the gut is mostly healed) improperly prepared beans, nuts & lentils, and anything processed (no MSG, no artificial flavorings, no propa-hexa-muta-gora-bora-bora... you get the idea). Fertilizers, pesticides, and other remnants of commercial farming make their way into foods and upset guts trying to heal, so as much as can be bought organic should be. The fresher the better, too!

What heals the gut? Lots of bone broths & stocks, fermented foods (saurkraut- which I HAVE learned to like, natural pickles... AMAZING, yogurt, kombucha, kefirs of all kinds), ginger, coconut & natural, whole-food fats (ghee, butter, tallow, lard, olive oil, palm oil, coconut oil, and cream once dairy is introduced). While pasteurized dairy is not allowed, raw milk & cream, and fermented dairy products like yogurt, sour cream, pima cream & most cheeses are encouraged. I've had fun learning to make my own of most of the above-- thanks to modern appliances, most is REALLY easy! (For those familiar with Weston A. Price's work, or with the Whole/Traditional Foods or Slow Cooking movements, it's like a WAPF diet without grains and most beans, with extra emphasis on fermented foods.)

Anyway, it is a learning curve, and many people get about a month into the diet and get super bored. If you're used to cooking a lot of grain-based meals it's definitely intimidating. Eowyn & I went through the six-step Introduction Cycle in 2 weeks, which is kind of the minimum suggested. While both of us had warning signs of imbalanced gut flora-- for me, my Celiac's disease, bad morning sickness during pregnancy, recurrent ear infections (3 in as many months after 20 years without them) and the beginnings of renewed yeast imbalances (urg, after being free for 4 years!!!) were signs. For Eowyn, signs that my bad gut flora had been passed on to her (through delivery and subsequent breast-feeding) were severe enough acid reflux to be prescribed medication (HUGE RED FLAG IN BABIES!!!), and food reactions (to blueberries, to peanuts, to wheat, to who knew what). What's motivated me? Well, the recurrent ear infections were getting annoying, and my doctor was about to refer me to an ENT, because "adults aren't supposed to get ear infections." While regular chiropractic care was keeping the fluid draining enough to delay infection, I could still feel the fluid in my ears all the time. Also, if I do get pregnant in this coming year, I'll do ANYTHING to avoid morning sickness, and ANYTHING to try and pass on GOOD gut flora to my next baby!!

I highly recommend Dr McBride's book Gut & Psychology Syndrome, for anyone interested in nutrition, mental health, learning disabilities, and child-rearing in general. Actually, truth be told I think all moms should read it. In our generation, it's become normal to be prescribed anti-nausea medication during pregnancy and to need to either radically change your diet while nursing (no dairy, no chocolate, no peanuts, etc) or give your baby Prevacid for 5 months, and food intolerances or learning disabilities in kids are ubiquitous.

Next is a list of meals that have worked for us, lest anyone think we are starving (and for anyone who's on GAPS and would like some fresh ideas!).

PS- so far, Eowyn has shown NO reactions to any of the foods she seemed to react to before!! She's eating all sorts of nuts, including peanuts, all berries, and hasn't had red cheeks or diaper rash at all! Praise the Lord!

Imagining Grief

2011-06-02T13:47:00.000-04:00

Kind of as a follow-up to the post I wrote a few days ago, here is a link to an insightful blog post (by Molly Piper) on the value of imagining another's grief as a way to attempt to enter into it with them, instead of just saying "I can't even imagine," and walking off. (Thank you, Mary Scott, for the lead!)

I'd also like to clarify and say that I DO definitely think there's a time and place to share our griefs. I don't think we need (or want to) tell everyone we see, even at church, just how we hurt and why. Though there is room for that -- like in my pregnant-woman-illustration-- and it does breed humility and honesty as Ashlea pointed out in the comments (please read hers-- it is really good stuff), I was thinking of closer circles of friends, such as a church small group, family member, or best friend.

