tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21181534.post358444283196811093..comments2023-06-25T08:12:09.361-04:00Comments on I will be a healer, and love all things that grow: The Fine Line Between Complaint and GriefEowyn's Heirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14717363754137835260noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21181534.post-45640647241888223992011-06-06T12:18:03.679-04:002011-06-06T12:18:03.679-04:00love this. and ashlea's comments are great. th...love this. and ashlea's comments are great. thanks for posting.Rebecca Elveshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02583214227882521107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21181534.post-44049915886472065552011-06-02T13:21:22.205-04:002011-06-02T13:21:22.205-04:00Thanks for the link, Mary Scott-- I love it!Thanks for the link, Mary Scott-- I love it!Eowyn's Heirhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14717363754137835260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21181534.post-49417929404391530662011-06-01T09:11:07.667-04:002011-06-01T09:11:07.667-04:00Thank you, Ashlea! SO true! When I was a hospita...Thank you, Ashlea! SO true! When I was a hospital chaplain, we were taught to always ask people "do you mind if I touch you?" before hugging them... and I only once had a person say 'yes, I'd mind.' I made a special effort to touch people as much as I could if they were ok with it; holding their hand, whatever I could reach around IVs etc. We all crave human contact, especially in pain. I think it does depend on your personality, but I know in my deepest grief, when I got plenty of back-pats and people sitting quietly by me, what I desperately wanted was someone to throw their arms around me and let me literally cry on their shoulder. I felt like a pat on the back was deameaning, easy, and kept them emotionally detached. SO I guess asking before doing is usually the best route, though I'd also say go with your instincts-- if you are holding back what you would naturally do it often comes across as strained and stilted.Eowyn's Heirhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14717363754137835260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21181534.post-77241272839958051972011-06-01T07:11:59.573-04:002011-06-01T07:11:59.573-04:00Ashlea's thoughts on grief (or some of them) b...Ashlea's thoughts on grief (or some of them) borne out of study and experience. First, as a culture, we have lost the ability to grieve. It doesn't fit nicely into the American dream or "now I'm happy all the time" attitude. We also expect everyone to "get over it" quickly and get back to "normal." So, as believers, we have to learn how to grieve and be around those who are grieving. Everything else I have to say kind of follows from that.<br /><br />Sometimes grieving can sound like complaining. To the person who is not grieving, the why and how questions may give the impression that the griever is complaining. And they may be, but the questions could also just be an expression that the source of the grief is simply too big for the griever to comprehend. At those times, we really need to ask for discernment to know when to listen quietly and when to instruct or correct.<br /><br />The grieving can last a long time. I don't just mean a couple of weeks, but sometimes years. For some people the grieving may last until their last breath on earth. I'm not talking about despairing of hope in the gospel, but the reality that some hurts do not go away until we see the face of Christ. Then it is the job of the comforter to continually point the griever to Christ and remind them of the sovereignty, the faithfulness and love of God; remind them that Jesus has carried all of our sorrows and griefs.<br /><br />You are absolutely right that we all suffer and grieve. We must remind ourselves and each other that pain and sorrow are not strangers to the Christian life. That said, none of really have an excuse for saying flippant or trivial things (though we will because we are still growing and at time or often clumsy) to each other. Even if our own experiences haven't prepared us to empathize with someone else's particular grieving, we have the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to instruct us. <br /><br />About touching: honestly a hug is sometimes not appropriate, especially if someone is weeping. This probably seems completely counter-intuitive. However, crying can be the bleeding of the soul and is necessary for healing. So, unless a crying person asks for the hug, limit yourself to a touch on the back.<br /><br />To the grievers: be patient in grieving, realizing that your grief may last a long time, and that's ok. Cast yourself on your God who is your Father and loves you. He has complete control over the circumstances of your life and is using your grief to conform you to the image of Christ. Be generous to those are trying, and maybe badly, to give comfort. Use your grief to empathize with others who are grieving. <br /><br />Perhaps one of the biggest lies that tempted me when I was grieving is that when it came to rejoicing with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep, I was only a cause for weeping. I wanted a reason for people to rejoice with me rather than always weep. But that was a short-sighted and earthbound lie. Circumstantially, yes, I really did only give people a reason to weep with me. But in growth in character and Christlikeness, there were multitudes of reasons for rejoicing. And I guess my conclusion would be that where there is true grieving, we should all look for growth in Christ and rejoice.Ashlea Davenporthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07707164534827980699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21181534.post-17684841867929148922011-05-31T22:58:14.866-04:002011-05-31T22:58:14.866-04:00I have found several posts on Molly Piper's bl...I have found several posts on Molly Piper's blog very helpful in thinking about how to come alongside of others when they are suffering. Here is her most recent on this subject: http://mollypiper.com/2011/02/when-you-want-to-say-i-cant-imagine-just-try/<br />And you can look her whole series on "how to Help Your Grieving Friend".MSFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04431269965706664723noreply@blogger.com