Personal bent- my best friend, already long married, was grappling with infertility (and the difficulty of being a "seminary widow") while I was bopping along as a college student. She still shared her pain with me, and I did my best to enter into it and try to encourage her (and pray hard that God would give her a child!), through poetry and Scripture and silly socks and all the things that good friends do together (like almost setting the kitchen on fire making falafel). Later, when she miscarried, I did my best to listen and to assure her that God was still good, remembering what had most comforted me in my own 'dark night of the soul.' I found it so encouraging that she said my words actually were exactly what she needed to hear, not because "I'd been there," but because I'd known pain, and I know the Comforter. In our own church small group we don't break up singles and marrieds, nor those with kids and without them (we do often split up guy-girl), and it's really sweet to hear people praying fervently on behalf of others for pain and hardships they've never personally experienced-- the healthy young mom praying for the ailing older woman; the married woman praying for God's guidance for a single girl struggling to know her role & future; the college kid praying for the mom at her wit's end with two-year-old tantrums.

So please don't misunderstand; I think there is HUGE need for sensitivity and consideration, and I do NOT mean to say that every stay-at-home mom should call up her single friend and moan to her about how hard it is to stay home every day, when she knows that that's exactly what her single friend wants more than anything in the world. I do mean that if her friend loves her, then she will ask how she is doing, and in that moment it would not be wrong for the tired mom to be honest.

Ok, baby crying... gotta go! Please, keep the comments and interaction coming!

The Fine Line Between Complaint and Grief

2011-05-31T22:40:00.004-04:00

I recently heard a talk that left me wondering "is there a difference between complaining and grieving?" The speaker was sharing both how the Lord had brought her through very difficult trials (which was a real blessing to hear), and also how we as fellow Christians could minister and be mindful of the trials of another. The second part was what led to my questions, my musings, and what (I hope) the Lord is teaching me. Here goes... they kind of build on each other, but are interrelated. Hopefully it is somewhat coherent. :)

1. Grief is real. It's a part of this life, sure as breathing. For Christians, suffering is guaranteed, even escalated, because of our faith. But it's also redeemed, given purpose, given a Presence. We are comforted in our suffering by the One who knows us best and loves us most, we are assured that this suffering is doing wonderful things in us, and that it will make us happier in the long (eternal) run. Our Savior picked up every bit of leftover bread when He fed the multitudes-- would He ever waste our sufferings?

2. We are commanded to share each other's joys and griefs. That is, there will be times when someone else is crying when we feel like laughing, and we are supposed to put aside our desire to whoop and holler and try to enter into their grief, as if it were our own. There will be other times when our pain is so deep that we wonder how anyone anywhere could even smile. In those times, we are to give thanks for another's blessings, and rejoice with them. WOW!! I remember reading something that Richard Wurmbrand, who was tortured for 14 years in Soviet Romania for his confession of Christ and continued preaching of Him, wrote-- something along the lines of "I remembered that somewhere, some believer was full, some believer had his children around him, some believer was worshiping God freely, and so I could rejoice for them, with them, even in my prison cell." (Read his description of the priest who taught him this here.) Talk about humbling.

3. The Biblical command to 'do all things without complaining' is not a gag order on grief. We CAN grieve without complaining, but we have to watch ourselves! Picture this: an obviously-pregnant woman enters a room, sweating in the July heat, ankles swollen and face tired. She immediately begins bemoaning how uncomfortable she is, how hard being pregnant is, how she just wishes the baby would hurry up and be born. That's complaining, and it probably isn't exactly "helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it might benefit those who listen." (Eph. 4:29) As my mom often chided us, "That's the sort of talk that got Israel wandering in the desert for 40 years!" Picture another scenario, though: the same obviously- pregnant woman comes into the room, and at the question "how are you?" she says, quite seriously "I am having such a hard time being pregnant right now. I really could use your prayer-- everything hurts and I haven't slept a solid night for 5 months now." That's not complaining, that's grieving (at least as I see it), and any one who hears that-- man, woman without kids, woman with 5 kids, woman wishing she had kids-- can and should acknowledge that her grief is real, and do what they can to ease it, whether it be with encouraging words from Scripture, with reminders that something beautiful will come of this pain, prayer, a glass of cool water, or a big hug. But expressing our pain, our emotion, our questions, our confusion, can be a part of grief, an asking for burden-sharing, even of worship-- just check the Psalms!-- and doesn't need a Phil 2:14 "do all things without complaining!" slapped onto it.

4. Different kinds of grief are... different, but all potentially equally painful. Suffering naturally turns us inward and make us so selfish. When I hurt deeply, it is all too easy to let that pain become the lens through which I interpret everything around me. "How could she share her struggles? Can't she see that MY pain is the worst? How dare he laugh around me? Doesn't he know I'm suffering?" You get the idea. But that's just not Biblical. If I'm a Christian with a chronically painful back, and my sister in Christ is crying because she didn't get accepted into the study program she wanted so badly, we can both validate each other's grief. We can put our arms around each other and say "we're both hurting-- let's take our pain to Jesus together."

Two areas I've felt this and seen this at my stage of life are singleness v. marriage and infertility v. child-rearing. I've heard things like "Don't complain about how hard your marriage is to your single friends. They don't want to hear it." Similarly, I've heard "If you're having a hard time being pregnant, only talk about it with people who are 'like you' (as in, people who are not infertile)." I think both of those are dead wrong. Of course, I don't think that complaining is ever right, especially not about one's husband, whom we have vowed to honor and are commanded to respect (Eph. 5:33), BUT to say that one can only share one's sufferings with one who has suffered the same sorrow kind of defeats the point of verses like "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2). It doesn't say anything about only sharing burdens like the ones we already carry. That would imply that our pain is more valid than another's. Honestly, I think it's very helpful for singles -- who so often are tempted to make an idol of marriage-- to hear the struggles and heart-aches that marriage can bring. Similarly, it is a good reminder to the one who is overwhelmed and weary from day-and-night childcare to hear that others would give anything to have a child. And the converses are true. Other griefs act as great perspective checks.

5. It seems the best way to share grief is to first just listen, probably hug, too, and then offer to pray (possibly right then & there). However, hearing a litany of "what not to say" is only so helpful. If we rather start at the point that everyone has hurt, and probably means to comfort, we'll be way better off-- less offended for sure-- than expecting everyone to walk around eggshells around me because "I'm suffering."

So back to the beginning, and also the conclusion... everyone has hurt. I read Proverbs 14:10 as a depressed and confused 6th grader and was struck by its truth "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy." We are all the walking wounded, despite the smile and clean clothes. For some, the hurt is clear and public, perhaps painfully obvious: the broken engagement, the death of a child, the sudden loss of a job. Their grief is easy to spot, so easy that these grieving are likely to crave anonymity instead of sympathy. For others, the pain is buried deep, darkly shrouded, the despair so often borne alone: the spouse addicted to pornography, the dream that must be buried yet again, the secret hope so long deferred, a long loneliness that wears down the soul. Talk to anyone long enough, though, and you will find a fellow sufferer. Our challenge in Christ is to extend a hand, then put our own shoulder gently under the other's burden, and together face the Light. I like how the ESV puts that verse-- "The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy." Let us not be strangers!

I guess the one-liner swirling through my mind after typing and thinking and praying a bit on this is: let's SHARE our burdens, without complaining, yet without guilt. What are your thoughts? Anything to add or share?

And She Threw it Out the Window, the Window, the Second-story...

2011-05-10T19:52:00.003-04:00

I was just reminded of that old children's silly-song; the one that turns every nursery into a defenestration event; "Mary had a little lamb, it's fleece was white as snow, and every where that Mary went, she threw it out the window, the window, the second-story window; with a heave and a ho, and a mighty throw, she threw it out the window... Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater, had a wife and couldn't keep her, so he put her in a pumpkin shell, and then he threw her out the window, the window, the second...." You get the point.

It kind of reminded me of my day yesterday.

Well, no, I didn't exactly throw my daughter (or my sheep) out the window. I didn't really throw anything at all. Actually, I didn't really do anything, except memorize the crack and hole in our ceiling, just above our bed, and close my eyes a lot. So what got thrown out the window? Well, all my plans.

We'd just gotten back from a trip-- ok, please excuse the trip-summary; I just can't resist the urge to chronicle-- Two Fridays ago, Ryan, his sister Courtney (who'd stayed with us a week), Eowyn & I drove down to Greenville, SC, meeting Ryan's step-dad (otherwise known as "Poppy") in Knoxville and drop Courtney off with him (I almost choked to death in MacDonald's, but that's a long story involving speculation as to the condition of Adam & Eve's DNA, extra-salty fries, and a very stubborn couple). We listened to Eowyn screaming, Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban (review coming soon on my blog), and pulled in to my parents' just in time for a quick dinner and settling Eowyn in with Nina & GB. Then Ryan & I drove up the road for our first-ever Marriage Retreat. I'm sure I'll post thoughts on that later, but for now, I highly recommend it for every one; young, old, newly-wed, on the rocks, whatever. The one we went to was put on by Family Life, called A Weekend to Remember, and it was very well-done. Solid, thought-provoking, Biblical, and accessible (so lacking so much of the time!!). My sister & bro-in-law were there, too, as were several other folks we knew from around town.

Two Sundays ago we enjoyed a big family lunch with several of my aunts & their families, my sisters, and my grandparents, at my mom's house. Eowyn was very happy to see us back, which of course was gratifying. Then Ryan flew out to Chicago for three days, while E & I visited old friends, enjoyed Lake Keowee on Uncle Steve's new boat, were so encouraged by my parent's church small group (Eowyn caused quite a stir by dancing during singing, then saying "AMEN!" every time anyone mentioned Jesus' name during prayer), were spoiled by Nina (my mom), had a little road trip down to visit my baby sister at Clemson University, and spent time with family. Ryan flew back in to Greenville and we all enjoyed walking around in the magnificent down town area, and checking out houses for sale in the area (no, we aren't moving yet). I'll have to post pictures soon, especially of the Children's Garden, which was just superb. You wouldn't think a toddler would get excited about a garden, but oh, she did.

Saturday we drove up to Abingdon, VA, to spend the night and much of Mother's Day with Grandma & Grandpa Presley. We went to church with them, and Grandpa grilled steaks for us all after wards. Eowyn really showed off for them, tickling every one, playing with all the toys, and being very obedient, cuddly and sweet. After church we drove home... with poor Eowyn only taking a 1 hour nap instead of her usual 2+... she was a basket case. The only way I could keep her from crying hysterically- and not an angry cry, but a "my world is falling please don't leave me, Mommy" break-your-heart sob, was by holding her hand. She's never really wanted to do that before, going down the stairs excepted, so I thought that was sweet... but two hours later my shoulder was sore and I had really hoped to get more mending done! Oh well... by God's grace we made it home, unpacked the car, sorted the mail, and I even got 2 loads of laundry thrown in. We talked to all our moms to wish them Happy Mother's Day, and Ryan's Dad to wish him Happy Birthday, and called it a night. I fell asleep composing my To-Do List:

Unpack. Plant the cuttings brought from Tia Olga's garden. Weed, thin, and finish planting garden. Make chicken stock. Thaw beef stock. Render beef tallow. Meal plan & get groceries for week, starting the GAPS diet for Eowyn & I on Tuesday. Finish mending projects. [If time, blog about 3 children's books I read while gone. Plan music & Spanish lessons for summer.]

I could do that, yeah, no problem. It would be good to get everything in order and jump back into life at home.

I woke up Monday with a sore throat, though, which didn't surprise me too much; I've been fighting one off and on for three weeks now, and it rears its head whenever I don't get enough rest and/or eat too much sugar (usually traveling supplies both circumstances). I nursed Eowyn, helped her potty, then we both went back to bed. Two hours later I awoke from a stressful dream and realized that I was cramping my neck. When I moved to rearrange my pillow and stretch, sharp pain exploded in my neck. Any movement of my head brought severe pain. I moved my arms, legs, even shoulders just fine-- it was just my neck. I could tell it was muscular, not a nerve being pinched-- there was no accompanying metallic tang or twangy feel. Still, it hurt, my position making it worse. I had to move, to try and ease the pain. As I did, I started to cry. Ryan woke up and reached for my hand. "What's wrong?" "I can't move. My neck hurts so bad. I can't move."

Next thing you know, Eowyn was up and crying, too. Poor Ryan. Mr. Not-a-morning-person had a baby who wanted Mommy and a Mommy who couldn't move to hold the baby. We finally got her to snuggle on my chest; I could stroke her hair but couldn't look at her. And that was pretty much our day. Ryan took Eowyn to the store to get us some food. He grabbed Tangled from Red Box, which was fun. He put Eowyn to bed and heated up enchiladas for me. He called around trying to find someone to watch Eowyn, then decided to just watch her himself and call the day a wash as far as work went. He put my hair in a pony tail when I couldn't do it myself. He cut up my steak into bite-sized pieces. He poured me water and kefir and brought me ibuprofin. The only time he was a less-than-perfect nurse was when he put stuff just out of my peripheral vision, leaving me to feel around blindly to find it. But that was quite innocent, and each time it happened we both laughed, which was nice.

Me? I did... nothing. No shopping, no stock, no gardening, not even any book reviewing. I did rest, and snuggle Eowyn, and watch Tangled and Lord of the Beans and most of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I took a nap. Towards the end of the day I was able to get up and bring the laundry up (very slowly) and even put it away. I was able to find a nice light book that I could hold up above my head without tiring my arms. I was able to read a good-night story to Eowyn and give her a bottle.

My plans went out the window. But instead of making me fume and fuss, I was able to just enjoy the day of rest. I didn't get much "done," but I was able to be cared for by my husband, and daughter. (Every time I cried or made a sound in pain, she'd rush over to me saying "Hug!", and would comfort me with kisses-- oh the sweetest little kisses ever) It was a day of receiving, not of giving. Of resting, not of working. It was what God had ordained for me. I'm sure there are parables there, but I haven't really tried to find them yet. It's just where I was yesterday, and still am in part today, though I have been able to do much more, so I thought I'd share. Maybe God is trying to teach me that I want to see myself as the Do-er, when sometimes He wants me to be the Rest-er. Or maybe He's trying to teach me to Rest even as I Do... like Jesus was fed as He did the works His Father sent Him to do. Hmmm...

Maybe tomorrow I'll go outside and try to pick up the pieces of those plans, if they haven't blown too far.

The Venting Cry

2011-05-08T23:01:00.007-04:00

Before having a child, I remember everyone talking about how moms would learn to tell the difference between a "hungry cry" and a "wet diaper cry," etc. Thanks to my years of baby-sitting experience, I already could usually tell the difference between a mad temper cry, a tired "fuss," and a wail of sadness... but as to what was causing the sadness-- dirty diaper, temperature, sickness, hunger, lonliness, I had no idea. Newborns don't really have temper cries yet, so that distinction wasn't much help. I wondered if I was the only mom to have no idea why her child was wailing, and figured "No way. Kids have been screaming for thousands of years; I can't be the very first wife to look at her husband and answer his 'Why is she crying?' with a rather distraught 'Because she's a baby? Your guess is as good as mine!'" Comforting as that was, it didn't help much in the moment.

Eowyn's not a newborn, anymore; she's a toddler with quite a large bi-lingual vocabulary. She usually can tell me what she wants in her own words, or I've known her long enough to have a good guess. So why bring this up now? Ryan & I were reminded of a cry that every mom needs to know exists: the "Venting" cry. Bear with me just a moment while I offer some help to those who are where I was 18 months ago.

1. Your baby isn't crying to be mean. This is so hard to remember at 5 am, after a long fussy day, 4 mid-night feedings, and 9 + months of sleep deprivation. But she isn't trying to frustrate you, or to pitch a fit; she's just 6 weeks old and is going through a growth spurt. Or she's 5 months old and getting her first tooth. Or she's got a cold and those aches hurt. But resist the urge to yell at her to for once think about some one else's needs, and pray for grace to sustain you both.

2. Make your own "is it this?" checklist. Instead of first offering food, which can comfort anyone but isn't usually why a baby cries, make up a routine in your mind of things to check- like: something wrong (an arm stuck in a blanket, or a paci dropped), temperature (is her arm cold or is she sweating?), diaper messy, time (more on a flexible routine in a sec), fever or swollen gums, and last of all, food. I would wear Eowyn in an Ergo carrier when she was having a particularly hard day (or when I was).

3. Flexible routine. Honestly, this is what has "saved" my sanity as a mother. Because I have a routine, I know what Eowyn is used to at any given point of the day, and what she therefore most likely needs. From 8 weeks-ish on, I fed her on a loose 3 hour schedule (never to the point of making her cry if she was hungry or counting minutes), starting at whatever time she woke up for her first feeding. (When I went back to work I set my alarm for 5 am to feed her so I could nurse her on my breaks at school.) Then we did a feed-wake time- sleep cycle until the next feeding. As she got older, I adapted it so I fed her, then she was awake until her next feeding, then slept for 3 hours until her next feeding. Like I said, it was very flexible, and Eowyn napped in her carseat, in her crib, in her cradle, or in her Ergo while I ran errands. Why am I bringing this up? Because it made her cries far more predictable. It also alerted me to something different going on if she was crying when she wasn't usually hungry, or napping sporadically-- I knew it was a growth spurt, or a tooth, or a sickness, or eventually, time to change routines (to 3 1/2 or 4 hour cycles, or to drop a nap). Honestly, I think this is really how experienced moms read their children's cries!

4. The Vent Cry- I grew up around babies, starting with 2 baby sisters, and moving through 18 younger first cousins, innumerable baby-sitting charges, church nurseries, and nannying jobs. This was SUCH a help in new-motherhood. One of my earliest memories is actually of 3-year-old-me assuring our panicking baby-sitter that "it's ok; sometimes Mama says they just have to cry." Babies get easily over-tired, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and just want to be left to fall asleep in peace. Not so different than us, huh? =D This brings me to the origin of this whole post: Eowyn's behavior on our drive home today. It was past her nap-time by over an hour, and we put her in the car seat and drove off. About 5 minutes into the drive she was wailing, asking to be held, to get out, to get down. Louder and louder came the cries... then up came the bo-bo (her blankie), and mid-cry, she conked out, mouth open, bo-bo to her cheek. Just like that. If I'd been at home and a younger mom, I might have tried to console her all sorts of ways, hugging her, patting her, singing, when all she really wanted was to go to sleep with her bo-bo. That started me thinking ...that's something all new moms need to know! Sometimes babies just vent. You can't make it better by holding them, you only make it worse. Sometimes, the best thing for everyone is to put Baby in his crib, with his bo-bo (if he has one), kiss him, and close the door. They vent their fatigue for a few minutes, then ...blessed silence.

So, to sum it up: Babies are always trying to tell you something with their cries. Sometimes, it's just "can't you leave me alone!?" Humbling, but true.

PS. Do not try the Vent Cry on your husband. Use your words. :)